What you should do when you are dating a woman who has lots of male orbiters, so she picks you and pushes the others away.
In this video coaching newsletter, I discuss a sweet role reversal a viewer experienced after following my work for only three months. He says after reading my book, “How To Be A 3% Man,” for the first time, that he realized he has been a total beta male his entire life.
He shares how he was really into a woman eight months ago, who ended up hitting on his friend instead, but how he completely flipped the script and she ended up seeking his attention and validation when they saw each other again recently. My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.
If you’re trying to set a date with a woman and she’s giving you a hard time — just throwing lots of obstacles in the way, she’s not making it easy — that’s indicative of lower interest and the fact that she’s testing you to see what you’re made of. That’s why it’s important to be direct, decisive and get right to the point.
Much like a good sales person knows, people make money when they make sales. In the sales business, you have people that they call the tire kickers, the person that’s just kind of looking. They’re not really a serious buyer. They’re not really going to buy — maybe they don’t have the money, or the credit, or whatever.
As a sales person, you’ve got a limited amount hours in the week to spend with prospects and you want to make sure you’re spending your time on actually good prospects. And good prospects will make an appointment. Tire kickers won’t. They’ll have excuses, they’ll have other things that get in the way.
The same thing comes to dating, and it’s great to take that sales skill, that sales technique, and apply it to your dating life to find out, is she just testing you? Or does she just have low interest? Either way, a woman who likes you, but she’s testing you, she’s not sure, will throw some obstacles in your way.
If you’re direct, decisive and you try to make the date, and you just keep getting wishy-washy answers, you withdraw the offer. And if you withdraw the offer, and she’s like, “Oh yeah, some other time,” that means she doesn’t really care. You want to spend your time with women who make it easy to be with them.
A friend introduced me to your work 3 months ago, and it has changed some things drastically in my dating and personal life.
A big part of what it does is it helps you to start interacting with the world, not just in your personal life, but in your professional life, in a way that demonstrates value — that you believe you have value. And not only do you believe you have value, but you act like a person who has value.
If somebody is trying to offer you less of a salary than you want when you’re negotiating for a salary, or you’re selling something and they’re offering you less of a price than you want, you’ll have the confidence to hold out for the right opportunity, the right buyer, if you will. Obviously, when it comes to dating, you want to hold out for the right woman.
You don’t want to settle, because if you settle, you’re always going to be regretting it. And at some point and time, if you’ve settled, you’re going to encounter an opportunity that’s closer to what you want, and then you’re going to be kicking yourself because you settled. And it sucks. I know what it’s like to be in that position, and I wouldn’t wish it on anybody. It makes you feel trapped. It’s horrible.
I realize after reading “How To Be A 3% Man” once, (only 14 more reads to go), that I was a total beta my whole life.
I’m 25, good looking and own my own business, yet couldn’t nail dates pretty much ever.
I see this a lot. A lot of my coaching clients are all high income, high net worth dudes. I used to be one of them — guys that are very successful — but when it came to women, I was just too nice, too much of a pushover. I let them jerk me around, because I didn’t know any better. Nobody ever teaches you this stuff in high school or in college. If you’re going to a therapist, they can’t help you with this stuff. They don’t even know this stuff. They’ve never studied it.
After a read and a zillion videos, I have already picked up on a lot of things I do wrong subconsciously and decided to go to work.
Well, you definitely need to read the book more. It’s great that you’re watching videos, but people that just watch videos and don’t read the book, they’re kind of lazy and they’re just looking to cherry-pick. And that is not going to give you sustainable success.
You can get some attainable success, and I’ve done countless stories over the years where the guy’s got success out of the gate in dating, but because they never bothered to learn any of the relationship stuff, when that information, that wisdom, came in handy, they dismissed it as useless and not important, and they just completely fumbled the football. So do yourself a favor. Read it 10-15 times. I’m telling you that you’re being a fucking slacker.
I see that women match and mirror men’s actions. If you break eye contact, act awkward, seem nervous, you get what you put out there!
Exactly, because they’re looking to follow your lead. But they will only follow your lead if you demonstrate masculinity, and confidence and like you know what the hell you’re doing. Women don’t want to follow a douchebag.
The moment I broke through my fears I started smiling much more, not breaking eye contact, light teasing in the moment and overall keeping it lighthearted and fun, man, have women seen me as a prize!
Because most guys just don’t act this way. If you look at all the movies, the television programming, all the guys are always kissing the woman’s ass, jumping through their butt, waiting on them hand and foot, being extra nice.
Eight months ago, I was heavily into a girl who I asked my friend to meet, (thinking we were gonna be dating soon), and she hit on him right in front of me.
I bet that stung. I had a few of those instances in my younger years — girls who I really liked, but because I was acting like a beta male, they paid attention to my friends. “You’re a really nice guy Corey, but I just think of you as a friend.”
It was at her party and she had so many male orbiter (friends) there, and we all got the idea we shared the exact same issue.
Another thing to keep in mind is that women who have lots of male orbiters, typically the more messy their family environment was growing up — in other words, the more absent the father was, the weaker the father was, the less they got attention from daddy, the more they got disappointed in daddy — the more they’ve got male orbiters around to fill that void.
They got emotionally anchored to men just not being there, so they had a scarcity of masculinity in their life, and a lot of women do this. They have lots of guys, lots of thirsty dudes on their Instagram, “Oh you look so beautiful. You look great in that bikini. Oh, amazing. You’re so hot.” They get all kinds of attention and validation. That’s why, for the most part, if you’re just like one of the thirsty guys on Instagram, it does you no good. It’s pointless.
The idea is, you want to become a high quality, high value male, where women are seeking your attention and validation and noticing you. And if you look at the old movies from the 60, 70, 80 years ago, that was what was always happening. Women were always chasing the men.
They were always trying to get their attention, always trying to get them to date, settle down, get married, have babies, have a family, and the guys were always like, “I’ve got an empire to build. I’ve got to see the world. I’ve got things to do.” And obviously, by the end of the movie, they just can’t resist the beauty and intoxication of these amazing women, and they get together and live happily ever after.
But nowadays, you see the exact opposite. So, when you’ve been emotionally conditioned to that thousands of times since you were a child, a little boy, until now, how could it not affect you? How could it not influence your thinking? How could you not act like a beta male? It’s all you know. It’s all you see on TV, especially if you didn’t have a good example in your home.
This moment was when I realized she bounces from guy to guy, because we all put her on a pedestal, and she emotionally gets bored with us fast.
Just dying for a guy to be a guy. So many nice guys out there.
Long story short, 8 months go by, last week I see her at my friend’s get-together. She was with a guy and was in shock to see me. My normal beta self, back in the day, would have avoided her like the plague. I walked up to her and said, “Hey! It’s really good to see you. You look awesome! How’s the family doing?” It took all of 2 minutes, and she asked right in front of the male orbiter guy she brought, “Can I talk to you in private?”
How do you think that dude felt? He was feeling like a chump, and he didn’t understand what was going on. I know exactly what that guy was feeling. I was there many times in my teenage years and my early 20s.
As pretending the past never even happened, a few minutes pass by into talking, and she said, “You look really great. Oh, and by the way, he’s not my boyfriend. He’s just a friend. I didn’t want you to think I’m dating him or something like that.”
This is what you want. This is what you used to see in the old black and white movies. “Oh, I’m not with that guy. I’m totally available.”
I get her number, waited a whole week and decided to call instead of text.
Calling is very masculine, and it really surprises women, because most guys don’t have the balls to call.
She answers, “Hey! I was wondering when you were gonna call!”
That’s a good response. That’s what you’re looking for. The three H’s: hang out, have fun and hook up. It’s a simple formula. It doesn’t say anything about relationship. It doesn’t say anything about being her therapist, or her emotional tampon or any of that stuff.
It’s just hang out, have fun and hook up, and that’s what he’s doing. He hung out with her a little bit at the party, had fun with her, got the number, and now he’s texting her to get together, make the appointment, just like a good salesperson would.
I was brief. I said, “Hey! Was on my way to my friends and was thinking about you. Are you available tomorrow evening at 7:30 to go to this place?”
That’s different than what I teach in the book. It’s, “Hey, when are you available? What’s your schedule like?” Because if you say, “are you available?” and she’s got something else, she can’t. The other thing that can potentially happen is, if she’s not available and she really has super high interest, she’ll cancel those other plans to make herself available to you. That’s the flip side to that.
I personally don’t do it that way. I’m like, “When are you available?” because I want to get to the point. I want to do as few steps as possible. I’m all about the path of least resistance. It’s just like Rumi said, “Take time like the river that never grows stale. Keep going and steady. No hurry, no rush.”
You almost want to go too slow. You’re direct, decisive and you get right to the point, but you’re not in a rush. Why would you be in a rush if you had lots of choices and lots of options? You’re trying to figure out which one to spend most of your time with, who warrants your time.
She jumbled quickly found excuses to rush getting off work and doing her routine in order to make it in time to have me pick her up.
Isn’t that interesting? She is rearranging her schedule to be available tomorrow at 7:30.
Normally, I used to get “its too cold, can we do something else?” or “No, it’s not a good night, maybe next time.”
Those are the kinds of excuses that you hear with low interest. Obviously, she has high interest now, because he’s acting like a masculine man. He’s completely different than all the male orbiters, who it sounds like he was one for a period of time.
I unfortunately had something pop up and cancelled an hour after the call, then she says, “Oh no, that’s okay! Maybe we can hang out the day after instead?”
Does she sound eager? Complete attitude change, complete 180. He had to cancel a date on her, and she’s like, “Oh yeah, can we get together tomorrow then?”
Corey, thank you bro and god bless! Fourteen more reads later is gonna be the most unstoppable me I can imagine being, Lol!
This is what I like about his attitude. This is a great attitude:
Whether it goes good or not with her, I do not care. She is one of millions in my eyes at this point. She’s no longer the prize, I am.
The other thing I would consider is, it’s possible that she’s a really super insecure girl and may have some daddy issues. You can’t be sure. That’s why you date. That’s why you test drive. Don’t be judgemental. You want to have a wait and see kind of attitude, but just keep in mind that women that behave this way, that tend to have lots of male orbiters all the time, tend to be insecure.
Either way, if you apply what’s in “How To Be A 3% Man,” you will definitely find out whether or not she’s a good candidate to date. But I like your attitude. And in the meantime, you’re going to want to hang out, have fun and hook up. Make it easy.
So, if you haven’t read my books yet, again “How To Be A 3% Man” and “Mastering Yourself,” which is all about aligning your life with your true calling and reaching your full potential. People sometimes go, “Hey Corey, which one should I read first?” Well, what’s most important to you? Having personal issues that need immediate attention, or you’re having professional issues? If it’s person issues, read “How To Be A 3% Man.” if it’s professional issues, definitely “Mastering Yourself.”
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From my heart to yours,
Author, Speaker, Peak Performance Coach, Entrepreneur
“Men may choose who they want to date, but it’s women who pick the men they actually date and spend their time with. It’s a man’s job to be direct, decisive and get to the point of extending an invitation to women to get together for dates. High value men know that when women are truly interested in them, they will make it easy to get together in person for a date. The lower a woman’s interest, the more obstacles they will put in the way of getting together. The higher a woman’s interest, the easier they will make it to get together in person. Men should only invest their time and energy into women who make it easy and effortless to be with them.” ~ Coach Corey Wayne
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