How to know if you are on a temporary break, or if she really wants to break up.
In this video coaching newsletter, I discuss an email from a viewer who met his girlfriend, whom he has not seen or talked to in the past month. She suffers from depression, and they were supposed to move in together with her kid from another relationship towards the end of last year. She backed away, and they haven’t seen each other in person since November.
He wonders if they are really on a break, or they actually broke up. My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.
You’ve always got to remember to bottom line a person’s actions. That tells you everything. People get into trouble when they project their fantasy of what they want, and then they ignore the reality. Like, this particular guy thinks that they’re just on a temporary break, but they haven’t even spoken in a month, and he hasn’t even seen her since November. So that’s two and a half, almost three months since they last saw one another.
So, most people listening that would go, “Well, obviously, they’re broken up.” But it’s hard for the guy in the situation, especially when he spent several years, and he’s just taken what she said at face value, “Oh, she must have meant when she said.” Remember, women don’t want to hurt your feelings, they want to let you down gently.
I recently started listening to your book. I’ve watched a ton of videos you post on YouTube. That’s what got me to read your book. I’m reaching out today because I definitely need some advice.
I met this girl back in July 2020. She was a bartender, smoking hot in my eyes, 5’3,” 115 lbs. We traded info but, I waited a month to contact her. She wasn’t used to that. We hung, had fun, and hooked up the first night we spent together. The sex was amazing. She nicknamed me “devil dick.”
We fell in love with each other through the course of the year, but I told her ‘let’s take things slow’ before we made it official. We made it official on Valentine’s Day of 2021.
So, it was about six or seven months worth of dating before they got serious.
She is a single mom who had a really difficult living situation.
It sounds like there’s a little drama in there. It’s not a clean thing. He doesn’t elaborate, but he just says she had a difficult living situation.
We had made plans on moving in together once my lease was up. Well, around the time that had happen I had school and my father passed away. She was supportive for everything that there was. The love was so real, it was unimaginable. I mean she always wanted to be wrapped in my arms, no matter where.
By November, she started feeling depressed due to seasonal depression and anxiety.
People that have depression and anxiety, it’s it sucks, I have history of that in my family. My mother was a psychotic schizophrenic, and my dad had a fiancee that was a manic depressive who ended up hanging herself. And I had a girlfriend that was on antidepressants. We were together like six months, and I had no idea. She hid them from me. And then she took herself off, and then she completely changed, became a different person in a matter of a couple of weeks. And so, it’s tough dealing with that, dealing with somebody that’s on these medications.
When we still weren’t living together, things started getting distant. She hit me with “I can’t do this anymore. You deserve someone better than me,” to “Maybe you’re right. I just need time to be alone.” I ended up getting a 2-bedroom place for me, her and her 3-year-old.
It has been since November since we have seen each other. During the holidays, we kind of kept in touch, but not too much. We still missed each other, as we voiced it out in our phone calls.
Words and actions – if you really missed each other, you’d make time to see one another.
Fast forward to January, and well, I hooked up with another female.
Yeah, if I was me, I would have been proceeding like it was over and you were never going to hear from her again.
During the spooning and cuddling, it made me miss her. I told the chick I hooked up with, “Hey, I can’t do this. I still have strong feelings for my girl/ex.”
I wouldn’t have said that.
My girl/ex and I haven’t talked at all through the month of January. I’m not worried of her moving on, but I do miss her a ton. Should I reach out?
No. She’s the one that asked for space. She’s the one who suggested a break. And she’s obviously taking a break and doesn’t miss you, despite what she said on the phone the last time you spoke.
Is something like this considered a breakup or a break?
Dude, you’re broken up. You’re not together anymore. Just look at her actions, she doesn’t seem to care.
Do I keep waiting, or do I reach out down the road?
You walk away and you never look back? You never call her text her again for any reason. You even leased a place assuming that her and her child were going to move in, and she blew you off for your trouble. Therefore, if it was me, I would be closing the book on that romance and say, “Well, that was a fun chapter. On to the next.”
I miss her a lot. Not sure on this, never been through this.
I know it sucks, but that girl that you were hooking up with, I’d give her a call. Hang out, have fun and hook up with her, and meet some other girls and move on with your life.
And most importantly, read “How To Be A 3% Man” 10 to 15 times and apply it. And you also should read “Mastering Yourself,” so you can focus on your purpose and your mission in life more, and become more self-reliant, and not sit around putting your life on hold for some chick that is making zero effort to keep you in her life. And you can read “Mastering Yourself” for free along with “How To Be A 3% Man,” and my third book “Quotes, Ruminations & Contemplations,” in the members area of my website. Just subscribe to the email newsletter
And if you’ve got a question or a challenge and you’d like to get my help go to UnderstandingRelationships.com, click the Products tab at the top of your screen and book a coaching session with yours truly.
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Author, Speaker, Peak Performance Coach, Entrepreneur
“Women don’t ask for space or take breaks from men they are in love with. Women ask for space and take breaks from men they have lost romantic attraction for and don’t want to be with. However, women know that absence makes the heart grow fonder and often don’t end things for good in case their feelings of attraction return when they are no longer seeing or speaking to one another. This is how they leave the door open to rekindle the romance down the road. Men who love and value themselves assume it’s over and move on without ever looking back.” ~ Coach Corey Wayne
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