Why an alpha male wingman who shows you how ruthless women can be is a good friend indeed.
In this video coaching newsletter, I discuss an email from a viewer who is 27 and his friend is 44. On weekends, they go out together to bars and clubs to meet new women. His friend showed him on two occasions how women he was dating weren’t the ones for him when his friend started flirting with them in front of him and they reciprocated.
He is bothered by this and asks if this is a good friend or not to keep around as a wingman. My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.
This email brings up a really good topic about people you allow into your inner circle and people that you you should learn from. Because the idea is, as you go through life, you want to learn from people that are older and more successful, more experienced than you are. Because if you learn from them, then you can gain the knowledge that may have taken them decades to acquire in a short period of time. This guy’s got almost twenty years of real world life experience. And so, for a guy who’s twenty-seven years old, that’s a pretty good thing to have. But you also have to determine, is this guy a good person? And would he do something if you were dating a girl and try to take her home? So, it seems that’s kind of the gist of what he’s concerned about.
I’m 27 years old, and my friend is 44 years old. I’m a nurse and he is a senior sales executive.
So, if he’s in sales, obviously he’s used to dealing with and interacting with a lot of people. And if you’re going to be in sales that long, especially by the time you’re forty-four, you’re going to learn a lot about human nature.
We met from mutual friends and we have common interest. On weekends, he and I go out and enjoy meeting new women at clubs/bars. There were 2 instances where he knew I was talking/dating these 2 girls. With both girls, he wanted to show me that those girls “weren’t the one for me,” so he flirted with them and showed me that they reciprocated right in front of me. It was embarrassing, but in a way, I can think of it as a blessing in disguise to see what these girls I’m talking to are really made of.
You can see how that could be disconcerting, because you’re thinking, “Man, I’m making progress with these girls. Hey, I want her to meet my buddy.” And he meets her and starts flirting with her, and right away she turns to his friend and starts flirting back. So, obviously, him being older, he can probably read the body language between this guy and this girl and tell what’s going on.
He can probably also notice that this guy, the one that wrote the email, is more into these girls than they were into him. And it was harsh, it’s a harsh lesson, but he showed him. It’s a good way to kind of help this guy knock the women off their pedestals. Because he’s kind of pedestalizing them, obviously, and when you do that, you can’t really see reality.
I do that a lot with guys that I’m in phone sessions with, when they tell me about the women that they’re involved with, especially when there’s red flags and integrity issues that are coming up. And I’ve done countless phone sessions over the years with guys who are just distraught about a relationship that didn’t work out, or one that’s not working out, or a woman that they’re dating is not behaving the way they want. And when they start telling me about this woman and what she’s doing and saying, and then I start pointing out the character flaws and what it means, it brings the women kind of back down to earth and helps the guy get the women off the pedestal.
So, I’ll start the phone session, and the guy is totally distraught over this woman. And then when I show him, and tell him, and explain to him and illustrate what’s really going on with these women and what their integrity level is, or lack of integrity, by the end of the phone session, they feel really good because they’re no longer giving all their power away. They see the situation as it is instead of better than it is, which was how they were seeing it before we did our phone session.
So, that’s something that’s really important. A good friend is going to show you the things that you don’t like and you don’t want to hear. And, obviously, he didn’t like this. The truth is a nasty pill to swallow. Especially if you’re an avid reader of “How To Be A 3% Man,” and you’ve implemented it, and you’ve got friends that are pedestalizing chicks, it is helpful – even though they might not like it, and they might get pissed off at you – to knock these girls off their pedestal, so your friends can see the women as they really are.
That’s what a true friend is going to do, even if they’re going to get pissed off at you. Because, in the long run, that’s what they really need. Otherwise, they’re just setting themselves up for failure to get burned down the road.
In both instances, I walked away from those 2 girls and never looked back. I wanted to ask you if he is a good friend to keep around as a wingman.
Well, the important thing is, is he doing this after it happens, does he come over and say, “Do you see? You see now what I was explaining to you about this girl? Do you see how she was interacting with me? She’s not as into you as you think she is.”
When you do that, it kind of helps you perceive and see the situation as it is. Because when you see it better than it is, you’re pedestalizing them, and then you’re giving your power away. And when you give your power away, you can’t see reality as it is, and you put yourself in a position where you get taken advantage of and get your heart crushed. Remember, no one will ever do or say anything to you that you don’t invite them to do.
We get along great, but in some way, it has me bitter that he was able to show me what female nature can be. What are your thoughts on this, Coach?
Well, I think it’s good, but the real test comes when you’re in a good, healthy relationship with a good woman, and you have made a good choice. I would assume he’s not trying to rip her off from you in that particular case.
But, ideally, if he watches you interact with a woman and you’re acting all dopey and you’ve got her on a pedestal, and he knocks this girl down a few notches in your eyes, then you’ll be able to see reality as it is, which is super important.
In some way, he keeps me wanting to improve more on myself to the point of being undeniable when dealing with women in the future.
Thanks Coach Corey,
I think it’s great. I think you should keep hanging out with this particular guy, and it’s good that he showed you this, because who else is going to do that? Probably your younger friends that don’t know any better would just let you get bamboozled, and then you get more emotionally invested, the heartbreak is a lot harder and takes a lot longer to get over.
So, if you’ve got a question or a challenge and you would like to get my help, go to UnderstandingRelationships.com, click the Products tab at the top of your screen and book a coaching session with yours truly.
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Author, Speaker, Peak Performance Coach, Entrepreneur
“A good friend is someone to whom you can speak aloud. They will have your back even when you are not around. When you are lying to yourself and not doing what you know you should be doing, they will tell you and show you what you do not want to see or hear, but need to, even if it angers or upsets you. They will behave with a code of honor and show you through their actions that they are loyal and trustworthy.” ~ Coach Corey Wayne
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