37 Years Of Marriage & Now It’s Over?

What you should do if you want to save your relationship but she doesn’t want to.

In this video coaching newsletter I discuss an email from a viewer who had been with his wife for 40 years. They had a fight and he said some things he regretted and told her it was over. The next day he apologized and she said she was good with it being over. She has refused to work things out, moved in with their daughter and granddaughter and has now hired a divorce lawyer.

He still wants her back, but she isn’t interested. They’ve been in no contact for about a month. He asks my opinion. My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.

This particular email, this guy was with his wife for 40 years. They had a fight. He said some things that he regretted like, “Hey, it’s over.” They had some stuff going on with their daughter and granddaughter, I guess they got her out of some kind of abusive or toxic relationship situation. He spent a shit ton of money in attorney’s fees. They moved the daughter and the granddaughter in the house, and the daughter was being a jackass. Then he put his daughter in her place. He’s like, “Man, I spent $70,000 on attorney’s fees to help you,” and she made all these unreasonable demands. Then the wife sided with the daughter, and that’s when he told her that their relationship with the marriage was over. Then the next day, he tried to apologize and she’s like, “Yeah, I’m good with it being over.” So now he’s in no contact and he’s like, “Shit, what do I do now?”

One thing to keep in mind before we get into it is, you never try to keep somebody who doesn’t want to keep you. It takes two to tango. If you’re trying to fix a relationship or, like in this case, he wants his wife back, but she’s already gone and hired a divorce attorney and is in discovery, figuring out what his finances are so the other attorney can figure out how much of this guy’s money is going to be able to move into his bank account, and what little bit is going to go to this dude’s potential ex-wife. So he’s not in a good, happy place. You can’t fix anything or work things out if the other person’s not interested. There are things that he can do to make himself more attractive. Obviously fill in his knowledge gap with 3% Man and potentially line up some new prospects for himself, especially women are 10, 15, 20 years younger than he is.

Viewer’s Email:

Hi Corey,

I have been with my wife for 40 years now, and she has recently left me. I have just started following you since this has happened and I’m half way through my first reading of your book. (Too little too late)

We recently rescued my daughter from a bad relationship, we relocated her and our 14-year-old granddaughter and moved them into our home to help get her life back on track. As soon as she arrived, her lack of respect and want for things became intolerable. I tried to discipline her and got upset by her demands and after spending $70,000 on lawyers to help get relocated, I was simply trying to get our finances back under control. She refused my demands and my wife immediately went to her defense and agreed with her. I then sent a text to my wife displaying my concern for her lack of respect. The situation degraded further. I then sent an awful text to my wife saying it was over between us and there was no future for us, etc.

Pretty harsh, but it’s clear even at this part of the email, not only does your wife not respect you, but your daughter definitely doesn’t respect you either, and probably the granddaughter doesn’t. That typically comes because you’ve allowed yourself to be a doormat over the course of the relationship. Especially stepping in.

I don’t know what it involved, but $70,000 to basically rescue your daughter from a situation she got herself into, and as thanks and gratitude, she gives you a hard time? $70,000 you blew on to help her out, and she’s like, “Fuck you, dad!” Not good.

It’s not good when the women in your life do not respect you. No one will ever do or say anything to you that you don’t invite them to do. So you train both of them to treat you this way. You train both of them to not have any respect for you. You probably have allowed them to browbeat you, nag you, complain and not respect you ever since you guys have been together. Women don’t dump men that they’re in love with. They leave men that they don’t have any respect or attraction for.

The next day, I tried to talk to her about it as this is not what I wanted and apologized. She in fact said she was good with it and the relationship has now deteriorated to the point that I had to get my daughter and granddaughter out of the house to their own place and my wife has now left me and moved in with them. I tried to get my wife to attend counseling with me, but to no avail. I tried to get her to meet me on our 37th wedding anniversary, but to no avail. She has now contacted a lawyer and has started divorce proceedings. I have not been in contact for a month now, and she has not reached out to me at all.

Well, the first thing you need to do, I don’t know what state or country you’re in, is as soon as you see this video and after you get done watching it, at the first business day, you need to get in contact with a divorce attorney yourself. I would also say any joint bank accounts or money that your wife has access to, you can go to the bank, you can open a new bank account with just you on it and transfer that money, or the majority of the money out of that bank account, so she can’t clean you out because women in the middle of a divorce, once they got a divorce attorney, I’ve seen countless times over the years where dudes want to work it out, and then the next thing they know, she’s completely cleaned them out, opened up new bank accounts herself, and taken all their money. Since it’s a joint bank account, she’s entitled to all that money. She can do whatever she wants with it. So it would behoove you if you have your ass twisted in the breeze and she has access to all of your money and your resources, and has the ability to clean you out if she wanted to, I’d be putting that stuff in a separate bank account so she can’t do that.

Again, you need to seek legal counsel in whatever country or city you live in because, even in the states, the laws are different in every single state when it comes to this stuff. You need to protect your assets at this point, especially after you spend all this money. Your wife’s already contacted a divorce attorney, and I’m sure he’s doing the same thing, because that divorce attorney wants to make sure he’s going to get paid. So who’s going to pay? Well, he’s going to be taking your money to pay her. So if you’ve got all that money just sitting in an account and she can clean you out, it would behoove you to move that money out of that account or whatever joint accounts you’ve got as quickly as possible, get them into your own accounts so you have control over the purse strings, because it would be really a bad situation if she does that to you and takes all your money and now you can’t even pay your own attorney because she took all your cash, and legally she’d be entitled to take all your cash. If it’s a joint bank account, she’s entitled to whatever money is in there, just like you are. She can spend it however she wants. She can give it to a divorce attorney. She can go on a vacation. She can buy herself a car, a house, whatever is in there, she can take it. That would be my first thing.

I wouldn’t tell her. I wouldn’t say anything. You need to protect yourself with legal counsel at this point, because she’s already retained somebody. Now, it doesn’t mean you need to go file a divorce proceedings because your attitude is, “Hey, I want to work things out,” but just because she’s already hired an attorney, you need to get one and you need to seek legal counsel ASAP. Talk to somebody as soon as you can, as soon as they open for business, whenever you happen to see this particular video, and then act accordingly.

My relationship with my daughter, grand daughter and son has improved dramatically and I am very happy about that.

Well, that’s a good thing.

My wife not so much.

How does one re-establish some sort communication? I am learning from your book, although I have not come across your teachings earlier, so feel like no matter what I do it will be wrong. I feel I have hurt her badly and have decided no contact was the right thing to do.

Well, you never try to keep somebody who doesn’t want to keep you. She moved out, she left, she says, “I’m out. I’m not participating. I ain’t doing shit.” You you’ve wanted to work things out and she left, so and she hired legal counsel.

From looking at her actions only, it’s clear she intends to leave, but you don’t need to move the ball along. You just need to protect your assets at this point in case she decides to go nuclear on you. I don’t want to see you getting cleaned out. I’ve seen it happen way too many times to good dudes that are naive and just think all is fair in love and war, that she’s going to be nice and it’s not.

Women can be ruthless, especially when things get to this point. So please, do yourself a favor, protect yourself, get your cash and move it to somewhere where only you have access to it, because I assume it’s your money. You did the majority of earning it, but because you’ve been together 40 years and the way the laws are, she’s going to be entitled to a lot of it. Maybe half of it, maybe more, I don’t know. Again, I don’t know what city and country you live in. That’s why you need a legal counsel wherever you live and whatever laws and jurisdictions that you fall under.

You got to protect yourself financially first. Get a legal counsel, get your bank accounts established. What you should be doing in the meantime is reading the book 10 to 15 times. Put it on two-speed and an audio-book, and follow along in a digital and physical copy. Since she’s moved out and she’s left, it’s like you’re a free agent. Get your ass back in the gym, start working out, reconnect with old friends you may have lost contact with and start dating. Start meeting and dating new women.

You haven’t spoken in a month. As far as you know, she’s divorcing you. The best thing that you can do for your attitude, for your confidence, for your swagger and to potentially create emotional leverage to cause your wife to realize that, “Wow, he’s going to move on with somebody else,” especially dating women 10, 15, 20 years younger than you are. Her attitude is like, “I’ll just replace you with somebody else.” “Oh yeah? Well, I’ll replace you with somebody 15 years younger.” You’re not going to tell her this, but that should be your actions. She’s not interested in working things out. She’s got a divorce attorney, so from that perspective, she’s leaving. She’s divorcing you. So you’re not going to move the divorce along, you’re going to protect yourself, obviously, with your legal counsel, and you’re going to protect your assets so she can’t rip you off, but you’re going to proceed as if you now you’re a free agent, you’re a single man.

What would help, because maybe a couple of months into this, maybe your wife gets a dose of reality from the divorce attorney, especially once you’ve moved your assets around to protect yourself. Then she finds out you lost 20 pounds, you’re fitter, you’re in shape, she hears that you’re going out with or have gone out on dates with women that are much younger and prettier might change her attitude and it probably will change yours. You might go, “I don’t really want to work things out with this bitch.” That might be your attitude. I want to put you in a position where you’ve got as much leverage as possible, and you have choice because you need to interact with women in a way that’s healthy, masculine and attractive, not only to distract other women, but potentially to be more attractive to your wife. If she gets a dose of humble pie and comes back and wants to work things out, we want her to find a more attractive, more confident, wiser, more knowledgeable man. If she comes back that way, it’s much easier for her to get reattracted to you and fall back in love. Then you all live happily ever after. When we look at where you’re at and where she’s at, it looks like she’s planning on ending the marriage, but you haven’t spoken in a month and she’s cool with it. She’s cool with the divorce. That’s what she told you. So you’re free agent, man.

Play fucking ball. Get out there and bat around, hang out, have fun and hook up with some new ladies. Maybe you get your dick wet by two or three different women. Maybe you get a nice little rotation of women you’re hanging out, having fun and hooking up with. You’re going to be like, “This is pretty damn good. I don’t really know if I want to go back to that bitchy woman,” unless she completely changes things. Then if she does come back, you’re going to be cockier, you’re going to have more swagger and you’re going to have choices. You’re going to be less inclined to make a deal out of desperation, but instead make one from a place of confidence and what’s right for you, because one is no choice, two is a dilemma, three is a choice. Right now your wife is not even in the mix, so if you had two or three other women that you’re dating, you’re hooking up with, you’re meeting new women, you’re perfecting your skills and you’re seeing the stuff that’s in my book show up in your life and you see the behavior patterns that I talk about, you show up in other other people and women especially, that’s going to help get you in the place that you need to be so you can be maximally attractive to all women. Not just your ex-wife to be potentially, but new women in general, because if your wife decides to dip and you’re fucking somebody 15, 20 years, who’s hotter, better shape, better attitude, easygoing, easy to get along with, you might be like, “Why would I want her back?” Besides, it would behoove you for your daughter, even at this advanced stage in her life, and your granddaughter, for that matter, to see dad, grandpa, in a happy, fulfilling relationship with a woman who actually respects him and treats him well. Whatever you tolerate, you invite more of.

If you’ve got other women in your life, you can make your decision on whether or not to give your wife another chance based on confidence, strength and having other options. Like I said, if you have other options, you might decide you don’t want to get back together with her or you may decide that you’ll give her another chance, but she has to earn you back and her attitude will change, especially once she knows that you’ve been dating and fucking other women, especially younger, attractive women. That will put you in the best possible position to create the conditions where either you get your wife back or you find somebody younger and hotter. Either way, your life is going to get better.

Do you have any advice to re-establish communication or just continue living your life, and maintain no contact and continue to facilitate the lawyers request for financial disclosure, etc.?

Thank for considering this email,

Bob

Well, before you send anything to the lawyer, don’t send shit until you’ve talked to your own attorney. Please, please, please talk to an attorney before you do anything to interact with this other attorney because he knows the law wherever it is that you live, and you don’t. He’s an expert in this stuff, and you’re not. He’s an expert in fleecing men like you, and you’re not. Well, I assume you’re not. So please protect yourself financially. Get yourself legal counsel. I wouldn’t respond to anything unless you get an attorney first who can advise you. So do that now.

So, if you’ve got a question or a challenge and you’d like to get my help, go to UnderstandingRelationships.com, click the Products tab at the top of your screen on any page on my website, and book a coaching session with yours truly. Until next time, I will talk to you soon.