Acting Like A Friend & Not Making A Move Leads To Friend Zone

To avoid friend zone be bold & make a romantic move instead of acting like a friend.

In this video coaching newsletter I discuss an email from a viewer from Hungary who has been following my work for 7 years. He met a girl in dance class that he tried to fly under the radar and pretend to be a friend for too long. He kept hanging out with her to dance, but didn’t have the courage to make a move. She’s obviously figured out what he was doing and now she is distant and avoiding him. My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.

Hi, I’m Coach Corey Wayne and this is my Video Coaching Newsletter. And the topic of today’s Newsletter is going to be, “Acting Like A Friend & Not Making A Move Leads To Friend Zone.”

Well, this particular Emailer is from Hungary, and he’s been following my work for seven years. And so he recently met a girl in dance class. And he says initially he wasn’t interested in her, but the more time he hung out in dance class. Plus he said she was the best dancer in class. The best, I guess, female dancer. So he liked having her as a partner. So he started hanging out with her and then he says he developed feelings and so he hung out with her several times. She even invited him over to hang out and dance at her place as well.

But he kept holding back. He didn’t make the move for a kiss or to move it to a romantic setting. And if you’ve been following me for a while, you probably heard me say, if you hesitate, you will masturbate. And that’s basically what’s happened here. You know, I’ll read an email like this, it’s like I remember doing things like this so many times when I was younger, my teenage years, my early 20s.

And it’s like when I look back on it now at 55, I laugh and I chuckle, it’s kind of funny. Because I’ve been there, done that, got the t shirt many times, and it’s like, it’s okay to invite a woman to hang out and you’re not really, especially if like, it’s somebody from the office or like in this case, it’s somebody from a dance class. And so you’re hanging out, you’re having fun. And then she starts touching you, gets close. That’s when you need to make the move.

Not like go out with her and do this five different times and always hold back, be too afraid to make a move. Because women can tell when you like them and when you like them, and they can tell you like them, but you don’t make a move they realize you don’t have the confidence or the courage to go for what you want. And then they go from potentially seeing you in the Chad Thunder Cock category to sliding you over to the Harry Honda, where you can do nice things.

You can be their dance partner, you can fix their car, unclog their toilet, whatever happens to be. But you’re not going to get anywhere near the box. So it’s a good email to learn from, this guy’s been following me for seven years and just getting with this girl and hanging out with her all these times. And inviting her to hang out and then he still doesn’t make a move. Again, women can pick up on that if you lack the confidence.

So it looks like he was really just trying to fly under the radar and act like he was a friend. And it seems that the opportunity was there potentially to make a romantic move. But he kept chickening out, and a woman could tell. They know when you don’t have the courage to go for it. And they like a guy that’s bold. Even if they’re not interested, they’ll respect you because you at least made an effort.

But when you just continually hesitate, like this guy did, and now he’s trying to make more plans to do this, and she’s putting, “Oh. I’m busy. Work’s crazy. Oh, I don’t know. I don’t know how to respond to this.” And because she’s figured out that he’s into her romantically. But again, the moment is kind of past here.

Viewer Email:

Hey Coach,

“Bob” here from Hungary. I’ve been following you for 7 years now and I’ve learned a lot, but not enough apparently. 

Well, you got to make a move. Life happens when you move. Stagnation happens when you die. And so you probably heard me say what you fear, you attract. And what you look at disappears. So in this case, he’s afraid of getting rejected. So he continually hides his romantic interest because he’s afraid of rejection. And then once he finally gets to the point where he’s saying, okay, now this is going to be the time where I’m going to make my move. This next time we get together, definitely going to make the move. But by that point, the girls already kind of figured out what he’s doing and realizes he doesn’t have the courage to go for what he wants.

He’s not really being authentic. He pretends like he’s just interested in being her dance partner and acting like a friend. But in reality, he’s arranging these get togethers because he likes her but doesn’t have the courage to go for it. And the number one male strength characteristic that women love in men is confidence and courage. And he unfortunately acted like a beta male and kept shrinking from the challenge. And so it looks like now that she figured that out. And so she’s sliding him over to her friend zone Harry Honda’s zone, and he ain’t going to get nowhere.

I’ve met a woman three months ago while taking tango classes, and although I was intrigued by her, I didn’t expect to like her, as she is very introverted and I tend to be attracted by the extroverted chatterboxes out there.

What it really sounds like is he liked her from the beginning, and it took him three months to work up the courage to ask her to do something. That’s what it looks like. If I was a betting man, again, he’s been following me for seven years, it’s like you shouldn’t be hesitating this much after this much time. This just tells me you probably been watching lots of videos, reading the book, but not really applying it very much. If you read the book a thousand times, it’s not really going to help you if you don’t ever actually apply it. Because you need experience.

For the first month and a half, the entire interaction between the two of us happened during practice, twice a week, and nothing else. She’s by far the most talented dancer out of all the women in my class, so naturally I’ve asked her to come to my place so we can practice in more detail. She agreed.

Yeah, he just naturally invited her over to practice dance. Who here reads that? There’s a hair floating around. Who here reads that statement and goes, “Yeah. That’s really why he was inviting her over to his house. Because he thought she was such a talented dancer. That’s all it really was.” It’s like, come on, man. You’re bullshitting yourself and you’re trying to bullshit us. Don’t do that.

Nothing happened, but I could feel my attraction growing towards this girl. The next private session happened at her place. When I’ve asked her to come to my place for the second time, she offered to switch it up and do it at her place. I agreed. This is the point I believe I fucked up, because I didn’t do anything. 

Well, again, if the signs are there, I mean, this is easy. When you’re that close and you’re dancing. It takes two to tango, as they say. I mean, all the signs are laid out in the book. If you’re new and you haven’t read the book yet, go to UnderstandingRelationships.com. Subscribe to the free email newsletter and it’ll open up right in your web browser and you can read the book. All the signs are there in the book of what to look for. “The Kiss Test” is in there. How to tell when she’s physically attracted. Women start touching you. They get extra close. I mean, in this case, they’re dancing together. At any time, you could do “The Kiss Test.” And if she looks at your lips while you’re doing that, then you kiss her.

A couple weeks after that, I invited her to go to a nearby lake and chill for a few hours, planning to make my move, which she happily accepted, but here’s the catch: she had a visiting female friend for a couple days from another country and she brought her along with her. I know.

That’s called the Clam Slam, my man. She knew what you were up to and that’s why she invited her friend. She’s like, no hanky panky. I know what you’re doing. Women are not stupid, bro. You’re not being clever at all. It’s so obvious.

But I believe it would have been really awkward to suggest “No, your friend can’t come, even if you only get to see her for two days.” Maybe I should have.

Well, if she was saying, “oh, I want to bring my friend who’s only in town for a couple of days.” We’ll just say, “well, why don’t you and your girlfriend go hang out, and then you and I can just get together another time and practice dance. I don’t want you to miss out on spending time with your friend.” But again, because you’re acting like the gay male girlfriend all the time, and you’re acting like a platonic friend, and you’re hiding your interest, again, this is the only reason why she wants to bring a female friend, because she knows what you’re up to.

You didn’t fool her. You didn’t fool me. You didn’t pull the audience. You certainly didn’t fool the girl. She knew exactly what you were trying to do. That’s why she brought the Clam Slammer along so you wouldn’t get any ideas, and you wouldn’t try to make a move.

She seemed to be really enjoying the lake and everything, asking me if I come here often, wanting to camp near the lake for a few nights. She even invited me to go with her to a remote island in Greece for an entire week in late July, saying that she won’t go if I don’t come with her. I said sure, but the very next day she was backpaddling, saying that getting to that island is tricky.

It’s tricky.

And she has second thoughts. 

So that tells me at some point the conversation turned awkward. Maybe he was texting her the next day, but it’s clear he started talking about the future again and going on that trip, and then she backed off. So there’s probably other things he’s leaving out that he was not doing. But again, all I have to do is look at her actions. It’s like, you can’t do that. You can’t invite a woman to hang out with you continuously invite her to your house and go over to her house and then never make a move. Because, like I said, she started bringing the friend, and then you’ll notice what happens next.

I left it at that and didn’t push the issue at all.

So that tells me, he was the one that reached out to talk about the trip. Because he’s thinking, “oh, I’ll make my move on the trip then.”

Fast forward ten days to today, and I told her that I’m going by the lake again and asked her how her schedule was like the following days. Her response was the basic, “I’ve got a busy end of the week, not sure what to say”.

She’s just basically saying, hey, I’m busy, I don’t have any time for you. I’m not interested in you. Don’t get any ideas.

To which I replied, “I was planning to go tomorrow after work, let me know if you want to join.” She said okay, and we left it at that. It doesn’t take a genius to tell that she lost interest during these ten days, where she went from inviting me to Greece, to giving me bullshit excuses on how busy she is to even go to this lake. Is there an ex-boyfriend in the picture? Chad Thunder Cock maybe?

Well, possibly. But you know, again, if you hesitate, you’ll masturbate. That’s why you got to make the move. You’ve got to strike while the iron is hot. When you first were alone with her outside of the dance class, that’s when you should have gone for the kiss. Because the way you’re acting is, you’re acting as if, “hey, this is just dance class. Just practice. I don’t have any romantic interest in you.”

And she came over to your house thinking, well, maybe something will happen, maybe it won’t. But you probably acted weird and awkward and said weird things. And it’s clear she got turned off pretty quickly and figured out what you were doing. Again, this is why it’s in the book not to do this, but again, it’s not going to help you if you do the opposite.

Or was I too much of a pussy to make a move sooner so she lost interest.

I’d say you were too much of a pussy.

I don’t even think it’s necessary to wait a couple weeks to ask her out again.

Well, again, you were acting like it was a platonic thing.

This one seems gone, especially if she doesn’t come with me tomorrow. She didn’t even offer to reschedule.

Hit me with the truth bomb, Coach. Have a good day.

Bob

Again. You’re thinking you have a date with her, and in reality, you were acting like a platonic friend. This is why it’s a bad way to go. If you’re interested in sex and romance, invite her out for drinks after the class. If you want to do platonic things, then try to convince her that you just want to hang out and practice more dance. And that’s what you did. You went about it the wrong way, because again, you’re trying to fly under the radar and act like a platonic friend. And so it blew up in your face. I did that a lot when I was younger, and I didn’t know any better.

And you’ve been following me for seven years, and you’re still trying to do things that I learned many decades ago. And again, you’ve been following me almost a decade, seven years, and you think it’s a good idea to take this approach. It’s like, bro, come on, man, you got to do better. What I would do in this case is I wouldn’t do anything. I would just see her in class. I wouldn’t call her. I wouldn’t text her for any reason. Go talk to other girls in the class.

Dance with other girls just so you create the conditions where maybe she could come over to you and interact with you, and then you can invite her to do something. But next time, invite her for drinks or something like that. Don’t try to say, “hey, let’s get together and do dance.” Because you’re sending mixed signals. It’s a bad way to go. Be direct. Be decisive and get to the point. And you didn’t do that. And that’s on you.

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