How letting a woman be, giving her freedom, stopping your pursuit and focusing on your purpose can cause a cold, distant, seemingly uninterested or turned off woman to change her attitude, pursue you and get her into a different headspace where she wants to date and sleep with you when only a few days, weeks or months before, she was unwilling to see you.
In this video coaching newsletter, I discuss an email from a viewer who shares a recent successful seduction experience he finally had with a woman he had been trying to sleep with, and have the kind of crazy sex he wanted, for over two months. He is relatively new to my work, is waiting for his copy of my book to arrive, but has watched numerous videos of mine over the past few weeks. He’s still not backing off properly and is pursuing too much, which is getting him inconsistent results, but he finally sealed the deal after getting nowhere with her for the past several months.
He shares exactly what he did and said to turn things around, even though he admits he is still a novice and is making many mistakes as a great illustrative example of how doing more things right than wrong can make all the difference with a woman you may have pushed away due to your mistakes. My comments are in (bold parenthesis like this below) in the body of his email.
I sent you an email about a week ago about a certain older woman that I got attached to. I wanted to say that pay day is in a few days, and I’m buying your book because your principles so far, and I’m at a novice level, have proven true. (Even if you think I’m full of crap, just apply the things that I teach, and you will see that it works for you. Once you get good at applying it, you’ll see that it’s natural. It’s acting in accordance with your natural masculine essence if you’re a guy, or your natural feminine essence if you’re a woman.) I ended up seeing her at the bar we’ve always gone to, and she displayed a lot of signs of attraction, yet wouldn’t come home with me that night. (Notice your mindset is one of pursuit. That’s what societal conditioning teaches us.) A couple days later, we ended up talking over the phone. I expressed my feelings — bad move, yes I know. It was just driving me crazy. (This is the illusion of action. You felt you needed to tell her how much you like her and want her, thinking you’d get some kind of resolution.) I couldn’t tell if she wanted me, and if she did, why she wasn’t coming over. (You had expressed weakness and turned her off, because you called her instead of letting her be. You need to back off and reset the polarity and power dynamic. She needs to show effort as well. If she shows you she doesn’t value you very much, then she should get the gift of missing you. You have to have the attitude that you’re a catch.) She was very clear with me over the phone that she’s moving on, she’s dating other people, she cares about me, but she needs to move on. (In her headspace at the time, you were pursuing her, and she felt she needed to get away, so she friend-zoned you. She was initially interested in you, but since you over pursued, she backed off.) That’s fair enough, but not what I was hoping for. (You don’t get what you deserve in life or what you hope for. You only get what you negotiate.) At least there was closure. (Again, you’re trying to resolve it, but remember, a man’s job is to create an opportunity for sex to happen. Hang out, have fun and hook up. You’re trying to lock her down to a commitment, and she’s just not in the emotional headspace where she wants to have a relationship yet. It usually takes about 7 weeks if you follow everything I teach textbook.) She then messaged me on a Sunday. She reached out and said, “You didn’t sound right the other day. Are you okay?” (She could feel the shift in your energy. She can feel you stopped moving forward. She’s looking to find out if you’re still interested in her anymore. She’s had some time and space away from you, and her feelings are suddenly unclear. Remember, it’s a scientific fact that women are more attracted to men whose feelings are unclear.) We talked, and I said, “I’m great. You told me everything I wanted to hear, and it’s clear to me now, so I’m good.” She agreed. I told her, “Listen, I’ve got work I need to complete and will be busy until around 3 pm when I get back. Would you like to come to the bar and watch some of the football games?” (I would have just phrased it like, “Hey I’m going here if you’d like to join me,” so you don’t look like you’re putting your life on hold in hopes she joins you.) She said, “Okay. That sounds great, but just as friends, no benefits. That’s over.” (I would have said, “No, I’m sorry. If you’re just coming by as friends, I’m going to pass on that.”) Like an idiot, I said, “Yeah, that’s fine.” (You’re going along with it, because it’s hard for you to resist that urge. You’re emotionally invested in this girl. However, she’s not valuing what you’re offering her romantically, so she stuck you in friends zone, and you caved like a big floppy cock.) I got back from what I had to do, went to the bar around 2:30, and said, “Hey, I got back a little early, but I’m here. (You’re pursuing again.) I’ll see you whenever you’re ready.” She waited two hours and said, “Sorry my aunt is coming over. I’m staying in.” Total bullshit, but actually, it’s what I expected. (It was totally predictable she was going to blow you off.)
I never contacted her since that, but have been watching a lot of your videos. I went out to the bar a few days later. I believe I was watching your video about if a girl reached out on a Sunday, she’ll do it again either on a Tuesday or Wednesday. (On average, it really depends on her attraction level. The higher it is, the quicker she’ll do it. The lower it is, the longer it’s going to take.) Just wait. So at the bar, I was just sitting around and decided to put up a Facebook status. It said, “What you resist will always persist, and what you fear you will attract.” A lot of my friends liked it. The girl saw it, and by location knew what bar I was at. (Why would she be trolling your Facebook page? Because she’s interested.) She reached out to me and said, “I’m in the area. How’s the bar?” (In other words, “Are you with a girl?”) So we met up, and I did almost nothing. This was completely effortless, and she whispered, “I’m coming to your place tonight and we are going to have a good time, if you’re okay with that.” (This is all because you stopped and backed off.) I agreed, took her home and we had the crazy sex I’ve been wanting from her for two months. (See that? A subtle change in your approach, and now she wants to go home with you. All you had to do was give her time for her feelings to develop and just focus on your mission and purpose.) During that night she told me that she loved me. She told me she’s been on a lot of dates, but zero of the guys were any good. (You went from chasing to not chasing. This is how a woman makes the decision. Whoever has the strength and the ability to resist her is who she’ll be attracted to. She feels your strength in your ability to be without her.) She said, “Why can’t you just be my age? You’re the one I want but can’t have.” I felt pretty good about that.
The next day, she sent me a text of a smiley face. I ignored that and 3 hours later I got a text that said, “Seriously????” (That tells you she’s a little insecure.) I waited a little bit and said, “Hey baby. I’ve had a busy day. What’s wrong?” She said, “I have a fucking hickey on my neck.” I told her I apologize. I just got so passionate last night and couldn’t help myself. She told me she had a wedding to go to and this thing sticks out like a sore thumb. I told her that I shouldn’t have done that and agreed to buy her a mani-pedi to make up for that. She accepted. (That’s a bribe dude. That’s a beta male move.) She was happy that I did that, so I reached out (Now you’re pursuing again, but when a woman blows you off, she has to do 100% of the pursuing. Think about it. Do more of what’s working. She has to earn another chance with you), and asked her for a date to cook dinner and watch some football at my place. (The date wasn’t her idea. It needs to be her idea.) She turned that down due to work with no counter offer. (It wasn’t due to work. It was due to low interest.) As things have left off, there is no set date, but I told her to get back to me when she has free time. (That’s the correct response.)
There are a million more details that I’ve left out, but this email is long as it is. I just wanted to tell you that through your principles so far, you’ve been dead on point. (When you follow what I teach properly, you’re getting great results. You hooked up with her. But when you continue to pursue, she blows you off.) I’m not an expert at this. I would rate myself around novice. (You are honestly rating your ability. You want to see things as they are.) The quest for this woman continues, (That’s the problem. You keep thinking you have to do something to get her. But if you notice, when you did nothing, that’s when she reached out. She’s already shown you she will reach out and do the pursuing, so let her do that), and will be interesting, but I’m just slowly starting to get it. I think after studying your book, things are going to click, and I just wanted to say thanks for all your help. You’ve turned my two months of pain into a success story, and I thank you for that. (Think about that. Most guys in this situation will blow this. However, even if you never see this girl again, you’ll know what it was like to make love to her. Once you read my book 10-15 times, you will fill in your knowledge gap, and you can just let this woman come to you. In a matter of weeks, she’ll be head over heels in love with you. I also suggest you review my article and video, “7 Principles To Get An Ex Back” because that will help you smooth things out so she’s doing 100% of the calling, texting and pursuing.)
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Author, Speaker, Peak Performance Coach, Entrepreneur
“When you are dating and playing the field or in a relationship with a woman who seems to be backing away and losing enthusiasm for you, it’s best to let her be, give her the gift of missing you and get refocused on your purpose. Why? Women are like cats and tend to appreciate and value you more when they have some time away from you. Men should never take this personally any more than they should take it personally when Mother Nature suddenly changes from sunny and warm, to cold and rainy. Women find men more attractive and sexually desirable when men don’t come unglued or fall apart when they’re not around. A man’s ability and strength to resist being diminished by a woman’s absence is an aspect of masculine energy essential to creating and maintaining sexual attraction, interest, respect, value and making her feel safe and comfortable with him as the leader of their relationship.” ~ Coach Corey Wayne
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