In this video coaching newsletter, I discuss an email from a female viewer who asks about a guy she recently met and fooled around with in the bedroom on two separate dates, but did not have sex with, because he did not get hard. They have a mutual friend who told her this guy really likes her. While they were in bed together he told her how beautiful and desirable she was.
He has been separated for a year from his wife and they have a kid together. She wonders if this guy is simply not that into her, not attracted to her or if he is simply not over his wife yet. She asks my opinion on contacting him, because she does not want to appear needy, and what his inability to get hard really means. My comments are in (bold parenthesis like this below) in the body of her email.
I’ve been watching your videos for about three months and have read your book twice. I’m a woman, so I keep wishing you’d write a version for us girls! (Even though it’s geared for guys, what women can take away from the book, is what drives them to feel what they feel, especially if a particular woman is always attracting the same kind of man in their life. Once you understand how attraction works, you’re no longer carried away by your emotions, and you can remain objective.) It’s brilliant, and I can testify that you nail the type of behavior that communicates all that is great about men. Therefore, you’re the only person I trust to give me an honest, insightful answer to my predicament. (I appreciate your trust, and I will do my best to answer your question.)
I recently met a guy who I really like, and this rarely happens. We met on a night out, and I sensed we had a connection instantly, like I’d known him for years. (The way I look at it, those incidents are preordained by the universe. It was meant to happen. There are no coincidences.) He ended up staying with me. We talked all night, with some interludes of kissing, fondling, etc. He didn’t get a hard-on at all, which surprised me, as he seemed really into me. (It’s possible he’s really nervous, and it’s also possible he has a blood flow problem. If that’s the case, he either needs the magic pill, or he needs to lose weight and get in shape. Sometimes, it really just depends on the woman and whether or not she turns him on. It’s important to be able to relax. If you’re tense, your blood vessels will constrict, but if you’re completely relaxed you can last longer. The more frequently you have sex, the easier it is to get an erection and the longer you will last. If you’re worried about performance anxiety or blowing your wad too soon, look at my article and video, “How Men Can Have Multiple Orgasms.” Also watch my video, “Women Who Make It Easy,” where I discuss how to be prepared, so you can have a great sexual experience.) We talked and laughed, him asking all about me, and he told me I had a hot body, a beautiful face/ smile, etc. Anyway, the next week, he messaged me to meet up. We did, and the same thing happened, with the willy. I didn’t let on I cared or even noticed, and honestly, I really like this guy, so I can be patient. That night, I met one of his good friends, and he told me this guy really likes me. I don’t know. He has mostly initiated the texts so far. I would like to message him, however I’m afraid to contact him in case I appear needy, desperate, or he actually doesn’t find me attractive physically, and I end up annoying him. (If he’s reaching out to you, just wait and let him do that. If you want to become really good in bed and become a great lover who understands the opposite sex’s body, get “The Better Sex Video Series.”) I know he is separated almost a year from his ex, as she was unfaithful, and they have a kid together. Maybe he’s not over her, or maybe he’s just not into me? (If he has performance anxiety, you need to help him relax in bed.He could also try Viagra or one of the natural remedies at Whole Foods.) Please give it to me straight. I’m a big girl. You’re a legend Corey. Please write a book for women asap! (My book is adequate. You can learn what you need to know by flipping the script.)
Thank you, and all the best for your excellent work into the future. You’re inspiring. (In this particular case, you have to look at the whole picture. You have a great connection with this guy, but he either needs Viagra, or he needs to relax. You can help him relax by learning how to give him a fantastic blow job. If that doesn’t work, ask him if he has erectile dysfunction. He may need to seek medical treatment.)
If you have a question you would like me to consider answering in a future Video Coaching Newsletter, you can send it (3-4 paragraphs/500 words max) to this email address: Questions@UnderstandingRelationships.com
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From my heart to yours,
Author, Speaker, Peak Performance Coach, Entrepreneur
“There are three main reasons why a man becomes impotent and unable to perform sexually in the bedroom. When “The General” or “The Pork Sword” does not stand at attention, it’s usually because, 1) the guy is nervous and has performance anxiety, because he is tense instead of being relaxed, 2) he’s simply not turned on sexually, or 3) he has a medical condition usually related to inadequate blood supply to his lower unit. Causes 1 and 2 can be taken care of by the woman making the man feel comfortable, getting him to relax and having him focus on allowing and letting the sensations happen to him, instead of trying to force a boner. For a man, getting an erection is all about proper blood flow to his flesh rocket by allowing, relaxing, letting sensations happen to him, and practicing infinite patience to let an erection and sexual eruption happen slowly over time. Cause 3 needs to be addressed by a medical professional.” ~ Coach Corey Wayne
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