Am I Seeing Her Too Much? Am I Too Available?

How to know if you are seeing her too much and if you’re too easy & available.

In this video coaching newsletter I discuss an email from a viewer who has read 3% Man 15 times and has been following my work for several years. He recently met a girl on Hinge dating app. They hooked up on their first date. They have had four dates and six sessions of the indoor Olympics in one week already.

Things are great, but he’s worried that he’s seeing her too much despite her doing 100% of the contact initiation. My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.

In this particular email, this guy’s kind of got the opposite problem that the majority of guys have when they first start dating a girl. In this case, he’s been through 3% Man 15 times. So he’s been following me for several years and he’s pretty familiar with what to do and when to move forward, when to back off, that kind of thing.

So he recently met a girl on the Hinge dating app, and they hooked up on their first date. In the first week, they had four dates and six sessions of the indoor Olympics, all in seven days. I think a couple of the days were just like where she reached out and wanted to see him and came over for the booty call, so she really likes it. It must be good dick because she’s coming back for more. So now he’s like, man, “She’s doing 100% of the reaching out,” but that’s probably the first time he’s ever seen somebody that much in the first week. You know, for four dates in one week when you just met and fucking like rabbits, there’s also a good chance that she just had a breakup she’s trying to get over and you could potentially be the rebound. You have to understand that if she did just have a breakup, the guy’s probably still in the background. In the weeks coming forward, especially when you spend a lot of time together quickly, especially if there’s an ex that she just broke up with, you should expect a pullback even when she’s doing 100% of the contact initiation. Which is, if you’re following what’s in the book, that’s where you’re trying to get there, because if you follow what’s in the book and you’re dealing with a normal, healthy woman, within three to four weeks, she’ll be behaving pretty much like this girl is where she’s calling and texting multiple times a day and you be together just about every other night.

So that happens naturally. It’s happening a lot quicker with her. So maybe she’s just super into him. Maybe it was the right time in her life, but it’s also possible that she just had a breakup. So she’s kind of on the rebound a little bit or she may just be incredibly insecure. She’ll be hot and heavy and then kind of be all over the ice. Then one thing he did say in his email is that she seems to have a really good relationship with her father. It’s one thing to have a good relationship with their father, but does she respect her dad? Does she love her dad? Does she admire him? Does she look up to him? Does she respect his authority or is she used to always, in other words, is dad a pushover? Does she always get her way? If he says no to her or doesn’t want to do what she wants, does she just nag him until he gives in? Because that’s not a healthy situation. If that happens, then what a girl learns with a father like that is that you can basically get men to cave. All you got to do is kind of be manipulative and he’ll give in to what you want if you nag him enough, if you keep asking him enough or you keep bringing him up enough. It’s kind of like that, “Are we there yet? Are we there yet?” And eventually, just to get her off your back, you go along with it.

You got to pay attention to those things, because I’ve done a lot of phone sessions over the years with guys that are like, “Oh, she has a great relationship with her father.” Then when we get into the what the relationship is actually like, you find out the dad is soft, he’s a pushover, he’s a beta male. None of the women in the family respect him, the wife doesn’t respect him, they all kind of walk all over him, they pretty much nag and complain until he’s just like, “Ah fuck it, we’ll just do what you guys want. Leave me alone.” That’s not a good situation, because women that are raised by men that behave that way, that’s how they’re going to behave with you. So when you say no or “I don’t want to do this” or “I don’t want to do that,” “Oh, but please! Come on!” It’s just always something to try to get you to change your mind. It’s just not easy. It’s difficult. If they don’t respect the father, they typically don’t respect men in general and they’re extremely difficult. They won’t respect your authority and they’ll be a pain in the ass.

So with those little tidbits in mind, let’s go through the email.

Viewer Email:

Hi Coach Corey,

Thanks for all that you do! I’m probably somewhere around the 15th read of your first book and watch probably one to two videos of yours a day at least five days a week. And that’s been true at this point for a couple of years.

Well, it sounds like somebody that’s a serious student.

I matched with a woman on Hinge about a week and a half ago. We exchanged just enough messages to where I felt like we had established enough rapport to meet in person, so I set a date and she agreed and we met for that date a couple of days later. The date went extremely well and ended with indoor Olympics back at her place.

Well, she obviously liked him. She felt safe and comfortable to the point where she invited him right over. So that’s a credit to the man that studied the book. Good students usually get laid on the first date.

But even before we had the first date, she asked me to go to a comedy show at Joe Rogan’s comedy club…

Which I think is called the Comedy Mothership? So it’d be in Austin, Texas.

…At the very end of that same week.

I know since it was her idea, that there’s nothing inherently wrong with that.

This is correct. It’s her idea. If she’s bring it up, if she’s asking you to do it, that’s fine.

But it does strike me as unusual given we hadn’t actually met in person yet.

Well, she’s either really super into you and you just do it for her, or she may be on the rebound. If she is on the rebound, expect hot and cold behavior, expect a pullback in the coming weeks. So you can’t take it personally, you can’t freak out about it. Just to understand, if she’s fresh out of a breakup, she may all sudden go cold on you because she’s probably talking to the ex still, because that’s not completely resolved. These are things that are detailed in the book. Things to expect. That’s why being easygoing, easy to get along with, being calm and different and not freaking out is the best way to behave.

After the first date, and before the comedy show, she asked me to come over to her house two other times.

In other words, she’s like, “Hey, how about a booty call?”

Ending the week with four dates and six sessions of the indoor Olympics.

So they had four dates and two booty calls basically, it sounds like. Which I think is great. Good for you, dude!

And I’m letting her do virtually 100% of the contact initiation.

And you should keep it that way, because where guys go wrong in these situations is she’s doing 100%, and then a pullback happens within a few weeks, and then the guy starts chasing, “Oh, I haven’t heard from her in four or five days. Usually every day she’s calling me.” Then what happens is the other guy’s back in the picture because she’s still not completely over him and then she’s going to kind of put you in the back burner while she tries to figure out if the ex is going to work or not. So if she’s, “Oh, I don’t know. My schedule. Work is crazy,” and she just tells you how busy she is and just say, “Hey well, when you figure it out, get in touch.”

As the book says, if you don’t hear from her for a week, then you reach out to do the once a week thing when you first start dating. Obviously that doesn’t apply if you’re in a “Get an ex back” situation, but in this particular case, this is somebody brand new that he just started dating. So if all of a sudden he doesn’t hear from her for a week, then he’ll reach out and try to set a date.

So four dates in a week obviously is a lot, but except for the first one, everything was initiated by her.

So far, so good. That’s textbook, bro. Tells me you’ve been a good student because you understand that. This is why you read it 10 to 15 times, so you can get those little subtle nuances, so when a woman does something and she comes on really strong like this one is, you know how to handle it.

Aside from that, she doesn’t seem needy or insecure, which would be my first guess. Nor has she asked me to be her boyfriend or anything like that, and every get together we’ve had has been very seamless, drama free and fun-filled.

So far, so good. Again, it’s only a week, so we don’t have enough data for our analysis to make a determination of just yet.

But because it’s rolled out so quickly, I thought I would get your take on things.

Other pluses include a great relationship with her dad and a great relationship with her ex-husband who they share a kid together with and that ex-husband’s current wife. So I don’t really see any red flags, but given the frequency with which she wants to see me, I wanted to make sure there wasn’t something I was missing.

Thanks again!

Bob

Well again, the key for this situation is just to be on the lookout. Is there an ex in the background? Because she’s coming on real strong, it could be the rebound, or maybe you’re just a fucking stud. Maybe you’re just Chad Thundercock and you had no idea. That’s a good situation to be in.

So if she’s doing all the calling, texting, pursuing and contact initiation, then all you have to do at this point, because usually this happens three or four weeks in with most women, this has happened in the first weekend. I mean, he basically did the first date and after that she’s constantly reaching out. She’s calling him for booty calls. Again, we should expect a pullback at some point, but if you just let her do all the contact initiation and you don’t break it, if you don’t hear from her for a day or two, because you should expect that all of a sudden you might see her three days in a row and she’s texting you two or three days in a row and all of sudden you don’t hear a peep for three days, most guys when that happens they go, “Oh shit, something’s wrong. I gotta fix this.” You don’t do anything, but if you don’t hear from her for a whole week, then I’d reach out and just try to set the next date. If there is a guy in the picture, an ex, and then you do get in touch after a week of not hearing from her, you’ll probably get some kind of, “Oh, I’m confused” or “Things are moving too fast.” You hear something like that, just say, “Hey, no problem. Well, when you miss me terribly, hit me up. I’d love to see you. I gotta run, I’ll talk to you later,” and just leave it at that. Then just wait to hear from her. Then when she does reach out, maybe a month later, she reaches out.

Again, maybe she started seeing the ex again and she thought it was going to work this time around. Those things are going to happen. So she’s either incredibly insecure, really super duper likes you, or she’s on the rebound and there’s an ex. So we don’t know which one it is yet, but so far everything looks good and there’s no hiccups, there’s no wrinkles, there’s no weird things going on. All seems normal. He says she’s got a really great relationship with her dad. So keep doing what you’re doing, man.

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