Here’s a recent email from a new coaching client. He actually had an “Ah-Ha!” day, and not just a moment. I’ve made some comments (in brackets like this). Here’s his email
I had an “Ah-Ha” day… I’ve been reading all of your newsletters and watched your infomercial on the sidebar so I was a little saturated with the info today (clients tell me I make their brain hurt all the time with all the info I give them in one session). Well, I had to go to the health clinic today for a throat issue. When I was waiting in the lobby there was a young female already there. About her early twenties I’d say but some would say obviously to young for my 44 yo ass, lol (horse-shit. Young pretty girls like older confident guys who understand them. Most men their age are clueless. Your choices are unlimited).
But hey, she moved across the room after I sat down so she was in my line of sight instead of out of my peripheral vision, then proceeded to glance over a few times (she felt your presence and dominant alpha male behavior) until I noticed. I was thinking to myself she’s obviously too young (bullshit) but an opportunity to practice, right? (hell yea! Its on like Donkey Kong!) I started with a quick comment about the weather, then after that one line didn’t let the silence settle to long and commented on her Harley Davidson sweatshirt. Corey, you should have seen her face light up when she realized I was engaging her in a conversation (I told you. Chicks are people too. They will talk your ear off when you are sincere and authentically interested in them. Most men treat women as sex objects and never ask anything about them, but offer compliments that come across as a bribe for sex. Like the comedian Chris Rock says, “Hey, let me get that door for ya… want some dick? You’re really pretty… want some dick?” That’s usually what men communicate to a woman when they compliment her. Authentic compliments are offered as a gift or acknowledgement of the Goddess she is, without expecting a response, reciprocation or acknowledgement from her).
It was at that moment I realized how much she genuinely wanted my attention. JUST like the cat who comes up when your not really paying attention to it! I took that moment to reflect on my state of being and how non-seeking anything (the difference that makes the difference is… indifference) I was. It was as if I was just comfortable in my skin, simply being. I thought, “so this is what Corey is talking about, being centered in your masculine.” (BINGO!)
Soon her boyfriend came out (next time in a similar situation, say to the boyfriend… “Hi, my name’s Tom. Its nice to meet you, what’s yours?” and you will instantly win him as a friend. This is especially important if there are guys that are part of a group of girls. Respect and introduce yourself to the other men in their group and they will all accept you.) and it was awesome how we just had this silent yet fully understood communication between us. She gave me this quick look like, “well there he is I gotta go…” I gave her a non-verbal, “aha” and she gave me this sweet smile and wave that said, “I wish we had more time to get to know each other.” He noticed and gave me this, “who the fuck is that? look.” LOL
Well, the story isn’t over because I was reveling in that feeling I’d discovered when I got called back into the examining room. I was processed by a male nurse and a female nurse together. I was keeping up some light banter with the female nurse. Then when the female Dr. came in, an elder female Asian Dr., I had her laughing about my talented tongue, the cause of my mouth injury that could also flip over.
So then, after the exam this other nurse wanted to talk to me more before they released me. Again, with that smile and just being centered she quickly warmed up. There were three other female nurses that walked into this larger room that was obviously a central location of sorts. But each time one walked in I greeted her with a smile and a friendly short conversation.
Corey, by the time I left that room I was the center of their attention (Dominant males always are) and the one male nurse in the room was looking around like, “how is this guy doing this?” Now that felt good! (It’s supposed to, it’s a natural feeling of your heart. Its your birthright to be amazing and having an amazing effect on others). Tom.
Life REALLY SUCKS when your real world reality does not match your dreams. However, it gets INFINITELY BETTER, EXCITING AND MORE EFFORTLESS the moment you DECIDE WHAT YOU WANT, and then IMMEDIATELY TAKE some form of ACTION towards its attainment. Make a decision RIGHT HERE and RIGHT NOW to never tolerate anything less than IMMEDIATELY TAKING some form of ACTION towards your dreams and goals THE MOMENT YOU DECIDE you want to accomplish them. Even if the action you take is just writing it down, you must write down and then review your goals everyday (tape them to the inside of your medicine cabinet so you read them every morning). That is how champions think.
For most people, they are living a life of quite desperation, instead of pursuing their dreams. “People are not lazy. They simply have impotent goals – that is, goals that do not inspire them.” ~ Tony Robbins. When you’ve got nothing compelling to look forward to its pretty hard to be excited about your life in general. Guys in this place who also are struggling with women, can sometimes make the wrong assumption that having a woman in their life will make them happy. She will… for a while, but after a period of time when the reality of your unfulfilling career, dreams you want or are too fearful to pursue hits, you realize you are still not happy. If you were an unhappy and sad guy before you met her. You’re still that same guy. After the newness of the love of your life wears off, you really see how much the rest of your life sucks. I am speaking from personal experience. You either decide to improve your situation, or do like most people do… nothing… except complain about it. I did a LOT OF COMPLAINING about my life in my early 20’s. Over time as I achieved goals I wanted, I stopped complaining because I was too busy taking action to achieve my goals. By my late 20’s/early 30’s I had achieved all my goals. Now what do I do? I came up with even more ridiculous goals to achieve. What a woman finds exciting about men like this, is that they are always growing and expanding. They never stand pat. They always move forward with a purpose in life. That’s exciting and fun to a woman. A guy who has no goals and dreams is not very excited about life and is not going to experience very much of this world. That’s boring and dull. The only thing that is constant in life is change. “It is not the strongest of the species that survive, nor the most intelligent, but the ones most responsive to change.” – Charles Darwin.
Its 1000 times harder to be successful with women when you feel like your life sucks. If you can’t get excited about your life, how are you going to get excited around a woman? Most men have a catatonic look on their face until they see a hot woman. Then they think she is the reason for their happiness. What’s actually happening is he is seeing something he would like to have in his life, but just like his unfulfilling career/life, he does not think he has what it takes to pull it off.
Everyone’s had a day when they felt unstoppable. A day when everything seemed to go perfectly your way. Sadly for most people, those kinds of days don’t happen very often. Can you imagine life just being one moment after another that feels amazing and effortless? That’s what happens when you start to pursue your dreams. You’ve now got something to get excited about, that you will one day in the near, or maybe even distant future, experience. Its called having a vision for your life and something to aspire to. The most essential thing to let go of is the time frame that you think it will take to realize your dreams or goals. When we become attached to things happening in a certain time frame we will suffer constantly when things don’t work out as fast as we think they should. This becomes ever more discouraging and demoralizing over time. Sometimes our goals take days or hours and even minutes to manifest in our lives. Others are achieved in decades. The key is to find a way to motivate yourself to take small daily action steps consistently over time. Those little bits of work and effort add up to progress that you can only really see over several months and years.
When you listen to professional athletes talk about what they work on every day… they all say the same thing… “I’m just trying to get better everyday… As a team we are just trying to get a little better everyday… etc.” The guy may be the League MVP, team captain and the highest paid player, but everyday he has the same goal. To try and get a little better.
That should be a success ritual you adopt. Over the years these little efforts add up to BIG WINS, goals realized and dreams realized! When you are living the life of your dreams or in the process of realizing your dreams, you are going to be 1000 times happier than a guy who constantly tells himself… “yea, I need to…(fill in the blank), but… (fill in your excuses here)”. You’re either a talker or a man of action.
You have to do something with the time you have everyday. Doesn’t make sense to spend your time working at and trying to become what you really want, instead of being lazy and doing & being something because its easy, comfortable and pays the bills? Its a conscious daily choice to choose to be what you want to be, or to be what you complain about. “We either make ourselves miserable, or we make ourselves happy. The amount of work is the same.” – Carlos Castaneda. “It’s not the events of our lives that shape us, but our beliefs as to what those events mean.” ~ Tony Robbins. If you don’t like the way things are, you have two choices… change your circumstances, or change what things mean to you.
Everyone loves to be around positive, uplifting and optimistic people. They’re also usually the leaders. Being a leader makes you attractive to women. The dominant male is always the leader. Women know that the dominant males have all the success, fun and choices in life. If she feels she’s a 10, she wants a guy who feels and acts like he is a 10. If you do, she has no choice, but to see you as such.
Its like flipping a light switch. Get excited and then start talking to strangers. Its what confident successful guys do naturally. Act like a confident successful guy. Success is simply the process of creating the life you’ve always wanted, its not about completing the goal or crossing the finish line because that takes time. The really big goals take decades to be realized, completed or attained. Success is about finding a way (not a way out) to enjoy the process of making your life, match your dreams.
Keep up the good work my man, you can do it!
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From my heart to yours,
Author, Speaker, Peak Performance Coach, Entrepreneur
Steve Jobs said in his Stanford commencement speech: “Have the courage to follow your heart and your intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become.”