Am I Just Her Side Piece Or Is There A Chance For A Real Relationship?

How to know if you’re wasting your time & a relationship isn’t possible.

In this video coaching newsletter I discuss an email from a viewer who’s been seeing a married woman in a bad marriage. It’s her second. He thought they were in love but he’s suspicious because she spends time with an older man she claims she needs emotional support from. He’s caught her in multiple lies. She won’t leave her husband because the timing isn’t right.

He asks for my honest opinion. My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.

Well, if you have to ask…

So in this particular email, I think he’s from Germany, if I’m not mistaken. He’s got two daughters. I’m not sure if he’s divorced, but he’s got kids of his own. So over the last year, he started seeing a married woman and rationalized it by saying, she’s in a bad marriage. Kind of a little bit of a Captain Save-A-Hoe complex going on here. This is her second marriage, by the way.

So he says he thought they were in love, but he’s kind of suspicious now because, number one, she says she can’t leave her husband because timing’s not right and this and that. The other thing, which they always have men and women do the same things to their side pieces, basically. On top of that, there’s another guy who’s even older than him. I think he’s in his 40s, she’s in her early 30s, if I’m not mistaken, and she spends a lot of time with this other guy, but she says he fulfills her need for emotional support and she really needs it, his emotional maturity and support.

So he doesn’t believe her because he’s caught her in a bunch of lies. He’s just got himself into a situation, probably saw too many Disney movies where this kind of thing works out, but instead he can’t really move forward because he cares for her. At the end of the day, because his emotions are all involved, it’s hard for him to make sense of the situation and make a rational decision.

I say this all the time because I have a background in sales. People will, in other words, we base our buying decisions on our emotions and then we use logic and reason to justify it. Since he’s all emotional about this, he rationalizes the absurdity of it, his girlfriend, if you will. I don’t know if he can call her that, it’s somebody else’s wife, and she’s still with him and is not going to leave the guy. It doesn’t seem like she has any plans.

So she’s clearly got a big old Frankenstein Boyfriend project going on. She’s got the husband, she’s got this guy and she’s got the older guy. So she’s got three dudes that are fulfilling all her needs. If I remember right, I think he said she came from a broken home, which obviously not a shocker.

Viewer Email:

Hi Coach Corey Wayne,

First of all, I really appreciate your book and your work. I’m currently on my sixth read of How to Be a 3% Man, and I still watch your videos regularly. I plan to keep studying it because every time I reread it, I understand things more deeply.

Well, as you grow and evolve, you start to see things from a different perspective, and each time you go through it, you basically get wiser and you have a better understanding of things, especially as you’re experiencing the things that I talk about in the book.

I’ll try to keep this as short as possible.

I’m a divorced father of two daughters, and since July last year I’ve been talking to a married woman I met at work.

Never mow another man’s lawn. I don’t know how long you’ve been following me. You should not be getting involved in situations like this. In South Florida, we have what’s called a Hialeah divorce. So you can look it up. There’s a city called Hialeah. A lot of murder suicides. It’s just a lot of dudes don’t appreciate guys mowing their lawn, so to speak, and they tend to go postal when those things happen. It’s pretty much just about every night. You can turn on the news and there’s some murder suicide or some guy gunned down his wife and her lover or whatever, or she left her husband for another man. Then he tracks them down. It’s just not worth it.

I mean, there’s what, 7.5, 8.5 billion, I don’t even know, 7.5 billion people? Half of them are women, and the only woman is somebody else’s wife? It’s like, come on, man!

We started seeing each other in September. We fell deeply in love, or at least that’s how it felt to me.

You got to look at the other person’s actions. She comes from a very unhealthy family background. Big shock there.

She comes from a very unhealthy family background. She never had a real relationship with her father, and her relationship with her mother is terrible.

So this is why she’s got the Frankenstein Boyfriend project going on.

So we got some deliveries going on. Right before I started filming, just got out taking a nice hot shower, and of course, the delivery guy shows up with the rack for our dumbbells and a crunch machine. So I walk out. I’m out there not even five minutes. I come back in and I’m fucking dripping wet. So I had to change again. So I’m expecting one more delivery today. So there’s that. So if you hear the dogs going crazy, it’s probably because another delivery is happening.

As you mention in your book, I know this kind of background can create major relationship issues and emotional instability.

Well, that’s why she has a Frankenstein Boyfriend project because she didn’t grow up with a father. So she never had a stable man raise her, never had a stable, masculine presence. So she’s doing the best she can. That’s why she’s got the older guy. She’s got the dude that wrote the email and she’s got her husband, which is totally unhealthy, but how could she know any better? She came from a broken home. This is probably what she saw growing up. So to her, this is normal.

At the same time, she is beautiful, intelligent, caring, and has many qualities I genuinely admire in a woman. She is currently in her second marriage, and from what I can see, it is not a happy or healthy relationship.

Again, not shocking or surprising either way. It’s kind of like, “Duhh. Water’s wet. The sky is blue.” This is as predictable as the sun coming up in the east and setting in the west.

She tells me she wants to divorce eventually…

This is how they dangle the carrot.

…But right now she says it is very difficult because she is changing jobs, opening her own practice, and trying to become financially independent before making such a major life decision.

Again, when you hear that, you’re like, “Hey well, whenever you get to that point and you’re finally out of your marriage and if I’m still single, hit me up. We can go out on a date.” You just don’t get involved like that, but in the movies, what happens? They carry on a little affair, then everybody makes their move, and then they live happily ever after. Real life is a lot messier.

Part of me understands that, but another part of me feels emotionally stuck waiting in uncertainty.

Again, a high value guy is not going to wait around on a chick with a messy situation, especially somebody coming from a broken home who’s cheating on her husband. If she cheats on her husband with you, when she’s unhappy with you, she’ll cheat on you. If she lies to your face, well she’s clearly a liar and a cheater, and you can’t believe anything she says.

The problem is that she also spends a lot of time with an older co-worker. She is 29, I’m 44, and the guy is around 58 or 59. Sometimes she spends more time with him than with me. She tells me he is like the father figure she never had growing up and that she emotionally needs that support.

And I’m sure probably the flesh rocket on top of that.

Honestly, my intuition tells me there is more going on than she admits.

What hurt me the most is that she lied to me multiple times.

Well again, not surprising. Once a cheater, always a cheater. Character is destiny. People typically don’t change who they are. They may become a better version, but like in this case, she’s probably sleeping with both these guys, including her husband, and lying to everybody about it. As she’s gotten older, now that she’s 29, she’s just a much better liar than she used to be. This is her character. You’re not going to fix this.

I saw somebody in a comment last week on another video when I said that people typically don’t change who they are, and it’s some young kid with a cartoon avatar, no life experience, probably never even touched a woman lecturing me and telling me it makes me look stupid when I say that, as if he has any life experience, despite the fact I’ve been doing this professionally for over 20 years at this point, but I digress because when people get upset and they call you names like that, you said something that was true that went against their beliefs and that’s how they react. They don’t like hearing the truth, because the truth is a nasty pill to swallow.

She told me she was going to work, but instead she was meeting him.

Again, that’s not fixable. There was no dad. She’s 29. This is the way she is. This is her second marriage. She’s probably not. It’s doubtful she’ll even leave the husband.

I tried to walk away two or three times, but every time she pulled me back emotionally and I allowed it because my attachment to her became very strong.

Well, you have an attachment to the fantasy of who you want her to be, but at the end of the day, what you should have done is stuck to your guns. Say, “I’m not getting involved in this messy situation. If you’re ever single, hit me up.” Again, it’s like this woman would cheat on you in a heartbeat if she wasn’t happy. You’re not going to be Mr. White Knight and save her from her crappy marriage. She is in a crappy marriage because she makes bad decisions because again, she grew up without a father, so she doesn’t know any better. You can’t make good wine from bad grapes. You’re not gonna fix this girl. You can’t turn a hoe into a housewife. That’s just the way it is.

Now I feel emotionally exhausted. This situation is starting to affect my peace of mind, my focus at work, and even the energy I should be giving to my daughters. I feel stuck between what my emotions want and what logic tells me.

Well, at the end of the day, you’re wrapped up in a fantasy of a woman who, quite frankly, doesn’t exist. At least it’s not her. So you got to see reality as it is. She lies to your face, she lies to her husband’s face, she clearly is probably lying to this older guy, and he’s got all three of you bamboozled and believe in her load of bullshit that she’s selling. These are just bad people. You can feel compassion and wish them well and say a prayer for them, but at the end of the day, they’re fucked up. They made their bed. They gotta lie in it.

If you’re dumb enough to get into a relationship and even dumber to marry somebody like this, you can’t be shocked when the lying continues and then you find out she’s cheating on you. It’s just the way it is. She grew up in an environment where lying was a way of life. She had to learn to lie to survive, and she’s still doing it because she doesn’t know any better, and at 29 years old, she ain’t going change. She’ll become better at hiding it, but she ain’t gonna change. That’s why I say it, because again, I’ve been doing this for many decades now, and I deal with people from all over the world in every cultural, religious and spiritual background, and character is destiny. So if you want to go against that and reinvent the wheel, then have at it and maybe end up in a Hialeah divorce, which is just a bad way to go.

I would really appreciate your honest opinion or advice about this situation. Thank you for your time and for everything you teach.

Best Regards,


Bob form Germany

Well, if it was me, I’d just start meeting and dating other women. If she bitches or complains about it, say, “Look, you’re married. You got this other older guy you hang out with all the time. You’ve lied about them. I have to assume you’re sleeping with your husband, you’re sleeping with me, and you’re sleeping with the other guy. I want a healthy, normal relationship because I want a good example for my daughters, and it clearly is not going to be with you. Until I find the right girl, maybe we can have a little fun. We can be fuck buddies, but that’s it. That’s as far as it’s gonna go.”

Ideally, what you really should be doing is just walking away. Tell her you’re no longer interested. You can’t deal with the lying. You got two daughters to raise. Quite frankly, you don’t want your daughters to turn out to be a lying, cheating hoe like she is. I mean, this is what I’m saying. You’re probably not going to say that to her because you care for her, but somebody needs to be real with this chick, but it’s not going to really matter because this is the way she is. You got to see reality as it is and think about your daughters. This is already affecting you. So you need to be the best dad you can be. Otherwise you’re going to fuck your own kids up.

So you got to make sure you raise your own daughters right and you set a good example and you bring home a good woman who comes from a good family and has high character. That’s the way it needs to be, my man, and then let this situation go on down the road.

So, if you’ve got a question or a challenge and you’d like to get my help, go to UnderstandingRelationships.com, click the Products tab at the top of your screen on any page, and book a coaching session with yours truly.

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