A Man Should Never Apologize For Doing The Right Thing

Why a man should never apologize for doing the right thing even when it upsets people.

In this video coaching newsletter I discuss an email from a viewer who drives an old lady to church every week. She has a hot granddaughter she tried to set him up with who is irresponsible and gets lots of traffic tickets which the family pays for. Grandma asked his opinion and he said she probably wouldn’t get so many if she had to pay for them herself.

She stopped getting tickets once she had to pay for them and now she’s cold towards him. My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.

Even if it pisses people off, which it usually will.

This particular email is from a viewer who seems like a good dude. So every week he drives this nice old lady to church every week. I guess he’s been doing it for a while, and he’s got to know her. She talks about him like he’s an actual grandson of hers or a step-grandson, if you will. She also, I guess, had been trying to set him up with her granddaughter. So he would see her oftentimes when he went to pick her up or drop her off from church. I guess part of the problem with this particular granddaughter is that she was constantly getting traffic tickets and the family, I guess, her parents were paying for it.

So the family obviously was having discussions like, “What are we going to do about this? It’s like she just keeps getting one ticket after another. It’s adding up.” He was driving in the car and she’s sharing it with him the problem they’re having with the granddaughter. He said, “Well, I bet if she had to pay for those tickets herself, she probably wouldn’t be getting so many,” and they thought, “That’s actually a good idea.” So the grandma got in touch with the parents and said, “From now on, just make her pay for her own tickets if she gets any more.” Sure enough, that was the decision that was made, and magically, she’s not hasn’t gotten any tickets since. Isn’t that interesting?

I had a similar situation back in the day when I was in real estate. We had 40 employees. We had, I don’t know, probably over 40 different computers in the office, and they were all networked. Several of the guys that worked for me liked to go on porn sites in their downtime. The problem with that was that they were constantly downloading viruses and causing problems and shit that would spread through the network. I had a full time IT guy that worked for us just because we had so many computers, routers and printers that are always printing mortgage documents, loan documents, real estate contracts and things of that nature.

So it was getting to be a real pain in the ass and my tech guy was spending a lot of time fixing these same three or four computers from the same three or four dudes that kept going on the porn sites. I just said, “From now on, however much time our tech guy has to spend fixing your computer because you’ve been downloading porn, even though I told you to go do it in your own time, you’re going to pay. You’re going to reimburse the company for whatever the tech support is,” and magically, I never had that problem again. They stopped downloading porn on their work computers and they stopped creating problems for the network in the office.

So this guy basically did the same thing, but now when he goes over to pick up grandma or see grandma, this girl is just like cold and distant. Now he’s like, “Well, I guess she doesn’t want to go out with me anymore.” Now he’s kind of second guessing himself because he’s worried about how she feels towards him because again, his mindset is, “Oh, I hope this girl likes me,” but in reality, he did the right thing. He held her accountable because, quite frankly, what she was doing was ridiculous. Deep down, that’s what a woman wants a man to do anyways, is to put her in her place and call her out when she’s out of line. That should be his attitude, especially if she brings it up when he sees her.

He could even troll her when he sees her. He’s like, “Hey, I heard you haven’t got any tickets a while. Congratulations,” and she said, “Well, that’s thanks to you because my parents don’t pay for my tickets anymore.” He’s like, “Well, look at you! You’re all grown up and responsible. If you go six months without a single ticket, I may even let you take me out on a date.”

Viewer Email:

Hi Coach,

I hope you’re well. My question is about this girl whose grandma I know really well. I drive her grandma to church every week…

“I’m trying to drive you to the store, Miss Daisy.”

…And we’ve become extremely close. She even calls me her grandson and she’s like the grandma I never had. I know she wants me to date her granddaughter, and I was open to it originally, but now I know it will never happen. I said something to her grandma that obviously got back to her granddaughter (It was meant to) but she took it personally.

At the end of the day, you held her accountable and it was the right thing to do. It was the honorable thing to do. Deep down, she’s only going to admire, respect, look up to and follow the lead of a man that will do exactly that. Even if she’s pissed off at you, you did the right fucking thing. So don’t ever second guess that.

Since then, her granddaughter went from being friendly and inviting me inside for coffee after I dropped her grandma off (I had to run that day so I couldn’t) to avoiding me like the plague since then after I said what I said. That’s fine, I just want to know if I crossed the line or if I just brought out the worst in the worst.

Well, you did the right thing. She’s clearly butt-hurt over it, and you helped her whole family out in the long run. She’s no longer getting tickets, and it sounds like she’s driving a little safer, which is better for her anyways. You may have saved her life.

So again, only good things come by being a high character man. Character is destiny. You attract how you act. If you go through life holding people accountable like this and calling out bullshit like you did, grandma came to you because she trusted your judgment and you told her. She went back to the family and they all looked at each other like, “You know, that’s a pretty good idea to do.” So they did it.

What happened is her grandma kept complaining that this girl keeps getting traffic tickets, and as a result, her insurance is $1,000/month.

Geez, that’s pretty steep.

This costs her mom a lot of money (She doesn’t pay for them herself). I didn’t say anything at first, because I didn’t think it was my business. But her grandma kept bringing it up in a way where she was clearly asking my thoughts about it, and I didn’t want her to think I don’t care about her, so I replied honestly and said, “I think she wouldn’t get as many tickets if she had to pay for them herself.” 

Which that’s the truth. A man does what he must despite the consequences.

That was the last time this girl was nice to me. Her grandma said her mom agreed afterwards and stopped paying for the tickets, and she magically hasn’t gotten any since. I said it to try to help, as I assumed this girl was mature enough to not be offended by what I said.

Who cares? Let her fucking be mad. It doesn’t matter, dude. You did the right thing, because if you were to enable the behavior, well you’re basically showing that you’re happy to be a doormat. She wouldn’t respect you anyways.

I guess not. I’ve since come to suspect that this girl was getting these tickets on purpose to punish her family who I think she secretly resents because they sound like they control her life (e.g., They forced her into a major she didn’t want to study), and this is her passive-aggressive, not to mention extremely foolish way of getting back at them.

It’s possible.

If that’s how she truly is, I think I dodged a huge bullet.

Again, you attract how you act. Like attracts like. People that like the same things tend to like each other. If you live your values, you’ll attract a woman that jives with them, and you will repulse women who do not.

I’m wondering if this girl sounds like a lunatic to you, or if I should’ve just stayed out of it.

Dude, you did exactly the right thing. I would have done the same thing. I would have told her about it. As a matter of fact, it’s like, if you do see her and she’s kind of cold and distant, I would be like, “Hey, I want to congratulate you. Your grandma has been telling me that you really cleaned up your driving record, and you haven’t got any tickets in a long time, so I think that’s great,” and she’s like, “Well, it’s no thanks to you! My parents won’t pay for my tickets anymore because of you!”

It’s like, “Well, that’s a good thing. You’re saving yourself and you’re saving your family money. I would think that’s a good thing, and with all that money you saved to thank me, you should probably cook me a nice home cooked meal for you, me and grandma. That would be a great way to show appreciation for a guy because, quite frankly, you’re obviously driving better and you’re a safer driver now. It’s going to be down the road better for your insurance. On top of that, probably saved your life. So you should be thankful and cook me a nice home cooked meal as appreciation.”

She’s also extremely good-looking and I think her family is controlling because of that too because of our conservative cultural background. Also, she seems deceitful to me, as I’ve heard you describe before how girls raised in that environment often turn out to be.

Yeah well, if she can’t be honest around her family, she’ll just lie about everything.

She also appears used to guys simping for her. Did I blow it, or does she belong to the streets?

Hope to hear from you! 

Best,

Bob

I wouldn’t say you blew it, but you definitely roughed up her ego, and you shouldn’t feel bad about it.

Like I said, if it was me, I’d be trolling her about it and have some fun with it. Like I said, next time you see her, it’s like, “Hey, I heard you haven’t got any tickets a long time. That’s great. Congratulations,” and she’s like, “Thanks to you,” troll her about it. Exactly what I said is like, “Well, all that money you’re saving from the tickets that you no longer get, you should cook me and grandma a home cooked meal as appreciation.” That would be my attitude towards that, and she’s got an attitude about it and storms off is like, “Well, when you change your mind, let us know. Grandma and I will be waiting.”

So in that particular case, I would do a group date with you, her and grandma making dinner at grandma’s house, and then you can have a chance to sit down, talk and chit chat. If she’s butt-hurt over it or whatever, if she’s mad, it’s like, “Are you still mad about the ticket thing, or are you just mad because you can’t cook and you’re worried that I won’t like your cooking?” I’d be trolling her like that and have some fun with it. If she’s still mad, butt-hurt and doesn’t want to be around you it’s like, well fuck her. Who gives a shit?

You and grandma should have some fun at her expense, because when she sees that you’re not bothered by it, then you’re trolling her by it and you’re kind of making fun of it, I mean deep down, you were right. She knows you’re right. Her family knows you’re right. Grandma knows you were right. At the end of the day, she’s supposed to be flexible, easygoing, easy to get along with, nice to you, and most importantly, submissive. You go to church, so I assume they talk about how a woman is supposed to submit to a man in church. So these are the things that help a woman submit, because men don’t tolerate any fuckery from women they date. From their daughters, from their nieces, from their mothers, their sisters, anybody that needs to be held accountable, a man with high character, it’s his duty to do it.

The other thing you got to remember as a man, wherever you are, all the women and children that are with you or around you, they’re under your protection. Whether she likes it or not, you’re taking care of grandma, and when you’re around her and grandma, they’re under your protection. It’s your job to hold them accountable and set the guardrails, even if they’re pissed off. If say, you get to hanging out and you’re on a date with her all alone and she gets really mad at you, “I’m so mad at you for the ticket thing,” it’s like, “Well, you can always fuck me like you hate me. Beat up my pelvis and get your revenge that way. Be a good way to take out your frustrations. Have some angry sex.”

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