The subtle ways men lose or give away their power, attractiveness and dominance when dating and in relationships, and what you can do to avoid these common mistakes so you can grow and keep a woman’s attraction for you.
In this video coaching newsletter, I discuss an email from a viewer who shares what he has learned about the mistakes he made while dating a woman he really liked that led to his rejection after reading my book for the third time. Things started off hot and heavy with her in the beginning, and things often seemed too good to be true. She was aggressively all over him, calling him, wanting to see him, having passionate sex, etc. Without realizing what he was doing, she simply opened the doors for him, and all he had to do was walk through them.
Then, she started talking about how things were crazy at work and how she was looking for a new job. Her texts started tapering off, and he went into over-pursuit mode to the point that she finally blew him off. She reached out a month or so later, but he fumbled the football and did not set a date. A month after that, he contacted her, they went out, had a great date, and she was all over him again. She told him how much she had missed him and was glad to hear from him. Then, she went completely cold over the next few days and started ignoring him again. He asks my opinion on her hot and cold behavior. My comments are in (bold parenthesis like this below) in the body of his email.
I hope you are doing well. I’ve found your videos quite helpful and bought your book, third time reading it, so I know I have much to still learn. I found your work while trying to understand what I did wrong with a girl I had been seeing, but things tapered off with. So here we go…
When I first met Samantha, she was quite attracted to me. There was physical contact and we kissed on the first date. She even planned the second one right there and continued to pursue me rather aggressively from the start. As you have said in many videos, doors were opening and I just walked right through them, without realizing what I was doing. (Obviously in the beginning, she had a high attraction level for you.) Things were great! The sex was great, and she constantly wanted to hang out, like twice a week from the second date on, and was blowing up my phone. Near the 5th or 6th week, she told me about how her job was getting crazy and she was going to look for another one. (When you hear something like that, it’s her saying she’s going to be so busy she won’t be spending much time with you. You were totally into her, and she backed off.) Not too long after, texts started coming less frequently, and I did exactly what you can imagine. I started over-pursuing her. Basically, I probably texted too much, etc. I asked her out two times without success and ended up stopping contacting her. (If you follow what I teach in my book, women will usually say they are in love by week 7. However, you weren’t acting strong and confident, and when a woman senses weakness in a guy, she will back off and test him.)
About month passed, and I blew it by responding poorly to a long text she sent asking how I was. In retrospect, it probably came off as being short and uninterested. (Since she blew you off, she’s got to earn you back. Therefore, you shouldn’t go out of your way to meet her out. Like I discuss in my article and video, “7 Principles To Get An Ex Back,” she needs to come to your place.) Fast forward another month, and I’d had a few other dates and started hitting things off with two other girls, one of which I am still seeing, thanks to your work. (It’s important to date other women and practice the things in my book so it becomes instinctual.) However, I still wanted to see Samantha for some reason. (You were hung up on her and had a an emotional connection. Human beings tend to want what we can’t have and she blew you off.) I convinced myself I blew it when she reached out, so I sent her a text. I told her I’d been busy, but still would like to see her. (You’re chasing her again. You should wait so you can see if she’ll make the effort. Watch my video called, “Never Chase After Being Dumped.”) She said she was happy to hear from me, and immediately agreed she’d like to meet up. We went out, and had a great time. She insisted on explaining what happened, even though I told her not to worry about it. Work had been crazy, her brother had some health issues, and she was looking for new work, which she found. (The reality is, you turned her off because you over-pursued. You stopped acting like a masculine man, and it ruined the sexual polarity.) Then she revealed she had a few bad relationships, and said she was worried that things were too good to be true with me at first, but then we lost contact. Samantha said she talked to her parents about me and admitted to trying to find out what I was doing online. (That is another reason why you should not have reached out after a month.) She told me she had missed me, I told her I had too and so I kissed her right then on the spot. Boy did that kick things off! We went to a few other places, and she was all over me – touching me, holding my hand and making out the rest of the evening. (You went right back into chasing and pursuing.) We had obligations the next morning, so I couldn’t get her home. (You didn’t plan for “The Logistics of Sex” because you didn’t think it was possible.) The next day, she texted me to ask how my day was going. I waited an hour or so to respond and asked her how hers was. (The phone is for setting dates, not for boring texts like this.) She didn’t reply. After 4 days I called her to ask her out again. She didn’t pick up but texted she was working late and would call me after, but she didn’t. (She knows you’re waiting by your phone, so she has no reason to reach out to you.)
I’m confused by the back and forth / hot and cold feeling I’m getting from her. (You’re not following the principles I teach. You need to read my book 10-15 times and watch my video “7 Principles To Get An Ex Back.” You are run by your emotions.) It would have seemed her interest is still very high, especially with how our first date back went. (You ended up in the same place as when she blew you off the first time. You gave all your power away again.) I’m thinking I need to now out-wait her, but I’d appreciate your advice. I guess the feeling I have is, ‘I got her back… or did I?’ How do you play it after a seemingly successful win-back date? (Your job is to create an opportunity for sex to happen. She needs to come to you. Never call or contact her again. Wait for her to reach out to you, and when she does, invite her over to your place to make dinner together.)
Thanks for your time,
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Author, Speaker, Peak Performance Coach, Entrepreneur
“When women you are dating start talking about how “crazy” things are in their lives or careers, or how “busy” and “hectic” things are, this is woman-speak for, “back off, I’m losing attraction for you, you are turning me off with your smothering behavior, I feel like I am losing my freedom by dating you, things are moving too fast, you are acting needy and weak, this is starting to feel like a relationship and I am not feeling ready for a commitment or relationship yet, I’m going to back away from you, I’m not going to see you as much as I have been, I want to see you less, I am going to be less available to you, I’m going to start disappearing and taking longer to respond to your texts and messages, I might start ignoring your texts and messages completely, etc.” When a woman you are dating starts using the, “busy, crazy, hectic, etc.,” buzz words, you need to immediately stop your pursuit, back off, practice infinite patience and wait to hear from her, or she will disappear from your life completely.” ~ Coach Corey Wayne
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