Attraction: Low Interest & Low Rapport Vs. Low Interest & High Rapport

Why having high rapport when she has low interest can be a seduction difference maker.

In this video coaching newsletter I discuss an email from a viewer who met a girl he liked in dance class. He had lots of interactions with her over several months. Initially he was seeing someone when they met. After that ended he noticed she seemed to be interested. Eventually he asked her out, but she never got back to him after saying she’d check her schedule. He asks my opinion. My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.

Hi, I’m Coach Corey Wayne, and this is my Video Coaching Newsletter. And the topic of today’s Members Only Newsletter is, “Attraction: Low Interest & Low Rapport Vs. Low Interest & High Rapport.”

Well, this particular emails from a guy who met a girl that he liked in dance class. But when he first started taking dance lessons, this particular woman who’s also an instructor there, he didn’t really pay much attention to her because he was in a relationship. But, shortly thereafter, or at some point he had a breakup. He started noticing her and paying attention, and he said he saw signs that looked like she was attracted.

So he spent several, probably the course of, it looks like a couple of months, just kind of teasing her when he would see her and but not really doing anything to move things forward. It’s kind of like he would tease her in a way that showed he was interested, but he wouldn’t ask her out and do anything. And then he finally, when he notices that she’s talking to another guy in the class, and the guy pulls her outside and goes and talks to her. And the guy keeps going to her and trying to dance with her. Probably what it looks like is he thought, “oh. Another dude’s moving in.”

Even though he kind of says, “oh, this doesn’t bother me. I have no competition.” But that other guy is what prompted him to finally ask her out. So he asks her out, tries to make an instant date, and then she says she’ll get back to him once she checks her schedule. And of course, she never did. So he’s continued to see her since. And now he’s kind of wondering, “did he do the right thing?” And so what it kind of looks like is there may have been some interest, but there was a long period of time before he got around to asking her out.

And so what it kind of looks like is it took him many months to work up the courage to ask her out. And then when he finally did, her interest wasn’t really that high anyways, so she never got back to him. Probably wasn’t interested. Or who knows, maybe she started seeing somebody else. Maybe the other guy from class. We don’t really know, but it also still just kind of looks like he didn’t really have a lot of rapport with her. Like he would joke around with her when they would dance, but when they weren’t together, he kind of avoided her.

So he didn’t really just, he didn’t have much rapport with her. So in cases where if a girl’s got low interest and you have low rapport, you’re pretty much always going to get rejected. But if she has low romantic interest, meaning on a scale of 1 to 10, as I discussed in the book 3% Man the chapter, “It’s All In The Numbers”. If you’re like a 5 in her eyes, on a scale of 1 to 10, you’re kind of just barely holding on by your fingernails and you can’t make too many mistakes before she’s just like “Eh”, because she just really didn’t like you enough.

However, the way to overcome that is to have a lot of rapport with her, to spend time talking to her, getting to know her, asking personal questions, opening her up. And then if it looks like she’s really interested and genuinely enjoys talking to you and having a conversation, and you like listening to her, Then that’s usually enough to overcome the fact that her interest isn’t super high. So it’s a good email. It’s like, because, we’re all, every guy encounters this.

He sees a girl he really likes, but her interest is kind of marginal at best. And you. So the idea is, we’re trying to create the conditions where we do the best that we can in order to try to get her interest to go up, and make as few mistakes as possible. But you’ve also probably heard me say many times over the years, if you hesitate, you will masturbate.

If it takes you four or 5 or 6 months to work up the courage to ask a woman out, and she can clearly see that you’ve always been interested, and her interest isn’t super high in you to begin with, you’re going to get rejected. But if her interest is low, but you take the time to open her up and you get a really good conversation going, her interest in you will actually go up and you’ll get the date. In this case, he didn’t get the date, but it still is a good email to go through and kind of analyze it, because he puts a lot of good detail in here.

Viewer Email:

Hi Coach,

I’m a Premium Member, and I wanted to share a recent situation where your teachings kept me from falling into old patterns. I met Jessica at my dance studio. She was one of the instructors. At the time, I was dating someone else, so I didn’t pay her much attention. After my breakup, I started noticing her, and that’s when I saw the signs. She was giving me those subtle looks, fidgeting with her sleeve, biting her lip, and hovering in my space.

So if you’re seeing that, you should be talking to her and opening her up. But when you see something like this, and then it’s months later before you finally get around to asking her out, like in this case, as you’ll see, as I get further in the email, it seemed like the only thing that really prompted him to shoot his shot with her was when he saw her talking to another guy. And by then she may have just decided he was kind of a beta because he hangs out around her, he jokes with her, and then he kind of disappears real quickly.

Almost like he’s afraid to talk to her. And it’s really important that you create rapport, because the other thing to keep in mind is that if the conversation doesn’t flow well in person, it’s not going to flow any better on a date. Do you like talking to her? Does she like talking to you? Does she seem like she wants to be there? Or is her body language turned and she’s just looking for the right moment to dip?

I met Jessica at my dance studio. She was one of the instructors. At the time, I was dating someone else, so I didn’t pay her much attention. After my breakup, I started noticing her, and that’s when I saw the signs. She was giving me those subtle looks, fidgeting with her sleeve, biting her lip, and hovering in my space. I was interested, but when I finally talked to her, she told me she was leaving the country for a few months but would be coming back. I let it go and moved on.

Again, it just still kind of looks like he didn’t strike while the iron was hot. He hesitated and he dithered.

A couple of months later, she returned. I saw her at a Friday night social. I asked her to dance, and at the end of the song, I looked her in the eyes, paused for a second, leaned in close to her ear, and whispered, “You know what? I did miss your smile.” She has a very magnetic and authentic smile.

So you just communicated that you like her. “Oh, I missed your smile.” But you didn’t do anything. You didn’t ask her out. You didn’t keep the conversation going.

I smiled, pulled away, and walked off.

It’s like he was running away.

My friend was right there and told me she was caught off guard, smiling like, “What just happened?” Her friends saw the whole interaction. Next class, I saw her again, and you could tell she was even more attracted. At the end of class, they played two songs to practice the pattern we learned. I went to talk to one of the instructors, and she came up and asked me to dance. We danced, and I left right after.

Well, again, now she’s coming up to you, asking you to dance, and then it’s like you’re running out the door to get away. So it could come off or look like you were nervous and you just ran away.

Another day, I took a private lesson with her and another instructor. I kept it playful, making little jokes. When the other instructor left us alone to practice, I told him, “If you hear me scream, come save me.” Later in the lesson, when I messed up, I whispered to her, “Should I scream now?” She blushed, looked down, and kept smiling. At the end of the lesson, the instructor walked back in, and I joked, “Thank God you came back. She was about to beat me up.” He laughed and said, “I believe you.” She blushed even harder. Before I left, she asked if I was going to the social that night. I overslept and didn’t go.

So it’s like he’s kind of going out of the way to try to act indifferent to express an interest. And then he disappears like he runs away. Kind of like a little girl does.

The next week in class, same thing. She kept showing signs of interest. At the end of class, I noticed she was coming toward me to ask me to dance, but another guy intercepted her and started dancing with her right in front of me. Probably a shit test to see how I’d react.

Well, the other guy came in. I don’t really think it was a shit test. I think he just took the opportunity to shoot his shot, potentially.

I stayed calm, and another girl asked me to dance, so I did. The guy who grabbed her later took her outside to talk. I figured he liked her too, but in my head, I thought, “I have no competition.”

Well, at the end of the day, he’s probably shooting his shot and you’re dithering and you’re hesitating, trying to look cute, trying to be goofy. And it just kind of looks like you’re kind of playing games, or you’re working up the courage to ask her out. If you hesitate, you will masturbate. That’s what I mean when I say that.

When she came back to the room, I decided, “Screw it, I’m going for it.” I asked her out, gave her a time and date, and told her it would be a surprise. She said she would check her schedule and get back to me. She never did.

So it seems like you just went up to her, asked her out, told her where to go, where to be, and she’s like, oh, I’ll check my schedule. Doesn’t sound like she’s really interested at that point. So if it was me, I would have asked her out long ago, especially when she came up to you. And as you described earlier in the email, it looked like she was interested. She’s biting her lip, when she’s doing that you should have. Again, you dithered and you hesitated, and so now you masturbate while she’s probably sleeping with that other guy who had the courage to ask her to dance and then ask her out, and maybe she started seeing him.

Especially if she asked, “hey, are you going to the social tonight?” And he was like, “oh, I overslept and didn’t go.” It almost seems like he did it on purpose to not show up because he’s trying to frustrate her. But it kind of, you do that enough and you do that for as many months as you were doing this, it kind of looks like you’re just playing games, or you’re just working up the courage to ask her out. And either way, women like confidence, and they like guys that go for it. They like guys that strike while the iron’s hot, not guys that need to work up their courage.

She teaches and goes to socials most of the week, so I told her to let me know if she was free. But I never heard from her. I went out of town that weekend and hit up dance socials in another city. When I got back the next week, I did not bring up anything, not the invite, not the compliment, nothing. I stayed warm but detached. Maybe she wasn’t really interested. Maybe she just liked the attention and validation. Who knows? All I know is I gave her a chance, and now she’s out unless she comes to me.

Yeah, I think she kind of made up her mind and her interest was low. Or maybe it was a little higher. But after your little act of all those attempts, she may have gotten turned off, because, again, her interest didn’t start out high enough.

That Friday, I went to a social I rarely attend. They play both bachata and salsa.

I don’t know if I pronounced that right. Bachata. Bachata, bachata.

I only dance bachata, so when they played salsa, I would disappear and not hover around her.

So I assume that means she was there. So again, he’s just trying to, “hey, look at me.” And then he disappears thinking she’s going to run after him or something.

I danced with other women all night. I saw her nearby with other guys while I was dancing, probably hoping I would chase her. But I didn’t.

Honestly, I think at this point she doesn’t care.

What I did notice is the same guy from class who had cut in before was now hovering around her all night, dancing with her multiple times. I felt kind of bad for him. I knew he wasn’t competition.

Well, if he’s dancing with her and you’re not, and you’re just kind of observing it, he might be the one that’s beating up her pelvis.

Coach, I never brought up the compliment, the jokes, the date — nothing from the past. In the past, my head would have been telling me to chase her or do something to win her over. But now, I see things much clearer. If she really wants something, she knows what to do. She has to be the one to reach out.

What are your thoughts, Coach?

Bob

Well, like I said, it seems like you just hesitated too much. And that’s why you’re masturbating. And more than likely, this other guy just came in and took her from you, because he had the courage to shoot his shot. And you did not. You waited many, many months. Maybe she’s involved with somebody else. Maybe she got tired of your act. Maybe she kind of realized what you were doing. But like I said, you gotta strike while the iron’s hot. If you’re talking to a girl, and she’s playing with her hair, and you’re pretty sure she’s interested, ask her out. Make a date on the spot. Don’t wait.

Because again, if her interest isn’t super high to begin with, and you keep doing this constantly, you know, dancing in front of her to get her attention, and then you run away like a little girl, going, “oh, I’m not really interested in you.” i mean, it’s kind of childish, but, you know, when you’re learning this stuff, you’re going to kind of you’re gonna make mistakes. You take being indifferent a little bit too far. Because, again, if the girl’s seeking you out and then you don’t do anything well, she starts to realize that you just don’t have confidence in swagger.

And at least the other guy had the courage to shoot his shot. And so maybe he’s the one dating her, especially if he’s dancing with her all the time and you’re not. If you hesitate, you will masturbate. Pull a trigger, shoot your shot while the iron’s hot. The more you dither and the more you hesitate, the more you’re going to masturbate. It’s just a fact of life. Women like confidence. They don’t like guys that dither and hesitate and that are unsure of themselves.

So, if you’ve got a question or a challenge and you’d like to get my help, go to UnderstandingRelationships.com, click the Products tab at the top of your screen on any page, and book a coaching session with yours truly. Until next time, I will talk to you soon.