Why Women Pursuing Men Is Feminine & Men Being Pursued By Women Is Masculine

Why women pursuing men is feminine & men being pursued by women is masculine.

In this video coaching newsletter I discuss an email from a 23 year old self professed recovering nice guy from Israel. He has always over pursued and chased women out of his life that he liked because he came off as needy, desperate, weak and a people pleaser. He’s a high achiever in sales. He asks why men being pursued by women isn’t feminine since men are supposed to achieve, accomplish, overcome, break through barriers, etc., to reach their full potential. I explain why men pursuing women is actually acting feminine instead of masculine. My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.

Hi, I’m Coach Corey Wayne and this is my Video Coaching Newsletter. And the topic of today’s Newsletter is going to be, “Why Women Pursuing Men Is Feminine & Men Being Pursued By Women Is Masculine.”

So this particular email is from a new viewer. He’s 23 years old. He’s a self-professed recovering nice guy who was basically raised by a single mom who I guess she was married a couple of times after the fact, so he really didn’t have a good role model, didn’t have a strong masculine presence in his life. And because it was mostly his mother’s influence that taught him and raised him, he was basically a people pleaser to nice, kind of like a doormat. And so he’s a very successful guy, but he’s always had trouble with women. And so he’s always been a high achiever.

So he’s always been driven to pursue and achieve. But after going through my book 3% Man one time, he’s kind of struggling with, well, if men are supposed to pursue and achieve, break through barriers, overcome challenges, then how is a man letting a woman pursue him, how is that not him being feminine and girly? So he brings up a good point. because it’s kind of a contradiction. And so it is true that men are supposed to pursue in the beginning, as I discussed in The Book, and kind of start the ball rolling. But typically women sleep with a guy on average in the West by the second or third date.

And as a woman’s interest grows and her attraction grows, and you’re following what’s in The Book where you’re just really going to try to make no more than one date a week until she starts reaching out to you and pursuing you. Because feminine energy is all about opening up to receive love, family bonding, relationship labels, dating labels, nesting, family, having kids, that kind of thing.

When you understand how when you look at how much time women put into their hair, getting their nails done, shaving their legs, shaving their Hooha, or waxing their Hooha, whatever it happens to be trying on 15 different outfits before they go on a date, trying on 20 different pairs of shoes to see which ones match the best, seeing which purse to go with the outfit, all the makeup that they put on, lipstick, lip gloss, the whole nine yards.

Everything they do is designed to get a man’s attention. So as this guy has noticed, he’s pursued too much in all of his relationships. He’s cared too much. He’s been not willing to stand up for himself and what he believes in, and therefore he’s kind of soft and squishy because he’s always been a people pleaser. And so it’s an art because you have to as a man, you do have to pursue. You have to be direct. You have to be decisive. You have to get to the point. You got to make a date, definite date, definite time, definite place to get together.

But typically usually after the second or third date and you guys have hooked up and by then you’re probably three weeks worth of dating like one date per week. Usually at this point is when a woman will a day or two after your last date, text you to say, hey text you to tell you what a wonderful time they had the other night, or that they were thinking about you. And that’s about as far as they go. They go out of their way to get your attention, to let you know that they’re thinking about you, but they’re typically, in most cases, not going to ask you out on a date or ask you to get together.

They’re just making it easy for you to make a date happen. And so it’s still up to you to be direct and decisive. Get to the point. Make a date and then get off the phone. And because what happens as the weeks go by, the calling and the texting and the FaceTiming and the WhatsApping and the Snapchatting and all that, the frequency goes up until, especially when you get week five, week six. She’s pretty much texting you or calling you or FaceTiming you multiple times a day. And at that point, you’re usually going to be seeing her staying at her place, or she’s going to be staying at yours, and then you’re just kind of always going to be together.

It just naturally happens. And so the guy starts out taking measured steps. Just one date per week because he’s trying to do is go slightly slower than she does, because then she has to get his attention and reach out to him if she wants to see him more. And as a woman’s emotions become engaged and she starts liking a guy more, she’s going to call more and contact him more so they can bond and connect. Or I should say, to make it easy for him to create a situation where they can bond and connect in person.

And so there’s also an example in My Book where I was talking about my girlfriend’s daughter. There was a time when we were all on vacation, myself, my ex girlfriend, her daughter. We were there with his brother and his kids and his girlfriend over in, um, I think we were all in Cocoa Beach. If I’m not mistaken, it was either Cocoa Beach or New Smyrna. I can’t really remember at this point. It was one of them because we used to all go there a lot.

And when I was in the pool one day and I was kind of in the deep end, and she kept jumping from the side of the pool into my arms, and then she would let go. She’d swim around in the pool, get out of it, run around and then jump and kind of like fall into my arms. And I also noticed, like when I was over at her grandparents house, we used to sit out in the garage. There was a fridge in there that had beers and drinks and stuff, and so we would all sit around in there and talk and shoot the shit while the kids were playing in the front yard.

They had a little gas powered go cart that they had. Kids all took turns riding on, so we’re keeping our eye on them, obviously watching them while the adults are having a few cocktails, having some laughs, making sure the kids are safe and just having a good time. And what I noticed, it kind of struck me weeks later when we were on that trip, and she kept jumping into my arms how when we were sitting in the garage, maybe every 10 or 15 minutes, she would come and kind of sit in my lap, ask me a few questions, talk for a bit, and then she would hop up and then go back to playing.

And then a little while later she’d come back and do the same thing. And I noticed that was kind of like the pattern that her mother would be really excited to talk to me. She’d make the effort. We’d talk, we’d bond and connect. We’d spend a lot of time together, and then it would almost seem as if she became a little less interested and before I knew this or understood it. That’s just part of the natural ebb and flow of a woman’s feelings and interests. And you don’t ever get butthurt. You don’t get perturbed with that. You don’t take it personally.

You just understand that some days she’s super excited to see you and spend time with you, and other days it almost seems like she doesn’t care as much, and so her feelings and emotions kind of fluctuate like the weather. And as a man, you should never get bothered by that. You don’t get caught up in her moods or her emotions. But the thing that clicked for me back then was that watching her daughter interact with me in the pool and in the garage when we were all hanging out together, and how it’s like she would come to the mountain for strength and safety, to make sure she was loved, to seek my attention, to get some hugs, some kisses, some I love yous, I’m proud of yous.

And then she would go back out into the world and play move around. And then she’d start to miss me a little bit, a while later, and then she’d come back to home base. And her mother would kind of do the same thing with the phone calling and the being available and going out on dates. And I just slowly learned. And it was her and her mother both told me, “you have to let her come to you. Don’t try to force things. Don’t try to pursue her too much. Let her come to you.” And even her mother was like, “don’t call her back sometimes.

Ignore her phone call, break dates with her.” She would tell me things like this and it started to click and I really got what she was saying, that it’s just much better because when the woman is coming to get your attention and she’s pursuing you, you never have to worry about getting rejected. And most guys, myself included, especially in the West, when you look at what you see on TV, in the movies, we’re taught to pursue really quickly, really fast, really hard, really continuously, or else you’re going to lose her to somebody else.

And so when you behave the way you see in movies and TVs, you pursue because us guys are naturally we pursue the things we want in life when it comes to women, it works at first, but if we don’t back off at some point and give her the space and time away from us to miss us. To think about us, to wonder about us, and for her feelings to develop. This was another thing my ex girlfriend’s mother said. You have to let those feelings develop.

And what she was communicating is this something that happens naturally when we’re away from each other that I’m not even doing anything but her thinking about me, talking about me to her mother or her daughter or her girlfriends at work, or her friends from her social circle. It’s being away from me and talking about it, because I remember she always used to call and say, “hey, are your ears burning?” I was like, “no, why?” ‘And she’s like, “because we were talking about you.”

And so it’s in that process of them talking about you and your time together and how wonderful the dates go, how good the sex was, whatever it happens to be, she starts to miss you and then boom, she reaches out. You assume, like The Book says, she wants to see you. And then you just simply make the next date. And so most guys have noticed that when they don’t back off, or if the woman starts to back off a little bit and they start to make up for that by pursuing more and thinking that there’s something to fix because they want her to get back to the place she was, where she was super into them a few days ago or a week or so ago.

And we think we have to do something. It’s what I call in The Book, “The Illusion Of Action”, and it’s actually better, and it’s counterintuitive, but when you get used to it, it actually feels natural, because one of the biggest things that women complain about in long term relationships is guys are real romantic at first. They pursue in the beginning, they date in the beginning. But after they’ve been together for a while, they stop dating and courting them. They don’t take the time to make them feel heard and understood.

And the guy’s mindset is always, “well, that was the beginning of the relationship. Now that we’re together, I don’t have to do those things anymore.” And to the woman now the love story has ended. They know that if you care, you’ll continue to date and court them. If you don’t, you’ll make excuses. And so it really is an art. Learning to do this and respond to how she’s showing up. If you notice that her enthusiasm has dropped, then you should be willing to put off your next date to several days in the future just to give her some time and space away from you, to wonder about you, to think about you, to miss you.

And then when you actually do go on the date, she tells you how much she’s missed you and been thinking about you. And so less really is more when it comes to this. And so us guys must learn to exercise emotional self-control and resist the urge to over over-pursue and smother women, especially when we notice and we can feel that they’re backing off a little bit. We can’t take it personally. We have to understand that that’s just how they are. That’s the nature of how they are. We’re supposed to be the rock. We’re supposed to be the mountain.

We’re supposed to be undeterred and unbothered by crazy stormy weather or beautiful weather. We’re just always calm, cool, and collected. Because masculinity is calm, feminine energy tends to be chaos. And that’s why it’s better to let women be the chaotic ones, meaning their feelings. How they can often appear to us is that they’re kind of chaotic all over the ice and not really making sense. So with that in mind, let’s go through his email.

Viewer Email:

Hello Coach,

First of all thank you for the value you’re putting out for us all, really making things that I’ve been struggling with clear after many years of confusion. I’m 23 from Israel, I’m a sales person and have been in the entrepreneurship business since I was 18, throughout my army service and on to this day, selling solutions to problems, creating trust and deep connections and influencing people to be better is my main goal and mission in life. Also did an NLP practitioner course when I was 17.

NLP, for those of you that don’t know, stands for Neuro Linguistic Programming, which if you’ve ever been to a Tony Robbins seminar, that’s something he uses very effectively and his events to elicit change in people. I think there’s a book, a real good book if you’re interested in NLP is, “Using Your Brain For A Change” by Bandler and Grinder.

So that’s a real good book on NLP if you guys want to learn about it. It’s a very powerful tool and I often use what I learned in it in these videos. And that’s how you’re able to kind of watch a video of mine and have things influence, and I can help kind of rewire your brain a little bit and how your mindset is and how you perceive things so you can achieve the things that you want.

I love working out, reading self development, economy and psychology books on a daily basis and consider myself a constant student of life. I also consider myself to be good looking, charismatic and considering the sales career which we both share, there are all the skills you obviously develop in the communication area of life.

Now to the point. Since I was 15 (also the age I lost my virginity) I’ve always been the nice guy, the one that gets friend zoned or taken for granted, non mysterious at all, a pleaser, never understanding why being a nice guy (which then I confused as the equivalent of being a gentleman) comes with the price of finishing last.

Yeah, because when you’re the nice guy, you’re too nice, you’re too accommodating. You change your opinions to match the girl. Because it’s all about approval seeking behavior. And so when you act like a nice guy and you pursue and your approval seeking, you’re kind of soft, you never give women the time and space away from you to wonder about you, to think about you, and for their feelings to develop to the point where they miss you and they start to pursue you. Because again, when you look at all the effort women put into their appearance, they understand instinctually that us guys are visual creatures, and they’re actually the ones that are seeking our approval.

When you look at the old movies, especially when you look at an old classic like, “It’s a Wonderful Life” with Jimmy Stewart and Donna Reed, that was made in the 1940s after World War two. I think it was 1946 or 47, if I’m not mistaken, and even other movies that are made from that era, the women are always pursuing the men. The women are always trying to enchant men with their beauty and their sex appeal.

To get these wild child dudes to settle down, become their husband, have a family, and live happily ever after. But you don’t really see that very much in today’s movies. The archetypes, the roles are completely reversed. And what you see in the movies today, the men are always chasing after the women and acting like chicks. And women are always acting like the strong, stoic, masculine ones.

My parents have been divorced since I was 4 years old and my mother has been married twice since then and not to really good partners so i never really had a solid male model and had to figure it all by myself while growing up, also growing up as the only son to a single mother contributed a lot to me developing the pleaser mentality.

Yeah, kids need a strong masculine influence and a strong feminine influence in order for them to grow up and be natural and balanced and healthy.

With that being said I still manage to hookup and date with beautiful and smart girls, some of them 7 and 8 years older than me, but making a lot of mistakes along the way causing my exchange rates to drop significantly. About 6 weeks ago, a girl I used to hookup with from time to time in the past, saw me at the city and we enchanted numbers after her showing a lot of attraction to me, at that same night I sent her a message like a thirsty bitch and she basically ignored me ever since, that was a blessing in disguise because it led to me getting to know your material, I’m about to finish the 3% Man book for the 1st time (with 14 more to go) and have been watching your content on almost a daily basis.

Obviously your knowledge as I mentioned brightened things up for me and I started seeing change in the behavior of the females I’ve been interacting with immediately after starting to implement it, but there’s one thing I still cant quite get a grasp of: If feminine energy is all about receiving, and masculine energy is all about achieving and giving, then isn’t putting her in the pursuit position actually is putting her in the masculine energy, and waiting for her to pursuit me is putting myself in the feminine energy of waiting for her to make a move first?

Please clarify this for me so I will be able to become a better man, and again Corey, really, thank you for the value.

Bob

Well, you’re not sitting back and doing nothing. And again, I think you’ve only been through The Book once, and this is why I say you got to read it 10 to 15 times, because you’re not getting the subtle nuances here. The idea is you’re creating the conditions by taking measured steps where you take one date per week. Because if you start doing more than that. Say you meet a girl and you try to go out with her three dates in one week. The first date will probably go really well. The second date will go well, but if it’s only like a day or two later, you’ll notice she doesn’t seem as excited as the first date.

And then by the time you get to the third date, it almost looks like she’s bored and can’t wait to get away from you. And so what’s happening there is she’s realizing that you’re way more into her than she is into you. It’s too much, too soon. Less really is more. And so a woman wants to get your intention to entice you, but you have to give her enough space to miss you, to think about you, to wonder about you, to start to crave you, to where when you finally do reach out to next week to set the next date, she’s really excited to talk to you.

And then what you notice again is typically the second or third week. Then you’re getting a text or a call every few days. And so what you’re trying to do is create the conditions by taking measured steps, starting out with just strictly one date per week that you initiate to where when her interest goes up, she doesn’t want to wait till next week to hear from you.

She gets a little frustrated. She gets a little anxious. She starts to wonder a little bit whether or not you even like her that much. And remember, it’s a scientific fact that women are more attracted to men whose feelings are unclear.

And like Thích Nhất Hạnh said, “You must love in such a way that the person you love feels free.” And so, by taking the measured steps, in other words, you’re trying to go slightly slower than she is. And when you do that, she reaches out. Typically, like I said in the beginning of the video, she’s not reaching out to ask you out. In most cases, she’s just creating an opportunity for you to do something about that. And so, in other words, she has enough time and space away from you to wonder about you, to miss you. And then when she can’t take it anymore, when she doesn’t like the silence, when she doesn’t like not knowing what you’re doing or what you’re up to.

That’s when she reaches out to you. And then, you know she’s really ready for the next stage. She’s really wants to see you. Like The Book says, you assume she wants to see you, and it’s your job to make the date happen. Just like being in sales, it’s your job to set the appointment when the prospect gets in touch. But still, it’s typically the prospect comes into your dealership or to your place of business, or they call you on the phone or they contact you through the internet. It’s your job to make the appointment in person happen, because women are typically not going to do that.

It’s like they basically just signal, “YooHoo. I’m thinking about you. I’m ready. Hopefully you ask me out.” They don’t say this, but it’s kind of how they just kind of show up and they expect you to know what to do next. So it’s not like you just wait for them to do everything, but also like when it comes to touching, because most guys experience with women is they want sex more than the women do. And if you’re applying what’s in The Book, then you’re going to have the opposite experience, which is that women are going to want sex from you more than you want it from them. And that’s the best place to be.

They’re the ones that are always touching you first. And so if you wait like you go out on a date like, let’s hang out, have fun, hook up the hookup part. The sexual and physical intimacy happens towards the end of the night. It starts to happen after she starts touching you and bumping into you, because that’s what women do when they really start to feel attracted to you and they want to invite you to touch them, they start bumping into you, and then you slowly reciprocate. That’s their signal that they want to be touched.

They want to be kissed. They want to be seduced. And if you’re able to hold out and take your time and be patient, even to the point where she starts to wonder if you like her or not, that’s when she becomes a little bit more aggressive, and when they become a little bit more aggressive like that. And then you start slowly reciprocating with touch, with kissing, with starting to take her clothes off. Then you’ll notice that everything just comes right off. And the next thing you know, you’re deep inside of her and you never have to worry about rejection.

Because The Book is designed to create the conditions, because women naturally and innately are the pursuers. But they’re only going to pursue guys that act masculine and confident. They’re not going to pursue the nice guy other than asking you to come and do favors, unclog their toilet, rotate the tires on their car, change their battery out, fix their sprinkler system, whatever it happens to be. But the guy that they have to pursue, The guy that they have to reach out to. That is a little frustrating. He’s going kind of slow.

That’s the guy that really turns them on. And if a woman is always chasing you, you never have to worry about getting dumped. So The Book is designed to create the conditions where women start doing this. They typically don’t do it the first week. It’s not like switching a light switch. It’s a slow process. So the man starts the pursuit in the beginning, but usually by week three. Week four the woman is calling and texting you several times a week. And if you start out you’re only trying to do one date per week, that you call her and contact her and set up.

Then if she’s contacting you every 2 or 3 days, for whatever reason, you just assume that the reason she’s reaching out is she misses you, she’s thinking about you, she wants to see you, and you just make the next date. So by the time you get into week 3 or 4, if she’s calling and texting you 2 or 3 times a week, at that point, you really don’t have to reach out first at all anymore, because then it becomes counterintuitive. If you get 3 or 4 weeks in, and then she’s reaching out 3 or 4 times a week, and then you start pursuing her more.

What you’ll notice is then she’ll start calling and texting less, and then she becomes less available. And so the man starts the ball rolling down the hill. And then it’s up to her. She speeds it up. In other words, if you ever rolled a snowball down a hill, that’s what we do. It’s like we kind of get it over the hill and then the momentum carries it the rest of the way. And so when a woman’s emotions and feelings get engaged, she carries it the rest of the way. And she’s the one that eventually brings up being boyfriend girlfriend brings up getting married, those kinds of things. If you do what’s in The Book.

Again, the old school movies, the old black and white movies from 60, 70, 80 years ago, they were all like this. But nowadays it’s the complete opposite. And so the old school movies was the correct archetype, because what’s being presented to us all the time is the dysfunctional archetype of the needy, nice guy dunce that you typically see on TV all the time, the bumbling, fumbling husband that can’t get anything right, and it’s always his wife or his girlfriend who’s smart and masculine and stoic that’s always bailing his ass out. That’s cute in movies and TV shows, and it makes everybody laugh.

But in the real world, when you do that with a woman, she’s not going to respect you and she’s not going to love you, and she’s not going to want to sleep with you. So it is a process. So again, it’s not like in the beginning you just sit and wait for her to do everything. You’re taking measured steps, and the steps that you take are detailed in The Book. If you’ve only went through it once, that’s not enough. You maybe got 7% of The Book committed to memory, and that’s why you got to go through it ten, 15, 20 times whatever is necessary to get to know

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