The importance and essential nature of making a wake up call to yourself, so you can take your power back if you have given it away, have sacrificed your needs, wants and desires for those of others, or if you have simply realized you have always put the happiness of others above your own, but made yourself miserable in the process.
In this video coaching newsletter, I discuss three different emails from three different viewers. The first email is from a female viewer who shares how my work has changed her life and helped her to walk away from an unhealthy relationship where she allowed herself to be treated like a doormat. She has learned to focus on loving and taking care of herself first and dumping an emotionally unavailable guy she was trying to change. The second email is from a woman who talks about the confusing mainstream dating advice of women’s magazines, and how what I teach is true, natural to her feminine essence and helps her to understand men better, so she can make better choices. The third email is from a man who finally took his power back in his failing thirteen-year marriage. His wife was cheating on him and totally disrespecting him. He shares how he has used what he has learned from my work to turn things around, have an open marriage and cause his wife to come crawling back. My comments are in (bold parenthesis like this below) in the bodies of their emails:
First Viewer’s Email:
Dear Coach Corey,
You have literally changed my life! I stumbled across your work on the Internet last year, because I was trying to find a way to get a man I had a fantasy about to see me in a different light. He was an unavailable guy in a relationship with a woman he said he didn’t love, but she was pregnant, so he couldn’t leave her, at least yet. (If you’re single and you want a relationship, you have to look for somebody who’s single, ready, willing, able and open, and if they’re not, it’s best to tell them to resolve their situation and get in touch with you if it doesn’t work out. Let them know you’re not interested in hanging out in the background as the other guy or girl. Walk away and let go. You never know, they may reach back out again later on.)
We became friends at first, I fell hard for him and we eventually became lovers. He was very charismatic, in a leadership role within my social circle, and exhibited very masculine alpha traits. He didn’t care what others thought of him and did as he pleased, he was outwardly respected by other males, always had lots of women around him, was very sure of himself and all of this drove me insane for him. (This is exactly what I talk about in my book. This guy exhibits and highlights his alpha qualities.) I made all the mistakes described in your book: being always available, responding to texts instantly, and generally being his doormat in every way. (When you love, value and respect yourself, you won’t do those things, but if you perceive yourself negatively or you don’t feel you’re good enough, you try to do more by being extra nice and accommodating to the point where it’s demeaning and disrespectful to yourself.) He, in turn, eventually saw me in that same light and didn’t treat me very well of course, but kept me around to suit his needs. (At the end of the day, you put up with it. No one will ever do or say anything to you that you don’t invite them to do. The fact you put up with it communicated you were okay with his behavior.) This is what I realize now. I could never understand how he could treat me so badly when I gave him so much!
After reading your book, I realized what I was doing and started to back off, but I was so in love that I was blinded in many ways. Although I wasn’t as much his doormat, deep down I still was, only hiding it a little better. (Regardless, this situation led you to my work, and by reading the book, it helps you understand why his behavior has such a strong influence on you as a woman.) After listening to countless videos with the goal of finding a way to change ‘him,’ I finally realized that I had low self-esteem and needed to work on myself. I read many books, applied what I read and became stronger within myself. I realized that I WAS a catch, I deserved so much better and broke it off with him. Of course that’s when he pursued me in order to keep me where he wanted me, but I broke free!! (That takes a lot of strength.)
Thank you Corey for starting my journey to loving myself! If not for your work, I probably would have been stuck in this situation for years, hoping and waiting for him to ‘wake up,’ when in fact, I needed to wake up. Well I’m awake now dammit!!! I will keep learning and growing and keep circulating and will never settle again for mediocre. (The universe will test you by sending you more guys like this to make sure you overcome and master it. That’s why you have to become ever vigilant.)
Thanks again Corey! I was not able to donate to your work financially beforehand, but have made one now. Keep up the great work!! (Thank you. I always appreciate donations.)
Second Viewer’s Email:
My name is Jessica, and I am a girl, obviously, who enjoys watching your videos on YouTube. I mainly watch them to understand the way guys think. As you know, a lot of dating advice for women says the exact opposite as you do. Because of this, it can get a little confusing on how to act when dating a guy. (The things I teach are natural, depending upon your essence. The feminist movement encourages women to act like men and men to act like women. Societal conditioning is encouraging everyone to be the same and conform. About 60% of human beings have a herd mentality and will just do what everybody else does. They won’t feel comfortable enough to think for themselves. When you see this groupthink everywhere on TV and movies all of the time, it’s easy to see why the gender roles are screwed up. However, if you apply the things I teach, they will feel natural to you, whether you are a man or a woman.) Advice in women’s magazines say don’t chase a guy, and let him come to you. (Guys only have to pursue for the first two or three weeks. They initiate the courtship. Feminine energy is about bonding, connecting and opening up to receive love. Once a woman feels safe and comfortable, she will feel the urge to reach out, bond and connect.) Your advice says the opposite, which is to pursue the guy. This is more comfortable to me, because it feels natural and feminine.
I love watching your videos because EVERYTHING you say about women is true, and I mean everything. I’m glad there are guys like you who understand what a woman wants and can educate other guys on how to act in dating. Keep up the good work, and maybe think about doing a video for women as your target audience. (I answer emails from women all the time in my videos. My book was written for guys, but as a woman reading my book, you will understand what men and women are naturally inclined to do. Then, you will be able to tell which guys get it and which ones don’t.)
Third Viewer’s Email:
I was lucky to run into one of your video news letters online. At that time, I was desperate and trying to make sense of why my wife cheated on me. (She did that because loyalty and commitment really didn’t mean anything to her. Only insecure or narcissistic people do these things.) We were married for 13 years and have 3 children, 13, 9 and 7, respectively. Her reason was, “I don’t love you anymore.” (That tells you where her values are. It tells you, if she’s not happy, she will screw around on you.) I tried everything, including buying books and finally going to counseling, even though I was warned that counseling was a waste of money. (There are a lot of good marriage counselors out there, but at the end of the day, if they guy isn’t acting like a man, you can’t fix the relationship. That’s why taking care of yourself and knowing the self-reliance skills I teach will fill in the blanks and teach you the rest of what you need to know.) One day, I found one of your videos online and I quickly downloaded your book, “How To Be A 3% Man.” I know you said you suggested that the book should be read more than 10 times. Dude, I don’t need to read it more than 3 times to figure what you were saying in the book. You were telling me no more “Mr. Nice Guy.” (The reason you read it 10-15 times is so you get to know the fundamentals and the principals to the point where you don’t have to think about them. It is important to know how to maintain a relationship. If you shortcut learning the fundamentals and principles, you will shortcut your success. You won’t be as successful as you could be.)
At the next of day of counseling, I told my wife and the counselor that day was my last day of coming for counseling, and I asked my wife for divorce. They were both surprised. The counselor said, “I thought you don’t want divorce because of the kids. Do you want to go through sharing the kids? Something that you are trying to avoid?” I said, “I have been so foolish. My wife cheated on me, I am the one begging her to stay for the sake of the kids, she is still communicating with her lover, and I am paying for the counseling. Fuck! I am the most stupid man on this planet.” I told my wife to pick up the the kids from school and never come back home. I told her that I will accept the children until after the DNA testing confirm that they are mine, and I left her with the counselor. (You were starting to recognize loyalty didn’t mean anything to her.) My phone started ringing off the hook. I turned off my phone, and my email was flooded. To cut the story short, I accepted her back when she started crawling on her belly. Now she gave me access to her Facebook, bank accounts, Instagram and email. (You took your power back. The strongest negotiating position is being able to walk away and mean it.)
I am currently doing opposite of what I used to do 13 years ago. I have 2 girlfriends on the side, and I don’t care if she finds out or not. She’s all over me. She can’t go to the gym without me. She wants us to go out for dinner at least once a week. I use to pay for everything. Now she pays part of everything. She doesn’t get anything from me unless she gives. My question now is, is it too little to late to love her again? My feelings for her now are less than 60%. I noticed that by having my hot girlfriends around, it kind of makes me feel less demanding of my wife’s attention. My girlfriends know I am married, and they don’t care. Please get back to me, you are my hero. (It’s not my place to tell you whether you should get back together with your wife or not. You have to decide what outcome you want. Do you want someone who will be faithful and loyal to you? What do you want for your personal life? Maybe you haven’t experienced enough to know what you want yet. If you want to be exclusive and monogamous, it shouldn’t be with your wife. Take your time in making your decision, and trust what you feel inside.)
If you have a question you would like me to consider answering in a future Video Coaching Newsletter, you can send it (3-4 paragraphs/500 words max) to this email address: Questions@UnderstandingRelationships.com
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From my heart to yours,
Author, Speaker, Peak Performance Coach, Entrepreneur
“In order to give love to others, you must first have it for yourself. If you are in a state of lack or feel like you do not measure up, then you won’t be able to sustain a relationship for very long, because you don’t feel love for yourself. In order to be a good relationship partner, you must learn to think, feel and know that you are valuable. We tend to act consistently with how we view ourselves to be. When we have a low opinion of ourselves, we unknowingly attract people who will take advantage of us, use us and not love us. We literally attract what we believe about ourselves. It’s always best to first focus on becoming our best selves, self-reliant, having a compelling purpose and mission in life and making ourselves happy, before we can become a true equal and attract a high quality person who will love us unconditionally.” ~ Coach Corey Wayne
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