Breakups: Why Begging Is Useless

Why begging and pleading with your ex to give your relationship another chance after they have dumped you and unilaterally decided to end your relationship is useless, pointless and only leads to them losing respect for you. What you should do instead.

In this video coaching newsletter, I discuss an email from a viewer who was with his ex girlfriend for two and a half years. He says, at first things were going really well due to the fact that he just didn’t care too much back then. Later, he became attached to her. Over time, she became moody and grumpy which, he says, caused his interest to drift because they were arguing so much. One night, he was out with some friends and he ran into a woman he used to hook up with. She tried to seduce him all night. Eventually, he got really drunk and went home with her, but nothing happened because they both passed out. He then realized the next day that he needed to end things with his girlfriend, because he was so unhappy.

When he broke up with her, she begged and pleaded with him to give their relationship another chance. He felt bad and decided to give her another chance. She found out a few months later that he almost cheated, but he was able to talk her into staying. A few months after that happened, she left him and moved home to live with her mother. He begged and pleaded with her to the point that she blocked his number and blocked him from all social media since he was stalking her online also. Now he says he thinks they are meant to be and asks what he can do to get her back.

Hey Coach,

Basically, I was with a girl for two and a half years, and at first things we’re going well, because I think I didn’t care too much back then, but then I got attached. (It sounds like you just weren’t that into her until she broke up with you.) We were going great until she started to have these terrible mood swings and spoke to me like shit. I told her I understand her mood swings, because she had just started the contraceptive pill again. Bad move, I know now. As she carried on having these swings, I think my love for her drifted, but judging the circumstances we were in, it was hard for me to end it. We lived together, worked together and we had both moved somewhere we didn’t know anyone, apart from some of my family. That put even more pressure on us, and we began drifting apart. I started flirting with another girl that I met on a game. She found out, it broke her heart and I felt really bad. I admit, that was an asshole thing to do, but like I said, I felt trapped with her, even though I wanted her and I to work together, and I did love her.

We worked things out, “kind of,” and I actually went out with my mates in the place we last lived one night. A girl I had a past with sexually was trying to seduce me all night. I kept saying no, but obviously I ended up getting extremely drunk and went home with her. We didn’t have sex because she was very drunk and kind of passed out, plus I felt really bad and just went to sleep. I woke up the next day, and I felt terrible. Although nothing happened, I still basically cheated. I went back to my mom’s house, called my girlfriend and tried to end it, but I didn’t tell her what happened. I told her we weren’t working out and we needed to end things. (You knew it was time to end it and move on.) She cried and begged me outside of my mother’s door, which was where I was staying while back in my hometown. She just wouldn’t give up, and this made me feel like she really, genuinely loved me to bits, so I let her in and we made up. (It sounds like you just went along with it, like you just settled. You can’t have a rich life unless you become the kind of person you want to attract.) As time went on, we were kind of working things out, but still arguing a lot, and she was still having moods. (Men who understand women don’t argue with them. That’s why you need to read my book ASAP and learn that skill.) Eventually, she found out that I almost cheated, and she went to leave. I explained what had happened and begged her not to go. She stayed and tried to make things work for months.

About one month ago, she told me she was moving back to her hometown with her mom, and we are over. I basically said, “Oh, whatever. I don’t care what happens anymore,” although I did. She left, and I cried and begged her. She did message me saying, I need time to be me, just me on my own, and maybe after some space we can try again. (The bottom line is, this relationship sucks. Why would you want to go back to mediocrity? It sounds like your ex girlfriend did you a favor.) I accepted this and began giving her space. I stalked her Facebook and saw she tagged a guy she had met not long before we broke up in something, and it infuriated me, so I asked her, “Are you and I over forever, and is there someone else?” She got angry and said, “ARE YOU KIDDING ME?! I’M NOT LIKE YOU!” I have sent her a giant teddy bear to try and make her smile, and I have gone to her house and tried to talk to her. She did talk to me, but was very determined it was over. (She left when she didn’t have any more feelings for you. Remember, rejection breeds obsession.) And now, because I kept contacting her and begging and repeating myself, she has blocked me on everything so I can’t speak to her. (You weren’t into her in the first place, but most people just hold on because they figure something is better than nothing.)

I think now that we live back in our hometown, don’t live together, and have our friends around us again, we could work it out and do it right. Do you think I should just never speak to her again and see if she comes back? (She’s already blocked you.) I know I’ve done it all wrong now after seeing your videos. It makes sense. I am taking this time to sort out in my life what I always wanted to — driving, going back to college and trying to become a better man. (That’s exactly what you should be doing. When you’re happier, you will be more attractive. Let her go and be happy. You should be reading my book 10-15 times, and applying it, so you can improve your skills and find a woman who knocks your socks off.) I really hope that after some time, maybe even a year, that her and I get back together because I feel like we were meant to be, but things got on top of us. (No, you’re obsessed with her because she rejected you. However, the reality is, you tried to leave the relationship on two separate occasions with different women. Since she’s the one who ditched you, as I discuss in my article and video, “7 Principles To Get An Ex Back,” she should be the one doing all of the calling, texting and purusing from this point on.)

Thanks Coach,

Bob

“What is a relationship? It’s two people who get up every day and mutually choose to continue being together. When two people value their connection and what they have, they will both work to meet each others needs on a continuous basis. If one of the people in the relationship unilaterally decides it’s not worth it, they no longer enjoy being in the relationship or they feel they don’t want to be in the relationship anymore, it is best if the other person lets them go with the understanding that they are letting them go, but that they want to work things out. It takes two people who want to be together in order for a relationship to be possible. Reconciliation is only possible when the person who unilaterally left, decides and realizes of their own free will and choice, that their life is far richer and better with the other person in it. Begging and pleading for them to change their mind only causes a loss of respect, delays any possible reconciliation, and if the begging and pleading does not stop, this will permanently prevent any chance of getting back together again.” ~ Coach Corey Wayne