How to regain your hope for a better life if you discover that your wife or girlfriend has been cheating on you with another man so you can move on and attract someone who shares similar goals and values and who places a high value on loyalty and communication.
In this video coaching newsletter, I discuss an email from a viewer who found out a few weeks before Christmas that his wife of ten years, and the mother of his two children, has been having an affair with a younger man. He says their relationship started out on a base of lies and grew into what it is today. The guy she has been having an affair with is much younger and still lives at home with his parents. He says that she still wants to stay with this kid because of the problems that they have had in their marriage and that she really doesn’t understand what makes him so special to her. He asks my opinion on whether or not I think his marriage is salvageable and if he can get her and his family back together again. He admits that he has made a lot of mistakes, and things have been really difficult for a long time.
Thank you for all of your help. It has made me really see a lot of my problems and has given me hope for a better future. I found out ten days before Christmas that my wife of almost a decade, with two sons, is having an affair with a younger man. This was before I found your material, and to quote David Bowie, “I’ve been putting out fire with gasoline.” Our relationship wasn’t the greatest. It started on a base of lies due to a previous relationship, and grew into what it is today. (I discuss these kinds of relationships in my article, “Relationships That Come From Cheating.” If you get involved with somebody as a result of cheating, 99% of the time, it’s not going to work out because they will do the same thing to you.)
When I found out about the affair, I had the typical roller coaster ride. I still am on that ride, but getting better. I pushed and tried to get her back to the point where she would scream at the top of her lungs and threaten me with things I didn’t even think she could imagine. She wants to stay with this kid, who still lives at home, because of the problems that we had recently and all the way from the beginning. (This is how your girl is, and it sounds like you’ve been ignoring the reality of it.) When I ask what makes him so special, she says she doesn’t know. (Have some self-respect and get out of there.) When I confronted him to ask the same question, he gave a very similar response, and even opened up to me admitting he was thinking of leaving the situation. However, I think my confrontation made their relationship stronger. (A man with self-respect will leave the situation and find somebody who will treat him the way he wants to be treated.)
I am having a hard time finding my center and really finding what I want. I want my family back to improve upon the mistakes that I made, but I am also faced with a golden opportunity to really grow and get back some things that I missed out on because of an early marriage. What’s your take? Should I pursue, or move on? (Pursuing her will get you nowhere because she’s already fucking somebody else. You shouldn’t stick around and put up with this. You can’t make good wine from bad grapes.) I have done a lot of fucked up, childish things throughout this ordeal, but it goes way beyond 500 words or 3-4 paragraphs. Am I too late? (It doesn’t sound like she has any interest in leaving him and working on your relationship. You should leave and go find someone who will meet your needs. She’s not going to change, and you deserve better than this.)
Thank you in advance, and thank you for fighting the fight so guys like me could have better insight.
If you have a question you would like me to consider answering in a future Video Coaching Newsletter, you can send it (3-4 paragraphs/500 words max) to this email address: Questions@UnderstandingRelationships.com
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From my heart to yours,
Author, Speaker, Peak Performance Coach, Entrepreneur
“People who are good relationship partners place a high value on loyalty, commitment, communication and resolving disagreements the moment that they arise. Studies have consistently shown that couples that stay in and have healthy long-term relationships do so because they never let disagreements or problems lie and fester. They don’t go to sleep until they talk and work things out. It is delusional and unwise to think that you can have an easy, effortless, successful and healthy long term relationship with someone who consistently lies, cheats, deceives, creates drama, is inflexible, won’t talk things out, or who immediately starts looking for the exit when problems or challenges arise.” ~ Coach Corey Wayne