Why acting too serious too soon, treating new women you are dating like girlfriends, talking too much instead of making dates, bringing up past sexual partners and relationships, etc., will lead to quick rejection and hearing, “I’m not looking for a relationship.” What you should do instead to progress casual dating into a relationship.
In this video coaching newsletter, I discuss an email from a viewer who says he is in a state of confusion. He says he met a girl he liked and displayed full confidence when interacting with her. He later sent her a friend request on Facebook and asked her out. She was happy and surprised. They had a first date and talked for two hours. Then he messaged her afterwards to say it was nice meeting her. They chatted for several hours via messaging app. He says they went out four or five times in total, and she always said yes. Then one day, he messaged her at work and asked her to coffee. She rudely replied she was not looking for a relationship. He has been unable to get her to go out with him on any more dates. He says he loves her and wants to know how to get her back and feeling like she did in the beginning. My comments are in (bold parenthesis like this below) in the body of his email:
I am in a state of confusion. (The good news is, when you’re confused, you’re about to learn something.) I met this girl and displayed full confidence while interacting with her. I sent her a friend request on Facebook and asked her out on Facebook. (If you really had displayed full confidence interacting with her, you would have asked her out in person and made a date on the spot, instead of sheepishly, after the fact sending her a friend request on Facebook. The only reason guys do that is because they lack confidence.) She was happy and surprised, and we went out. (Obviously, her attraction level was pretty high. The higher her attraction level is, the more you can screw up before you completely turn her off.) We had a date, and we talked for about 2 hours. The same night, I sent her a message saying, “It was nice to meet you,” on Whatsapp. She showed interest and chatted with me the same night for a long time. (Why on earth would you go out on a date and then message her after the date, chit chatting electronically? You can’t kiss her, you can’t make any moves and you can’t read her body language when you do that. Women like guys who are mysterious. You feel like you have to tell her all about you instead of letting her discover these things about you. I can definitely tell you have not read my book. Unless you read my book 10-15 times, you’re never going to be too successful with the women you really like. Your approach is totally flawed. You need to clean up your game.) Then I started asking her about her weekend. She replied back whenever I pinged her. When she came back after the weekend, I met her at the office and she showed little resistance. I pinged her to grab a coffee at the office, and she replied rudely, saying “I am not looking for a relationship.” (You’re treating her like you’re in a relationship and you haven’t even kissed this girl. You spend more time chit chatting on the phone instead of being a guy who knows how to seduce a woman and show her a good time. Because most guys are like this, women have become really good at recognizing this behavior and being able to tell the difference between the guy who gets it and the guy who’s clueless. Then, you’re out of there.) I said, “I never told you that I am looking for any kind of dating or relationship.” (It doesn’t matter. Your actions and your behavior communicate that. You hide the fact you’re interested in her, you act like you’re interested in friendship, and you don’t make a move, yet you’re acting like she’s your girlfriend. If you do that, you will talk this woman right out of liking you.)
I asked her out 4-5 times, and she went out every time with me. We enjoyed it, but I never made the move to even kiss her, as I don’t know how to make a move. (That’s another reason why you definitely need to read my book. When you behave this way, women can tell you’re a total rookie. In my book, I go through, in step-by-step detail, the process of seduction, what signs to look for and when to go for the kiss. Your problem is, you never really went for it, so you don’t know if she liked you, or she just didn’t have anything better to do.) I openly discussed a lot of things with her about her sexuality, about my sexuality, about her hook ups, her fantasies, my fantasies. (When you do things like that, it communicates you’re clueless. You didn’t even have the confidence to give her a kiss. You only got away with it, because she had a high attraction level for you.) One day she became a bit uncomfortable about always bringing up sex. (Think about it. You’re talking about sex all of the time, and you haven’t even kissed this girl. It’s like you’re waiting for her to be the leader. All you’re doing is revealing you have no game and no self confidence.) She did not go out with me when I asked her out the next time. Then, I asked her out several more times, but every time she gave a valid reason that she had some important work. (Always look at a person’s actions. If she’s not bringing up counter-offers, she’s just not interested. She has decided she doesn’t want to date you, because you obviously don’t know what you’re doing yet.) I flirted with her, and I thought she would come closer to me, but things didn’t turn out that way. (I go into detail in my book on body language that lets you know when to go for the kiss. You should look at my article and video called, “Women Who Make It Easy,” about a guy who was a virgin and had sex with a girl on their first date. He read my book twenty times, and he was prepared when the moment arrived.)
She sends me forwarded messages, pings me sometimes casually, and I meet her in her office casually, but its going nowhere. (In other words, you’re still pursuing her. Don’t go to her, don’t call her and don’t stop by her office. If she sends you a message outside of work, ask her to go out one more time and see what happens. You need to let her know your interest is strictly romantic and not to contact you outside of work otherwise. You should definitely review the article, “7 Principles To Get An Ex Back,” never call or contact this woman again and let her do 100% of the calling, texting and pursuing from now on.) She knows, in a way, that I love her, and now I control myself and don’t meet her, as that would lead to endless suffering. Is there anything that I can do to get her back and make her feel the same way as I feel for her? (It needs to be her idea. Stop showing up at her office thinking it will lead somewhere. Flirt with other women in the office, and start applying the things you learn in my book. Now you can start filling in your knowledge gap and turn things around. The quickest way to get someone’s attention is to remove yours. Then, if she texts you outside of work, and you ask her out and have a date, go for the fucking kiss.)
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From my heart to yours,
Author, Speaker, Peak Performance Coach, Entrepreneur
“Being in a fearful and scarcity mindset when dating causes us to try too hard, come off as needy and desperate, appear creepy and controlling and will quickly ruin attraction and cause rejection. When guys make the mistake of talking on the phone too much instead of talking in person on dates, are too afraid, timid or shy to initiate physical touching and kissing, talk about their future together, gush about their feelings, etc., this makes women feel like they are being rushed into a relationship that is not of their choosing. It also makes women feel like they are losing their freedom. Men should avoid living in the future or talking about it on their dates, and should simply focus on hanging out, having fun and hooking up in the present moment. They should also take measured steps by only using the phone to set dates once per week until the women they are dating start calling and messaging them in-between dates, and simply make dates when they hear from women from that point going forward.” ~ Coach Corey Wayne
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