The essential nature of a man focusing on his mission and purpose in life, and how a lack thereof can lead him to feeling lost, hopeless and adrift and an inability to be successful in his personal, intimate relationships.
In this video coaching newsletter, I discuss two different emails from two different viewers. The first email is from a Military Veteran of three combat tours in Iraq and Afghanistan, who says he suffers from severe PTSD and several physical injuries. About ten months ago, he found out his wife of twenty years was having emotional affairs with several men outside of their marriage. Two weeks ago, he asked her to leave. He says he feels lost, hopeless, fat, ugly and like he’s a total loser. He says he has been begging and chasing for his wife to come back, which is only driving her away more. He asks my opinion on what he should focus on to turn his life around. The second email is a simple thank you note from a retired US Army Officer, who still works for the DOD, (Department of Defense). I discuss the importance of a man having a compelling mission and purpose in life, outside of his personal relationships, as an essential component of a man being able to have good, quality relationships with those he loves, values and respects. My comments are in (bold parenthesis like this below) in the bodies of their emails:
First Viewer’s Email:
Somehow I just ran into you online. This is to say I’m sorry, but before today, I had never heard of you. However, where have you been?! (What happened happened, and it couldn’t have happened any other way. You showed up right on time.) I’ve been watching some of your videos and am about to begin your book. You, my friend, have been put into my life for a reason. (In my life experience, I have found there is no such thing as an accident. Everything happens for a reason. With every experience you have in life, good or bad, with all of the people that come into and out of your life, they have a gift for you, and you have a gift for them. The key is to focus on what you have control over. You must stay focused on the present moment.)
My name is Bob, and I am a veteran of 3 combat tours in Iraq and Afghanistan. Because of this, severe PTSD and other issues, my relationship of 20 years / marriage of 18 has suddenly come to an end. My wife, whom I adore, began having emotional affairs with several men about 10 months ago and moved out, after I asked her to leave, 2 weeks ago. Since then, I am in ruin and at the end of my rope. (You’re never at the end of your rope. The only thing you’re lacking is simply an idea. All you need is to focus on one good idea. People will act consistently with who they view themselves to be, and it doesn’t matter whether that view is accurate or not. What can you do right now to better your situation? Focus on that. Also, you have to talk about your PTSD with other people who understand it. You have to feel it to heal it. What you resist will persist, and what you look at disappears. It’s therapeutic to talk about it. If you don’t talk about your traumatic emotions, they will get stored as muscle tension in your nervous system. The more muscle tension you have in your nervous system, the more it locks up your spine, the more it seizes up your muscles and the more you lose access to different parts of your personality, especially when it comes to emotions, relationships and things of that nature. It will interfere with your interpersonal relationships with other people. If you want to get better, you have to talk about your experiences. It’s like a pressure release valve.) We have 3 kids together. One is away in the Marines, and 2 still live with me ages, 15 and 17. Corey, I cant begin to tell you how defeated and lost I feel. I’m constantly begging her and chasing her, which is obviously driving her away. (You need to cut that shit out dude. You’re not the one who had the emotional affairs. Your wife is the one who did that. It’s as if you are having to apologize to her for the fact she was disloyal to you, and that enables her behavior. Remember, the strongest negotiating position is being able to walk away and mean it. You’re basically running after her, which communicates you are okay with being treated like a doormat. You are much stronger than that. You’ve got to get back to being the guy she fell in love with. Focus on yourself. Get back to taking care of your body, taking care of yourself, focusing on your mission, your purpose and career in life and becoming that happy, complete, whole man again.) I can’t begin to imagine her with another man and feel hopeless!!! (At the end of the day, you don’t have any choice over who she chooses to be with. All you can do is be the absolute best option in her life.)
Because of my injuries, I did gain weight and topped off at almost 310lbs. I am now back down to 268, (That’s great dude. That’s a lot of weight to lose. It takes attention to detail to lose that kind of weight. Get back to paying attention to the details, because when you’re busy focusing on details, everything else tends to take care of itself. Masculine energy is about purpose, drive, mission, succeeding, accomplishing, breaking through barriers and overcoming obstacles. Your wife cannot be your purpose. What makes a man attractive to a woman is a man who has goals, ambition and is seeking to do what he was put on this earth to do. By focusing on yourself and getting back to the guy she fell in love with 20 years ago, that will give you the best possible chance to either re-attract her or find someone better. You have to read the book 10-15 times and apply what it teaches in order to get better, because repetition is the mother of skill), but still feel ugly, fat and like a total loser!! I’m now 39 years old, will be 40 in two weeks, and single, fat and broken!!! (Those are just labels you’re putting on yourself. What you could say is, “I’m a work in progress.” Your goal, each and every day, should be to try and get a little better today than you were yesterday. Take care of your body and eat a little healthier this week than you did last week. Focus on your career. Focus on your job. Focus on your mission. Focus on getting up and doing things that make you happy and make you smile, because when you’re happy and you love life, you’re going to smile more, feel better, feel more proud of yourself, naturally stand taller and you’ll be in a peaceful and relaxed state. When you focus on taking care of you, everything else will fall into place.) HELP me Corey!!!
Second Viewer’s Email:
I have been watching your videos on YouTube and have enjoyed your straightforward approach. I purchased your audiobook and was further impressed with you from your introduction. I am a retired Army officer and still work for the DOD, (Department of Defense). I really appreciate what you said to those who serve. (I come from a family of veterans, so I grew up listening to nothing but history, foreign policy and war stories.) Thank you, and I salute you for what you do. (Without you standing up and volunteering for those difficult jobs, we wouldn’t have a country. If it wasn’t for you, I couldn’t do what I do. Thank you for your service.)
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From my heart to yours,
Author, Speaker, Peak Performance Coach, Entrepreneur
“When a man feels like he is doing what he was put on this earth to do, he will feel most alive, engaged and interested in living a great life and becoming all that he is capable of being. When a man does not know what he wants out of life, what he wants to do with his life or is unsure of what his purpose is, he often will feel like his life has no meaning or purpose. Success is a process. Feeling successful and happy is the result of making progress towards achieving your grandest goals and dreams. Taking imperfect action towards what you want, or at least researching things that are compelling or interesting to you, in order to figure out what you want, is better than doing nothing. All big things have little beginnings.” ~ Coach Corey Wayne
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