3 Principles To Master Cold Approach, Rejection & Getting Dates

3 principles to master cold approach, rejection & getting dates with good women.

In this video coaching newsletter I discuss an email from a Canadian viewer who is of Indian descent. He’s 5’7” and struggles with dealing with rejection and getting dates. He has three questions and areas he requests specific help with to improve his attitude and success rate which he says is low.

My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.

I got an email from a guy who is of Indian descent. He’s 5’7″, so people would say he’s kind of vertically challenged, right? Because would a woman say tall, dark and handsome, and he’s not really tall? He is dark. I assume he’s handsome. So he’s got questions because he lives in Toronto, Canada, which you know, when you got a prime minister like Justin Trudeau who’s a cucked man, I mean he kind of looks like Fidel Castro. That’s kind of interesting. I wonder if we could ever get a DNA test out of that guy to see if he’s actually Fidel Castro’s kid or whatever. So he’s kind of having difficulty and says he’s dated beautiful women in the past, but even his cold approaches, it’s just kind of demoralizing.

So he’s got three main questions that he goes through, which are things that any guy that’s trying to meet women face-to-face instead of online, especially in this day and age, it really is a superpower when you consider how many, especially the younger generation where everybody grew up with their phones, their devices and their faces are planted in them, even when they’re out together in groups, they tend to always be on their phones. Or you see a group of people walking by, they’re in their 20s, maybe 30s, there’s five or six of them and maybe one of them is kind of paying attention to where they’re going and the rest of them are kind of flipping through shit on their phones and not really paying attention. If you could develop this part of yourself, which quite frankly, is natural, you need to be able to approach anybody really and do small talk because that’s what really a cold approach is. I talk about this in the book.

There’s videos I did years ago called The Process Of Improving Your Social Skills and Improving Your Social Skills where it’s like, I think 10, 12-minute long videos and it just teaches you a slow process, especially if you’re kind of shy and you have a hard time talking to people, this is something that every man just has to overcome, not just for your romantic life, but you got to be able to have the balls to walk into somebody’s office in a nice suit with your resume in a folder, ask to speak to the HR person, the owner or the manager, whoever is in charge of hiring to get a job. You got to show that you have confidence and that you’re willing to risk it, to go and put yourself out there and potentially get rejected. Whether it’s getting a date with a girl, getting a job, convincing somebody to invest capital and your startup, or just striking up a conversation with a stranger and somebody you ultimately become a lifelong friend with. If you’re not good or you haven’t developed your social skills, I highly recommend you go get a part time job waiting tables or tending bar even. Usually like if you want to tend bar in the restaurants, you kind of have to start out waiting tables and then you can work your way into training in the bar because everybody wants the bar shift, typically because bartenders make pretty good money compared to people that just wait tables and go someplace maybe a little higher end type of restaurant because the work is the same.

I mean, think about it from this perspective. You’re going to get a 20%, 25% tip. Your average check is $50 versus $500. Well, it’s really the same amount of work, but it makes sense to work smarter, not harder. So if you’ve always been kind of shy and had a hard our time with people, a great thing is just any kind of customer service job where you’re constantly answering questions, giving people assistance can really help you. I mean, even driving around in Uber. Being able to talk and strike up conversations with people if you’re an Uber driver. Anything that forces you to interface with the public, be charming, ask questions, take a sincere, authentic interest in other people. These are things that you should do. Like in this guy’s case, I assume he probably originally is from India, so he had to completely establish his social circle, his peer group in Toronto. As you’ll see as I go through the email, he’s kind of struggling with that. So it really helps to be a social person. Like when I moved from Fort Lauderdale, when I was in my mid 20s to Orlando, I knew one guy in Orlando. I had one friend up there. Other than that, I made friends with the people I worked with when I worked for Syntex Rooney back in the day. I made friends with people that I met that were in the construction industry that did work for me or the company I went to work for that was buying my foreclosure properties from. I became friends with those guys, hung out with them, socialized with them.

You have to be a social person. If you’re somebody that takes a sincere, authentic interest in other people, like when I was younger and I was shy, all my friends were very outgoing, very talkative, and what they loved about me is that I was a great audience for them. I was always a good listener. I just would hang out and ask questions, laugh at their stories and just enjoy being with them and asking them questions, getting to know them. If you take a sincere, authentic interest in other people, it really makes your life easy. Especially like going on dates or getting to know somebody, as the old saying goes, “You have two ears and one mouth, so you should listen twice as much as you speak.” It’s a good rule of thumb, especially if you’re trying to develop your social skills. Like when I was a bartender, most of the time I wasn’t really doing talk. I mean, I would talk, I would crack jokes here and there, but probably 80%, 90%, 95% of what I was doing was like, “Hey Bob, how are you doing? What’s new?” And then the guys and girls would just go on and on and on and talk. When you had regulars that came in, you got to know them, you got to know their kids, they bring their wives in their families, their business associates. Then when somebody walks in with their entourage, if you will, their friends, family, their coworkers, whatever, and they know you, you know them personally. You know what drink they want and you’re serving it to them because they’re a regular. Then they introduce you. They’re kind of like the king. They’re like the mayor. Then they tell all their friends and family about you. “Oh, this is Corey. He does this. He’s going to school. He’s majoring in construction management, he lives right around the corner and he’s a great guy. He drives me home sometimes when I get too drunk,” you know, that kind of stuff.

So most of being a social person is really just being a really great listener. Again, that was just something that I naturally did when I was really young, because I was afraid to talk to people. I wasn’t very outgoing in that respect, but I was a great listener and I was curious about other people. I wanted to know, “Why is this guy so popular? Why do all these girls like him? Why are all these girls want to sleep with this guy? What’s the difference? Why is he different than anybody else?” And when you hang out with somebody like that, because human beings, naturally the favorite person that we love to talk about is ourselves, and if you can get people to talk about themselves, the things they love, the things they enjoy and elicit good feelings, positive feelings, getting people to talk about their kids, their pets, where they grew up, their hobbies, their jet skis, their boat, their car, the lake house that they live on, the yacht club, the things they do for fun or their ski vacation, whatever it happens to be, they start to like you because we love having somebody that actually wants to listen to us.

Think about it from this perspective: When you’re checking out, paying for gas, groceries or paying for anything in general, what do people say? “Hey, how are you today?” “Oh I’m good. How are you?” “Oh, I’m good.” You’re not really listening to each other. These are just formalities. It’s not a real, authentic conversation, but when you take this and say, “Hey, how you been? What’s new? What have you been up to? Where are you from? Where did you grow up?” And you ask questions of people and you’re sincerely interested and you make good eye contact, just like I’m making with the camera, people feel rapport. I used to be in sales when I was in real estate, and everybody that worked for me I taught the basics of how to create rapport with other people. Another thing, I mean it’s over 100 years old at this point, How to Win Friends and Influence People, that’s a great old course to go through, because that stuff still applies today, and a big part of it is being a great listener, taking a sincere, authentic interest in other people. If you sit there for 10 or 15 minutes talking to a stranger, they’re going to feel like you really care about them because you’re talking to them not as a sales person or a stranger. The vibe that it gives off when you’re listening, you’re acknowledging them, you’re nodding your head along as they’re telling you their story or whatever their interests or hobbies are, it creates rapport, and after you listen to them bloviate for 10 or 15 minutes, just the natural law of reciprocity, they’re going to feel like, “Oh well, I’ve been talking so much. Tell me about you,” and then they want to know about you.

These are things that really, every human being, every man and woman needs to know how to do this stuff, because you got to be able to talk yourself into the things that you want. If you’ve been somebody, maybe you’re younger and you just never really have developed your social skills or you’re like this guy, you move all the way from India to Toronto, Canada, you don’t look like most people and that actually can be a peacock. That can actually be something that you can use to your advantage. One of my friends, Andy, the German guy who I’ve had on the podcast a few times over the years that whenever he and I would go out, he was always very talkative, very charming, very interesting. He grew up in Berlin. As soon as he opened his mouth, they could tell he had an accent and that he was German or they thought maybe he was from Austria or whatever, so that made people right away curious. As soon as women heard his voice, it was amazing the effect that it had on him and all he was doing was just have a normal conversation. He wouldn’t have gotten that reaction back in Germany or Austria, but in America, he doesn’t sound like everybody else. He kind of doesn’t look like everybody else. So right away, people are, “Oh, wow. You’re from Berlin. What’s that like? What was it like growing up in there? What was it like when the wall came down?” So those things can be an advantage, and this is one of the things that this guy has. He actually has an advantage from not being there because that makes him unique, that makes him different, that makes him interesting, it makes him unusual. Scarcity creates value. If you’re one of a few guys like this in any peer group, people are like, “Well, who is that guy? Where is he from? What was it like? What’s India like?” So you actually you have an advantage whether you realize it or not.

So with that in mind, let’s go through this guy’s email.

Viewer Email:

Hi Coach Corey,

I like your content and below are some questions I have:

1. What do you do when most women you’re attracted to aren’t actively giving you signs of interest, (i.e, holding eye contact or smiling back)?

Well, the reason why I talk about in the book and some of the other videos I’ve done on Improving Your Social Skills is because if a woman smiles at you and makes eye contact, usually it means she’s interested and she’s available. Sometimes she’s interested, but she’s not available, but she’ll still look in the eye and smile versus doing a cold approach and then interrupting somebody.

I did a video newsletter the past couple days ago for a guy. He was 25, and he approached his hot 19-year-old cheerleader girlfriend because he’s going to school for graduate school, and she was actually doing her homework, wasn’t making eye contact or anything. He walked right up to her, told her what he thought of her, told her how beautiful he thought she was, and he had to come over and say, “Hello. What’s your name?” I mean, just things right out of the book. So basic, so easy to do. If you walk out over a girl and you go, “I had to come over. You absolutely take my breath away. What’s your name?” You just go right into the things I talk about in the book. She tells you her name, then you say, “Oh, it’s nice to meet you, Jessica, Denise or Jennifer,” whatever happens to be. Then you don’t volunteer yours. If she’s interested, typically she’s going to say, “Well, what’s your name?” Then you tell her. Again, you’re trying to find out, “Is this girl interested in me or not?” So there’s a lot of things in the book that’s free to read in the Members Area of the website that will help you continue to basically be like Sherlock Holmes, to be able to read her body language, her interest, her eye contact, the things she says to you to be able to determine whether or not she’s also romantically interested and available before you get to the point where you’re asking for a phone number, a date or whatever it happens to be.

So that particular guy walked up to the girl and he’s with his dream woman. It took him a lot of years to get to that point. He’d been following me I think he said since 2018, 2019. So it was like seven years. So seven years from the time he was like in high school basically till he’s 25, mid 20s to where just everything clicked in his life, everything lined up, school’s going well. Life’s going well. He’s dated enough, had enough relationships, seduced enough women to where he sees this woman that just takes his breath away and he is compelled to be brave and courageous and go up to her and start a conversation all by just asking questions. Because, as I say in the book, whoever is asking the questions is the one that’s leading the conversation. If you’re going to approach women that aren’t making eye contact, you’re just going to get rejected more. That’s just kind of the par for the course.

I’m just an average looking dude. I’m not the type of guy that my whole life, my experience is, most of the women are women are not interested in me, and you have to learn to be OK with that because as a man, what you owe to women in general is to show up. If you’re attracted to somebody and you’re interested, you got to show up. You got to be brave. You got to be courageous. You got to tell her exactly what you like about her. Blurt it right out. Make it something sincere, authentic, from the heart. Then let the chips fall where they may. Even if she rejects you, at least you can walk away feeling good about yourself, because now you’re not going to spend the next two weeks going, “Damn, I should approach that girl. Oh shit, what if I talked to her? Oh, damn.” Instead, you can go up to her, and if you get rejected, say, “Well hey, you know your boyfriend’s a lucky man,” or, “Hey, your husband’s a lucky man,” or whatever it happens to be. If she politely dismisses you, say, “Well, it was great chatting with you. Have a great day.” At least you showed up. At least you were brave and courageous and she will remember you. The more you do this, you’ll see that every time you go up to a girl that you like and you compliment her on something that you like about her, it’s going to light her up. Why? Because feminine energy grows through praise.

So when you praise something about a woman so authentically, so bluntly, so boldly, most women are not used to that. Oftentimes you’ll get what? When you tell a girl that she’s got a fucking unbelievable body or she takes your breath away, oftentimes you’ll hear that it’s like she heard what you said, but it’s happened so rarely in her life it’s like she wants you to repeat it because it’s kind of like a double take. “What? Did he just say what I think he said? That’s a good thing. That’s a good positive thing and you’re going to have mostly positive experiences. Occasionally you might come across a truly foul bitch who is just not a nice person, and she’s not going to be very polite or friendly towards you. That’s OK, but by making eye contact, mutual eye contact and a girl smiling at you, you’re going to have a higher rate of success and those interactions are going to be more positive ones than rejection versus just doing cold approaches. Like this guy from the other day that cold approached this absolutely smoking hot cheerleader who was doing her homework, didn’t make eye contact with him, but he was compelled to go up to her and talk to her because he didn’t want to be kicking himself for the next two weeks saying, “Well man, I should approach that hot girl. I hope I see her again. Will I see her again?” And then you never see the girl again in your life, and you just think back on that and go, “God, she took my breath away because that doesn’t happen very often.”

You got to understand, that’s just kind of par for the course. If you’re not Brad Pitt or George Clooney and incredibly handsome, you’re just an average dude like me, you have to understand and accept that almost all the time you’re going to get rejected and girls are not going to be interested in you. The reality is you only need one. You need one good one. That’s it. If you do a thousand approaches and rejections and yet you get one good one, it’s like, what does it matter? What if it takes you 10? What if it’s 50? What if it’s 100? The bottom line is, it’s a numbers game. You got to get through the nos in order to get to the yeses.

I’ve told this story about a friend of mine, a late friend of mine who used to work for a defense contractor when he was younger, and I worked on some pretty incredible weapons systems and eventually got fired because he was kind of a drunk and showing up at work drunk, which was stupid on his part. He was lonely one day and he was sitting in this bar drinking. He was kind of a geek, kind of nerdy dude, quirky, weird, kind of out there, didn’t have a ton of friends, wasn’t popular in high school or anything like that, but he’s an engineer and he’s incredibly smart and brilliant, and he was just thinking, “I want a date. I want a girl.” Then he thinks to himself, “How many women do I have to talk to and ask out on a date before one says yes? Is it five? Is it 10? Is it 50? What is it?” So he decided right there in that moment when he was having his beer, that he was going to ask out every single woman in this place just to see what the hell happened.

So here’s this opener: He walks up to a girl, every single woman in the bar and he says, “Hi, would you like to go out on a date with me?” Or, “Hi, would you like to have a date with me?” He went to every woman in the whole bar, and the very last one he got to, he said, “Would you like to have a date with me?” And she said, “Yeah, I’d like to have a date with you,” Because she had watched this. She had watched him going and talking to everybody. At first when she saw this, it kind of looked like he knew everybody, like he’s a very popular person. Maybe he owns the bar, maybe he’s somebody famous, maybe he’s very social. Maybe all these people in here are his friends and this is his party. That shows a lot of confidence and a lot of balls. By the time he got to her, she liked him. She found him attractive, because attraction is not a choice and she said yes. Even though he continued to date and hook up with other women for several years after that and he wouldn’t commit to her, eventually he did and they lived together for the rest of his life until he passed away. Shit man, it’s been like 12 years now, but man, it goes by so fast.

I remember he’s just like, “Yeah, I needed some data for my analysis,” and his data was, “How many women do I got to talk to and approach before one says yes?” Because the first couple are going to be kind of nerve wracking and you’re going to be unsure of yourself, but the 20th, the 30th, I mean, how many of them do you have to talk to? YIt’s just like when I was training and doing CQB with Jon for the first first few times and doing the first runs in the shootouts, even though I’ve been through tens of thousands of rounds between pistol and rifle and transitions, I’d never done CQB and force-on-force training against other people that were actually shooting back at you. So the first couple times your heart feels like it’s going to fucking explode out of your chest. You’re breathing hard, the mask is kind of fogging up because you’re sweating, you’re nervous, you’re like, “How bad are these UTM rounds going to hurt when I get hit or I get shot?” Because it’s going to happen. That’s why they call it the bee stings. Then after the second or third run, I was just totally calm and I just worked the problem, just focused on the red dot. Unconscious competence just took over. So that’s what’s going to happen.

If you’ve never been a social person, you got to take the time to practice this stuff. Repetition is the mother of skill. Everybody starts out as a novice. My first experiences with customer service was working at my parent’s wash dry fold business when I was in middle school. I didn’t even know how to count change back and my dad thought that was funny. I remember I was like, “How do I figure out how much change to give this person?” And my dad taught me a method to do that. So I went from being incredibly nervous, but my dad was there so I could just ask him if there was a problem. Then when within a few days of doing that, I didn’t really have to think about it anymore. “Hi, how are you? What can we do for you? Oh, this is what you got.” You take your basket, you set it on the scale, you weigh it because we charge them by the pound. Then you fill out a ticket. You give them the ticket. You tell them when it’s going to be ready. Then it became easy.

I remember there was one morbidly obese person that came in at that time. He was really big and his underwear just full of shit. Every single one of them. Just like because he was so fat, he couldn’t wipe his ass properly. I remember my mother told him when he came back to pick his stuff up, she just said, “You know, we’re happy to do your laundry, but don’t bring in your undergarments anymore.” He was so embarrassed, he never came back. Then there were other times I’m talking to old ladies. I’m talking to dudes that are mad and angry. I’m talking to absolutely beautiful women. They’re like, “Oh, your son is so handsome,” and I’m sitting there thinking, “Really? She thinks I’m handsome?” Which is great for a young kid that was insecure and unsure of himself, but you know, I had thousands of interactions with other human beings, and I was forced to because I went and I worked my parents. Then I later worked in restaurants. I worked at service merchandise, which was all customer service. I worked in the customer service department, so I was either answering questions, I was ringing people out, or I was giving them their orders and bag and everything, answering questions, explaining treadmills, exercise bikes and the other things. We sold shotguns and rifles there back in the day.

So I got a lot of experience when I was young talking to people. Then when I was 21, I started tending bar. So these things really helped me. By the time I got into the real world and I needed to go, I mean I was 18, I walked into this place, it was called Cisco’s Chicken, I think it was the name of it. There was like eight or 10 of them. It was like a little franchise. I talked myself into a job. I had some friends that worked there that I went to high school with, and I was like, “Oh yeah, I know so-and-so,” and he’s like, “Oh yeah, they’ve been working here for a while,” and talked myself into a job. Then when I wanted to make more money, because I wasn’t satisfied with the money and I heard service merchandise was paying 50 or $0.75 an hour or more, I went down there and talked myself into a job there. Same thing with the bartending. I didn’t know anything about bartending. I walked in, talked to Kevin the owner, and we had gone in there to drink a bunch when we were underage obviously, and I think the interview didn’t even last a minute or two. He asked me a few questions. He’s like, “A clean cut kid. Fit and in shape. I’m sure he’ll be great.” He gave me a chance and he taught me how to how to tend bar. Didn’t know the first fucking thing about it. I knew how to drink obviously, but I didn’t know how to make drinks. So I practiced this stuff. That’s what you have to do. If you’re not good at this, you have to get good at small talk and practicing that to the point where you don’t think about it anymore. You just strike up a conversation with people any time, any place, anywhere, and if you’re shy, you should force yourself to talk to people wherever you go.

I noted that you emphasize a lot on dating women who are interested in you from the get go. This is rarely the case for me in Toronto.

Well, you’re just going to have a better experience with women that make eye contact. Or I should I say, you’re going to get better results. Statistically, you’ll convert more of them to actual dates versus girls that you have to go and interrupt or that aren’t paying attention to you. So you just got to get good with rejection and think of it as like it’s part of life to the point where it doesn’t feel you don’t feel apprehensive about it anymore. It’s just talking to another person.

I’m a 5’7” Indian man and I haven’t had a good dating life in Toronto.

Well, I’d say that’s really a side effect of your social life and what you do when you’re not working.

Not that I haven’t dated gorgeous women in the past but I haven’t had much success here particularly.

Probably because he moved there from India and didn’t know anybody, so he had to completely build a social group from scratch. You know, sometimes people, you can move across the country or you go live in another country and you don’t know anybody there, you’re going to have to become really good at asking questions of other people. It’s just something that every human being really needs to get good at. You got to be good at asking people and influencing them to give you the things that you want in life.

I’m fit, live an adventurous life, have good hobbies like dancing salsa and playing volleyball, and have a respectable career. I’m quite confident and have cold approached women in grocery stores, park, and malls besides social events. I rarely get warm signals from women.

Yeah, that’s just the way it is. You’re probably an average looking guy, but that’s OK. It’s part of the process. Again, all you need is one good one, dude.

The cold approaches I’m doing are irrespective of signs of interest. This does lead to a lot of rejection but I’ve gotten a few successes. However, the ratio is too low to stay motivated daily. 

Well, that’s the trick. If you want to have nothing but mostly positive experiences and only approach women that smile and make eye contact, but maybe where you go, where you hang out, there’s just not a lot of opportunity and you’re going to see women that you think are incredible. So you should go up and talk to them and see what happens. You just have to get comfortable and you have to acknowledge that you’re going to get rejected most of the time, but you have to get through the nos in order to get to the yeses.

Ultimately again, all you need is one good one. So if you feel apprehensive, if you’re bothered by the rejection, what’s the solution? You need more rejection. You have to get to the point where rejection is something you look forward to, you expect and then you’re OK with because masculinity is calm. When you get rejected a lot and you get a few a few yeses here and there, it’s like it smooths out the rough edges. It makes you calmer. It makes you more relaxed. So when you meet somebody that you really like and who really likes you, it just flows better. It flows easier and more effortless, but you got to go through the rejection.

2. What do you do with women who have neutral interest in you?

Well if you like her, blurt it out. Tell her what you think.

This is my case with most women I feel attracted to. Even when I open them and take interest in getting to know them, most times they don’t take enough interest to get to know me back at all which makes me feel like they’re not interested and I move on. 

Well, what you’re looking for is enthusiasm. Is she glad that you came over? Is she glad that you’re talking to her? If she is, you’ll be able to tell. Again, the signs are in the book. I don’t need to go through them here all over again. There’s going to be other women that you can tell they’re being polite, but they would really rather not talk to you. So unless they make you feel really welcome, just say, “Well, I had to come over and tell you just how beautiful you are. I hope you have a great day,” and then you move on. You don’t have to stand there. You don’t have to entertain her for an hour. If you go up and you talk to her, you tell her what you think about her, you ask her a question and you can tell she doesn’t really want to talk to you, then just politely say, “Hey, I just had to come over and tell you that and brighten your day. Have a great day,” and then just move on. On to the next.

You don’t owe her anything. You don’t have to ask for her phone number. As a matter of fact, you should only be asking for phone numbers of women who have enthusiasm, because if the conversation doesn’t flow and doesn’t go real well in person, then it’s not going to go better on a date. Something that will also make your approaches go much better is meeting women as a side effect of a busy, active social life. In other words, like attracts like. People that like the same things tend to like each other, and you’re going to meet women and have better connections with them when you’re doing an activity or a social thing with women who love the same things.

Giving several examples here: Trade shows. When I was in the mortgage and the real estate business, we used to go to mortgage and real estate shows and we would go there. We would always run into people that we knew and those people would be with other people. Sometimes they’re with cute girls and you get introduced, they’re in the mortgage business or they’re in the title business, they’re realtors, they work in the home inspection business or maybe they have a construction business where they do repairs. I mean, there were so many different industries that interface. Some of them might be insurance agents. Some of them are account executives from mortgage companies. So as you get to talking, you find out you know some of the same people. It just makes things much easier in a situation like that because I was in the industry, they’re in the industry, so we already have a lot of common ground versus cold approaching a girl in the grocery store, at the mall, on the street or maybe at your favorite restaurant. The likelihood that they’re going to have similar goals, similar values and similar interests is going to be a lot less than meeting somebody in a social situation, like a trade show or something else. Like if you love boating and you join a yacht club, if you love golf, you join a country club, if you love golf and you meet people through the country club, well guess what? They probably love golf too. That’s why they’re paying all that money to join the country club. So it’s easy to talk to people in those kinds of situations, because you have the same kind of passions. If you love art, going to an art show, an art gallery opening or an art museum, you’re going to meet other people there that also love art. If you love rock climbing, just going to the gym where you do your rock climbing at. You’re going to meet other like-minded people there that love rock climbing.

I did a video newsletter this past year for a guy that always went to the same class. He just had a breakup and he was getting back into doing approaches again, because now he’s newly single and just one day, on a whim, he’s like, “You know what? I’m gonna go to one of these other classes,” because there were different times with groups, he always had gone to the same group and he knew everybody in the group and they would climb together, and he thought, “You know what? I’m going to go to the 2:00 one.” So he went to the 2:00 one, met this really hot girl there, and they became climbing partners. Then after they finished their climbing, they went on a hike and then they’re fucking by a stream in the river. It’s like, what are the odds of that happening, bumping into somebody in the street? But at the gym, because he loves rock climbing and he’s just doing his hobby that he loves, he meets a girl who also loves rock climbing because he went to a different time. If he hadn’t gone to a different time, he probably would have never bumped into her. So change your approach a little bit. Change the classes you go to. Same thing if you’re really into health and fitness and you’re a gym rat and you’re at the gym all the time, well you’re going to befriend other dudes at the gym. You’re going to meet other girls that are there. You’re going to get to know people. Maybe you make friends there. Maybe you hang out socially. Maybe you chat a girl up. You keep seeing her at the same time. You know she’s checking you out and you start talking. Come to find out, she knows some of the same people that you know. This is just how things typically happen.

So you want to lose yourself in your hobbies, your interests and the things that you love doing for fun. If you don’t have a big enough social circle, go do the activities. Again, join the yacht club, a country club, go to art openings, art fairs or art shows. Just recently this past weekend, there was the Miami Boat Show going on, which I heard was pretty empty because the economy’s kind of going the other way now. If you love boating and you go to these boat shows, there’s like a Miami Boat Show, there’s a Palm Beach Boat Show, there’s a Fort Lauderdale Boat Show, these are like annual things. If you go to a boat show, what are you going to find? You’re going to find a lot of people there that love boats and boating. There will be lots of cute girls there. Some of them will be working for the yacht company, some will be working for the boat companies, some will be just hanging out with their friends because it’s fun to go look at boats. Point being is, you’re going to have a high chance of meeting somebody that likes the same things you do, and when that happens, it’s very easy and effortless to talk to them.

It’s like Katie, my English girlfriend that I wrote about in the book, we were both into Tony Robbins and his work had changed both of our lives. So we ran into each other and we got to talking. I was fascinated because I wanted to know how his work had impacted her life and vice versa. She was fascinated about what I had learned, and I was a platinum partner. Come to find out, I ended up knowing her uncle, who was one of my platinum partners and I had no idea they were even related. Like attracts like. People that liked the same things tend to like each other. That’s why it’s important just to lose yourself and your hobbies, your interests, the things you love doing for fun.

3. How do keep positive even despite getting rejected often? 

Well, you got to give yourself permission to get rejected, and you have to accept the fact that most of the women that you like and you’re going to be attracted to physically, they’re not going to feel the same way. I don’t look like Brad Pitt. I don’t look like George Clooney. Those guys will have a much higher incidence of success than you or I would, but they’re kind of an anomaly. So you just have to accept that, “Hey, rejections a fact a life.”

I remember when I was changing jobs for the general contractor I was working at down in Miami to the second one that I worked for, it was a builder developer, that’s where I met Jennifer, and we became lifelong friends there. I think I sent out 35, 40 different resumes. Then I called all these people and talked to the HR person, the owner or the president of the company, and I think out of those 35, 40 that I sent out, I think maybe eight, maybe nine were positive and said, “Yeah, we’ve got this new project started. We’re going to be hiring project engineers for that,” or “We need one person,” or whatever. Then out of that, I ended up with, I think like three or four interviews, and then I got the job with Tony which is where Jennifer worked, and Jennifer and I just clicked because our birthdays were like six or seven days apart and we’re the same exact age. We ended up coming to find out that we knew a bunch of the same people, and it was just easy to talk to her, and she actually ended up helping me get the job, even though I was a complete stranger because I called and we started talking, and then she said, “Tony, you need to talk to this guy. He’s really sharp.” She introduced me to him. I started talking to him. He had me come in for an interview. He was ready to hire me on the spot, but the actual guy that I was going to be working for, the project manager I was going to be working for, was like, “Well, I want to interview this guy first if he’s going to be working for me,” which is understandable. So that’s how I got that job.

When I got the job with Syntex Rooney, I must have sent out 15, 20 different resumes. I sent out less this time because there was a smaller group of contractors I wanted to work for, because I wanted to work for a large contractor, general contractor that does the big work, but I really wanted the job at Rooney, and I was working all my contacts with people I knew. I knew the scheduling manager, I knew the marketing manager because they were professors of mine at school and I knew the CEO’s son because we were classmates and we used to hang out and party together. So I had a lot of contacts there, but there was no guarantee that I was going to get a job in Orlando working for the VP up in Orlando. Ultimately I did, and I had several backup options with other companies in case I didn’t get the job with Rooney because I really wanted to live in Orlando. Bottom line is, I had multiple offers. I had multiple jobs or positions that I was being offered.

Again, when you look at something like that, the second contractor, 35, 40 resumes, I think I got, like I said, probably three offers maybe, then it was like four, five, six, I can’t even remember, it was like 30 years ago, that were interested. I think it was maybe seven or eight positions opening up or were going to be opening up. Some of them had them available right away because they had projects coming up. So most of those resumes never went anywhere, so you can’t get discouraged by that. You’re just like, “Onto the next,” because eventually somebody’s going to be hiring. Then what I would always ask them if they weren’t hiring, I’d say, “Well, how often should I check back with you? Two months, six weeks, eight weeks. Nine weeks. Every 90 days,” whatever. If you’re diligent and you follow up on stuff like that and you’re not worried about the rejection because all you’re really trying to do is find somebody that’s going to be like, “Hell yeah, I want to hire you. Hell yeah, I want to go out with you. Hell yeah, let’s go hang out and have some beers together,” whatever it happens to be, again you have to accept that you’re going to get rejected most of the time. If you’re not incredibly handsome and 6’5″ tall, dark and handsome and have everything stacked in your favor and the perfect pedigree, then you’re just going to have to be OK with it.

You got to give yourself permission to fail. It’s part of life. The more you get rejected and the more you fail, the better it’s going to be, because you have to get to the point where it just doesn’t bother you. It may disappoint you, but at the end of the day, it can’t stop you because if you quit and you give up, well that’s ultimate failure. At the end of the day, time is going to pass, so you might as well spend your time getting rejected and not being bothered by it, because success favors the bold. So get out there, put your balls in the chopping block and be willing to get rejected, or get your balls crushed every now and then, because that’s just part of life. Again, when it comes to women, he needs one good one. That’s it. Just one. You got to get through the nos in order to get to the yeses.

So, if you’ve got a question or a challenge and you’d like to get my help, go to UnderstandingRelationships.com, click the Products tab at the top of your screen on any page, and book a coaching session with yours truly. Until next time, I will talk to you soon.