Acting Immature, Incompetent & Undisciplined Leads To Rejection

Why acting immature, incompetent and undisciplined leads to rejection.

In this video coaching newsletter I discuss an email from a 25-year-old viewer from the UK who’s read 3% Man six times in 18 months. He matched with a 21-year-old flight attendant on the Hinge dating app. They hooked up twice and then she ghosted him. He shares his text exchanges with her. He basically acted like an immature, incompetent and undisciplined frat bro instead of a man who had his act together.

He asks me to critique his performance so he can improve. My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.

Why? Because men are supposed to be disciplined, competent and mature.

This guy that wrote the email in, he’s 25 years old from the UK. He says he’s read 3% Man six times in 18 months. So it’s a good start, but quite frankly, he should have been through it 10 to 15 times by now. On top of that, he should be reviewing the book once or twice a year just to keep his memory and his grasp of the material sharp so he doesn’t make mistakes, because when you shortcut to success, you read it a few times and you’re like, “Oh, I got this. I’m a genius. I know everything,” act like you know everything.

Unfortunately, we have to deal with the dogs. Come here, you little fucker! No barking! We don’t want to deal with any barking on here. As cute as you guys are and as lovable as you guys are, you always want to be our shadows. So back to our regularly scheduled program before we were so rudely interrupted by the puppies here.

This particular guy matched with a 21-year-old flight attendant on the Hinge dating app. They hooked up twice, and then she ghosted him. He’s got a bunch of screenshots and text exchange with this particular girl. He sends it all in because he knows he fucked up, but he’s like, “Hey, can you critique my game?” So there’s just several things. When you tell a woman you’re going to do something, you have to do it. You can’t make promises and then be sloppy. Like he didn’t have condoms, and he’s like, “I’ll get some,” then he never got some because they were raw dogging it the first night out. He was supposed to call her a cab. Never did. She ends up walking home from his house. I think that was the second time they’re together. It’s just a lot of sloppy, stupid things, so he’s not making the woman feel safe and comfortable. More than likely, the sex probably wasn’t that great because if he rocked her world in bed, she’d be pissed off at the way he treated her, but she’d be coming back for more. The fact that she just ghosted him just shows that probably sex wasn’t that good. On top of that, just the things he did and said, he just blew it. The lower a woman’s interest to start out, the less you can fuck up and still stay in the game with her.

Viewer Email:

Hi Corey,

Big thanks for all of your brilliant work. I’m Bob, 25, from the UK. I’ve read your book six times in the last 18 months and my dating and professional have improved enormously. Nine more to go! Here is a recent dating experience where I made mistakes. A good learning opportunity for your viewers.

Yeah, it’s just a few little things here and there to kind of clean up.

I matched with Jessica on Hinge, a 21-year-old flight attendant from my hometown. After a few messages, I invited her out for drinks. She said she liked my directness, so I set the date for the following week and got off the phone.  

The date went well. I let her do 80% of the talking, asked interesting questions and teased her playfully. After making out for 20ish minutes, I suggested we open some champagne at my place.

“Some champagne. Let’s go back to my house and open some champagne.” You should use that. That’s funny.

She said she doesn’t sleep with guys on the first date…

OK sure…

…So I responded with, “Who said you’re getting me into bed?” With a James Bond smirk.

Which is a good comeback. I like that. It’s humorous, it’s playful, it shows you’re, “Ehh.” You can take it or leave it. A guy that doesn’t know any better is going to say, “I never said I was. I’m sorry. I wasn’t trying to have sex with you. I don’t want you to think I do this all the time. Please stay with me,” which would have gone over like a lead balloon, but he’s like, “Who said you’re getting me into bed?” It’s a good way. It’s a good comeback. Always got to have a better, more playful comeback, which he did.

She pulled me in and kissed me again before we walked home. We hooked up, and she left in the morning.  

Oh, I’m really shocked. Really shocked. That was like a last minute test of resistance just to see how you respond. She was ready to go home with you, but she threw that out there just to see how you’d handle it, because men whose game sucks are going to start justifying and apologizing, and then boom, she’s going home. Then they’ll probably still be apologizing.

Excuse me? Don’t touch the mouse pad! I’m having some interference with my furry assistants here. Keeps putting his paw on the track-pad on the computer so I lose my place. The date went well. They hooked up.

I texted her three days later and set a date for that weekend (See text conversation below). We made homemade pizza, drank wine, and watched movies at my place.

So I see this quite often. Guys just get lazy, they’re like, “Hey, we already had sex, so I don’t need to take her on a date. Just invite her over.” That can work for the first few times, but if you go out on your first date and you meet in public and you do a few things, you do the two or three different things in one night, like the book suggests, and then you go back home and you hook up. What I see, a lot of times, guys get lazy. Then every date after that it’s just, “Hey, come over to my place,” and then they hook up. Then what happens is that you end up treating the girl just like a booty call. Then she realizes you’re not interested in a relationship. You’re just hooking up, and that’s it. That can be fine if that’s all you’re doing, but if you like the girl and you just do nothing but have her come over, then she knows you’re treating her like a booty call. That’s a bad way to go. You should go out on dates and do things and end up back at your place at the end of the evening.

So let’s read the first text exchange here:

Bob: “Hey, how’s it going? Did you manage to successfully sweet talk your way out of a parking ticket on Sunday?”

Jessica: “Not too bad. Managed to just about get away with it.”

Bob: “You’re a lucky girl. We should meet up again. When are you free?”

Jessica: “I would like to. I’m free Saturday night.”

Bob: “Saturday is good. I have a free house. Come over at seven and we can make dinner and drinks together.”

So I assume he must have roommates or something.

Jessica: “Sounds good with me. Is it going to be the famous chicken pasta that I’ve heard so much about?”

Bob: “Hmm… You’ll just have to wait and see.”

It’s not the end of the world. I would have gone out and done something just because he didn’t really do much for his first date. Now he’s just like, “Hey, come over and let’s do a booty call,” because making dinner together is like, “Hey, let’s have a booty call.” It’s OK every now and then, but if you just do the same thing over and over, especially in the beginning, I see a lot of guys doing that, every date after that becomes, “Hey, come over. We’ll make dinner together and watch movies.” Then she starts realizing you’re not really serious about dating her. It’s just a booty call. That’s how guys treat women that are a booty call. They don’t take them out on dates. They don’t spend any money on them.

Mistake 1: She wanted to use protection (Even though we didn’t on date one). I had just run out of condoms, and all shops were shut (Come on man!). Despite this, we still got each other off.

So the first time he didn’t have condoms and the second time he doesn’t have them either. So what does that look like? He’s undisciplined. He told her he would take care of it. He didn’t. He said one thing and he did another.

Mistake 2: After cuddling for an hour or two afterwards, she wanted to go home as she had morning plans. My car was being serviced, and I forgot to call a cab, so she walked home alone (~10 minutes). Silly mistake.

I mean, it just looks like he don’t give a fuck. He didn’t get laid, so it makes it look like he didn’t get laid, so he really didn’t give a shit one way or another, she walks home late at night by herself after they fooled around. So things are going downhill fast.

I texted her five days later, sending the following:

Bob: “Hey, how was Lisbon? Saturday was fun. We should go out again. What’s your availability like?”

She responds back about a full week later. That’s not a good sign. I mean, a girl comes over and you make her walk a walk of shame by herself, probably because he was too hammered and he passed out on her and she wanted to leave, so she didn’t want to be there. Remember the first time they spent the night together? This time she’s like, “I’m out of here.” In fact, she waited a week. It’s not good.

She left me on delivered for six days before responding:

Jessica: “Hey, so sorry for the late reply. I’ve been really ill and actually ended up getting taken off Lisbon. Unfortunately, this weekend I’m quite busy, but free Wednesday and Thursday next week.”

Responding a day later, I set another drinks date for the following Thursday and got off the phone.

At the time, I was in Madrid and ended up with a hickey after two great nights with a pretty Norwegian girl (A story for another email). The hickey had nearly faded on the day of the third date, so I didn’t cancel (Mistake number three).

On the date, Jessica noticed the hickey but didn’t mention it.

Yeah, you just look like a fuckboy. You look like a guy that’s just wanting a piece of ass and she’s just one of the girls you’re fucking. The fact you don’t get condoms just shows you’re sloppy or undisciplined. It’s like you just don’t give a shit. You don’t care about her. The fact you made her walk home? Not good.

She brought up her late reply, citing a malaria scare from an African flight as the reason (Seemed dubious, but I said, “No stress, these things happen,” with a smile).

Bottom line is, the reason she waited a week is she just wasn’t into it, but after a week later, she was in a different headspace.

She also semi-joked about having to walk home after our second date, which I laughed off.

Bad way to go. I would have said, “You know what? I apologize. I should have definitely walked you home. That’s what a gentleman would do. My bad.” Instead, he laughs it off, it just shows, “I don’t give a fuck.” Especially in Europe, that can be a little dicey, having a single woman walking home. If you guys have been paying attention, especially you’re not allowed to talk about those things and point those things out, but in the UK, a girl walking home by herself late at night? Bad way to go, my man. She’s not going to feel safe. She doesn’t feel like you can protect her when you behave this way. On top of that, you’re just acting like you don’t give a damn.

Despite this, she did 80% of the talking, I teased and opened her up, and we made out for a good while. The vibes were good. I tried the trial close twice over the space of an hour, but she couldn’t due to flight attendant exams the next day. I stayed calm and walked her back to her car. We kissed goodbye and she said she would text me later.

Yeah, she did want to be around him.

I gave her some space since I was going on another holiday. She hadn’t texted by the end of my trip, so I sent her the following text 10 days after our 3rd date:

Bob: “Hey, how did the exams go? I’m back in the UK soon, so we should meet up next week. What days work best for you?

I was left on delivered (This was 7 weeks ago). Clearly my mistakes lowered her attraction. She is still on Hinge (So assuming still single), but I haven’t messaged her and don’t plan to unless you advise otherwise.

Nah, she hasn’t responded. It’s been seven weeks. I’d put a fork in it. She didn’t like how you treated her and she brought up her concerns of safety. Again, she’s in the UK bro. What are you thinking making a woman walk home by herself?

I’m dating two other girls, but they don’t compare to Jessica. I’ve analyzed my performance, taken the learnings and would love to hear your view. Onto the next!  

Keep up the great work Corey! All support for Trump 2024 from the UK 🙂 

Best wishes,

Bob

Trump 2024. Definitely! I’m voting for Trump. I know you guys are. “I can’t believe you! Trump is a racist misogynist.” I’m going to vote for a man, not an idiot that won’t even take any interviews and won’t lay out what she’s for. It’s like, come on, another media creation. The beauty of the Joe Biden thing, what was so crazy after that first debate, all the people in the media going, “Oh, I can’t believe they lied to us. He’s got dementia. The guy is totally out of it.” We knew this when he was running the last time. That’s why he didn’t even campaign. He stayed in his fucking basement and the media covered for him, but now they’re like, “Oh, we’re going to lose the election,” so the media’s like, “Oh, they lied to us. They didn’t tell us he had dementia,” and was like, “Who’s running the country?” The people around him, the woke idiots around him and his biggest campaign contributors? Who these people are? I don’t know. Who’s president? Probably Joe Biden and the people around her. The big campaign contributors.

It’s fucking crazy. Our president has dementia. That’s exactly why Putin invaded. Weakness invites aggression, but I digress. UK’s got a lot of problems too. They just elected a lefty government who is just going to open the floodgates and bring in even more of these shenanigans. I mean, I pointed out the mistakes this guy’s made there. It’s just sloppy game. He just treated her like he didn’t give a fuck. Eventually she realized he really didn’t give a fuck and she didn’t want to be treated that way. Maybe the sex wasn’t that great, but it was pretty clear he acted like he was just out for a booty call. That was the impression he gave her.

You just can’t do things like that, dude. You can’t act incompetent, you can’t not have condoms, especially when a girl is talking about her safety, especially in the UK? All the knife crime and all the other stuff going on? Jesus! It’s like all the women going, “I don’t feel safe,” and then you just let her walk home? Come on, man, what are you thinking? Probably wasn’t thinking, but that’s on you. Better luck next time!

Hey, charge one of the game! You still got your noodle wet and you shared a good email that was good information to go through, because there will be guys that will be watching this and they won’t make the same stupid mistakes because you made them for them so they can learn from you. It’s a win win for everybody. Hopefully she got a happy finish, you got a happy finish. On to the next. Thanks for sharing!

So, if you’ve got a question or a challenge and you’d like to get my help, go to UnderstandingRelationships.com, click the Products tab at the top of your screen on any page, and book a coaching session with yours truly. Until next time, I will talk to you soon.