3 Months Of Radio Silence. We Were Friends With Benefits Until She Moved Out

How to know if she’ll be back if contact ceased after she moved out.

In this video coaching newsletter I discuss an email from a 35-year-old viewer who had an argument with his girlfriend of three years who lived with him, dumped her and asked her to move out. A few days later, he tried to reconcile. She offered friendship. He offered friends with benefits and she accepted.

She moved out three months ago and he’s not heard from her since. He wonders if she will come back. My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.

So this particular email is from a guy who’s 35. He had an argument with his girlfriend of three years who also lived with him. So he dumped her and told her that he wanted her to move out. Then a few days later, he thought it was a stupid fight and he tried to reconcile and she declined, but offered him friendship. He said, “No thanks” to that. “How about friends with benefits?” So she accepted, but she continued moving towards the exits, eventually found an apartment and then moved out three months ago.

So I won’t spoil the surprise, but what he said to her when she left, he’s not heard or spoken to her since. So now he wonders if she’ll ever come back, because he wanted to stay together, but she was ready to move on. Even though they were hooking up, Elvis had left the building,

Viewer Email:

Hey Corey,

My name is Bob and I’m 35 years old. Will you please read my story in a newsletter and give me some pointers?

Me and my girlfriend were together for three years and got into an argument and I broke up with her. Yes, I know, do not argue with your girl. I fucked up on that and take the blame. She was living at my house and I told her to move out at the end of the month.

Well, that’s pretty abrupt. “Get the fuck out, bitch. 30 days!”

So I gave her plenty of time to find a place about 30 days. Four days after I broke up with her, I realized that was stupid and we shouldn’t have been arguing. I told her I wanted to talk about our relationship and try to work on things and she cried and was not willing to talk about it.

Well, you can’t solve problems unless you can talk openly and honestly about them. If she doesn’t want to talk about it, obviously things weren’t that great between you guys because she sure didn’t seem to be missing you very much.

A couple days go by, and she hits me with, “Let’s be friends” and I put a hell no to that and said I only want love and romance with her. At this point, she already put a down payment on an apartment so she already made up her mind she wanted out.

Women vote with their feet. If she’s with you, she voted for you. If she moved out, well that’s what her heart was really into. So despite your supposed willingness to work things out, it gave her the opportunity to move on.

Now, something about this that you got to understand about how the ladies work, 75% of the time, they file for divorce and do the breaking up, but what’s interesting is usually the woman tries to make you so miserable that you get sick of her bullshit and you break up with her. Then when that doesn’t happen, they pick a fight or they just outright break up with you. So it looks like that could be a potential there. She created a conflict to start a fight because she knew the relationship was potentially about to end, but she’d feel better if the guy ended it. Maybe she’s the one that picked the fight. They do that often.

It started to get awkward at my house because she was still living here, so I said fuck it and asked if we could be friends and benefits and she agreed. Our sex life was great and had a lot of it before she moved out. The last day she moved out, I gave her a hug, kissed her and told her to keep in touch.

Well, I probably would have said in this case because again, you’re living together, I would have said, “Well, it’d be nice to work things out, but I understand you want to go. So you got my number. I’d love to hear from you if you like to continue hanging out and see what happens.” It has the same effect.

The bottom line is, if we look at her actions, she wasn’t interested in reconciling. She wasn’t interested in giving you a chance to work things out. She just wanted out, and after the fight that potentially she picked, she made you so upset that you were just like, “Get the fuck out of my house.”

So I don’t know what you argued over, but again, women are good at that. They would rather you do the dumping anyways, but more often than not, when that doesn’t work, they end up having to do the dumping.

It’s been three months of complete no-contact and I haven’t heard from her. Did I play my cards right?

Thanks for all that you do, and I am on my 10th read of 3% Man. 

Bob

Well, there’s a lot of context and detail that’s missing, but I mean, if you guys are friends with benefits and just fuck buddies and what you didn’t get was any crying, any waterworks, “Oh, I’m going to be really sad,” it’s like she was totally down with having unattached, unemotional sex because that’s why you haven’t heard from her. He said, “Keep in touch,” and she’s like, “See you later, Jack. See you later, Bob.” She’s not coming back.

Like I said, at this point, it looks like when you got mad and broke up with her, she probably was hoping for that because again, she had zero interest in reconciling, but she was down to be fuck buddies until she moved out. Then after she left, she clearly doesn’t miss you. So stick to what’s in 7 Principles To Get An Ex Back, and if she ever reaches out, invite her over, hang out, have fun and hook up.

You gotta let her do it all because as 7 Principles To Get An Ex Back says, if she fucks it up, she’s got to fix it. Well, in this case, you ended it, but then you tried to undo what you ended, and she was not down. She was like, “Pound sand,” basically. So we gotta always bottom line women’s actions, and the fact you haven’t heard from her and it’s been three months, pretty good chance you’ll never hear from her again. So move on with your life. Apply what’s in the book.

The goal is for you to meet somebody who’s hotter and better for you than this chick. So because she clearly didn’t miss you, or maybe she already had somebody else she was talking to and she started hanging out with him also while you guys were fuck buddies, it’s pretty clear from her actions that Elvis had left the building.

So it doesn’t look like that she’s going to come back. She might, but it would be better for you if you read the book, apply it and get better with the stuff that’s in there, because at the end of the day, whatever it was that caused you to break up with her and not want to be with her, it’s not like she became a different person. Those issues, those things you didn’t like, those idiosyncrasies in her personality, they’re still there. She’s not going to change. So even if you do get back together, you’ll get turned off for exactly the same reasons that you did the first time. So that’s definitely something to think about.

If she does reach out, follow what’s in 7 Principles To Get An Ex Back. Invite her over to your place to make dinner in the evening, hang out, have fun and hook up. Follow what’s in the script.

So, if you’ve got a question or a challenge and you’d like to get my help, go to UnderstandingRelationships.com, click the Products tab at the top of your screen on any page, and book a coaching session with yours truly. Until next time, I will talk to you soon.