Bullshitting Yourself Ruins Attraction!

Here’s some of the many ways needy insecure behavior and feelings can slip out, and cause you to ruin attraction with women you like. It’s never easy to overcome your mistakes with a woman when you already have a high level of interest in her, and you’re trying to be strong after displaying a lot of weak behavior. The following is an e-mail from a reader who has written me several detailed e-mails about an office affair he has been having with a woman he works with. He’s totally blinded by his high level of interest he has in her, and he consistently ignores much of the good advice I am giving him. Lately, she has broken off the affair because of his weak and needy behavior. He is bullshitting himself and projecting his mistakes onto her as if they are all her fault, instead of being honest with himself and admitting his behavior is actually behind what is driving her away. Having an affair with a woman who lives with her boyfriend, is never a good idea! However, there are a lot of things you can learn from his latest slew of mistakes so you can avoid making them in your own life. My comments are (in bold brackets like this) in the body of his e-mail:

Hi Corey,

It’s the office affair guy again. I am now working with her in the same department. We did meet on the first night after work at the usual bar, and talked in a nice and cordial way. It made us blow off steam so to speak. It lasted about 2 hours. (You are selectively taking my advice. You seem to take in about 30% of what I suggest and then ignore the other 70%. You are still trying to force something to happen with this girl. That is why you continue to get put in friend zone. Grow a set bro!) I told her she was a great gal, but that I too realized during that time that I don’t want to be with a girl who doesn’t have certain qualities, which she lacked, i.e. communication and integrity. She asked what I meant by integrity, I told her I was recently starting to doubt things she said as being the truth. Lying to me is unacceptable. Something like that. She seemed very hurt and started crying… telling me that if I didn’t believe what happened between us was for 100% real, I was basically an asshole. (That was really stupid. Now you are causing her to feel negative emotions and even more drama about you. THIS RUINS ATTRACTION!!!! This pushes her away and makes her feel like she made the right decision with ending things. Here’s what I told you after your last email: “Get busy getting laid and hanging out with other beautiful women from work. INITIATE NO CONTACT WITH HER, EVER. Only respond to her contacting you first. If she does, be direct, meet 4 drinks AT NIGHT and do exactly the same routine as the nights you met and later fucked each other’s brains out at your place. Unless she agrees to do what you want, tell her you’ll take a raincheck. Be nice, but indifferent with her at work. Bring up nothing about your past as if it never happened. Her life is boring and dull with her boyfriend. Being with you was exciting to her like sneaking around with James Bond. Remember, James Bond is a spy who can keep a secret and appear innocent to the public, but in private… well… he’s fucking his brains out! If you never bring up your past and never talk about it, but she still has at least 51% interest in you… it will drive her nuts and cause her to bring it up. If she does, be discrete, direct and quickly get to the point and leave the interaction with plans YOU LIKE, or tell her you’ll take a raincheck. STICK TO YOUR GUNS. She will submit and give you want you want IF you let her come to you at her own pace, don’t waiver in what you want and can act like James Bond AT ALL TIMES. James Bond is ALWAYS IN CONTROL OF HIS EMOTIONS. If he was not, he would get spotted and killed quickly.” Why did you ignore all that? Did chasing her get you want you want… NO. Hmmmmmmmmmmm. What’s the definition of insanity? Doing the same thing over and over again expecting a different result.)

I also got a bit emotional seeing her cry, because I didn’t mean for her to be so emotional. So we both kind of held hands for a minute of two, reassuring each other. (SMDH… short for “shaking my damn head.”) Seeing I was a bit emotional too, she also said “I never ever meant to hurt you, I was never toying with you, it was all real.” She told me at one point that she was on the brink of breaking up with her BF. (She was until you stared chasing her and acting all needy and clingy.) I believe her, but she’s still with him, so it’s pointless. (You blame her, when it’s you who’s fucking things up.) She admitted to me that she had been feeling more and more guilty about this “triangle” the last month, but that every time she wanted to end it, she couldn’t and would want to see me anyway. (When you followed my advice, she couldn’t help but choose and chase you. When you did not, she felt guilty and blew you off. Women are driven by their emotions. You keep causing her to feel negative emotions.)

She then told me that last week, she finally decided it was now or never to end it, so that’s when it happened. (You made it easy for her to choose to stay with him over dumping him for you with your needy insecure behavior, which you are still doing by the way.) I asked her laughing, “so how’s it going with the boyfriend, good?” (NEVER ASK A WOMAN IF SHE HAS A BOYFRIEND, or what’s going on with her boyfriend when you are sleeping with her.) Her body language indicated anything but “yes,” and she told me “I really don’t want to be talking about that, especially not with you.” (SEE!!! Translation: “You’re making me feel uncomfortable so stop it.”) So I left it at that, wondering in the back of my mind “…Hmmm what’s up?” (You’re creeping her out with your behavior. That’s what’s up.) I then told her with a smile that she’s a great acquaintance, but that she shouldn’t expect anything about us being just friends, because that’s not what we are. She agrees I think, she nodded in a sad way. Finally some honesty! (She’s always been honest with you! “Women don’t lie… men don’t listen.” ~ Doc Love. You simply ignore the signs and see what you want to see. You want to blame her for the fact she dumped you because you don’t want to take any responsibility for your own actions. You still are demonstrating that you have no emotional self-control.) We parted ways on that night on cordial terms, with a smile and a “goodnight.”

On Friday morning, we had a meeting with an associate and clients. She kept giving me some weird “looks”. Not the “I want you looks,” but  the more subtle “I like what I’m seeing” looks. Right after the meeting, the associate and clients were getting ready to go to lunch and usually we are not invited. In that case, the lunch would have been just me and her alone. The associate asked us if we wanted to join them or if we had other plans. She turned to me and asked me “what do you think?” I was a bit startled, so I said, “sure.” When in reality, I admit I would have preferred to have lunch with her alone. (In other words, you would have asked her to lunch if they had not. If you want to be her lover, do what a lover would do. If you want to be her friend, take her to lunch, chit chat on the phone, go to the movies, etc.) On our way to the restaurant, we were walking side by side and I could tell she was feeling weird. I told her “you didn’t want to go with them did you…?” She answered back “…no, what about you?” I answered “no” and we both smiled.

I found that confusing. (What’s to be confused about? If you would have hung back like I suggested, she would have revealed thru her actions, how she felt about you IN THAT MOMENT. However, you could not out-wait her because you prefer to act needy and be confused.) The lunch went fine. She was sitting right in front of me so I was trying to NOT look at her as much as possible, so as to not draw any suspicions of our recent situation… it was amusing because I could tell she was doing the exact same thing. Anyway, I found her behavior strange that day, almost contradictory. You say to always underrate a woman’s interest, and even then, I still thought she was giving me some signs that she still has SOME feelings. Which is normal probably. (DUH! A woman’s emotions and feelings are always in flux based upon how strong and confident, or how weak and needy you are acting around her.)

The night before, after she refused to talk about how she and her BF were doing, I wanted to ask her a tough and probably unnecessary question. (SMDH) I had not had the balls to ask her. But I did it on Friday night during a cigarette break. I told her I had a theory and that my curiosity was getting the best of me. I told her I thought that “either she wasn’t with her BF anymore and that she wanted time alone, or that she had in the meantime found someone else other than me and her BF.” (Weak!!! Translation: “Oh please love me and pick me! I need you because I have no emotional self-control.” You’re still treating her like a celebrity. Alpha males never ask such silly things. Only clueless guys do.) She said this: “no to both theories… by the way, what kind of woman do you think I am to say I could be with yet ANOTHER person??? Seriously…”

I could tell she was pissed, (No shit Sherlock.) but I grinned the whole time. Then I paused for several seconds, still smiling and said  “it’s your life… but you know, I may have room for one more woman at some point… good night!” and left. (Translation: “Ohhh, please pick me your highness!!!) Thanks for the line by the way. (Totally inappropriate situation to use that comeback.) I hate lines usually, but I wanted to sneak that one in for a while. I made sure to pause and keep a smile the whole time. Needless to say, when my back was turned as I left, I wasn’t truly smiling! (Because you have no emotional self-control. You are trying to force things and are pissed they are not going your way when its YOU who is driving her away.) She’s now an acquaintance and it’s all good. I wish her the best with her BF, (You caused her to stay with him.) and I have more peace of mind now to apply your principles with other women! I’m on the 6th time, I think reading your book. AND DO NOT WORRY, NO MORE CONTACT WITH HER, I ASSURE YOU! (Until you can’t control your emotions again.) Unless she initiates AND plans a definite date with me of course. The door isn’t closed shut, but I won’t widen the opening, no way. (We shall see. Everyone place your bets! Will he, or won’t he follow thru this time? You can download the Amazon Kindle version of my book to your Smartphone, PC, Mac or iPad in under 60 seconds for only $9.99 by CLICKING HERE to learn how to meet and date the type of women you’ve always wanted and have effortless relationships.)

Take care Corey

Khaled

“Those who lack the courage will always find a philosophy to justify it.” ~ Albert Camus