3% Man Success Story: She Wasn’t Sure I Even Liked Her!

How being mysterious & warm causes women to like you more.

In this video coaching newsletter I discuss an email from a viewer who shares how he turned around a rocky initial first date performance by being too cold, to kissing a girl he met on a dating app. He shares how his mysteriousness and being aloof, but warm caused her to wonder if he even liked her. This grew her attraction.

My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.

So this particular guy says he kind of turned around a date that got a little rocky in his performance. He realized he was a little too cold, and he was able to turn things around. At the end of the date, he was kissing her, so he was pretty happy about that because he said, it looks like he he seems to feel like he almost blew it. However, his mysteriousness in being aloof but also warm based upon her feedback, actually made her like him more. So it’s important to pay attention and communicate well and ask good quality questions, because that’s what this guy did and he moved things forward instead of turning this woman off.

Viewer Email:

Hey Coach,

I have been studying How To Be A 3% Man and your videos, and I wanted to send you a success story, because your material made the difference.

I met a woman on a dating app. From the start her interest level was high, and her actions backed up her words. She reached out first, asked me a ton of questions, opened up to me, and arranged to come and see me. I remembered your point that an interested woman shows it through effort, so I focused on leading instead of doubting it. I set the date myself, picked a time and a place, and stayed decisive.

Then I almost ruined it. I took do not be needy too far and went cold and short over text. She actually told me I came across as distant and formal, and that it made her wonder whether I was even interested.

Well, it’s a scientific fact that women are more attracted to men whose feelings are unclear. So that’s actually a good sign when a woman says, “I didn’t even think you liked me” or “I wondered if he liked me.”

She said she does not like a man playing hard to get when it comes to real feelings. That was my wake up call.

Well, at the end of the day, what a woman says is that if you take things too far and you’re a little bit too cold, or you’re a little bit too much of a dick, that’s when you’re warm to her. “I’m just joking. I was just fucking with you. I’m not serious.” If you’ve been seeing and dating each other, that’s when you pull her in and hug her and kiss her at the same time. You’re telling her, “I’m just fucking with you. You’re so gullible. Oh my God, you’re so easy. You’re so easy to punk.”

I went back to your actual teaching. Non-neediness is not coldness.

Yet you let her be until you get a signal from her that you’re interested. Then you pull her back in. She’s a little distant, you let her be. Then when you get a signal that, “Hey, you! It’s great to hear from you!”

It means leading and staying outcome independent, not being a wall.

Or lampshade, as I like to say.

So I stayed warm and open, I shared myself, and I kept my own life and my work front and center at the same time. I stopped trying to manage her interest, lived my own life, and let her come to me.

It worked better than I expected. The more grounded and warm I was, the more she invested. She called me between customers during her shift. She showed up at my work just to bring me an iced coffee. I kept leading. I moved our date up, invited her to my place, and cooked her a three-course dinner.

What’s much more fun is to have her participate in cooking instead of putting on a performance because it facilitates physical touch and interaction. That’s why you want to do it.

Remember, the purpose of a date is to create an opportunity for sex to happen. So when you’re cooking dinner at your place and there’s nobody else around, it’s nice to be romantic. She’s not worried about what other people think or people staring at her. You can kissy-poo, get your freak on in the kitchen, which is always fun, even before you finish making your dinner. Then after dinner, you can have more sex for after dinner dessert.

I also used your teaching about the man leading the physical side while fully respecting her pace. She told me she wanted to take things slow, so I made her feel completely safe and never pushed. But I did not go passive and dump all the initiating on her either. At dinner she looked at me for a long time, so I looked her in the eye, told her I really wanted to kiss her, and asked if that was okay.

Well from the book, if it was me, and when a woman is taring at you like that and you look at her lips as you’re across the table and then back up into her eyes, just like I did, and then maybe her lips again, and then kind of back up and her eyes just like that, she looks at your lips, then that means she’s ready to be kissed. Or you can use the line from the book, “If you’re going to look at me like that, you need to get it over with and come over here and kiss me.” Just with the look just like that, and usually she will come over and kiss you. You can even reach your hand out and bring her over.

Maybe she sits down on your lap and you look up to her as she’s sitting on your lap, and then you can make out with her. Then she sits on your lap and one thing can lead to another, especially if this is your place in the kitchen, heavy petting, clothes start coming off, use your imagination, but I would not ask for permission because that’s kind of weak. It worked because the girl really liked you, she had high interest, but I personally would not be asking for permission. If she looks like she wants to be kissed and she’s ready, tell her to come over and kiss you like I showed and said. You gotta advance it. It’s your job to make that happen.

She said yes, and she said she found it special that I asked. I told her I respect her boundaries, and that I will always let her know what I feel for her. We kissed.

Just don’t overdo it. Don’t be talking about your future and, “I love you. I love you. I love you,” and she never says it. Or you say, “I love you” 10 times and she maybe says it once. You start overdoing it and talking about your feelings and how much you feel for her, and she never says that herself about you. You got to pay attention because the more you talk about how much you like her and how much you feel for that has no effect on how much a woman likes you. So just remember that.

Compliments and your feelings and emotions have no effect on a woman. What a woman cares most about is how she feels about you. So being masculine and confident is the most important thing, and when you see that she’s ready to be touched, kissed, or seduced, you make your move.

The biggest win is not even the kiss. It is that I did all of it in the moment, on instinct, without overthinking. And I am not doing this because I think she is better than me. I am doing it because I finally found someone I respect enough to want beside me, as an equal.

Slow your roll, dude. I know you had a good date and it was a nice kiss, but that’s just it. You don’t know her well enough to assign all of this pedestalization to her.

She is strong, sharp, and independent, the kind of woman who does not need rescuing, and that is exactly why I respect her.

Again, you don’t know her, dude. So calm down.

No pedestal, no chasing, just leading from a place of self respect. That came straight from your work.

Thank you, Coach. Your teachings changed how I show up.

Bob

Well again, the way you’re talking, you’re talking like a guy that, in his mind, he’s already pedestalizing her, and where it gets really hard is like three or four weeks down the road, especially if you’ve been hooking up a few times and then you can’t really handle it, then she turns into your Kryptonite. So just pay attention to how much she’s complimenting you and talking about her feelings and how much she likes you. It’s better if she says it more and talks about it more than you do. So you got to pay attention to that and understand it’s going to go up and down as the weeks go by and you continue to hang out.

So, if you’ve got a question or a challenge and you’d like to get my help, go to UnderstandingRelationships.com, click the Products tab at the top of your screen on any page, and book a coaching session with yours truly.

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