At What Point Should A Man Cancel A Date Before Meeting?

How to determine if you should cancel a date before meeting if she seems flaky or disrespectful.

In this video coaching newsletter I discuss an email from a 25 year old viewer who has been following my work since 2017 and read 3% Man, 9 times so far. However, this is only the 2^nd woman he’s gone out with in his entire life. He noticed some flakey behavior before they were to meet. She was over 30 minutes late and showed up drunk. It’s clear she wasn’t trying to impress him and her life is a mess. He asks at what point should he have canceled the date instead of meeting since all he got was a hug. My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.

Hi, I’m Coach Corey Wayne and this is my Video Coaching Newsletter. And the topic of today’s Newsletter is going to be, “At What Point Should A Man Cancel A Date Before Meeting?”

Well, this particular email is from a guy. He’s 25 years old. He says he’s been following my work since 2017, and so far he’s read 3% Man nine times. However, he hasn’t done much practicing. And as I often say, the idea is that you read The Book and you’re out in the real world applying it, so you can see the concepts that are in The Book start to work and show up in your own life. And so this particular guy, for whatever reason, he doesn’t go into it, but he wasn’t really participating or doing very much.

So he writes in about a woman that he went out with, and he’s been a long time student, but it’s only the second date he’s been on in his entire life. So from a practice perspective, obviously he’s way behind. So that tells me that he was reading The Book, watching videos, but not really interacting with other human beings. And so that’s a big part of his problem, because if you don’t really have many options, many choices, if you’re not a social person, if you’re not in a business or a career or you’re social life doesn’t facilitate you meeting and talking to other human beings, you’re going to struggle, because repetition is the mother of skill.

And so you don’t see somebody studying to play football and reading books about it, but never actually going out in the field and throwing the football around, you’re just not going to get better unless you practice. And as I often say, one is no choice. Two is a dilemma. Three is a proper choice. And so what would have helped this particular guy is if he had other choices and other options. But let’s just say for argument’s sake, he’s been shy and he’s been working up the courage. Maybe he’s been getting himself fit and in shape, getting his career together, his purpose and his mission. And now he’s like, okay, now I’m really ready. I feel good about myself.

I feel good about my life and my future. And so now I want to start practicing these things. And so the more you can practice, the more human beings you can interact with, the more girls you can talk to. The more girls you ask out on dates, the more dates you actually go out on. The more girls you try to kiss, the more girls you try to seduce, the more girls you actually end up seducing. That leads to casual dating and eventually you gravitate towards a relationship. So it’s a process.

And so you need lots of prospects. And so if you’re kind of behind the eight ball, so to speak, in your social life, then that should be a big part of it, even if you have a good job and a career, if it doesn’t afford you meeting lots of other people, maybe some kind of customer service job where you’re forced to interact with other human beings, something like waiting tables or tending bar is really good, especially when you’re young, because it just forces you to interact with other people a lot.

And so maybe supplementing your life or your career with some kind of a part time job to just forces you to interact with other human beings. And so you can see and observe the things that are in The Book playing out right in front of you. And you can take it in with your own eyes and see it in action. Because the more you see it, the more you see the patterns that I talk about The Book and these Videos, the more your confidence is going to grow when it comes to acting in the ways that are discussed in The Book and in the Videos.

And because I know, I think about this, when I was younger, like, especially in my early 20s, I can remember going out Friday or Saturday night or even in high school, going to a party and just thinking to myself, “Man, I got to get at least, you know, a beer or two in. So this nervousness and this anxiety that I feel around women or other people is just going to go away.” And you start to feel a little buzz and you’re happy, and then you’re like, “Hey, I love you, man.” And you’re having having a good time.

I just, I don’t know why that struck me as I was reading, this is like, I hadn’t thought about that in a long time, but when I was really young, it’s why we used to call alcohol “Brave Juice.” So not that everybody should drink, but you got to do whatever you got to do to get outside your comfort zone, especially if you’ve been a homebody or you played video games a lot, or you didn’t go out and play. Like when we grew up, I had a lot of kids in my neighborhood that were all around the same age.

We rode our bikes to elementary school, we rode our bikes to middle school, and after school we would all play football out in the street just about every day. And then a lot of kids in the neighborhood had unicycles. And so we would be practicing learning how to use, learn to ride a unicycle. And some of the older kids were so good at it then it was how many people can I get on my shoulders on the unicycle, to the point where you’d have one of the older kids in the neighborhood, he’s got his unicycle.

And then we got ladders going up inside them so we can get like 3 or 4. Obviously, these are little kids, but I mean, it’s a pretty neat thing. At least we thought it was, to see some guy, some, 14, 15 year old kid with 2 or 3 other younger kids on top of his shoulder. And everybody’s perfectly balancing, kind of like a circus. Why do we do those things? I mean, it’s kind of reckless and stupid, but it was fun. And so the point being is that we were out of the house. We were interacting.

Yeah, we had video games back then, but that wasn’t all the things that we did. And nowadays, with the cell phones and the internet, it’s just so many people are just digitally checking out and not interacting with other human beings, or they completely rely upon dating apps instead of interacting in person. And if you learn to be good at flirting on an app or through text, but then you don’t really develop your social skills. You get together in person, on a date with a girl. It’s not going to go well.

So anything that you can do as a man, especially if you’ve been shy or been kind of sheltered or like this guy, for whatever reason, he just wasn’t really trying to date or interact with women as much as he should have been. It’s, you got to do something to get outside of your comfort zone and be forced to interact with other human beings and practice your small talk, because that’s really all flirtation boils down to.

Can you strike up a conversation with a total stranger, have a good conversation, engage them in conversation, and then because the more you do that, you’re going to start to see that some people are really happy that you started talking to them and engage them in conversation, and they’ll talk your ear off. And there’s other people that are busy. They’re trying to be polite, but they don’t really want to talk to you. And there’s other people that you kind of click with, but there’s not really chemistry there.

They humor you or whatever, but when you do it enough, you start to notice just by making eye contact with the kind of people that how well the conversation is typically going to go. And the point being is you got to practice this stuff. You can’t just sit and read The Book and watch videos and think your life is going to get better. Repetition is the mother of skill. And as Aristotle said, “Excellence is not a singular act. It’s a habit.” You are what you do repeatedly. And so if you’re kind of shy and awkward and not good at talking with people, you got to get out in the real world and do the thing that scares the crap out of you the most, which is talking to other people.

And that’s why if you don’t have a job or a career or a life or lifestyle or social life that enables you to engage with a lot of other people and strangers and practice small talk, then taking some kind of customer service job, waiting tables, tending bar or something like that just forces you to be social so you can improve your skills is something that is that you can do, because this is a skill that you can use for the rest of your life.

I mean, if you can walk up to anybody and strike up a conversation, you can walk into an office and talk your way into a job, or you can meet somebody that’s an equity investor and talk them into investing in your company or your startup, or maybe becoming your business partner or coming to work for you. And so if you want to be a successful human being, you got to develop your social skills. So with that little diatribe, let’s go through this particular guy’s email and see what he’s got going on here.

Because you can tell because he hasn’t practiced a lot. And I don’t see anything wrong with this. I mean, because again, it’s only the second date he’s been on. I mean, there’s going to be things I’m going to critique him on, but at least he’s getting out there and he’s taking some action because repetition is the mother of skill.

So he basically spent the last seven years watching, observing, reading, learning. And now he feels confident enough to go and start taking action upon the stuff that he’s been learning.

Viewer Email:

Hey Coach,

How are you man? I hope well! I’m 25 years old and a longtime student of your work. I’ve been following your work since 2017 but have only read the book 9 times in total. Not the most consistent, I know. I’m 25 now and just started going out on dates.

So he basically spent the last seven years watching, observing, reading, learning. And now he feels confident enough to go and start taking action upon the stuff that he’s been learning.

I recently just had a second date, second as in my total dates with women so far. Here’s how it went. Back in 2022 I met this gal at my job. Amazing body, down to earth personality, along with lots of tattoos and piercings. My kind of gal, at least from my first assessment.

Well, we all kind of have a type that we like.

She left the job after a couple months and I recently found her again on Instagram this year. I was straight forward with my feelings and planned a date with her.

So that tells me that he probably hasn’t been a very social human being. And again, that’s why I kind of went that little diatribe in the beginning. And so now he’s like ready to take action. He’s like, “Well, who do I know?” He’s like, “Oh, there was this cute girl I used to work with years ago. Let me see if I can find her on Instagram.” So he’s reaching out to a girl that he developed some level of rapport with in a previous job, which, hey, there’s nothing wrong with it because it could go great or not. Either way, you win or you learn.

On the day of our scheduled first date, she actually canceled saying her car broke down, so I did the takeaway and she counter offered for the upcoming Saturday. We rescheduled for then.

So right off the bat, if a girl is trying to cancel a date, that’s not a good sign. Shows a lack of interest, lack of respect, lack of enthusiasm. But when you really haven’t practiced this is just the way it goes. So you have to ask out enough girls to get to the point where you can tell who’s going to be excited to go out with you, and you’re going to have a good date with and who is just going to be a waste of your time. But he doesn’t know what he doesn’t know yet because he’s just now starting to practice.

So I think it’s great that he decided to shoot his shot with this girl because it’s somebody he knew. What’s the worst she can say? “No, not interested”, or ghost him or whatever? But he had enough rapport with her to where she was willing to go out. Remember, you’re always still going to be in the vetting process. In the beginning, just because she’s hot and she’s pretty, doesn’t mean she’s somebody that you should get involved with in a real relationship.

Now here’s when things get a little squirrely. On the day of our date, I got there 10 minutes early. 6 P.M. was our agreed time. 15 minutes passed-no signed of her. I began to text her to see what the deal was. I will post our text exchanged below. I had planned to go somewhere else after our dinner (Axe Throwing Event) but the place I wanted to go required close toed shoes. She took this as me changing the plans and became worried.

Granted, I didn’t get back to her right away because I wanted to maintain the mystery and anticipation of what I had planned later and didn’t want to give everything away. Once 15 minutes passed and it started looking like she might be a no-show, I texted her and here’s how it went. When she showed up it was already 30 minutes after, and she was buzzed from drinking and partying all day.

So more than likely, if he hadn’t texted her saying, “Hey, where are you at?” She probably wouldn’t have even showed up. Probably wouldn’t have even called or texted. She would have just totally blown him off. And again, that’s just a sign of low interest. Remember, she started out by trying to cancel the date because from her perspective, this is this guy she used to work with. She hadn’t heard from him in years or talked to him. And now all of a sudden he’s sliding into her DMs.

She said her friends didn’t want to drive her over because she was drinking all day and thought I was changing the plans last minute and it made them uncomfortable.

Yeah, he was probably not willing to tell her where he was. So if you’re going to ask a girl, “hey, don’t wear any open toed shoes”, you can be like, “why is that?” “Oh, I can’t tell you.” It’s going to sound a little weird. I would just say, “there’s a cool place we can go throw some axes and stuff, and you got to have sneakers.” Or you could have just said, “hey, we’re going to do something outdoor down the street.

That’s really fun. I want to take you to just wear some sneakers.” That’s what I would have told her. I probably wouldn’t have phrased, “don’t wear any open toed shoes.” You’re like, “well, that’s a weird request.” So you could have just said, “hey, wears some sneakers or something like that because we’re going to go do something fun.”

So, she had took an Uber instead. Part of me feels like I should have canceled once she said that. I admit this girl was hot and I really wanted to see her.

He didn’t really have any many choices. And so I mean, obviously we’re seeing signs of low interest. I mean, if he hadn’t texted her saying, “hey, where are you at?” She probably wouldn’t have even shown up because she was drinking. And if she knows she’s got a date and she’s getting drunk. Does that sound like a disciplined person? Does that sound like somebody that was like, “oh, I’m so glad this guy asked me out. I can’t wait to see him.” No. It just sounds like she really didn’t want to go.

Although now, I realized this girl is a mess and I should have canceled once she said she told me she was calling the Uber, making her even more late.

So she’s showing up like an hour late. So it definitely looks like she was planning on not showing up and was just going to blow this guy off because to her it’s just some guy she used to work with several years ago. He’s telling her not to wear open toed shoes without really giving an explanation. That just kind of sounds weird.

So a better way to phrase it would have said, “hey, make sure you wear some sneakers because there’s a fun activity, a really cool place I want to take you to down the street after we get done with dinner.” “Oh. What’s that?” “Oh, it’s a surprise. You’ll love it. Trust me, it’s going to be a lot of fun.” That’s all you would have had to say, “I’ll see you tonight, or I’ll see you later.” Whatever.

Although now, I realized this girl is a mess and I should have canceled. It’s what a high-valued man would have done. It would have showed her my time is not to be taken for granted. Worst part about it was at the end I just got a hug. I know I should’ve went for it. My question to you Coach is how long should a man wait before he cancels the date? Your thoughts?

Well, I mean, if you’re sitting there and you text her and you’re like, “Hey, where are you at?” And she’s like, “Oh, I’m getting drunk with a friend.” Well, obviously meeting up with you and going out on your date was not a priority. That’s not a good sign. But if you’re already there, you should have said, “Well, hey, I’m here waiting.

Just grab an Uber. Come on over.” Just to see what happens. Because again, this is a second date this guy’s been in and his whole life, so he needs practice. So even though it’s not looking good, he’s already there. You might as well go through and get the practice in. Get the repetitions in.

PS:

Notes about her throughout the date:

She did 80% of the talking over the course of two hours.

Asked questions about my life and my dreams.

Said her life is very chaotic right now with her job. 

It could be true, but it also could be her just making excuses for the fact that she’s not into you and was difficult to get out on a date. Because, again, if a girl really likes you, she’s going to clear her schedule. She’ll take the day off from work. She’ll figure it out. The more she likes you, the easier it is to get out on a date with her.

And the less she likes you, the more she’s going to be difficult. Or try to make you jump through a bunch of hoops. And what you’re really looking for is somebody who’s excited to be with you, not somebody that’s jerking you around or blowing you off, or saying one thing and doing another.

When I invited her to sit next to me, she said, “No.” My line was really corny to be honest: “Hey you’re looking kind of lonely over there. You sure you don’t want to sit next to me?”

He’s got the face palm emoji. I obviously would not have said that to her. I would have said, “hey, why don’t you come over and sit next to me.” Instead of, “are you sure you don’t want to sit next to me?”

She has Irish family connected to the Mexican Mafia???

Bob

Oh, well, that sounds delightful. But I mean, if this is a guy that had lots of experience and this is what he’s doing, he sees some girl he used to work with and he’s like, “oh, she was kind of hot.” I mean, the fact she’s all tatted up usually not a good sign. Typically this is not in all cases, but most of the time, the more tattoos, the girl’s got, the more issues she’s going to have, the more tattoos and weird piercings.

If she’s just got 1 or 2 strategically located tattoos, those girls tend to be a little freakier in the sack versus a girl that has none. That’s just that’s been my personal experience. You can do with that what you will. But in this particular case, I mean, if it was me and this is going on and she’s like, “oh, I’m getting drunk”, I would have been like, “hey, no problem. It’s like, go have fun with your friends. You know, we’ll get together some other time.”

And I would have never called, or texted her for any reason again after that. But this guy’s a newbie. He’s just getting out there. So I totally support him making the attempt because he learned something. He didn’t have the guts to go for the kiss. Maybe if he had gone for the kiss, she would have kissed him. But, he’s got no other prospects. I would say give it a week and if you don’t hear from her, try to make another date. See what happens just to get the practice in. Doesn’t mean you should wife the girl up.

So, if you’ve got a question or a challenge and you’d like to get my help, go to UnderstandingRelationships.com, click the Products tab at the top of your screen on any page, and book a coaching session with yours truly. Until next time, I will talk to you soon.