I sure get asked a lot about how to turn a girl friend into a girlfriend. Most nice guys make the same mistakes that I used to make. They meet a girl they like, but are either too shy to ask for what they want, or the girl tells them upfront that she only wants to be friends, and yet they all do the same thing that I used to do. They think, hey, once she gets to know me then she will fall in love with me. So what do they do next?
Months go by as they go out of their way to be a butler and wait on her hand and foot, while secretly hoping that things will change and she will fall in love with them. Then after they’ve got blue balls from hell, and they can’t take it anymore, they reveal how they really feel. 99.9% of the time they get rejected, and the friendship usually ends. So what is the proper way to handle these situations?
Repetition is the mother of skill. For men who are just like I used to be when I was younger, success with women and experience with women is usually elusive. Most of the time we’re running around looking for “the one” and passing up all kinds of great opportunities for hookups, that will give us experience and prepare us to meet someone really special. The problem with this approach, is that since we have not had enough successful interactions with women before we meet “the one”, that when we do meet a great match, we blow it because we don’t know how to act.
If you are a man who has yet to experience your true power and ability to attract the kind of women you’ve always wanted, you don’t know what you don’t know. Getting fixated on one woman who is not reciprocating interest can waste months and even years of your life. You must learn to lose your fear of women and interacting with them. It’s only then, that you can comfortably interact with and charm the panties off a goddess who is a total 10 when you meet her. Since you are used to interacting with and seducing women, the perfect 10 you have just met, is simply another girl who just happens to be a little prettier than the rest.
When a woman goes out on a first date with a guy, she usually has the attitude of just being open to see what happens. The guy on the other hand, is thinking marriage, relationship, sex, what their kids will look like, etc., for the most part. While he is worried about their future, she is simply looking to have a good time in the present moment. He makes her feel uncomfortable, because he just can’t seem to be himself. Then he wonders why she never returns any of his phone calls.
Getting a girlfriend is a process that takes time. The K. I. S. S. principle stands for, “keep it simple stupid.” Never go out on the first date thinking about making her your girlfriend. Adopt the attitude that women have. Just be present with her in the moment, and focus on keeping it funny and light. Love is playful and fun. Not serious. Just make her laugh and have a good time. At the end of the date, go for the kiss. If she likes you, she will kiss you back. If she doesn’t, she will turn her head and you will kiss her cheek. If you get her cheek, then you know she has no romantic interest in you, or she is structured. Either way, she’s out! The following is an e-mail from a reader. My comments are (in bold brackets like this) in the body of his e-mail:
I figured I’d ask you what you think would be the best idea for my situation. I have known a girl for about a year and a half. We are friends and talk regularly by texting each other since we aren’t really close to each other anymore. I asked her if she wanted to hang out shortly after we met, and she said she only saw me as a friend. (Hello McFly! You are ignoring reality and only seeing what you want to see. She made it clear up front she only wanted to be friends.) But now it has been a longer period of time, and we have got to know each other and talk to each other a lot more. (That means nothing. Your friendship is a fraud. You only became friends because you wanted to date her. That is dishonest of you.) I am thinking about asking her to be my girlfriend, (That is totally out of sequence. When you are dating a woman, she will fall in love slowly over time. When she wants to be your girlfriend she will bring it up. Relationships, going steady, commitments are the woman’s department. If she is not bringing it up, its because she does not feel that way about you.) but I don’t know the best way to do it, or what to say to her so it won’t make it easy for her to just say no. (You can’t force or trick a woman into becoming your girlfriend.)
I am thinking about calling her sometime soon, but she is usually busy so I don’t want to interrupt her. (That should be another clue. If she thought of you that way she would want to see you more. Deep down you know she does not feel the same way, that is why you feel uncomfortable “interrupting her.” There is nothing there. You are the only one carrying the torch.) I could text her and ask her, but I feel like that is too easy to say no to me, and that it isn’t a genuine way to ask a girl. (It’s irrelevant. Don’t become friends with women thinking that once they get to know you that they will fall for you. It works in the movies, but not in real life.) Same with a Facebook message. I have thought about asking her if she will Skype with me sometime. (You have this girl on a pedestal that she has not earned thru her actions.) I feel like that would be as close to in person as I can get right now. She doesn’t live too far away but we haven’t really had time to see each other really since we have both been kind of busy. (Obviously you are not that important to her. If you were, she would want to hang out and see you. Women vote with their feet. If she’s with you, that means that she voted for you.) I’m a “nice guy” and have read your article on “nice guys”. I could use some help to decide what to say to her to make her consider accepting my proposal to be in a relationship and how I could best do it. (Don’t do it. You will get rejected. You can’t ask a woman you have never been on a date with to be your girlfriend. Totally out of sequence. You should download my book to your Smartphone, iPad, PC or Mac in under 60 seconds for only $9.99 by CLICKING HERE. Then you should start practicing in earnest what I teach in my book. Forget about this girl. I would not call or do anything with her. If she calls/texts/emails you when she does not hear from you, ask her to dinner. If she says she only thinks of you as a friend again, then say, “no thanks” and to call you if she changes her mind. Just say, “I’m attracted to you, but if you are saying the feeling is not mutual, then I think its best for me to spend my time with someone who feels the same way about me. Give me a call if you change your mind.” and then get off the phone. You should also book a paid phone coaching session with me personally so I can get you pointed in the right direction & so you can start succeeding with women like never before! CLICK HERE to book a phone coaching session.) Thanks for your help.
If you have a question you would like me to consider answering in a future Video Coaching Newsletter, you can send it (3-4 paragraphs/500 words max) to this email address: Questions@UnderstandingRelationships.com
If you feel I have added value to your life, you can show your appreciation by doing one of the following three things:
From my heart to yours,
Author, Speaker, Peak Performance Coach, Entrepreneur
“When you realize there is nothing lacking, the whole world belongs to you.” – Lao Tzu