Why women are attracted to a man’s social status value and how hypergamy relates to it.
In this video coaching newsletter, I discuss an email from a viewer who asks about a man’s social status value and how it relates to women and who they find attractive and want to have a relationship with.
How a man putting a woman on a pedestal is the equivalent of his showing that he has a lower social status value than her and, therefore, she loses attraction for him. My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.
I’ve got an email here from a viewer, and he asked about some of the concepts from my book, How To Be A 3% Man. And also, he’s obviously been reading some of the stuff from the red pill community on hypergamy, so he’s got some questions on it, because he’s trying to ascertain if he understands properly what’s in How To Be A 3% Man. So, he brings up some good questions.
If you don’t believe in yourself, it’s going to be pretty hard to get a woman to believe in you, and trust you, and follow your leadership, and for her to feel safe and comfortable enough to let you lead her and submit to you – especially if she’s going to become a stay-at-home mom and depend on you for everything.
Hey Coach Corey,
While I’m finishing up my 2nd read of 3% Man, I wanted to get your take on social value and how it relates to women. Having a higher social value to a woman is a man’s trump card with her.
When you study hypergamy – I think it comes from the Indian culture, if I’m not mistaken – it basically says that a woman wants to date up. In other words, she wants to date above her social class, if you will. And that’s a big thing that’s discussed in the red pill community. The way I look at that is, men and women, both, we all want to date people that we kind of perceive, or maybe we oftentimes falsely believe, are better than us or out of our league.
Having the attitude that somebody is better than you, or you’re not worthy to date somebody of a certain caliber really is a reflection of how you feel about yourself and how you believe in yourself. And the number one, most important thing to women that they find attractive in men is confidence. And so, if you don’t feel worthy to be there, if you act like you don’t deserve her, eventually she’s going to agree with you.
And the problem where this comes in is when you look at what’s in our culture and our movies and our TV shows, that’s typically what you see with the guys. The guys are constantly acting unworthy and like they don’t deserve the woman. And even guys that are married are always talking about, “Oh, my better half… she’s better than me.” And that’s cutesy and everything, but at the end of the day, they’re basically communicating that they’re not worthy and they don’t deserve their women.
As a man, you should believe that you do deserve her, that you’ve got a great match and a great teammate – she pulls her weight, and vice versa. You make a great team. You’re not beneath her, and vice versa. She’s not beneath you. But she wants you to be strong and confident in yourself and your ability to lead her, because otherwise, she’s not going to feel safe and comfortable enough trusting your masculine core completely. And unless a woman trusts you in your masculine core, the more she’s going to test you and be uncertain.
You teach the ways of high social value through being centered in your masculine and remaining purpose-driven, which is a very natural and healthy way to elevate yourself in a woman’s eyes.
Well, it’s not so much about elevating yourself so she likes you. It’s just reaching your full potential as a man – having an emotionally compelling vision for yourself in your life and what you want to create. Having some kind of life’s work, some kind of mission, some kind of purpose that is emotionally compelling. Because, after all, that’s the embodiment of masculine energy.
If you want a feminine woman to be attracted to your masculine side, you’ve got to display competent masculinity. That means that you’re able to earn a good living through providing some kind of product or service, either through a company you work for, or maybe a company that you own if you are an entrepreneur. Because men who are successful at adding value to the world are successful at being masculine.
Masculinity is purpose, drive, mission, succeeding, accomplishing, breaking through barriers, overcoming challenges and doing it consistently by being disciplined. This is what attracts women to men. It’s not about a gimmick or playing a game, it’s about being competent – competent in a way that everybody recognizes that you’re exceptional. You go above and beyond all the average people that you’re surrounded by.
All of us are surrounded by average and mediocre people. And so, when you discipline yourself and you apply yourself in things you love and you enjoy and you obsess over them, you become exceptional at them. For example, look at somebody like Tom Brady, who reached the pinnacle of what an NFL player was capable of. In other words, he reached his full potential, because he was willing to discipline himself in a way that almost 100% of the other guys that he was competing against just simply were not willing to do.
There’s Tom Brady’s in all fields of achievement. And so, the more you embody that alpha male energy, the alpha is going for what you want. Beta is shrinking from what you want, because you don’t believe you can pull it off.
You further enforce this through the careful use of time and attention to maintain the social edge over the woman of interest.
Yeah, I can see a lot of the red pill community stuff is creeping into this guy’s mindset, and it’s like it’s a competition. Really, relationships are a collaboration. You’re supposed to be teammates. It’s not a gimmick, it’s not a game. It’s you being your best and being amazing at being you, to the point where she admires your competency and your discipline.
It’s your competency and your discipline that makes her feel safe and comfortable around you. You’re willing to do the things that most of the people around you and around her, for that matter, the average people in society, are just simply unwilling to do. And if you want to date up, if you want to get the best quality mate, then you want to be disciplined and extremely competent.
If you keep her chasing after you, she maintains the stance you have the higher social value.
Well, women are naturally, instinctively wired to seek a man’s attention and validation. Everything about a woman is designed to receive a man’s strength, his interest. That’s why they wear the makeup. That’s why they do their nails. That’s why they do their hair. That’s why they try on twenty outfits before they go out on a date with you. They are focused on being as visually stimulating and mentally enticing as they can be.
This, in turn, gives you the advantage over guys that are chasing after her, (the 97%).
The very nature of chasing a woman is over pursuing. That’s the kind of thing that’s something that doesn’t feel worthy would do. Somebody that knows he’s amazing and his competency and his reputation precedes him, women notice this, and then they want to be around him and get his attention.
One of my favorite movies that displays this is the George Bailey character in the movie, “It’s a Wonderful Life.” They just did a great job of capturing that. Because at that particular time when that movie was made, that’s how men acted. Men did not want to settle down and have babies. Sure, they loved beautiful women, but they were really interested in seeing the world and doing the things that they wanted to do with their life. And if they found a great girl to share it with, that was the icing on the cake. That was the cherry on top of the hot fudge sundae.
Internalizing the ideas of 3% Man beats pick-up gimmicks and tricks every day of the week when it comes to building lasting social value with women, (gimmicks and tricks will work for a short time).
Yeah, the gimmicks, at the end of the day, it’s putting on an act, being an actor, because there’s really nothing behind the acts. And once they run out of magic tricks and gimmicks, then the woman is going to see who they really are. And when you study the pickup and seduction community, that was a big problem with all those guys. Once they ran out of gimmicks, the woman realized there was nothing of substance to these guys. They had nothing going on in their lives other than the game of pickup and presenting a false image of who they really were.
Am I off-course with this understanding? If I’m on the right track, the concepts may boil down to this: if you act in ways that imply she holds the higher social value, she will accept it as a fact.
Well, if you act like a bitch, women will treat you like a bitch. If you act like you’re unworthy constantly, and constantly putting her on a pedestal, and kissing her ass, and acting like she’s doing you a favor to be there, that’s displaying a lack of confidence. And women want you to be more masculine than they are. And so, if they’re displaying more confidence than you, they’re displaying more masculinity than you are. That ruins the sexual polarity and, therefore, they lose interest.
And you will eventually get replaced by a suitor who demonstrates a higher social value to hers.
Well, you’ll get replaced by a guy who’s more disciplined and more competent at being a man. That’s what it boils down to.
Alternatively, if you act in ways that implies you hold the higher social value, she will also accept it as a fact, and winning her over becomes a matter of “when” instead of “if.”
Well, I don’t look at it as you winning the woman over. She should be winning you over. Because at the end of the day, the last thing a guy wants to do is settle down, because we’re innately driven to seek freedom. But it’s a woman’s agreeable attitude, her fun, her joy, her playfulness, her femininity, her sex appeal, her agreeableness, her being easygoing, easy to get along with – these are the kinds of things that cause a man to say, “I think she’s winning me over.”
Just like Mary won over Jimmy Stewart’s character, George Bailey, in the movie “It’s a Wonderful Life.” She was scheming and plotting through the whole love story of the movie. She even says, at one point in the movie, “I want my babies to look like you.” So, she was seeking his approval, attention and validation, not the other way around. And that’s the attitude that you want to have.
She will believe you one way or another and it can work for you or against you, so might as well make it work for you.
Thank you, Coach!
Again, that’s why I place such a big emphasis on purpose, drive, mission, succeeding, accomplishing, breaking through barriers, what I talk about in “How To Be A 3% Man” – acting like a man is supposed to act, a man who would be worthy of any exceptional woman if he displays competency consistently, day in, day out week after week, month after month, year after year. Even when he doesn’t feel like it, he’s disciplined to keep the grind going forward.
Much like I’ve been doing for these past 16, 17 years, whatever it has been that I’ve been doing this. I get up, and I grind, and I do the work, even when I get up on days and I don’t feel like doing it. I have to do it. It’s who I am, it’s my purpose, it’s my mission. And I don’t do it because of women; I do it because it pleases me. I do it because it’s my purpose. It’s why I was put on this Earth. And I’m doing my very best to execute that purpose and make it happen. And the women are just the bonus.
So, if you’ve got a question or a challenge and you’d like to get my help, go to UnderstandingRelationships.com, click the Products tab at the top of your screen and book coaching session with yours truly.
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“Women want to be in a love story with men they trust, look up to and admire. The number one most important thing that women find attractive in men is confidence. Men who act and feel like they don’t deserve the women they are with results in their women losing attraction and respect for them. No respect results in no love. If men don’t feel worthy of their women, eventually the women will agree and leave them to find men who do.” ~ Coach Corey Wayne
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