How to decipher a woman’s mixed signals on a date and whether or not you missed an opportunity to escalate physically.
In this video coaching newsletter I discuss an email from a new viewer who says a woman he had a 1st date with gave him mixed signals or maybe he simply missed an opportunity to kiss her and waited too long. She also seemed to be playing hard to get as she canceled the 1st date at the last minute and the 2nd date on the day of. He says her behavior is right out of “The Rules” book that teaches women to jerk guys around, act flakey and cancel dates at the last minute to get them hooked so they stick around. My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.
Hi, I’m Coach Corey Wayne and this is my video coaching newsletter. And the topic of today’s newsletter is going to be, 1st Date Mixed Signals or Missed Window Of Opportunity.
I’ve got an email. This particular guy, he just started following me recently, and it’s interesting. He went out with a girl, had a date with her. And what was interesting is the very first date she cancelled, like, shortly before, “Oh, I can’t make it.” And then the second date, she cancelled the day of, saying she couldn’t make it.
But the third date she kept and they had a pretty good time. But there were some times during the date where she was physically bumping into him, and she was showing signs of attraction. But ultimately when he went for the kiss, he got the cheek.
And he’s wondering that there was a point in the date where he thought she seemed to be hinting that she wanted to be kissed, but he didn’t. Now he’s worried that he missed his window of opportunity and it closed. But what was really interesting is the way she broke the dates. It’s like, if you guys are familiar with my book 3% Man, which
I’m sure probably the majority are watching this, are there a book out there called, “The Rules”. And it was written many years ago for women. And it tells women to do exactly this, to jerk guys around. To wait until the last minute to cancel a date, and then cancel another one. Be difficult making plans. Don’t kiss the guy. Because rejection breeds obsession.
And so, the idea is to jerk a guy around who’s already interested in you, and make them wait, and play hard to get. Because that’ll really hook them to you. And then once you do start sleeping with them, he’ll want to stick around and have a relationship.
And so, it’s interesting you need to be aware of these kinds of things as to what’s going on. Because this woman displays a lot of structured woman type of behavior. In other words, she’s following a set of rules. She’s not acting natural. And hopefully she’s just read this book and is doing it because she’s trying to get a guy to stick around.
Maybe because she’s had bad experiences in the past. I mean, pretty much all women have had experiences with guys that jerked them around, broke their hearts, that kind of thing. But as a man you’re trying to date, you want to make sure that if you’re trying to give somebody the greatest gift that you can give anybody, which is the gift of your time, that you don’t have a girl that’s wasting it.
You don’t want to be going out on dates with girls that have no romantic interest in you, but they still like going out with you because you spend money on them. You take them nice places, you take them, get them drinks, nice restaurant. You do fun things, but all you ever get is a peck on the cheek.
So, you don’t want to waste your time. Because most guys that don’t know any better will keep dating a girl, and they get emotionally invested, and then they find out later on, she was never even into him in the first place. And that’s very frustrating and irritating as hell.
So, we want to avoid those things because we want to have good experiences. And we want to make sure that if you actually go on a date to spend your valuable time, and your money on a girl, that she is ready, willing, able, and open to dating and possibly eventually having a relationship with you.
You don’t want to be spending your time with time wasters, or girls that are structured and following a set of rules, and are going to be constantly expecting you to jump through your butt to please them. To get what they want.
So, let’s go through his email.
I recently went on a first date with a woman I met online, and can’t tell if she’s playing hard to get or if I missed the “Window of Opportunity.”
Well, the reality is interest cuts through everything. If she’s super into you, you can make mistakes. The higher her interest starts out at, the more you can make mistakes. And she’ll still want to date and see you. But the lower her interest, the fewer the mistakes that you can make before she decides you don’t measure up. And boom, you’re out.
The good thing is my confusion has led me to your book and videos, for which I am truly grateful, because finally I have found a cohesive system that makes sense in approaching dating and relationships (and life.)
Yeah, the stuff that’s in my book is not just for dating. Really a lot of this stuff is from (anybody that works in sales.) It’s skills and techniques that we use in the world of sales to make sure that our limited time is spent with prospects who are ready, willing, able, and open to potentially buying from us.
And obviously, in this case, since we’re applying it to our personal lives, we want to make sure we’re spending our time with a female or a dating prospect that actually is ready, willing, able, and open to dating us. And not somebody that’s jerking us around, somebody that’s looking for a free meal, or a girl who just wants to go out and do something because it’s better than staying at home looking at the four walls.
Even though we had some flirty exchanges over text, where she sent me some risqué photos of herself, she canceled last-minute the first time, and the day of the second time.
Not having read your book yet, I instinctively waited 1-2 weeks before contacting her again.
Well as the late, great Doc Love would say, “if a woman cancels a date on you, she’s out forever. You get one chance per girl, per life.” But in this particular case, this guy is brand new. He actually ended up going out on a date with her.
But she gave him some mixed signals on the date, or what he interpreted as mixed signals. But there’s a lot of structured behavior on it, and this is a good email to go through. So you guys can be aware of what that actually looks like.
Finally, she showed up the third time (which seemed to be staged on her part, as she said, “three is a charm,” like she was playing straight out of The Rules book).
Interesting. I highly recommend you guys check that out just so you see what’s out there. Because if you’re going to date, especially if you’re going to do online dating, you’re going to probably come across women that are pulling this crap.
We met for drinks, the conversation flowed, and we moved to another bar where we could sit much closer. On the way there, she bumped into me once, but when I wanted to touch her shoulder, she kind of froze, so I backed off.
Well, the idea is, like I talked about in The Book, is like, if you’re walking down the street, she’s not going to bump into you just once. She’ll bump into you once, and then maybe a minute or two later, she bumps into you again and she’s constantly bumping into you. And when that happens, you could slowly put your arm around her waist, and if she reciprocates, she puts her arm around you.
Then you keep walking that way. If you put your arm around her and she just keeps her arms like this, or has her arms down to her side, then after 10 or 15 seconds of her not reciprocating, then I would just take my arm away. But if she just bumps into you once, you don’t look at it and go, “I’m in! So she likes me! I’m totally getting laid tonight!” That’s not.
You’re going to be kind of like Sherlock Holmes. You’re trying to take all of the different things that she’s doing, the different signs. Because if she bumps into you once, it doesn’t mean that she’s definitely interested physically in you. But it could mean that.
And so that’s why you’re looking for continued physical contact from her. And as her interest goes up, and her attraction goes up, she starts touching you and bumping into you more. But again, a structured woman is not going to do those things.
And the fact that she said, “oh, three’s the charm” like something right out of the rules book. And then she bumps into you. And as soon as you touch her, she’s, “Ew.” Could be structured could mean she’s a little messed up. It’s very early to tell.
At the second bar, however, she was leaning in, mirroring me, playing with her hair, baring her neck.
So women will expose their neck to you. That’s a sign of submission, just like animals in the wild. If you ever see them screwing around or the Alpha walks in, everybody else will flip on their back and expose their neck as a sign of submission.
And so humans do that as well. Females do that. They expose their neck to a man when they’re interested. It’s a sign of submission. But again, you’re trying to take the totality of all of these little signs.
Because women aren’t going to come right out and say, “Hey, I really like you. I’m going to sleep with you, and we’re probably going to have a relationship.” They don’t do things like that. It’d be nice, but that’s not how it works in the land of women.
But did not initiate physical contact and I could sense maybe there was a barrier there.
Again, this is what structured women do. You can tell she wants to touch you or be close, but she doesn’t on purpose.
Before leaving the bar to go grab something to eat, she reapplied her lipstick and primped herself.
Well, typically, if a woman’s got lipstick on and you’re about to engage in a make out session, usually they will wipe it off. It’s so nice when they take a napkin. I remember just brings up one story from the book here that you guys are going to be familiar with.
A girl I had back at my place. I said, I think you need to get it over with and kiss me. And she had very bright red lipstick on and she smiled, grabbed a cocktail napkin from my bar and then wiped off her lipstick, and then came over and we started making out. It’s beautiful. Great memory.
As we were walking, she said she was cold, but when I got in closer, she didn’t reciprocate.
Well, if she’s close. But he says, “when I got in closer,” so that says, “Oh, I’m cold.” And instead of letting her come to him, he probably went to her. But say she’s right next to you. And she says, “Ooo, I’m cold.” You can put your arm around her, and say, “Well come closer, I’ll keep you warm.”
And if she pulls away, you say, “Well, you know, there’s a couple of homeless people up ahead. Maybe we could stop and see if they got an extra jacket for you.” Love is playful and fun.
Before we entered the next place, she asked: “do you want to go in or walk some more first,” which made me feel like she wanted me to kiss her in the scenic square.
Maybe. You could have asked. You could have asked her a question. Why are you saying you want to walk some more and check? Check out the lights because it is that time of year. Lots of Christmas lights are starting to go up. It’s beginning to look a lot like Christmas. But I wouldn’t look at that as, “Oh, I missed an opportunity.”
Because that’s kind of what he’s thinking. But maybe she didn’t want to walk. But it’s always good to ask a question. “What do you mean? Would you rather continue walking before we go in?” Because remember, she did say she was cold.
When I made a historical comment about one of the buildings, her interest seemed exaggerated, and I was a bit bewildered at her enthusiasm.
Again, it’s always good to ask good quality questions.
But as she kept her distance, I didn’t close the gap.
So when a woman’s ready to be kissed, you can always use the kiss test that’s discussed in the book. So basically just a quick kiss test is like, say we’re you’re looking at a girl like, I’m looking in the camera. Now you’re going to gently look down at her lips, and then gently into her eyes, and then slowly into her lips.
Then slowly back into her eyes again while you’re talking, and you’re looking at each other. And if she looks at your lips when you look at hers, then she’s ready to be kissed.
You go in, you go to kiss her. You’re not going to get rejected. But if you do that and she never looks away from your eyes and never looks at your lips, I would say she’s not ready to be kissed and I would not go for it.
We shared a bite to eat, continued with great conversation where she really opened up about herself, and she accepted a ride home from me. We shared some good laughs at the absurd traffic situation in our city, but when my elbow accidentally grazed hers, she nervously pulled away.
Yeah, that’s not a good sign.
Before she got out of the car, I leaned in to kiss her and got the cheek. I was foolish enough to get out and try to kiss her again with the same result obviously.
Yeah, if you go to lean in to kiss her and she goes, gives you the cheek, then, “Hey have a nice night. Call me later.” That’s not a good sign. Me personally, if I’m getting the cheek like that. Well, I mean, especially with her canceling two dates like that. I would have never called. Because if a woman cancels a date on you.
And she has no excuse. She doesn’t mention anything about rescheduling. Then you should assume it’s a blow off, and not call or text her again for any reason. And the only way, and this is discussed in the book, that you would ever ask her out on a date, is if she reaches out to you. But I don’t think that’s what happened here.
I think what, what it looks like. He didn’t elaborate, but it looks like she canceled the first date at the last minute, which is extremely rude. And at this point, it kind of looks like she did it on purpose. And she’s following The Rules book because, again, he’s aware of it.
But the bottom line is if they really wanted to see you, but something really did come up, they’ll mention a reschedule. But if they don’t, then you’re never going to call her again, or text her again for any reason. And the only way you’ll ask her out is if she reaches out to you.
But if you go out on a date, especially with a woman displaying these kind of structured signs, and then you get the cheek like that. Me personally, I’m not calling her to take her out again for any reason. And the only way she’ll get a second date, is if she reaches out to me. But obviously he’s brand new to my work. He didn’t know that.
So he had two cancelled dates by the time he actually scheduled a third attempted first date. And then she actually went out with him. But the fact that now he’s getting the cheek. I would not call or text her again for any reason, because she hasn’t done anything to earn it. She cancelled two dates on you at the last minute jerking you around, which is extremely rude and disrespectful.
And on top of that, you get the cheek twice. And she’s like, “Ehh, don’t touch me. You’re gross.” You know, kind of like a little bit of that going on. So. There are signs that she’s attracted, but it’s obvious that she’s holding back for some reason. And these are all the signs of a structured woman. And again, this is discussed in the book.
This is why you just don’t mess around or date girls like this, but you will give them a second chance if they reach out to you. Because sometimes the structured girl, when she doesn’t hear from you for 2 to 3 weeks, realizes that you’ve disappeared. And if she did like you but was jerking you around and playing you on purpose, she’ll reach back out.
And then when/if she does that, she’ll be a lot more receptive, and a lot more submissive and open to doing the things that you want to do. And notice what he does. He gets the cheek twice in one night, and so he calls her the next day, which is not what the book teaches. But again, he’s a brand new viewer.
When I followed up the next day, she said she had a nice time, with lots of winky faces. She even seems to agree to another date, but her initial responses were slow (or timed? replies around bedtime) and she is traveling for work the next weeks.
Again, I would not be pursuing a woman that cancels two dates on you in a row and gives you the cheek twice in one night. You definitely don’t call her the very next day. She knows you’re super into her and that’s why she’s taking you for granted. And that’s why I wouldn’t do anything. I wouldn’t call her. I wouldn’t text her for any reason.
And you’re trying to make another date with her the very next day, which, again, is the opposite of what the book teaches. But you notice what she does. She doesn’t give you an answer, then says she’s traveling for the next several weeks. So I wouldn’t call her, text her again for any reason at all. It’s just, there’s nothing that she’s done to warrant any more of your time.
She’s already wasted two evenings of yours by canceling it at the last minute, and plus going out on a date with her when you got the cheek twice. It’s like, you’re giving this girl more attention and more validation, when she’s communicating that she doesn’t really give a shit about you. You got to pay attention to these things.
But most guys are focused on their interest in her, and they’re ignoring the obvious reality that she’s just not that into it. But like I said, just stopping all forward movement, just looking at if you take a step back and you go, “This girl cancelled two dates. So that’s two evenings I set aside my time for her, and she blew me off at the last minute with no mention of a reschedule.”
As if it was totally okay to just totally fucking waste your time. And on top of that, you took her out on a date, took her to several places, had a good evening, spent money on her. And all you got for your trouble was you got to kiss her cheek. I wouldn’t be calling or texting this girl for any reason. The only way I would go out with her again is if she does 100% of the pursuing.
And even if you do go out and you have a good time, I still wouldn’t call or text her after that just because of her attitude. She’s playing games with The Rules book. She’s going to have to throw it away and do the opposite of what it says, because getting jerked around like this is no way to live.
It’s like, there are lots of other girls out there that will be excited to go out with you and won’t pull any of this crap. And when you take them home, they’ll invite you in, and then you’ll end up having a session of the Indoor Olympics, as long as you’re applying what’s in The Book.
But when you allow a woman to disrespect you like this jerk you around waste your time and you keep calling and texting her. This is how you get yourself permanently stuck in friend zone. And taking her out on dates where you spend a bunch of time and money on her, and you get the cheek at the end of the night, and then after you drop her off with a full belly and entertainment, Chad Thunder Cock comes over there and beats up her pelvis.
So I would not keep pursuing this girl at all. I wouldn’t pursue or call her or text her again for any reason just because. I mean, after the first cancelled date, you should have never called or texted her again for any reason. And especially after the second date, you should have never called or texted her for any reason, but the fact she kept a third date, it looks pretty obvious that she’s following what’s in The Rules, and she’s doing it on purpose.
Which is again, it’s why it’s in The Book, “Don’t Screw Around With Structured Women.” And I have very specific instructions on, if they do reach out after they’ve cancelled at the last minute or given you the cheek, how you handle things and you move forward.
Needless to say, I backed off completely and now the ball is in her court. I have never been so bewildered by mixed signals. Did I miss the Window of Opportunity to kiss her in the historic square?
Thank you in advance for considering answering my question,
I would say no. I would say she’s jerking you around. If you look at the fact that she was purposely trying to avoid bumping into you, but she did bump into you and there were signs of attraction there. But for whatever reason, whether it’s following The Rules, or she’s structured, or she’s a screwball or a fruit loop, then you don’t pursue her.
So, if she does, reach out, then you can make a date. But she has to reach out to you. And even if you do go on another date, and you do make out with her even after that, I wouldn’t call or text her for any reason just because of her behavior. Because you want her to recognize that what she’s doing is not working. It’s actually repulsing you.
Not that you’re going to tell her that or say that. Because if you keep pursuing her, what you’re doing is enabling her to continue this behavior because to her, “Oh, it’s working. Well, the book is working. I’ll just keep doing it.” And then what’ll happen is she’ll keep canceling dates on you. You might have 2 or 3 good dates, and then all of a sudden, she’ll cancel at the last minute for no other reason than just to screw with you.
Because that’s what the book The Rules tells her to do to get you emotionally hooked. And you don’t want to get emotionally hooked to a girl that’s jerking you around. And especially you don’t want to get emotionally hooked to a girl that doesn’t even give a shit about you. That’s why the stuff is in The Book, it’s to protect you, and your heart, and not let your time be wasted.
So, if you’ve got a question or a challenge and you’d like to get my help, go to UnderstandingRelationships.com, click the Products tab at the top of your screen and book a coaching session with yours truly. Until next time, I will talk to you soon.
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