Asking For Women To Pay Their Fair Share On Dates?

Why you shouldn’t be asking women to pay for dates if you invite them out.

In this video coaching newsletter I discuss an email from a viewer who says he’s been a follower of my work for years and it’s helped him immensely. He wants women he dates to pay for their fair share of dating expenses after 6-7 dates. Every time he brings this up, the women tend to dip on him. He asks how to carefully broach the subject with women so they stick around. My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.

Hi, I’m Coach Corey Wayne and this is my video coaching newsletter. And the topic of today’s Members Only Newsletter is, “Asking Women To Pay Their Fair Share On Dates.”

Fair share? That kind of sounds like socialism. So this particular email, I would, I have to assume just because the nature of this and what this guy is doing is that he wants women to pay their fair share of dating expenses after 6 or 7 dates. He’s like, “it’s like, doesn’t have to be 50/50, but maybe I’ll pay 70. She pays 30.” And so, he notices that when he’s done this, the women quickly they disappear as soon as he starts asking them to pay for things.

So as I talk about my Book, if you’re having a party, if you’re putting on an event, if you invite a friend to lunch, if you invite your parents to dinner, if you take a girl out for a date, it’s your show. It’s your party, your idea. You’re inviting them to join you for an adventure, for a good time, whatever it happens to be. And so, therefore you pay. If you can’t afford to pay, then don’t go out. Don’t date, maybe get a second hand job. Work on your finances. If taking a girl out and being upset about spending money on her is a problem, that tells me that you got other problems that you should address first.

Probably should be reading Mastering Yourself and work to get a better job, better paying job, or maybe get yourself a raise, whatever it happens to be. But this is just, you know, this is not a good way to go. Again, it’s like you’re asking a girl out and then you expect her to pay. It’s like, you just started dating. You’re not a family. You’re not living together. Typically, in most cases, especially if you’re a career oriented dude, you’re going to be making more than the average woman does. It’s not true in all cases, but most of the time for most guys, because, you know, they’re willing to go out with girls that don’t make as much.

And aren’t necessarily boss girl energy type girls. They want feminine, submissive, girly. If you’re you want a woman to stay home and raise the kids, and then you’re only going out in a couple of dates and then you’re expecting her to foot the bill for the dates that you invite her out on? It’s like, yeah, women are going to flee from you because you’re going to communicate that you don’t have your finances in order. It’s like if you’re so broke that you want women to pay on the dates 50/50, or 30% for whatever happens to be, then how is she going to depend on you?

If she’s going to be a stay at home mom and raise your kids? She’s not gonna feel safe doing that. And so therefore, she’s not going to want to go out with you again. And that’s what this guy is finding. It’s just a bad way to go. And, you know, plus these guys that are making all this red pill content that talk about this shit, they got other problems, they got finance problems. They don’t have the money to do these things. It’s like if you’re worried about how much you’re spending on a date or that a girl should pay for the date, it’s like you shouldn’t even be asking her out in the first place.

I mean, do you invite your parents to dinner and then expect them to pay half? It’s like, come on. It’s just this is etiquette. This is normal, basic one on one level human interaction. And again, if you’re so worried about how much money you’re spending on a date, well, you shouldn’t be dating.

You should be getting your finances in order, paying your debt off, whatever happens to be before you date or getting a second job or a third job, whatever happens to be figure it out as a man. You got to be a competent, capable provider. And the vibe that this guy is typically giving off is that he’s broke as a joke. That’s why women disappear. It’s not going to go well.

Viewer’s Email:

Hi Coach,

I’ve been following your work for a number of years and your book and videos have helped me immensely. One of the subjects not really touched upon is continually paying for a date. I’m 100% on board with paying on a first date, even second date, but where do you draw the line and how do you broach the subject.

Again. Friends. Family. I’ve always done this; my whole life. If I invite somebody to hang out with me, I’m going to pay. Simple as that. If I invite a good friend to lunch, I was like, “hey man, let me take you to lunch.” I’m going to take him to lunch. I’m going to pay. If I invite a girl out to join me for an evening, I’m going to pay. It’s my idea. It’s my show. I’m driving the fun bus.

All she’s got to do is show up and look hot. It is nice when you start dating a girl and say you’re waiting for your table at a restaurant and you’re like, “hey, let’s go have a glass of wine at the bar.” And then your little buzzer thing goes off and says, “oh, the buzzer is going off.” She’s like, “oh, why don’t you go to the host and I’ll take care of these drinks?” That’s kind of nice.

But it’s nice when a girl offers. It’s nice when she does little things for you. It’s nice when she buys you a nice shirt or a new comforter for your bed or whatever happens to be. If a woman is minimally competent and she can hold down a job and she’s a giver, she’ll buy you things too, and she’ll appreciate what you do for her. But expecting a woman to, after going out on a handful of dates to pay for half or to pay 30%, I was like, that’s just ridiculous.

Again, this tells me this dude is either too broke or he’s been consuming red pill nonsense. This is just not human etiquette. And if you’re going to go sit down with some guy who’s a CEO of a company and you’re going to take his valuable time because you want to pick his brain and have him give you free advice. In essence, the least you can do is buy him lunch, or buy him dinner, or buy him a drink or whatever.

You don’t take out this guy that you want as a mentor and then go, “oh, hey, pay your half.” It’s like he gave you all this time of his. The greatest gift you can give anybody is a gift of your time. And that’s the least you can do for somebody that’s offering you that. And again, in this case, if you ask a girl out then you pay. It’s your show. If you’re going to cook dinner at home, you can say, “hey, bring a bottle of wine. I got everything else.” I dated one girl that didn’t offer to pay once for the first 6 or 7 dates, and another that dipped after we talked about going away for the weekend, and I said, “let’s split the flights and I’ll get the accommodations.” Well, you shouldn’t be going out of town with somebody unless they’re your girlfriend.

That’s a big, huge, grand gesture date. And this is right out of The Book. You don’t do stupid shit like that. And unless you’re in a relationship. So you’re complaining about you paying all the money, but then you want to go on an expensive trip that’s somebody that’s not your girlfriend. You shouldn’t be doing that. That’s something you do with somebody that you’re in a serious relationship with. You’re boyfriend, girlfriend. You’re exclusive. You don’t do that with somebody you just been on a couple of dates with. “Hey, let’s go away for the weekend and you pay half.”

I dated one girl that didn’t offer to pay once for the first 6-7 dates and another that dipped after we talked about going away for the weekend and I said let’s split the flights and I’ll get the accommodations. 

I don’t expect it to be purely 50/50, more like 70/30.

But what if she can’t afford it?

She should offer to pay for lunch sometimes and drinks here or there.

That’s true.

But 100% paying for someone is not what I’m looking for.

Well, you want a giver. Again. This is discussed in The Book. When you give to a giver, the giver gives back. When you give to a taker, the taker just takes. So if you’ve been out, been dating a woman for a couple of months and she never once asked to pay for anything, she never gets you anything. She never buys you anything. She never even spends a penny on you. That’s not a good sign. Shows she’s either broke as a joke or she’s just selfish and not a giver.

Most women will do nice things for you, especially when you’re taking them out. They’ll buy you things or they’ll only get the drinks. And if you’ve been out on six eight dates with a girl and you’ve been hooking up with her, and she never once offers to pay for anything, never does anything for you, then never cooks you dinner, never makes you anything. Then you’re dating a woman who’s a selfish and not a giver. You should be dating girls like that.

I will say these women are mostly from the dating apps, so there is that. 

Again, typically beautiful girls are family oriented, come from a good family and have a good group of friends and a social network, meet plenty of men and they’re typically not going to be on the dating apps. That’s just a fact of life. Doesn’t mean there aren’t good women on there. Maybe there’s a good woman that’s family oriented and she relocated for a job or a position. And so, she doesn’t know anybody. She might be on a dating app, but more often than not, you’re going to meet a lot of low quality women that you really shouldn’t be spending any time with.

You’re going to find a lot of broken people on those dating apps. You’re going to do much better, especially now in this day and age when you, especially the younger guys, they can’t even function without their phone. They can’t even have a human conversation one on one with people. That’s why it’s so low risk for them to be on a dating app. But you got to remember, it’s like 80% of the women are sleeping with 20% of the dudes. And most women, I think it’s something like 80% of them have their height filter set to six feet and above. And so, if you’re shorter than six feet, well, most of the time the girls aren’t even going to see your profile.

So you’re just going to be getting less. You’ll be swiping a lot and seeing a lot of profiles that’ll never see you. Even the dating app say, “oh, we don’t do that bullshit.” They do that. They leave inactive profiles on there. They have profiles that you see and you swipe on where you don’t match the criteria of those people. That’s just a fact of life. Because they got to keep you flipping and paying those monthly fees. It’s in their financial interest to keep you on the dating app not to be successful at getting you off the dating app, because if they get you off the dating app, then you don’t need them anymore and you don’t pay. So you got to think about that.

Think about the motivation of the pond where you’re fishing. You’ll do much better meeting women at a country club or a yacht club, or a beer or wine festival, or some kind of event, some kind of trade show or whatever. Go and do things you love, enjoy doing for fun. But you know, guys use the dating apps as a crutch, and that’s the only way they meet women, because they’re so scared to talk to human beings when they’re out in public, and in person that you come across a lot of women that, quite frankly, suck. And that you shouldn’t be given the time of day to.

My question is, how would you tactfully broach the subject with someone you’ve been on 4-5 dates with that you like.

Regards,

Bob

I wouldn’t broach it at all. See what they do. A woman who is a giver will just volunteer to pick up the drinks, or to pick up an appetizer, or they’ll buy you something, or you’ll show up for a date, or they’ll come over to your house and they’ll have some kind of gift for you, or maybe a shirt that they picked up. That’s what you’re looking for. Is the woman a giver? Does she buy you things? Is she nice to you? Does she reciprocate? You shouldn’t be expecting her to pay or pick up the tab, but if the woman is a giver, she’ll buy you things. She’ll do things for you. Maybe occasionally she’ll take you out.

Somebody that’s selfish will never do those things. And again, if you’re going out with girls and they never, ever volunteer anything, well, that tells me that you’re kind of falling down on the vetting process and you’re not vetting women properly. You’re not disengaging from women when it when you find out that they’re not givers and that they’re selfish.

A good girl, family oriented girl, a girl that can easily pay her own way, would be happy to pick up drinks. She’d feel guilty not doing that. And so, that’s what you’re looking for. Does she do things for you? Does she buy things for you? Not hey, foot the bill. “Hey, let’s go out of town for the weekend and blow $10,000 on a vacation. And, oh, by the way, you’re half of its 33 grand or whatever.”

You shouldn’t be doing things like that until many months down the road, when you’re in a serious relationship, spending that kind of money. That’s what I would be doing if I were you. Because again, this you should look at this as a way to evaluate somebody’s character if they’re a giver or not. And I again, like I said, it’s clear that many of these women you’re going out with aren’t very giving, and you shouldn’t be going out on 6 or 8 dates with a girl that’s never done anything for you, never bought you a gift, never brought you a chocolate bar, didn’t buy you a shirt.

Never bought you a drink. It’s like a giver is going to do something because they feel guilty. Otherwise, a selfish, narcissistic person is just going to say “Me me me me tik tik tik tik tik tik tik tik tik.” And they’ll never do anything for you. Never. Not once. Gotta pay attention to that dude.

So, if you’ve got a question or a challenge and you’d like to get my help, go to UnderstandingRelationships.com, click the Products tab at the top of your screen on any page on my website, and book a coaching session with yours truly. Until next time, I will talk to you soon.