Why alphas are created by their environment and actions and not simply just born that way.
In this video coaching newsletter, I discuss an email from a guy who says he has really struggled for the past ten years of his life. He was always a beta male in the past with his old friends and peer group, who still see him that way, even though he has changed immensely. His life is slowly getting better.
He has a new girlfriend, a great job and is slowly getting his life together. New people that he meets treat him with respect, and because of his experience, he is convinced that alphas are made, not born. My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.
Twenty-four year old guy, here. I have a grand vision for my life, and I have the burning desire to turn it into reality.
That’s one of the most important things that any human being can have for their lives, is you have to have an emotionally compelling vision. In other words, when I say emotionally compelling, what it means is that when you get up, you’re thinking about what you want to create, who you want to become, what kind of life you want to have in the future, and the kind of people you want in your life in the future.
And then, you resolve to become the person that it’s going to take in order to make that a reality. It’s the excitement and the enthusiasm for your vision, for your life, your career, your business, whatever it is you want to create that keeps you getting up each and every day. Because the reality, I’ve talked about this a lot and I really go into detail in my second book, “Mastering Yourself,” it is a long process.
Success takes a long time, and you’ve got to think in terms of decades for accomplishing big goals and big dreams. It’s really hard to do if you don’t have an emotionally compelling vision. In other words, if you don’t have a vision that excites you, you don’t really have any motivation to do it. You don’t have any emotional leverage upon yourself. And without that emotional leverage, it’s just easy to be lazy, and go along to get along, go with the flow, if you will. Don’t rock the boat and just be average, but never really go for the things that you want.
Isn’t life interesting? We are not chosen to be born, but as we are, suddenly we have no choice but to accept responsibility for our lives.
Me, personally, I believe that we choose our parents. I believe that we’re souls that continually reincarnate over the centuries. And in some lives we move forward, some lives we backslide a little bit. And by choosing to incarnate in soul groups, if you will, we set ourselves up to have the opportunities for certain experiences, so our souls can grow and we can become a more rounded, more whole person.
Now, I know a lot a lot of people don’t jive with those beliefs, but that’s okay. That’s the beauty of living in America, is we all are free to believe what we want to believe. And that’s what I believe, and I don’t care what you think about that.
It’s been a damn struggle.
Well, life is a struggle. And like Ray Dalio said in his book, which I also reference in “Mastering Yourself,” is that you want to struggle well. Because things are always going to happen, things are going to go sideways. People that are close to you, their lives are going to end suddenly, they may move away. A relationship may end. Somebody who you thought was a close friend may screw you over. Maybe a business partner screws you over.
Maybe as you’re climbing the corporate ladder, somebody that’s a little more ruthless and vicious than you may screw you over and you miss out on a promotion or maybe even lose your job. Or, especially like the last year with all the lockdowns, a lot of people have lost their jobs, and their businesses, and livelihoods because of the reaction to the virus. Things are going to happen.
Or, like what I wrote about in “Mastering Yourself,” what happened in 2004, 2005, 2006, and then ultimately, the big crash in 2008. Those were things that were totally out of the average person’s control. The “experts” totally crashed our economy, and it took the better part of a decade to recover. So, life’s going to throw unexpected things at you, and you have to be able to respond, and overcome it, and adapt your approach.
Unexpected physical and mental health issues, barely scraping by financially, and the whole pandemic has also put everything under strain. I was clueless with women before, doing drugs. I don’t know how to describe it, but I felt sub-human compared to other people with excellent support systems. Sometimes, I thought that not being alive would be easier.
Well, as a man, if you don’t feel like you’re going to accomplish your vision or your purpose in life, it’s like kind of like, “Hey, what’s the point of living?” So, it’s understandable how a lot of people, they give up. It happens. Life is not easy. But when life seems hopeless, that’s why you’ve just got to get up each and every day and grind through.
There’s going to be lots and lots of days in your life when you’re not going to feel like doing anything, but there’s going to be a ton of things that you have to get done. And the only choice you have is to get them done. Keep moving forward. Lose yourself in the process of taking action towards your grandest goals and dreams.
History is full of people who had every disadvantage in life, but had great things. They became billionaires, they became presidents of countries. They started amazing companies and became billionaires or did amazing things. Some people are born with a silver spoon in their mouth, and I saw this first hand at the private Catholic high school that I went to in Fort Lauderdale, Florida in the U.S.
I went to school with some of the kids that had every advantage. They had beautiful parents, their parents were smart, they passed on this high IQ to their kids. They had lots of advantages in business and life, they had connections. They had everything going for them, and yet what happened? They just turned out to be average, mediocre people that didn’t even come close to achieving the things that their parents achieved.
And then, some of the other kids I went to high school with, their parents were really struggling — they took on second jobs just to afford the tuition to send them to this private Catholic high school — and they went on to do amazing things. So your past does not define your future. It can help shape you, but at the end of day, it’s your choices, your actions, and most importantly, how you view yourself, your belief system. Your personal story that you tell yourself is what enables you to take action when you don’t feel like it or enables you to just be lazy, even though you should be productive.
So, no matter what background you come from, it really is not going to define your future, because I saw this in spades. Like I said, I went to school with some of the kids that had every advantage. If I named the companies that they ran and some of the families that they came from, you guys would know who they are. But that didn’t guarantee their success or their lot in life.
Just because you feel like somebody had a an advantage doesn’t mean that they’re going to accomplish really amazing things. It really comes down to the individual, and the choices we make, and what we do or don’t do with our lives.
But I have a burning desire to share my gifts and resolve everything instead. Even if it takes years. I don’t care.
You’ve got to spend the days of your life doing something, and you might as well spend it doing something that’s exciting and emotionally compelling. In other words, it compels you to take action because you’re excited about the vision, you’re excited about the future, and you’re excited about what life could be like.
Things are slowly improving in my life at a pace that is barely noticeable on the day to day.
That’s the harsh reality of being successful, is that success is long in coming. It takes years and years. And the big goals, a minimum of a decade. All the big companies that we hear about that are billion dollar companies, we don’t hear about them for the first 10 or 15 years that they’re around until they have a big breakthrough.
We don’t see the sleepless nights, staying up until 2:00 or 3:00 in the morning, working through the weekends. People that are jealous and envious of other people’s success, they don’t think about those things, because they’re not doing that in their own life. They just say, “Oh, that person’s got privilege,” or “They came from a wealthy family,” or whatever it happens to be.
The reality is, if you want something great in your life and you want to create something, you’re going to have to do it. You’re going to have to participate in your own rescue. But unfortunately, we’re surrounded by lazy people who love to hear the story about socialism, and communism, and Marxism and collectivism, and “We’re going to have a commie paradise.” But the reality is, those are fucking scams by the elite to concentrate even more power in themselves.
And the more you concentrate power, when you study history, it always ends up as a tyrannical government, a tyrannical mafia, a criminal mafia that you can’t get rid of. The interesting thing is now that the Taliban have taken over Afghanistan, they’re going around Kabul telling everybody, “Hey, we’re collecting your guns, because you don’t need those anymore, because we’re going to keep you safe.” Tyrants always do the same thing. They always disarm their citizens, and then the genocide starts.
I have a great job, a new girlfriend, and am slowly increasing my income and getting my shit together. It’s interesting how years later, new people I meet treat me completely different than how they used to treat me. With more respect.
Yeah, because they don’t know how you used to be.
But when I see people from my past, they still assume I am the same beta fish from the old days.
That’s why it’s important to set and enforce healthy boundaries with people in your life and to stand up for yourself. And so, when these people come trying to push you around like the old beta male, or beta fish as he refers to himself, he used to be, you’re going to push back and say, “Don’t talk to me that way. Don’t treat me that way.” And if they continue to violate your boundaries, you just keep them at a distance.
This confirms to me that alphas aren’t born, but created.
I know from my my own family, they said when I was a little a little boy, my parents could tell I was just kind of like a natural leader. I had that innate within me. But at the end of the day, it’s still boiled down to the personal choices that I made and the actions that I took.
As I wrote about in “Mastering yourself,” there are a lot of things that happened in my life, and it could have gone either way. Even people that came into my life when I was younger that weren’t really good people, they caused me to look at the world differently and to take risks and things that I wasn’t inclined to take a risk at. And so, these things, they build upon themselves as you go through the years of your life.
The last 10 years have been mostly suffering, but I’m determined to rise above and turn it into a story of triumphant success. I will never, ever get hit so hard by life that I won’t get up and hit back.
Thank you for the mentorship.
Well, Bob, thanks for sharing that. Congratulations on your girlfriend, and your great job and your attitude, because you have taken control of your destiny as an individual. And each of us in our own lives, in our own way, in our own communities, must participate in our own rescue. Nobody’s coming to save you. Nobody’s coming to solve all your problems. You have to do that yourself.
And when you rely on somebody in government or someone or something outside of yourself fixing you, or saving you, or taking care of you, you give up all power to shape and change your destiny. You create a story that justifies being lazy, and doing nothing, and being jealous and envious of other people who are staying up late at night, who are going to night school and working a job during the day, or working two jobs. Or, instead of going and partying on the weekends or playing video games all weekend, they’re working on their business or their side hustle, or just learning information to grow their reserve of knowledge.
High achievers take action and they put off gratification for days in the future. Whereas, lazy and weak people tend to look for instant gratification. And when success doesn’t happen overnight, they simply give up, become mediocre, point the finger at everybody else and say “it’s not my fault.”
You especially see that now in our government. They don’t take any responsibility for anything. It’s all somebody else’s fault. Even though the reality is most of us see that they’re totally fucking incompetent, stupid, lazy fucking people. But I digress.
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Author, Speaker, Peak Performance Coach, Entrepreneur
“We are products of our environment, but our past does not have to define our destinies. We are the summation of our thoughts, beliefs, choices and actions. Big things have little beginnings. Success is a process. Feeling successful is the result of making progress towards our grandest goals and dreams. Progress is small, incremental and takes a really long time. As long as we keep moving forward, learning from our mistakes, refining our approach and continue trying to get a little better each and every day, eventually, after many decades our dreams and vision for our lives can become our reality.” ~ Coach Corey Wayne
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