A Girl I’m Seeing Keeps Rubbing Other Men In My Face

What it means when a girl you’re dating is rubbing other men in your face.

In this video coaching newsletter I discuss an email from a viewer who has been seeing a girl he met on Bumble for about 3 months. She keeps bringing up other men, how she likes them and implies that many other guys would like to be dating her. It’s turning him off and he doesn’t know how to respond and asks my opinion.

My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.

Hi, I’m Coach Corey Wayne and this is my Video Coaching Newsletter. And the topic of today’s Newsletter is going to be, “A Girl I’m Seeing Keeps Rubbing Other Men In My Face”.

Well, that’s definitely sub-optimal. This particular guy, he met a girl on Bumble, and they’ve been seeing each other for about three months. But he says what’s really turning him off is she keeps bringing up other men, how she likes him and basically implies, oh, there’s a ton of dudes that want to date me.

So it’s possible she’s doing this hinting and hoping that he’ll bring up or ask her if she’s implying she wants to be exclusive or she’s fishing for information. Or maybe she’s just not a nice person. But this is one thing most guys don’t want to deal with, and he’s been kind of laughing it off. But at this point, he’s just like this is really kind of turning me off.

So let’s go through the email and see what is going on. Because if a girl is trying to make you her boyfriend, it’s not a very loving way to go about it. But it also could mean that she wants to be boyfriend and girlfriend, and this is her way of bringing it up. Because women will bring up other men just to see how you react.

If you’re not bothered by it and you act like you don’t care, especially if you’ve been dating for three months. Then they just start over time, will start to think, “Oh, this guy doesn’t really care about me. He doesn’t seem to care if I date other guys. He’s not really into it. I’m just a booty call to him.” And the more she talks about other guys and the next thing you know, she goes off and continues dating other dudes.

But I suspect the reason she’s bringing it up is maybe, especially if he’s been following the book. He says he’s read it over ten times, that potentially this is her way of hinting, or in other words, trying to see if he cares if she brings up other men and he acts like, “Yeah, go date those guys.” Again if it’s in the first few weeks, “It’s not a big deal.”

That should be your attitude. But when you’re three months down the road, I would be assuming that this is her way, that’s not very nice, not very loving, to bring it up to see if he cares enough about her to want to be exclusive. And if he does bring it up and she’s not looking to be exclusive, then, how I would respond to that.

Viewer Email:

Hi Coach,

My name is Bob and I’m trying to figure out a situation that is making me feel doubtful. I’ve read 3% Man more than 10 times, listened to it countless times and also watched your daily videos, yet, I’m stuck in this emotional situation. 

Yeah, it’s hard when you care to know what the right approach is.

I’ve been dating this girl for about 3 months after we met on Bumble. She always showed signs of interest like, kissing me, calling me my love, my man, etc., etc. Since our second or third date she started to say things that kind of turned me off but never communicated it.

She is always saying, “I like brown skin people” hence, I’m white. “If I wanted to get married, I have a line of men waiting for me”, “My ‘friend’ texted me yesterday”. I really was not bothered by that and just kept the conversation going in a funny way. 

Well, you shouldn’t be evasive. Remember the quality of your relationship or in this case, your potential relationship is going to be in direct proportion to the quality of the questions that you consistently ask each other. And if a woman is constantly bringing up other dudes, she’s usually saying, “Hey, this is going to be a replacement if you don’t do something.”

Hence, that’s full disclosure in a woman’s mind. Or maybe she’s hinting that she’s trying to see, “Does this guy care enough to want a relationship? Is that in the cards?” And so if she’s saying things like, “I like brown skinned people.” I would say, “Well, why are you telling me this? Why is this information I need to hear? Are you trying to tell me about other dudes you used to date? Or like, what does that mean?”

And then, “If I wanted to get married, I have a line of men waiting for me.” It’s like, “Well, why are you telling me this? Are you saying that you don’t want to get married to anybody, but yet you have lots of guys that want to marry you? It’s like, why are you bringing that up?” “My friend texted me yesterday.” It’s like, “What does that mean? Is that another guy?”

And I’d be like, “Okay, well, that’s the third time you brought up other dudes, so you must be hinting at something. Maybe you’re trying to see if I’m bothered by that, but are you trying to say you want to be exclusive? Are you trying to fish to see if I want to be exclusive boyfriend and girlfriend? It’s like, why are you telling me about these other guys?

Are you telling me about other guys that want to date you because you’re considering dating them, but you don’t really want to because you want to know where I’m at, where my head’s at? It’s like, why are you bringing this up?” Remember, whoever is asking the questions is the one that’s running the conversation. That is just basic human nature. Whether you’re in a negotiation or like in this case, you’re trying to get this girl you’re dating to tell you what’s going on.

She traveled to the Bahamas this week and before leaving she said to me “I might hug another guy and it might turn him on”, since I’m not going with her on that trip.

Well, again, this is my first instinct would be to assume if she’s bringing this up, multiple guys, she’s saying, “Hey, there’s other dudes that want to date me. Where are we? What are we?” It’s not a nice way to bring it up, but it’s kind of her way to go. It’s like her way of tweaking your balls, trolling you. Because if you really don’t care, you’re not bothered, eventually she will go and date and sleep with somebody else because you gave her the green light.

But to me, it looks like she’s kind of fishing, but you don’t really know because you didn’t ask any questions. You just kind of swept it under the rug and pretended it didn’t happen. You basically turned into a robot and you didn’t know how to handle it. You’ve got to ask good quality questions.

This last message made me feel so turned off. I replied, “Well, if that’s what you like to do, then have fun”. That showed that I was bothered, (I know) but this constant bringing another man to our conversation is turning me off. What would be your approach? Am I right on feeling turned off? Thanks for everything, you’ve changed my life. 

Bob

Well, like I said, it looks like this is her way of just saying, hey, there’s other guys. Again for a while when you really don’t give a shit one way or another, then she’ll try harder to get you. But after again, this is three months down the road. This ain’t the first few weeks of dating, so maybe after three months down the road she really likes you a lot. She’s maybe at the point where she’s singing about a relationship, but the way you’re behaving, it seems like you have zero interest.

And when she tells you about other guys, you’re like, “Yeah, go have fun with those dudes.” Almost like that’s how a guy that’s doing treating her like a booty call. He wouldn’t care one way or another because he knows those girls at some point are going to ride off into the sunset with another guy when they realize that you’re not down to date or have anything serious. So in my opinion, you’re missing an opportunity here.

Again, it’s not a nice way to bring it up. I know it’s rubbing you the wrong way, but she’s bringing the same thing up over and over, and you’re not really asking quality questions. But like I said, I suspect it’s because she likes you and she’s trying to see if you want to potentially be exclusive boyfriend and girlfriend, and like I said, eventually she keeps telling you about other guys and you keep going, “Eh.”

You don’t really care then yeah, you’re basically giving her the green light to go date and sleep with other dudes and they will go and do that. So don’t be surprised when it happens. If you’re like, “I don’t know what to do, I must answer like a robot. I don’t ask good quality questions. I just go in circles chasing my tail like the Roomba.”

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