Acting Like A Horny Virgin Teenager

Jan 30, 2015 by Coach Corey Wayne

Photo by iStock.com/Yuri_Arcurs
How to avoid acting like a clueless horny teenager who’s trying to lose his virginity for the first time when you’re trying to seduce a woman, so you can avoid turning her off, getting rejected and instead be able to seduce her successfully.

In this video coaching newsletter, I discuss an email from a viewer who describes his two years of interacting with a woman he’s always liked. When they first met, they each were in relationships with other people, and therefore, nothing could happen between them. Several months later they both were single. He made a group date with her, and eventually he ended up alone with her in bed after she suggested that they go back to his place. He got close to sealing the deal that night, but he was unable to overcome her last minute resistance to sex. Then the next day, he lost all emotional self-control and started acting jealous, controlling, needy and insecure.

She friend zoned him after telling him that although she had liked him and was curious about hooking up with him, she now felt they were better off as friends due to his behavior. About a year later, he ran into her and they started spending time together. The problem the second time around is, he basically started treating her like a whore and trying to have sex with her in a public bathroom and later a public library. He asks me to critique his multiple failed seduction attempts with this woman so he can learn what he should have done differently.

Hey Corey,

I met this girl two years ago while we were both in relationships. She is 20, and I am 24. She is a solid 10, gets a lot of attention from men and really enjoys flirting. (It sounds like she has plenty of options. She will test all of those options until she finds the most centered guy.) We became friends over the course of the school year because of our respective relationship statuses, which in hindsight was a big mistake because the friendship became the fabric of our relationship. (You basically became her emotional tampon, her gay male girlfriend.) She did, however, show high levels of interest in me when she went home for the summer. Friends at the bar She lives on the West coast, and I live on the East coast where our university is located. She texted and Snapchatted me frequently saying she missed me, and had often told me her relationship with her boyfriend was on thin ice. (It sounds like she’s lining up a replacement for her boyfriend and keeping you in the wings. Loyal and secure women don’t do this.) My relationship ended that summer as well. In mid-summer 2013, she came to town with her mother to condo shop, and she went out of her way to make sure she would see me. We went out with a group of my friends, had a few drinks, and she suggested we go back to my place. (You shouldn’t be going on group dates.) We chatted for a few minutes, and then she leaned in started making out with me passionately. She pushed me back into my bedroom and I had her stripped down to her panties, but every time I would touch her down there, she would get uncomfortable and shuffle her hips. I tried 2 steps forward, 1 step back, but she wouldn’t budge. (Take your time and practice infinite patience. Women want to feel comfortable and safe, or they will pull away.)

Fall came, we were both newly single, and I was totally infatuated with this girl and lost all emotional self-control. The next time we hung out, we went on a group outing to a night club, group dates bad I know. Although she was staying by my side for much of the night, I displayed a lot of needy, desperate, and approval seeking behavior. (This is why group dates don’t work. You are worried about what other people think, which gets in the way of the seduction process.) I would continuously seek her reassurance by trying to kiss and touch her repeatedly, the polar opposite of what I had done the previous night. She eventually told me that she was curious about me, and wanted to know what it was like to hook up with me, but that I had come on too strong and that now she thought we were better as friends. (She’s saying you basically talked her out of hooking up with you.)

Photo by iStock.com/damircudic
Things got awkward between us, and we fell out of contact for a while. I ran into her in April of 2014. I flirted and teased her, and then walked away. She texted me the next day, and her communication continued into the summer. I had hope again. This fall, we reconnected and went out on my birthday with a small group. She walked into the bar and started flirting with a bevy of men. (She was testing you to see if you were going to act like a horny virgin teenager again.) I kept my cool and chatted up my own group. About a half hour later, she came looking for me. We grabbed each others’ hands and kissed. We got into a cab and she said, “you know we can just go back to your place.” I got cocky and thought we should stay out longer. At the next bar, we made out in a bathroom stall and I began taking her top off. (She tried to help you by suggesting you go back to your house, but you couldn’t wait.) I again acted like the horny teenager trying to lose his virginity and did not wait for her physical cues to let me know she was ready to be kissed. I assumed that, because I had kissed her earlier, it was carte blanche to kiss her for the remainder of the night. I backed off for a while and she leaned in to kiss me again, this time for a photo, but sweet nothing after that.

I kept busy in the next few weeks with school and other dating prospects. She began reaching out to me every other day to see if I was on campus. When I would meet up with her, she seemed genuinely quite excited. (You should be making dates when she reaches out to you.) I even saw her blush when I unexpectedly ran into her at the library! When I sat next to her, I made a point of escalating things physically. I offered her a massage and gradually escalated the touching to her boobs and butt, which she responded to playfully. We were in a private part of the library, and since she appeared receptive, I started biting her earlobes and kissing her bare stomach. She was giggling and said, “you’re going to get us in trouble.” (You should have offered to go back to your place then.) When I went for the kiss before leaving however, she turned to give me cheek. Young man and woman together over white backgroundShe texted me the next day eagerly asking when I would be at the library again. This went on a few more times with the same result. (This girl was texting you, and you weren’t making dates. You were just meeting up with her.) I told her recently that I could no longer hang out with her if she wasn’t interested in kissing me and taking things in that direction. (She has given you a number of obvious hints, but you keep blowing it.) She got quite upset, started crying, and claimed that she didn’t see me that way, had only ever thought of me as a friend, and claimed that her actions hadn’t changed since she told me a year earlier that she thought of us as friends. I realize that I made a number of mistakes, however, I feel like I made my intentions quite clear when I always went for the kiss. Why would a girl allow me to touch her that way if she wasn’t attracted to me? (It’s a slow escalation. Sex should come at the end of the night, like a dessert.) Were not all the signs there for me to go for the kiss? Is my margin for error at this point just too slim, or is the fact that she knows I’m really into her what’s stopping me from getting anywhere? Your thoughts and critique are much appreciated coach! (Your job as a man is to create an opportunity for sex to happen. Women want to feel safe and comfortable. You need intimacy. Read my book, and the next time she reaches out to you, make a date to have her over to your place for dinner.)

Bob

My response to him:

Hi Bob,

You have consistently acted beta male and like her gay male girlfriend with this woman. You had a perfect opportunity to seduce her when she suggested that you both go back to your place, but in essence, you talked her right out of it. You basically, as you say, acted like a horny teenager who was trying to lose his virginity with her, instead of a guy who’s successful with women and who knows how to interact with them. She obviously finds you attractive and has chemistry with you, but every time she gives you the opportunity to interact with her in a romantic way, you keep reverting back to the horny teenager who’s trying to lose his virginity act. Male hand touches the female knee.She doesn’t feel safe and comfortable with you enough to pursue anything romantic, because you have continuously demonstrated to her that you can’t handle it, and completely lose all emotional self control. You need to go back to the basics and read my book 10-15 times. It’s almost as if you haven’t learned anything from me, and you’re starting over at square one again.

At this point, you should never contact her again. She should do 100% of the calling, texting and pursuing from now on. If she ever reaches out to you again, assume she wants to see you and make a date at your place to make dinner together. Hang out, have fun, and hook up like I talk about in my book. In order for sex to happen, you must have privacy. Trying to fuck a girl in a bar bathroom or fondle her in the library in front of other people when she’s not your girlfriend, is basically treating her like she’s some kind of sleazy whore who sleeps around. You’ll never be successful with the approach you’re taking. Stop all of the BS texting, use the phone only to set dates, no group dates and actually follow what I teach in my book. At this point, unless you hear from her again, you should assume that you’ve made too many mistakes to recover from, and simply screwed up a great opportunity because you refused to treat her properly. You should also review this article and video as a guide for what to say and do if she contacts you in the future: “7 Principles To Get An Ex Back.” The signs were definitely there that she was into you and touching was appropriate, but you literally talked her out of liking you, sleeping with you and becoming her lover.

Corey

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“In order for a man to seduce a woman successfully, he must make her feel safe and comfortable and that she is very special to him. Women want to avoid being labeled a slut, being used for sex, getting a disease and being alone with a man who doesn’t immediately stop his sexual advances when she says no, stop or slow down. Men who are impatient, insecure, controlling, who get angry and frustrated, disrespectful or who treat women like a piece of meat to be used and then tossed aside, are going to immediately set off a woman’s internal safety and comfort alarm. Once that alarm sounds inside of a woman, her legs will close and she will start withdrawing from him. Once a man starts acting like a horny virgin teenager, the chances of him recovering and having sex with her are almost zero.” ~ Coach Corey Wayne

Published on January 30, 2015

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  1. Dear Mr. Wayne

    This is a Thank you note for your time and interest on us.

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