The importance of a man who handles his business and how this creates and maintains sexual attraction, and how not doing so makes women feel unsafe and turned off romantically.
In this video coaching newsletter, I discuss an email from a guy who has been married to his wife for fourteen years. During the first twelve years of their marriage, the sex was fantastic and they had a successful business they ran together. About two years ago, their business took a nosedive and their sex and her affection towards him practically dried up.
They have recently started two new businesses they expect will succeed, but he is worried their sex life is tied to the success of their business. His wife now claims she is simply not an affectionate person when he brings up the topic, even though for the first twelve years of their marriage she was extremely affectionate and sexual. He asks my opinion. My comments are in (bold parenthesis like this below) in the body of his email.
I wanted to write and get your opinion please. My wife and I have been married 14 years. From our marriage in 2003 until 2015, we ran a successful business. We never had a financial worry, or any other worries for that matter.
(Money doesn’t make you happy but it certainly gives you choices. When you’re going through a difficult time and you’ve got money, you can arrive at your choices in style.)
During those 12 years, the sex was fantastic, as was the affection from her. Neither of us had a single complaint.
(If your woman doesn’t feel safe and comfortable in the relationship, and doesn’t feel safe with you being the leader, she’s not going to feel things are stable, and she’s really not going to be that interested in sex, because you’re not handling things.)
Her love language is quality time. Mine is physical touch.
We’re together 24/7, so her emotional bank account is always full, however, when our business took a nosedive in 2015, the affection and sex nearly dried up.
(That’s understandable. You’re going through a difficult time. Nobody likes worrying about their finances. If as a man you’re not taking care of those things, and you’re coming home every day full of fear, treating your wife like your therapist, she will not feel safe and comfortable. Women will put up with that for a short period of time, but if you’re constantly doing things that are making them worry about the future, they’re not going to be that interested in sex.)
We’re now about to open two businesses that should both be extremely successful, however, I’m scared to death that the affection won’t return.
(Obviously, you’re in a fearful state. Being afraid is not going to help you. You really need to focus on taking action and doing every thing you can physically possibly do that’s going to bring sales in the door for your business. You need to be totally busy during the work day handling those things, so at the end of the day you can still date and court your wife properly.
If you’re so busy taking action during the day, you’re going to feel a sense of accomplishment, peace and relaxation, like you did everything that you possibly could. The worst thing you can do is sit around worrying about things, because if you’re worried and you’re not centered, it will force your woman to move into her masculine, and that’s not her essence. She’s going to resent it.
I’d say a lot of that is going on in your relationship. You’re out of your masculinity and you’re in a fearful place. She doesn’t feel safe and comfortable, she resents being in her masculine, and therefore it ruins the sexual polarity. You’ve got to get back to being centered and handling everything. A man handles his business.)
I’ve talked to her numerous times about this, and her reply is always the same: “I’m sorry, but I’m just not an affectionate person.”
(You’re trying to use logic and reason to talk her into having sex with you. That’s the wrong approach, and it’s not going to work. The right approach is to handle your business as a man, and get back to dating and courting her properly. Women want to know you’ve got it handled, so they can relax and not worry about it. If you’re not worried, you’re taking action and you’re handling shit, she’s going to support you and feel like you’re doing everything that you need to do.
Don’t make her into your therapist or your mommy, and don’t be bitching about what you’re not getting from her. Focus on handling things and getting back to how you were when your other business was going well. Apply that same kind of work ethic to your new business.)
The weird thing is that it wasn’t an issue for the first 12 years.
(It sounds like when everything was going well, you were in your masculinity, and that made her feel totally comfortable submitting, being in her feminine energy and letting you lead. Once you became unsure of your future and the business started floundering, you became uncentered.
When you’re uncentered, she’s not going to react well. If you’re going to be the leader, you’ve got to be the leader all the time. If you are a part-time leader, you’re going to have a part-time sex life. It’s just reality.
The great gift about women is, when they see weakness in a man, they’re going to test his strength. They’re going to call you to be more of a man than you were. When you go through these difficult periods in life, you come out the other end stronger, and your relationship can come out even stronger on the other side. Handle your business.)
I realize that wives need security, and I completely understand that, however, I don’t want her affection to be tied to our bank account.
(It’s not tied to the bank account. It’s tied to you being balanced, centered, confident, taking action and being in your masculinity. It’s going to be difficult at some times, but you’ve got to handle things.)
After two years, I’m starting to become resentful of her, which I hate. We’re both attractive people, and our finances are the only thing that has changed.
What are your thoughts? Should I just wait it out and see if our new businesses are successful, then hope that the affection returns?
(The idea is that, no matter what, you’ve got to handle your daily business to make it work, and when you’re not working, at least once a week you want to try and take your wife out and date and court her properly. You’re not trying to talk her into having sex with you. Remember the formula: hang out, have fun and hook up.
It doesn’t sound like you’re having a lot of fun, especially if you’re complaining about how much sex you’re not getting. Where’s the fun in that? You’re already going through a difficult time financially, and if you’re not dating and courting her properly, you’re not having a fun time, and you’re not in your masculinity, it’s ruining the sexual polarity. )
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“If you are fearful and worried about what may or may not happen in the future, you are not living in the present moment. The only moment that exists is right now. The best cure for being fearful is to start taking action to shape and change your destiny. When you are too busy taking action, you won’t have time to worry. At the end of each day that you take positive action towards making the future you want a reality, you’ll feel a sense of purpose, accomplishment, peace, contentment and like you did your best. Your future is shaped by what you do or fail to do in the present moment. If you do what is necessary today and everyday, then where you’re going to end up in the future is obvious and inevitable.” ~ Coach Corey Wayne
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