Am I Being Tested, Should I Just Back Off, or Both?

How you can know if you are being tested, if you should just back off or both when your romance goes sideways.

In this video coaching newsletter, I discuss an email success story from a viewer who hooked up with his first new girl in four years after he broke up with his ex-girlfriend. He shares how his confidence grew from barely being able to maintain eye contact with women to successfully seducing them.

However, he met a new girl he really liked, but over several weeks gave all his power away and reverted back to the way he used to be and turned her off. He asks what he should do now. My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.

Viewer’s Email:

Hey Corey,

The first thing I’d like to say is that I’m extremely grateful for your work. Thank you very much…

You’re welcome very much.

…as it was all thanks to the application of the teachings in your book…

Obviously, he’s talking about “How To Be A 3% Man.”

…that led me to getting laid for the first time in 4 years since I broke up with my ex back in 2017. I’m 24 now, and over the past two years, but especially over the past six to seven months, I’ve gotten to the point of barely having the courage to look a girl I like in the eyes to having made it successfully into the bedroom a few times with one girl I particularly liked.

Well, congratulations on the end of the pussy embargo.

So, basically, it got to the point where I’d made far too many mistakes over a few weeks and her attraction level had dropped significantly to the point where she started breaking dates.

When you notice women breaking dates, especially if she breaks a date and doesn’t mention rescheduling, you’re not going to bring up making another date unless she brings it up first. And so, from that point forward, let’s say she reaches out, “Hey, what are you doing? What are you up to?” You’re like, “Hey, I’m doing this, I’m doing doing that. What are you doing? Oh, great. Yeah. Hey, it’s great here for me. I’ve got to run. Talk to you later.”

You don’t bring up getting together or making a date, because the greatest gift you can give anybody is a gift of your time. And when somebody cancels a date and doesn’t bring up rescheduling, it shows low interest.

There was a small party planned at her place which I’d been invited to. She messaged me that afternoon a few hours beforehand and asked to change the plan. I said, “No thanks, let’s stick to the plan.” Then she sent me a relatively lengthy message saying she really didn’t feel like hanging out tonight, that she was not going to be there and would go to her parents’ place instead to rest, (which was obviously bullshit), and apologized about her lack of interest. We rescheduled for the following day.

Yeah, so right there, you’ve got a date set, and she’s like, “Yeah, I don’t feel like doing anything tonight.” Well, I think I’d rather go hang out with somebody that’s excited to do something with me tonight. I’m going to call the boys. We’re going to go out and raise some hell.

At the time, I couldn’t think of a way around it. Later, I realized I could have possibly tried, “Well, if you’re not going to be there, I hope you don’t mind me heading around to party with the others. Sounds like it’s going to be fun.”  Most likely I would have been met with resistance here, but I’m not sure. So, the question is:  was that a test?

Well, it was obvious that she had low interest in you. Her interest had dropped. Because, again, you want to spend your time with somebody who is like, “Hell yeah, I’d love to see you! That’d be great,” instead of, “Yeah, I don’t really feel like it tonight. I’m going to go do something else. I think I’m going to do my laundry. I think I’m going to pick the dirt out of the bottom of my sneakers tonight. I think that’s going to be my project. I think I’d rather do that.”

“I think I’m going to clean the paper out of the bottom of my birdcage tonight, as opposed to going to dinner and doing something fun with you, because that definitely sounds more exciting. I think I’m going to paint my nails instead of spending time with you tonight.”

Or is me trying to push it, (like said I’d thought of later), the right thing to do?

Again, when you sense a lack of enthusiasm and somebody is trying to change the plans or cancel the date, you’re going to withdraw the offer. Say, “Hey, no problem, we can just do it another time when you’re feeling better.” If she says, “Okay, yeah, we’ll do it some other time,” then you’re not going to call or text her again for any reason after that.

And then you won’t bring up going on a date or making a date, even if she calls and texts you several times. She has to bring it up first. Obviously, he was really starting to like this girl at this point, because again, it was a four-year pussy embargo that had just ended, and the thirst was real. He couldn’t handle it. He was a thirsty man.

If it’s a test, I should try get around it, but if she needs space then I’d just be making it worse. What do you think?

Well, if you had read the book 10 to 15 times, you would understand, “She doesn’t want to spend time with me tonight. She’s not that interested in being around me. Now, what could I have possibly done to cause her to go from excited to see me and having sex as me to ‘Yeah, I’m just not feeling like hanging out tonight. Yeah, I’d rather change the paper in the bottom of my birdcage and clean the bird poop out of it. That sounds more exciting to me than hanging out with you.'” But the thirst was real, so he didn’t do the right thing.

Up until this point, I had done a great job of not texting or calling in between dates, and always waited for her to contact me first, but I totally fucked it a couple weeks earlier when I tried to set a date just before leaving and didn’t make a definite time to pick her up.

Yeah, so you obviously came off as a little needy, and I know you’re just saying that was the one time a few weeks ago, but I have to say, probably not. There were probably others. Because again, one time? I’d say you’re bullshitting yourself and trying to bullshit the coach. If I look at her actions, I go, “It was more than that one time, bro.”

I knew I’d fucked that up as soon as the words came out of my mouth, but by that time it was too late. I paid the price for it. This was the oh so subtle beginning of the chase…

Yeah, what did I just get done saying?

…going from 80/20 to 50/50, and I got dropped like a rock shortly after. 

So, it wasn’t just one instance, it was a whole series of instances. So, instead of her interest going up, it went down. Because it takes time to go up, and it takes time to go down. It doesn’t just drop unless you majorly go off the rails one night. You can bullshit yourself, but you can’t bullshit the coach.

The next day I went over, she gave me the “let’s just be friends” speech.

Yeah, it was “just that one time.” When it’s 50/50, I know it’s going to end in friendzone.

So, it’s kinda like I almost feel like me asking the question in this email is sort of redundant, because if I had done the right things earlier on I wouldn’t have landed my ass in this situation, and it seems to me like at this point it was already too late. I guess I’d just like to know if you think there was anything I could have done given the circumstances, because I’m not 100% on things here.

Well, you should have followed the book. You should have read it 10 to 15 times, and applied it and done what it said. But what happened was your emotions became engaged, and you literally reverted back to exactly the way you used to be. I mean, when it’s 50/50, I know you’re getting friendzoned. When I do phone sessions with guys and they’re like, “Yeah, it was 50/50,” I’m like, “Oh, it’s friendzone.”

It’s probably kinda hard to tell, because I haven’t included every little detail, but if I did that the email would be way too long.

It doesn’t matter. I got enough detail already. I already know what you did wrong, and so do you. And so does everybody watching this.

She realized I wanted her more than she wanted me…

True.

…and that she had more leverage, and that she had me figured out.

Well, you started acting like a soy boy, instead of a mysterious man whose attention and validation she was seeking.

The mystery and challenge was gone, and it didn’t last long once that had happened.

Yeah, you ruined the sexual polarity, dude.

So yeah, I bought your book and I’m going to read it at least 15 times and not just listen to it, but I’ll keep doing that too.

Well, a tip: ideally, have the paperback or hardcover or the digital, and you should be listening to the audio as you follow along in it. And then you can put it on two-speed. This book’s like seven and a half hours on the audio book, so you can get through it in three and a half hours. You can do it in the evening. That’s a quick way to really force yourself to focus on it and get through the whole thing.

I’m highlighting the fuck out of it as well.

So now that things went sideways, now he’s really becoming a serious student. Pain is a great motivator.

I didn’t accept her friend request and told her to call me if she changes her mind. She won’t, but it’s all I can do. 

Pretty much.

From the time I’d met her, I had just constructed my list of the person I wanted, and she fell into place. I had listened to the book once at this point.

Yeah, that’s part of your problem. The great success stories come from people who listen to it 10, 15, 20 times. And you listen to it once and you’re like, “Coach, I’ve got this. Put me in, bro. I’m going to be Casanova with her. I’ll have her eating out of the palm of my hand within a few weeks.”

But instead, you started pursuing 50/50, and you got friendzoned for your troubles. Yeah, notice when he says 50/50, I said it’s going to end up in friendzone, and sure enough he mentioned later, she literally tried to friendzone him. I mean, it’s as predictable as the Sun coming up in the East and setting in the West.

Her attraction level was high, largely because I’m in really good shape and I guess I sort of just did it for her.

Yeah, well, it doesn’t matter. Looks are great, they get you in the door, but if you start acting like a soy boy beta male, it’s going to go the wrong way.

It was hard to tell at first, because there was another girl in the picture, and I thought she was just trying to set me up… pre-selection worked in my favor. The initial stages of seduction were executed with enough correct behavior on my part to have made it to the bedroom, but it’s what came after that blew it.

Yeah, you didn’t know what you’re doing. So, it wasn’t just that one time when you tried to make a date while you were still on a date. It was a whole series. It was the 50/50 pursuing. That’s inevitable. It’s going to happen. You do 50/50, you get friendzoned. It doesn’t matter.

The same thing with my gay clients, my lesbian clients. When I’m talking to the masculine one, they’re like, “Yeah, it’s 50%,” it’s like, “Oh yeah, you got friendzoned, didn’t you?” They’re like, “Yeah, how’d you know?” I don’t know. Just a cowinky-dink.

By the time it ended, I’d listened to the book almost 11 times and was watching the newsletters every night and taking notes on key points and areas I need to work on. This happened over about 3 months. All I did was work, train, date and study this stuff. I was not coming from a grounded place in my life and was not confident in myself, which is the fundamental problem.

Well, the fundamental problem is you didn’t know the fundamentals, and so you didn’t do what the book said. You knew enough to get her in the sack, but after that, it was total crash and burn, flat spin.

I was definitely too much of a nice guy, although I generally did pretty well with taking the lead on things.

Yeah, I’m not too sure about that.

Really, I just wasn’t confident… I was making mistakes I knew better than to make but was under too much stress due to fear of loss and feelings of unworthiness and have not done enough practice.

Ding, ding! True.

The universe gave me what I needed.

Yeah, God’s laughing his ass off now. I think that’s all God does, is just laugh and laugh and laugh at our fucked-up-ness.

Now I know where I need to improve in life, and I’m working on it. It was a beautiful experience to be a part of. I was putting a lot of work into this and filled a huge knowledge gap in a very short period of time.

Well, I wouldn’t say you filled it yet, Padawan. Don’t overestimate your abilities.

I learned so much about female attraction and had all of the areas of myself exposed that I need to work on, and I’m very grateful for all of it. Unfortunately, I wasn’t good enough to have made it further with her, but that’s okay. I know if I keep working at it, I’ll get there soon enough. 

Bob

And that’s the right attitude, dude. Grinding should be your rest. Repetition is the mother of skill. It’s a painful lesson. Yeah, you had a good opportunity, but this is this is why these things happen. You get burned and you go, “Damn, I should have listened to Corey. He said so. He told me. I thought I was going to be special, I was going to be different, I was going to be the guy that didn’t have to read the book 10 to 15 times.”

I’ve yet to get a success story from a guy that has just read the book once, and everything was magical. It just it doesn’t happen. There’s too much bad programming and societal conditioning that has to be undone for us guys to act properly and masculine all the time to keep women attracted consistently.

So, if you’ve got a question or a challenge and you’d like to get my help, go to UnderstandingRelationships.com, click the Products tab at the top of your screen and book coaching session with yours truly.

“Women love men who are confident, decisive and direct. Feminine women want men who are more masculine than they are, so they can relax and feel safe and comfortable enough with their leadership to be totally feminine and submissive to follow their lead. Men who are not comfortable enough or who don’t know how to lead and be masculine cause women to not feel safe around them or trust their masculine core. Women like and respect men more when they have to earn their attention and validation and get turned off when the opposite happens. It’s the sexual polarity that draws men and women together and creates the passion that bonds them.” ~ Coach Corey Wayne

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