The importance of aligning your head and your heart, so you can reach your full potential in your personal and professional life.
In this video coaching newsletter, I discuss an email success story from a guy who shares how my work impacted his life after a breakup. He realized that his ex-girlfriend was negative and constantly making him feel bad and doubt himself. He focused on becoming a better version of himself and got back in the dating game.
He shares some of his recent success stories, including with an NFL cheerleader he previously felt was totally out of his league. He discusses the paradigm shift he underwent that helped him to make sure his head and his heart were aligned. My comments are in (bold parenthesis like this below) in the body of his email.
Coach Corey Wayne,
What can I say? I stumbled upon your work on YouTube after a breakup, like most people do. Even though I broke up with her for various reasons, including I was sad, hurt and lonely, and debated on trying to get her back. To my surprise, she seemed to be over it, and I was very frustrated and distant. This is where the unexpected blessing of your work came into play.
After coming across your work, I really thought long and hard about my life’s purpose, and began to see all the faults that were in my past relationship that my family and friends were trying to point out.
(If you really want to live and reach your full potential, you’ve got to have an emotionally compelling reason why you get up every day, day in and day out. Something that’s exciting. Something that is fun. Something you look forward to. Not trying to punch a time clock to get through the week. It takes its toll on you emotionally, mentally, spiritually and physically. Ralph Waldo Emerson said, “We become what we think about all day long.”)
My head was going one way, my heart was going the other. I was trying to get her back, simply because I was lonely and hadn’t found anyone else.
(I have several people I grew up with that just give up thinking, “This is as good as it’s going to get.” They don’t really invest in any new knowledge. That’s the beauty of what’s in my book. It can give you the knowledge to give you choices to make things better. When you know you have choices, and you don’t have to tolerate things being mediocre or as they are, that gives you power. It gives you the power of choice, the power of options. Therefore, if you have negative people in your life, when you know you deserve better and you can have better, it gives you the confidence to walk away.
It’s not a matter of hope. It’s simply a matter of time. As you get better, become more successful and become happier, the quality of the people that you spend your time with and you attract into your life get better. We become like the five people we spend most of our time with. Choose wisely.)
After reading your book several times, I realized I ALLOWED her to treat me that way.
(No one will ever do or say anything to you that you don’t invite them to do.)
After a couple of months of working on myself, I have emerged better than I ever thought! I realized my self worth and began dating casually, implementing the things you talk about in your book. I used my first couple of dates as practice and was shocked at how well my dates were going.
(I’m not shocked, but good for you. It’s your birthright dude. It’s exciting when you realize you don’t have to settle. Success is being able to spend your life in your own way.)
I also realized I had a lot of options out there, plenty of fish in the sea.
(There are 7 1/2 billion people on the planet, and half of them are women. Your odds are pretty good that eventually you’ll meet somebody.)
Because my confidence and self worth was up, and I was happy with myself, all of these girls wanted 2nd and 3rd dates. Some even trying to get serious right away.
(Think about it. How many people are really happy in life? When women encounter a guy who’s happy and loves his life, you’re different. You’re a beacon of light compared to the rest of the people that are just sleepwalking through life.)
Keeping in line with your work, I have made sure to not go on follow-up dates if I don’t think it’s going anywhere.
(Hence learning to trust what you feel internally.)
In the old days, if a girl was hot, I would keep going on dates, even if her personality was negative. I found this lead me to being more unhappy.
(Yeah, because again, you’re settling. She might look great on the outside, but maybe you don’t like spending time with her. Maybe you can’t stand the sound of her voice. Maybe you don’t share the same political beliefs. Maybe you don’t have the same goals and the same values. If you’re a high achiever, you’re not going to want to be hanging out with a woman who’s mediocre. That’s reality.)
I am keeping a clear vision of what I want, and while I am open to dating, I am not going to get ‘serious’ with someone unless I am completely happy with her.Your work is so much bigger than ‘picking up girls.’ If someone really understands your work, they will realize picking up girls is a byproduct of your work. I could go on and on about all of the positive ways your work as impacted my life the last few months, but I’m sure you get plenty of those emails.
(I always love a great success story.)
Oh, and when my ex did call, she was very surprised and caught off guard when I told her “Life is great. I’ve been working out, eating healthy and going out in the evenings.” I kept it positive and happy, and then told her I had things to do, and will talk to her later. She was fully expecting me to act negative and ask her to hang out or meet up. I did neither.
(She no longer made the cut. She no longer qualified, and you’re no longer in a scarcity mindset. When you have choices and options, you’re like, “Do I really want to go heat up leftovers?”)
She ended up asking me to hang out, and we did meet up. I practiced what you taught and kept it friendly, casual and not serious. She asked to hang out again, and I did. It also went well, but now that I have clarity, I picked up on her negativity and her complainer attitude, something I overlooked before.
(If you don’t feel like you’ve got choices, you’re like, “Well, nobody’s perfect. This is as good as it’s going to get.” That’s the statement that keeps people in a shitty job, keeps people spending time with shitty friends or keeps them in a shitty relationship.)
I realize after everything, she is the one that needs to change her perspective on life. Her negativity, jealousy and unhappiness were killing my mood and life outlook when I was dating her.
(Yeah, because as you grow spiritually, emotionally, mentally and physically, you vibrate at a higher level. You become a higher energy, higher vibrational person, and you’re just not going to jive with somebody that’s in that low energy vibe, because it has an effect on you.If you spend time around negative people who aren’t on the same wavelength as you, they will bring you down if you spend enough time with them. The idea is you want to hang out with people who are better than you, more successful than you, and people who are happier, because it rubs off on you. They’ll bring you up to their level.)
I went from wondering if I should try and get her back to realizing a much bigger truth: I should NEVER allow myself to settle or be mistreated. I will never close the door completely on anyone. You never know, she may have an eye opening moment and change like I did, but until that day, I am not putting myself in that situation again.
(It’s not your job to fix the other person. If they’re not open to it or willing to do the work, it’s not your fault. Find someone who’s a little further on the journey. Remember, like attracts like. People who like the same things tend to like each other.)
I could go on and on about your work and the last few months of my life, including even hooking up with an NFL cheerleader who I use to think was out of my league.
(That should be a commonplace thing dude. That should be your standard. Raise your standards and your values, and the quality of people and the quality of your life will get better.)
Your work has affected my dating life, working life and family life in such a positive way! Your message of self-reliance and self-empowerment is one that our world could truly use right now. Thank you from the bottom of my heart!
When payday comes around next, I’ve decided to give a donation. It’s not much, but it’s what I can afford right now.
(Thank you. I always appreciate donations.)
If you have a question you would like me to consider answering in a future Video Coaching Newsletter, you can send it (3-4 paragraphs/500 words max) to this email address: Questions@UnderstandingRelationships.com
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From my heart to yours,
Author, Speaker, Peak Performance Coach, Entrepreneur
“Trusting your curiosity, heart and intuition is not something that is traditionally embraced or encouraged in the west. We are constantly told that we need to be realistic and practical. The reality is, we will invest the most time, energy and effort into people and projects that we love. Reaching your full potential is not possible if you are constantly focused on trying to please others and live your life according to the unreasonable expectations of others. Ignoring your heart and intuition and doing what others expect leads to a life of mediocrity and sets you up for enormous setbacks. Why? If you are constantly settling for less than your heart’s desire, you’ll never make the effort that is required to have a spectacular personal and professional life. Consistently settling and living a life that is less than what you are capable of living eventually breaks your spirit and causes you to lose hope. Once you lose hope, you’ll drive yourself into an early grave.” ~ Coach Corey Wayne
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