How to move on after getting dumped by a serial monkey branching ex who already has a new boyfriend.
In this video coaching newsletter I discuss an email from a viewer who got dumped after 5 years of being in a relationship with his serial monkey branching ex. Only 2 weeks after she broke up with him she is now dating a guy who was supposedly just a friend she told him he didn’t have to worry about.
He is hurt and upset and jealous about the fact she has already moved on and asks how to get over it. He says she did the same thing to her previous boyfriend with him.My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.
Can you believe it? So this particular email is from a guy who, I assume he’s been calling me, probably following me for over five years. At this point, he only read the book 3% Man twice. What’s interesting is he says that his now ex-girlfriend monkey branched from every single guy she’s ever dated, she’s never been alone. In other words, when she knows a relationship is not going well and it doesn’t look like it’s going to work out, she starts talking to other guys and inviting their attention to line up a replacement.
When he met her, she was in a relationship with another guy, but at some point they continued talking and she breaks up with the ex and then gets together with him like literally the same day. Then they hooked up. So she did end their relationship with the ex, but obviously she lined up the new relationship with this particular guy. I don’t know what period of time it went through, but now he’s in the same boat.
He says everything was beautiful. It was blissful for about four years. Then he got lazy and complacent, stopped dating and courting her. He started neglecting her. It was only taking her out once or twice a month. She complained about it, and he didn’t really listen. Then this guy, I guess, that she worked with or knew through work, but he’s, “Just a ‘friend.’ You don’t have to worry about him.”
Anyway, she breaks up with him and literally two weeks later, he finds out now she’s already dating and sleeping with this other guy. So he’s jealous about that and he’s really upset, but the reality is, he was warned in the book about this kind of behavior. If she does that to her ex to get together with you, it is just absolutely delusional to think that if you slack off, she won’t do it to you.
The harsh reality, because I’ve been doing this almost 20 years at this point, is that even if you’ve been in a relationship with multiple decades, with your wife or your girlfriend for that matter, they’ll typically on average give a guy about six or 12 months to flounder around to go through a rough patch. If you don’t get your act together and continue being the leader in the relationship, eventually they’re they’re going to lose respect. Once a woman loses respect for you, she’s going to fall out of love with you. Women don’t care about what a great guy you are or how many decades you’ve been together. They care about how they feel about you, and if their feelings are gone, if they no longer feel safe, if they no longer feel like you’re the leader.
Women want to be in a love story. In this case, the love story ended basically because he got busy and caught up in his career. So if you’re dating a woman who is a monkey brancher, which is basically they line up the new guy and start talking to the new guy while they’re still with the ex, then when a moment comes, when things look sure with the new guy, then they end the relationship with the old guy, and then all of a sudden they’re in a relationship with the new guy and they leave because their feelings are gone at that point.
Like I said, you get about six to 12 months. That’s typical, because if you’re supposed to be the leader, the head of the household, and then all of a sudden you decide that you want to make you’re going through a rough patch and you want to turn your girlfriend or your wife your mommy and be depressed and go through a rough patch and not take care of the things that you need to take care of. Neglect yourself, neglect your relationship, maybe neglect your relationship with your kids or whatever.
Like I said on on average, women will give you six to 12 months before they really start losing interest and start looking for the exit or moving in the guest room or asking you to sleep in the guest room, because the courtship never ends. You have to always date and court your girlfriend or your wife. It’s one of the core principles right out of the book. It’s just the way it is. I didn’t make women this way. If you don’t like it, you can complain to the big man upstairs, but I’m just here to give you a lay of the land and tell you the way they are, and then the rest is up to you.
The courtship never ends, and a woman’s got to feel heard and understood. Like in this case, he’s neglecting her. She’s complaining he didn’t do anything to change it. Most guys, when they hear that, they rationalize and start arguing about, “Oh, I just took you two on a trip a month ago, or when spent all his money on you.” Guys, instead of just interpreting and correctly, which just means when a woman starts complaining about these things, it just says, “Hey, take me on a date,” basically.
I did a video last week where they kind of speak in hyperbole, “You never take me on a date. We never go out. We never do anything.” You hear those kind of generalizations? When a guy hears that he wants to defend himself like, “What are you talking about? We just had a really nice dinner three weeks ago. We just took you a bed and breakfast.” All she hears is, “I’m not going to change anything, and I’m not going to continue to date and court you because you’re not important to me.” That’s what the woman hears.
So he’s upset and he’s like, “How do I get over this?” He’s like, “I don’t want to get back together with her, but I want to. I want there to be a day where she realizes she’s totally lost me. How do I get from there?” It doesn’t sound like he saw this coming. Probably like most guys, he didn’t think things were that bad. Then all of a sudden, boom! You’re dumped. Then two weeks later, she’s already dating somebody else and sleeping with that guy. That hurts. It burns.
For us guys, it takes time to get back in the dating world. It takes time because women are never out of the game. They’re always getting hit on, especially if they’re beautiful. Men are always expressing interest. The only difference is when they’re in a relationship, they say, “Hey, I have a boyfriend,” or, “Hey, I’m married,” but as soon as they’re single, it’s green light, boom! They don’t have to practice their game, they don’t have to do 30 new cold approaches or whatever happens to be to warm back up and get back in that flow again and go on a bunch of dates.
Women just have to say yes. Whereas us guys, we have to practice, we have to put ourselves out there. We got to start talking to strangers, and that means when you start doing that, you’re recognizing that the old relationship is actually over. That’s hard to do because in this case, this whole identity is wrapped up in the relationship that he had with the girl, and all of a sudden, he’s single again. She’s with somebody else and it’s just him. So everything is fresh in his mind. Plus, rejection breeds obsession. So he’s way more into her now than he was before he got dumped just a few weeks ago.
So let’s go through his email because, I mean, principles are principles. Like I said in the beginning of the video, I’m here to tell you the way they are, and it’s up to you to decide whether or not, whether or not you want to proceed with them.
I’m writing to you from Spain and I would like to ask your opinion about the jealousy I am feeling about an ex-girlfriend who left me two months ago.
We were in a relationship for five years and we lived together. She was in love for the first four years, nine level of attraction, with all the little love notes and surprises. The problem? She is a serial monkey brancher.
Well, you knew that going into it, and you probably thought, “I got this book.” He only read it twice, by the way. So that’s another part of his problem is, he didn’t he didn’t have everything dialed in. He’s like, “Oh, this is great. This is easy. I don’t need to read this thing 10-15 times. Screw Coach Corey Wayne. I don’t listen to that shaved head prick on the internet.”
She monkey branched every boyfriend she has been with, she has never been alone.
That’s your history. She’s going to do that with you when you slack off. That’s just the way it is. So depending on character, a woman with good character is going to end the relationship. Take time to heal. Start dating when she feels ready.
In this case, the monkey brancher typically is insecure, sometimes narcissistic. She lines up somebody new because she doesn’t want to be alone. That’s just the way they are. So you slack off. The monkey brancher is going to do shit behind your back, whereas a high character woman is going to let you know she’s going to complain, she’s going to tell you what needs to change. If you continue to ignore her or neglect her, then she’ll either leave you or serve you with divorce papers and end the relationship there.
That’s why character is destiny, but every man slacks off, everybody gets busy. Everybody gets caught up in life. Like in this case, he was good for the first four years of the relationship, and in the last year, like I said, you’ll see in a second what happened.
Also, when I met her she was in a relationship with a guy but as you suggest, I treated her like everyone else so I was funny and charming. My intention was simply to have fun, she quickly felt that something was going on and broke up with her old boyfriend.
I don’t know what that means. You went out on dates with her? You went and had drinks? You didn’t really elaborate, but more than likely, he probably hung out with and when things looked good, she dipped from the ex and slept with him. So here’s his rationalization.
I don’t feel guilty considering that her ex used to beat her every day. She left him and the same day she slept with me.
So there’s this rational. Obviously, there’s no excuse for the dude beating her. That’s horrible. It’s good that she left that guy, but at the same token, typically women that stay with men like that have self-esteem issues. That’s why they monkey branch, because they can’t stand the thought of being alone. They got to have somebody in their life and they’re not. If they’re just going from one emotional connection to another without using any kind of discerning or being selective in who they date, they end up with guys that abuse them, unfortunately.
You can tell he’s like, “Hey, I’m going to be different. I’m Mr. White Knight, I’m a great dude. I got Corey’s book. It’s going to be great. The rules don’t apply to me. I’ll show everybody.“
For four years, we had a beautiful relationship. We both grew a lot, she quickly changed from being arrogant and a liar…
There’s another red flag. He’s like, “I can fix this. I can work with this. I’m going to make her honest.”
…To a caring and honest woman.
So because she loved him, she changed, submitted to him and became a better woman because he probably set healthy boundaries and she cared about him enough, and he displayed enough of the attractive behavior that’s taught in my book that to her, it was worth it to change for this guy because she was too emotionally invested and didn’t want to lose him.
Then, the last year, I worked a lot to build a better future for us, I became complacent and neglected her.
You don’t date or court your wife or girlfriend, eventually some other guy will. For you, he’ll come in and take that job over.
She told me several times that we needed to do more but I was too focused on work (for example we went out to dinner or with friends only every two weeks).
Yeah, if you don’t have kids, you should be at least having one or two date nights a week.
Women want to be in a love story. They don’t want to be with a roommate that wants to have sex a couple of times a month for release, and then other than that, they neglect her. No woman is going to stick around indefinitely, even if you’ve been together 30, 40 years. This is just the way it is, unfortunately.
In summer, she moved back in with her parents in the countryside (she is still a student).
So she moved out, he didn’t realize her moving out, as is her moving away. She’s not getting closer to him, she’s getting further away, but he probably rationalized that and didn’t really change his behavior.
She lined up a guy, “Just a friend to not worry about,” who later became my substitute.
Well, he became your replacement, actually. Just like you were the replacement for the abusive ex.
After two months, she broke up with me, told me that this new guy had nothing to do with it.
Well, from her perspective, that would actually be true, because the reality is you neglected her. You stopped dating and courting her, and from her perspective, you didn’t care anymore. It doesn’t matter what you said. Nothing changed because this went on for a year.
The same week she started dating and sleeping with him. I’m sure that he’s not the right person for her, just a rebound.
Well, this is what she does to every guy, so you should not be surprised that she does it to you. If the old relationship ended with you being the guy she monkey branch to, you should not be surprised when you neglected her for a whole year that she monkey branched somebody else.
I mean, she moved out. That should have been the the red flag. The yellow flag, the warning signals that things are not going well, but probably he’s like, “Oh, I didn’t think it was that bad, because she told me it’s just for school. I’m closer to school that way. I want to be. I want to spend more time with my parents, probably give them some logical explanation,” and he bought it, because he wouldn’t have to change anything or admit that he was screwing up.
I’ve moved out and since then, I have been in no contact, but I cannot deny that I am still jealous and I dream about some kind of revenge.
Well, success is the best kind of revenge. The best thing is for her to see you with a hot younger girl that is better for you, that is honest, that has integrity, that has high character that’s not going to do those things because you basically enabled her behavior by being the guy that she could monkey branch to, you basically taught her that was OK. So you shouldn’t be shocked that karma came for you because it comes for all of us.
I see some people in the comments. “Oh, karma, I wish it was a real thing. Coach, you don’t know what you’re talking about.” It’s like, OK when you get to be my age dude, you’ll see. I love it. Some 20-year-old schmuck with no life experience thinks he’s going to lecture me on things.
I would never go back with her, but the thought that my (ex) woman is sleeping with someone else disgusts me and hurts me. I think about it all day long.
Dude, this is who she was when you met her, and I think you’re just mad and butt-hurt that she did it to you because you thought you were insulated. You thought the little blue book that you only read twice was going to help you, but you obviously checked out over a year ago and that’s on you. You got to be disciplined.
I’m an honest guy, respectful, with good values, integrity is the most important value for me. I dream about the day in which she will beg me to forgive her, just to tell her, “fuck you.”
Well, hopefully you won’t have to tell her, “fuck you.” You can just have her see you with your new girl who’s all over you and who’s prettier in her, because hopefully this time around, you’ll listen and you’ll read the book 10-15 times.
I’m working on myself and I’m reading your book for the third time. Do you have any advice for me to overcome this jealousy and revenge feeling?
The best thing is a new girl. The best thing to do is to shower yourself in the vaginal juices of a new, beautiful lady who’s younger and hotter and nicer to you. That’s the best revenge. Success is the best revenge.
Like I was saying earlier, you’ve been out of the game for five years now. All she had to do was say yes to a guy that was obviously already hitting on her. That’s the difference between us guys and girls. So you’ve got to get warmed up. I know you don’t feel like it, but you need to. Obviously he’s starting to read the book again.
Also, I have clear visualization of all the beautiful trips and memories we made together but it looks like she moved on with this guy and doesn’t give a fuck about anything.
Well, typically women like that, they stay until their feelings are totally gone, because from her perspective, if I was talking to her, she’d be like, “I tried, I complained, I told him he wouldn’t listen.”
At some point, like I said, you get about six to 12 months and in this case, it sounds like you got about six months and then six to eight months, and then that’s when she moved out. Yet she continued to stay with you. At that point she’s looking for your replacement, and she’s given other men the green light, and you didn’t see it. You thought you were special and you found out that you could ignore reality, but you can’t ignore the consequences of ignoring reality.
So whatever you need to do to put yourself in situations where you are outnumbered and surrounded by beautiful women, you need to go do that because that will change your attitude. You never know when you’re going to turn around, and there’s an absolute smoke show behind you and the grocery store. That will change everything.
So you have to get out of your house. You can’t sit at home and feel sorry for yourself, which is when guys are going. Anybody goes through a breakup, that’s what you want to do. You just want to stay home. You don’t feel like getting out of bed. You don’t have much of an appetite. You’re not very excited to go out and do things, but you got to put yourself out there, go do things socially, the kind of activities that you really love and you really enjoy with other like minded people because you will meet like minded guys.
You can befriend and you will meet like minded girls that you can date. It’s much easier to date people that have similar goals and similar values, hobbies and interests. It’s way easier to talk to them. You connect more, you click more. It’ll feel like you’ve known each other already and it makes things easy and effortless.
I feel that I am anchored to her but I know that I should not need her regrets to move forward.
You’re just trying to make yourself feel better because your whole identity was wrapped up in this relationship and you obviously didn’t think that you were going to get dumped, but it happened. This is as predictable as the sun coming up in the East and setting in the West.
So, if you’ve got a question or a challenge and you’d like to get my help, go to UnderstandingRelationships.com, click the Products tab at the top of your screen and book a coaching session with yours truly. Until next time, I will talk to you soon.
*Amazon and the Amazon logo are trademarks of Amazon.com, Inc. or its affiliates. As an Amazon Associate I earn from qualifying purchases. **Free with a new Audible.com membership
If you have a question you would like me to consider answering in a future Video Coaching Newsletter, you can send it (3-4 paragraphs/500 words max) to this email address: [email protected]
If you feel I have added value to your life, you can show your appreciation by doing one of the following three things:
From my heart to yours,
Author, Speaker, Peak Performance Coach, Entrepreneur