2 Year Situationship Never Progressed Beyond Friendship. Why?

What to do if a situationship doesn’t progress beyond friendship.

In this video coaching newsletter I discuss an email from a new viewer who’s trying to figure out why a two-year situationship with a woman he really liked and wanted never progressed beyond a platonic friendship. After reading 3% Man, he realizes he made mistakes and asks my opinion.

My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.

Well, simple answer is you stuck around trying to change her mind. If you’re interested in romance and it never progresses, I mean…

This particular email is from a guy who’s only been following me for a short period of time after this ended, so he’s starting to read 3% Man, realizing he made some mistakes and sends it in, just telling us what’s gone on here. So he basically spent about two years hanging out with this girl. I think she was from Japan. She’s clearly structured and it just never progressed beyond them hanging out. Anytime he wanted to get physical, she was always putting him off. And obviously good students of 3% Man know that you go out on a date and you go for the kiss and you get the cheek, or she says, “Oh, I only kiss guys in the fifth date or the 10th date, or when we’re exclusive,” or something like that. You’re not going to stick around. You’re not going to keep trying to change somebody’s mind. You’re not seeking her attention or approval. You want somebody who has enthusiasm for you that when you go to kiss her, because there’s so much chemistry between you, she’ll suck the tongue out of the back of your throat, not give you a bunch of rules or act like a cold fish. If a girl likes you and she’s normal and healthy, she’s going to be easy-going, easy to get along with, and she’s gonna appreciate the fact that you take the initiative to kiss her and advance things romantically.

So again, if you go out with a girl, like the book says, and you get the cheek, well you’re never going to call or text her again for any reason. You’re not going to put any energy or effort into a woman that acts like a cold fish or a zombie, or that acts structured. You want a girl that’s got a, “Hell yeah, I’d love to date you! Hell yeah, let’s kiss! Let’s see where this goes.” That’s what you want. If you don’t get that, then you just move on to somebody else. Now, if that girl happens to reach back out, if she brings up seeing you, then I would give her one more chance. Then if she gives you the same thing, then I wouldn’t even go out with her again. If she brings it up, you could just tell her, “I like you, you’re cute, but there’s something missing. I didn’t feel any chemistry or spark between us. I’m not looking for a buddy or a pen pal or a texting buddy. I’m looking for somebody that’s a companion and a lover and a teammate,” and then you move on with your life. But obviously this guy didn’t know any better, and that’s what led him to my work. Now that he’s reading the book, hopefully this will never happen again, because two years is a long time to waste thinking you’re getting somewhere with a girl. And I don’t think he even got any kissy-poo for two whole years. I don’t know how much time and how much money he spent hanging out with her. He kind of refers to this as like it was a relationship. At least he thought it was, but he should have bailed as soon as he got the cold fish routine from her.

It is a good email to go through because there’s lots of guys that do this. I did this when I was younger and I didn’t know any better. Especially when you hear, “Well, I just think of you as a friend, and then you keep hanging out thinking, “Oh, she’s gonna change her mind,” and because you stick around when she offers platonic friendship in her mind, you acquiesce to that. If you’re not strong enough to walk away and never look back, when she offers you friendship, when you’re looking for romance, then you’re not going to get anywhere with her. Women have to know that if they push you too far, you’re going to walk and never look back. And when a girl behaves this way, you move on as quickly as possible. Don’t waste your time and your money. The greatest gift you can give anybody is a gift of your time. But if you don’t value it, guess what? Nobody else will either.

Viewer Email:

Dear Coach Corey Wayne,



I’ve been following your work for four months now and read your book two times and listened to your book multiple times.

Well, that’s a good start.

I’m writing to share my experience with a two-year “situationship” with a woman. I was not reading your book at the time and made many mistakes. I want to share my experience.

 I’m 31 years old. My personality is, I’m an energetic, popular, funny and an optimistic guy, with people pleasing tendencies.

Yeah, so when he gets the friendship routine or he gets the cheek or he gets an excuse, he’s thinking, “Oh, I’ll just be nicer to her and eventually she’ll see what a great guy I am, and then it’ll progress.”

My dad, a distant man and mom with bipolar disorder. I was her caretaker.



so you could see, right there, it’s almost like he got attracted to a woman that he had to take care of. In other words, he had to cater to her. Instead of recognizing that it’s not progressing and just moving on.

I was attracted to my classmate, so I asked her out confidently. We went out and had the best time. We had amazing chemistry. I once asked her questions about the future, if she wants kids and other random questions. After a week, she got emotional and she blocked me. She was my closest person.



Well, if you just meet a girl and you’re talking to her, I don’t know what happened, but for a woman just to block you all of a sudden and get emotional, he doesn’t really go into detail on what it means by her getting emotional, but does that sound like normal behavior? The woman has a meltdown. You haven’t kissed or done anything with her yet. She clearly has issues going on that she needs to work through. And it’s not your job to fix somebody, or to save them, or to solve their problems, or to make up for the fact that their dad didn’t do a good job of raising them.

However, in this case, because he was used to making excuses and taking care of a family member that needed help all the time, when he met a girl that needed lots of help, he just went right into caretaker mode, “Oh, I can fix this girl,” which is a mistake, but how could he know any better? He was emotionally conditioned to think that was normal behavior, and it was a normal thing to do. “Hey, she’ll see what a great guy I am, and then we’ll live happily ever after.” That’s what always happens in the movies, but in real life, you get a two year, really hellacious case of watermelon sized blue balls. It’s not good.

About a month later she unblocked me after seeing me hang out with another girl…

Cuckoo.

…And a month after that she initiated contact herself with flirty texts.

Well, he did the right thing by just walking walking away at that point, but clearly she was able to reel her back in and he kept hanging out, hoping things would change because again, that’s his tendency.

We ended up “emotional dating” for about three months.

In other words, they hung out as pals and it never went anywhere.

She was mostly at my apartment and we had sleepovers. Every time I would try to close the distance, she would take a step back. We were never physical. 



Again, when you get rejected the first time, you don’t keep going back and trying to convince her. In other words, when you you go out on a date like this and she doesn’t want anything physical, like I said in the very beginning, that’s a structured woman or a woman with no interest. You’re not going to try to change somebody’s mind. You’re looking for somebody to share your completeness with. As Jim Rohn said, “I’ll take care of me for you and you take care of you for me.” Unfortunately, in this case, she was not taking care of herself because again, just look at how she behaves. It’s not normal behavior.

During that period I found out through a friend she went on several dates with another guy.

See, this is the problem. It’s like when a woman is not really into you, she’ll basically spend time with you while she goes and hangs out with Chad Thundercock and actually sleeps with him, and then she’ll dangle the carrot and give excuses. The problem why guys end up in these situations is they stick around instead of understanding that the strongest negotiating position is being able to walk away and mean it. When a woman can gives you the platonic routine, especially when you find out she goes on dates with other dudes and won’t do anything with you other than hang out and let you spend your money on her, you got to disengage. You’re allowing her to waste your time. And because you don’t have the guts to stand up to her and walk away, that’s why you stay stuck in friend-zone, because from her perspective, your actions show that you’re willing to put up with it. If you’re not strong enough to walk away, when she offers you platonic friendship, when you want romance, then she’s gonna keep you in friend-zone as like one of her gay male girl friends or her male orbiters, and when the guy she really likes and is sleeping with is unavailable, she’ll let you take her out to lunch and spend money on her, maybe even buy things for her. Then maybe occasionally she’ll give you a hug and a peck on the cheek and tell you what a great guy you are.

I asked her multiple times if she was seeing someone and she told me she wasn’t.



Well, if you know she was seeing somebody else and she’s lying to your face, well she also has no integrity. So she’s an emotional cold fish, an emotionless zombie. On top of that, she’s lying to your face. So she’s disqualified. You don’t keep giving somebody that behaves this way any attention, because when you do, you teach her that you’re a chump, basically. That you’re willing to put up with it. You’re willing to take scraps and be basically be part of her humiliation ritual for you.

I told her I needed space. We got back together about a week later…

Dude, you were not together.

…Thinking that she needed time to decide.

So again, instead of just going and dating and sleeping with somebody else who’s actually single and ready to mingle and has a, “Hell yeah, I’d love to see you” attitude, he’s been around in circles like a dog chasing his tail, trying to change this girl’s mind.

My friend pressured her to tell me that she is seeing someone else…

On top of that, you’re involving your friends in your potential relationship. So everything that’s going on, you’re telling other people, and I’m sure some of it is getting back to her, which is not helpful. Gentlemen don’t kiss and tell. Keep it to yourself.

…She told me over text.

So she finally comes clean after lying to you. Even despite that, you stuck around. You’re being lied to. You can’t have kids with a woman that’s a pathological liar like that.

I created distance with her and gave up. She pursued me for 3-5 months while I kept her at a distance. Eventually we got back together again, calmer, more physically close than before. She never defined anything. It was only HH, not HHH.



Yeah again, so she noticed like all she had to do was kind of give you the promise or dangle the magic pussy in front of your face and you’d be like, “OK. Thank you, mommy. I follow you anywhere.” Bad way to go. In other words, she knew she could manipulate you easily and you would stick around and put up with it. That’s part of the problem. You enabled her behavior.

For the past year, the pattern has been: We get really close, her emotions show up, we take a break. She is possessive and doesn’t want me to see other women, physically close with me in ways she isn’t with anyone else (she is Japanese)…

Yeah, you might be part of her Frankenstein boyfriend project. So she has a guy she actually sleeps with. She’s got you as her emotional tampon and her gay male girl friend. And there may be another guy that buys her things or takes her out and does stuff for her. And if you know she’s going out on dates with other guys, she’s probably sleeping with somebody else and not you. That’s why she won’t do anything physical with you and she likes to let you think you have a chance because she likes the attention. Probably has a bad relationship with her dad, he wasn’t around, so she’s always giving out her number to multiple guys and dating and sleeping with some guys while the other guys she uses. It’s just not a good person. You’re getting bamboozled.

…Taking couple like pictures, staying close in pools, choosing to be with me instead of the group. She takes me as her plus-one to see her work friends.

And she’s probably, “Oh, he’s a great guy. He. We’re just friends.” That’s probably what she’s telling all of her girl friends.

She sees me at least three times a week.



Again, you keep hanging out with her and you get nothing out of it other than a buddy, and you’re probably paying for everything as well.

Recently, she was emotional again.

You know what? That’s her problem. You need somebody that’s happy, healthy, whole, complete and ready and to be single and ready to meet, to mingle. In other words, she’s single and ready to mingle.

During our two-day trip, she was distant all the time, so I opened her up and asked what was bothering her. She brought up old stuff that we already resolved. I apologized…

It’s like, what are you apologizing for? You’re getting blue balls and spending your money and your time and you get nothing in return.

…And asked her, “What else, don’t leave anything out.” After an hour, I got her to the point where she felt relieved. The next day, she went cold again by afternoon…

So this tells me he’s probably still calling and texting. You never pursue a girl like this, ever.

…And we explored the city quietly. She would shutdown my conversations. At the end of the day, she texted me saying we should go home separately.

I told her that she was disrespectful and asked for an apology as we were together physically and she ignored me the whole trip. She said we needed space. 



Yeah, it’s like you gotta have some self-respect, dude. You’re literally inviting this behavior. No one will ever do or say anything to you that you don’t invite them to do.

In three days time, she decided she’s moving back to Japan earlier than planned.

This is awesome. “Hey, can I help you pack? Then I’ll never see your jackass again.”

I tried to arrange to see her before she left to leave on good terms…

Again, this whole time, he’s still groveling, begging, and chasing. Even after he got my book, he continued to grovel, chase, apologize. Women love confidence in guys. They don’t like dudes that are supplicating, beta males that apologize when they haven’t done anything wrong. It’s like you’re hoping an apology will cause her legs to open up. Doesn’t work, dude. It’s not how women are. You’re wasting your time with a woman who is just manipulating you and using you as an emotional tampon, and somebody to take her out and spend time and money on her.

…She said I wasn’t taking her feelings seriously.

It’s like that’s all she has to do, is say something like that and you’re like, “Oh, I’m sorry, Your Highness.”

I got complacent and chased harder to meetup to fix this as she was leaving in a week.

Dude, she’s trying to leave and get out of here and you’re like begging and groveling, “Stella!”

The next morning she sent me a message, telling me not to show up at her house, the airport, or her farewell party, and that the only reason she was going to see me was to deliver that message.

Ouch! Yeah, she has zero respect for you. This just tells me you just kept pursuing and pursuing and pursuing the point where you just annoyed her, and she had no respect for you. After two years of all the time you spent together, she’s like, “Yeah, I don’t want to see you before I leave.” You got to pay attention to a woman’s effort and interest in you. This guy was totally focused on how much he liked her and completely ignoring the fact she had zero interest in him.

I replied respecting her decision completely, telling her I wanted her to be happy and was letting her go with love. I told her playfully, If she ever wants a good laugh or be diabolical…

I don’t know what that means.

…She can grab a flight to Vancouver to see me. Our relationship was full of chemistry and laughter.



Dude, you did not have a relationship. You were her friend. You were her gay male girl friend and her emotional tampon. That’s it. I would have to say, if I’m a betting man, she was dating and sleeping with other guys. You were just part of her Frankenstein boyfriend project.

That is how it all ended. I missed many opportunities with other women who were easy going and interested in me.



Yeah, you go where you’re celebrated, not where you’re tolerated.

Here is a little about her: She told me that she is not good with relationships.

Well again, that should have been like, “Check, please!”

When we had issues, she would flirt with other men in front of me to get a reaction.

See, that’s simp-like behavior. You’re putting up with that. See, this is why she didn’t want to sleep with you, because you were too much of a pussy to stand up to her.

She’s told our mutual friends she doesn’t want a boyfriend…

In other words, what she really meant was she didn’t want you as her boyfriend. I know it’s harsh and it’s hard to hear, but that’s the reality.

…And has said she’d be fine with “just AI” instead of a real relationship.

Again, when you’re hearing stuff like this, it’s like if you ever saw Dumb and Dumber, Jim Carrey’s character is like, “So you’re saying I got a chance?” After she goes out of her way to say, “There’s no way if you were the last person on Earth, I would sleep with you.” “So you’re saying I got a chance?”

I also know she’s had a difficult family background…

Well, that explains her weird behavior.

…Distant from her mother and siblings, close to a father who she has seen cry multiple times…

Well, dad’s a big pussy, it sounds like.

…Parents who fight constantly, and she’s told me herself she feels like everyone abandons her.

So it sounds like she uses the, “I’m a victim. Feel sorry for me,” and you go, “Yes, dear.” You beg and grovel for more attention, and she maybe gives you a hug and says what a great guy you are, and then goes and sleeps with somebody else.

Coach, I know this goes against your teachings as I just discovered your work, I’m sending to share my experience, I was using ChatGPT to help me navigate the relationship which was awful. 



Like, you didn’t have a relationship and you’re listening to a retarded meth head bot. These are things that ChatGPT and AI are not good at. They are not good at human context, but they can be great, especially Claude’s great at research and information or writing code and stuff like that, or analyzing lots of data, but helping you interact with a human in a way that creates attraction, everybody that I’ve talked to in the last couple of years that’s trying to use ChatGPT as a coach, it just makes things worse because again, you’re talking to a bot. I mean, we all know how terrible, it’s like you get stuck in voicemail Hell. “Press one, press two, press three, press the pound sign,” and like, you never get anywhere. Or you’re trying to do a chat bot to get customer service and it just sucks. It’s like, that’s what you’re doing. You’re trying to basically get a retarded digital meth head to help you navigate a human relationship, and it’s just, not capable of that.

In this case, was I the issue or her?

Well, I’d say it’s both. The fact that you kept sticking around. She’s going out on dates with other guys, rubbing other men in your face. No amount of disrespect would cause you to dip, and that’s a you issue. Again, this should have never got past the first date. Unless, of course, she called you and asked you or brought up to get together again. I would have never spent another time with her or another dime on her.

Was this relationship something I should have walked away from long ago?

Yeah, but you didn’t have a relationship with her. You were getting used as a platonic friend. Again, we call them the male orbiters, the Harry Honda. The guy that she’ll allow to do things for. He shows up with his tool kit and his Honda to fix things. Then she kicks him out because Chad Thundercock is coming over later to beat up her pelvis.

The relationship always kept me self-doubting myself and with constant anxiety with something new every few weeks.



Thank you for your time and any perspective you can offer.



Sincerely,

Bob

Again, that’s on you. You stuck around and kept putting up with this, so you just can’t do that, man. So if she’s not excited to hang out, have fun, hook up, on to the next. You gotta turn and burn, my man. You don’t get what you deserve in life. You only get what you negotiate. You were an absolutely horrendous negotiator for yourself. So you got to put yourself first. If she’s not interested in sex and romance, you next and on to somebody else.

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