Age Gap Relationships

Things to consider if you’re involved in an age gap relationship & worry about her approval.

In this video coaching newsletter I discuss an email from a viewer who has been following my work for 19 months. He’s in his late fifties and just met a hot woman in the grocery store who is 30 years younger. He’s fit, has a full head of hair and doesn’t look his age. However, he’s worried about how to handle their age gap if it comes up. My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.

Hi, I’m Coach Corey Wayne and this is my Video Coaching Newsletter. And the topic of today’s Newsletter is going to be, “Age Gap Relationships.”

Well, first and foremost, if you’re an older guy dating a younger woman, the important thing to understand is if you’re not bothered by or intimidated or worried about the age gap, she typically is not going to be either. Sometimes women that are younger will troll you about it. And the important thing is that you’re unbothered by it. You should be totally indifferent to it.

Because the reality is younger women like older men just because we’ve got our shit together, as simple as that. Because guys their age are still acting like immature little babies. They’re like little man children. They don’t have their lives together. Their purpose, their mission. They’re not totally confident or competent in their abilities. So this particular guy, he’s been following my work for 19 months, he’s in his late 50s, and he just met a hot woman in the grocery store who is 30 years younger than him.

He’s fit. He’s got a full head of hair. And he says the only gray he’s got are in his sideburns and he doesn’t look his age. However, he’s worried about their age gap if it comes up. He said he got her business card.

Viewer Email:

Hi, Coach,

Following you for 19 months now. Very grateful for your insights on relationships. I follow your model on how to be a 3% Man, and it has changed my life. I went from someone who did not know how to read or handle the confusing signals and actions of women to recognizing and dealing with them almost without effort. I have read 3% Man 7 times now and plan my next read imminently. I have a question about age gap. I am in my late 50’s, professionally successful, very fit, athletic, active; thick head of hair that is my given color, very little grey, in the side burns.

I don’t lie about my age, nor do I kid myself that I “look young”, but I am better preserved than I would be, on average, if I did not have my good habits. I opened a pretty woman at the grocery store today. She was very excited about it and engaged. Said her day was hard. It was “better now.” Told me about herself. Asked me about myself. We talked effortlessly in the midst of a busy grocery aisle for ten minutes.

We have a lot in common, in addition to similar, optimistic dispositions. I ejected, saying we should continue another time. She said yes. Gave me her card. I don’t want to be too specific, but she gave me a parting comment about her “fun-loving” nature. I responded right away with a retort that landed. She was laughing, smiling.

Well, I would have said, “hey, I gotta run, but I really liked chatting with you. We should talk some more.” Or “hey, we should get together for a drink sometime”, and then you just pull out your phone and give it to her with the screen open, where she can create a contact in your contacts list. Very simple. But she gave you the business card. That’s kind of unusual. A lot of people don’t use business cards anymore. I know I don’t.

I looked her up. She is more than 30 years younger than me. She does not know my last name. When she eventually learns and looks me up she is going to be surprised.

Well, you’re assuming that attraction is not a choice. How do you know she didn’t already like you? You’re, like, already kind of presupposing the worst. You’re presupposing that there’s an issue. It won’t be an issue unless you are insecure about it.

I’m going to give it two days and call her. I expect she will come out with me. I know you espouse that people’s perception of themselves tends to be how others perceive them. I don’t see myself as old or even middle-aged. And I am internalizing the fact that she was already very excited and attracted by what she saw and heard in person. But I need to prepare myself for some sort of interaction when she learns the full picture. 

Again, if you’re not bothered by it, then she won’t be either. She might tease you about it, but as long as it doesn’t bother you and you’re not diminished by it. Go with the flow and diffuse it with humor. It’s very simple.

My instinct is to be straightforward and calm, consistent with my belief that people who are genuine, kind, and share my values are rare, and I want to be with them. Age does not figure into it. If she feels the same, we could have a remarkable time. If she doesn’t, I understand, and I wish her well. Apart from that, do you have any advice for me on handling that specific dynamic? I would be grateful.

Thank you, and thanks for all you do.

Bob

Again, you know, occasionally you might get teased by a woman about that, but she doesn’t care. Sometimes they’ll come right out and say, “hey, how old are you?” And you’ll tell them and they’ll shrug their shoulders, they don’t really mind. Because you’re not bothered by the age gap, you’re not even thinking about it. You’re just seeing a beautiful woman who you’re into, and you’re happy to be there with her. And hopefully she reciprocates and feels the same way. So I can’t. The only thing I remember once in my, I’m trying to think. I was, that was probably like 26, 27. And I hit on some girl as I think she was waiting on us. It was.

Yeah, it was a it was a waitress. She was really cute. And I asked her out, and then she asked me how old I was. And she was like 21, 22 and I’m like 26, 27 and she’s like, “oh, we’re too much of an age gap” or something like that. The reality is she just wasn’t into me. But that was the only time I can remember in my life where it was an issue with a woman and we were like a couple years apart. Now, or it’s the age gap is 20, 30 years, it’s like, they know you’re older. They don’t need to ask. She knows you’re older than her.

She doesn’t care. So it shouldn’t be an issue and you shouldn’t be worried about it. And if she does tease you and break your balls, if she talks about, you know, having a family or whatever, like, wow, that’s a significant age. I was like, “well, I want to have a big family. And so I need a younger woman. It’s like, so, you know, 30 year age gap. It’s like, after we get done having 15 kids together, it’s you’ll be technically my age anyways.” Just go with the flow, defuse the humor. Say something. “Yeah. I want to have, like, 30 kids or 20 kids.”

Say something absurd like that. It’s like, “well, you’re going to be pregnant a lot, and that takes a toll on a woman’s body. So by the time we get done raising babies and having babies, you’ll look my age anyways. So that’s why I need a younger woman.” That should be the attitude. If it comes up, you should just have a playful, indifferent attitude to it. Because again, she’s not fucking stupid. She can look at you and go, “yeah, he’s much older than me.” It’s not a secret, dude. So stop selling yourself short.

Stop being worried about it. She didn’t even bring it up. It didn’t seem to be an issue when you were talking to her. And it probably won’t be an issue when you call her to ask her out. Because what women tend to do is they tend to take little things and they blow them up into a big deal. And it’s our job to take those big things. They blow up and shrink it down into a not a big deal. That’s why if you’re indifferent to it, if you’re not bothered, if you’re not insecure in any way, you’re amused. You’re enchanted. She’ll feel the same way.

So, if you’ve got a question or a challenge and you’d like to get my help, go to UnderstandingRelationships.com, click the Products tab at the top of your screen on any page, and book a coaching session with yours truly.