How to successfully pull off an attraction turnaround to re-attract an ex, find your dream lover or to turn around a failing relationship.
In this video coaching newsletter, I discuss an email from a viewer who shares how my work has helped him to create a quick attraction turnaround with a woman he was dating. He is thirty years old and recently divorced after a ten-year marriage. He is now in the fifth week of dating her after almost blowing it in the beginning of the courtship. He shares what he what he did wrong in the beginning, and what he’s done and said differently, as well as detailing his mindset change that has made all the difference.
He also mentions some of the things she is now saying to him that are completely predictable as detailed in my book, “How To Be A 3% Man.” It’s another great success story of how you can turn things around in your romantic life, even after making enormous mistakes. My comments are in (bold parenthesis like this below) in the body of his email.
Let me begin by saying that your book and video series have changed my life. I’m currently reading your book for the 6th time in my endeavor to better understand both women and myself. As recommended, I will read it 15 or even 20 times if necessary.
(Repetition is the mother of skill. You’ve got three decades of being the way you used to be, so you’re emotionally anchored into thinking that way. It’s going to take some time, applying the things I talk about in my book, to turn things around.)
I consistently study it every day with sticky note annotations and a highlighter. I’m determined.
(I like that statement. You are committed. You got to a point and you made the decision, never again.)
I’ve even built my own table of contents to reference in specific situations, which has helped me tremendously.
I’m now 30 years old with a good career. I was married for 10 years, and like many stories that begin in past tense, it was over in the blink of an eye. I left the marriage because I reached a realization that our differences were simply too far apart. We were unable to make each other happy, and If I had only found your book earlier, I may have realized this sooner.
(Well, you can’t really make somebody else happy. You can contribute to their happiness, but at the end of the day, happiness is a conscious choice. We choose what things mean to us. We assign meanings and labels to the events and circumstances of our lives.)
I still love her for the genuinely great person that she is, and I hope she finds someone that can be the man that I wasn’t.
(When you care about somebody and love somebody, you want them to be happy even if it’s not with you. That’s true non-attachment.)
After the finality of it all, I stumbled head-first into Tinder and Bumble dating in an effort to find my soulmate.
(I personally believe in multiple soulmates. I don’t believe in that nonsensical myth of “the one,” because if you’ve read my book, “How To Be A 3% Man,” then you know that in my own personal experience, through several of the relationships I’ve had with women I personally consider to be a 10, women who knock my socks off, where we were both head over heels in love with each other, for the average person, they only get to experience one of those kinds of relationships in life, and I’ve had multiple at this point in my life. When you know how to create that, and things become predictable, that really builds your confidence to take the risk. You don’t really worry about things not working out. You know if you’ve done it once, you can do it again. And that really gives you a lot of power.)
Over the last several months, I’ve been on roughly 15 dates. As you can surmise, I began repeating all of the same mistakes, which lead me on the path to divorce. I am an eternal optimist, and I view these experiences as an opportunity for growth, however, I hadn’t yet realized why my sense of confidence wavered around women that I unknowingly idolized.
(That’s where that fear comes in. If you’ve created a story that you don’t think you’re good enough and don’t deserve to have a unicorn type of girlfriend, then when you meet somebody that stirs those feelings, stirs your soul and you love hanging out with them, not just looking at them and making love to them, it just completely changes your life and your paradigm. You’re never the same again after that.
It’s a rare thing, but if you’ve never experienced it, all that fear comes up. If you’ve got limiting beliefs or a limiting self-perception, then you’ve already convinced yourself, without realizing it, that you’re not worthy, so your interactions with the the other person are going to constantly communicate that. Eventually, especially with women, they’re going to pick up on it.)
Roughly one month ago, I met a gorgeous woman who’s my age and shares many of the same interests. She’s an amazing artist, and I truly respect her for who she is. We spoke constantly over text messaging while sharing photos, videos and voice messages via WhatsApp. During the first week, I set a date and we kept talking every day until that following weekend. Keep in mind that this was before I read your book.
(When you meet people online, ideally you want to see them on a video call — see their body language, their physiology, make sure they are who they say they are and that you jive and connect. You can pre-qualify your dating prospects using video. If they can’t carry a conversation on a video date, then how do you think you’ll do having dinner with them?)
As we were messaging earlier on before the date, I promised her that I would kiss her the moment we met. She doubted that I would, and I took it as a challenge. I did as I promised. She walked up to me, I gave her a big hug and then I kissed her. She kissed back.
(That took some balls dude. Nice job. Obviously she liked you, so you built enough rapport before you met in person.)
It was a good sign, but I hadn’t yet learned how to value myself and quickly forced ‘the relationship talk’ during dinner. Bad idea.
(On a first date, “let’s talk about a relationship,” not a good way to go. If you talk about commitment and locking her down on the first date, you’re probably not going to get a second date.)
I can see now how weak this really was.
(What was driving it? You’re afraid you’re going to lose her or some other guy is going to come along and take her from you. You’re literally starting to chase her out of your life, all because you’re driven by fear, feeling like you don’t deserve it.)
The first warning sign raised when she told me a story about her ex being overly needy by constantly checking up on her, visiting her every single day unannounced and leaving his stuff at her place. I took this as a cautionary tale of what not to do with her. I naturally pulled back a bit, but not enough out of fear that I might lose her.
(You recognized you needed to back off a bit, but you were still locked in a state of fear, because you had never had somebody that you’ve felt this way about. You were extra nice, extra compliant, extra accommodating, and once you start giving off the vibe that you’re happy to be a doormat, the respect level will fucking plummet. And a woman who doesn’t respect you will never fall in love with you.)
The night went well, and I didn’t push for sex, although we did end up making out and fondling each other in my car. During this date, several other warning signs appeared as she directly told me that she’s not ready for anything serious, without directly saying “with me.”
(That’s how women do it. Women aren’t going to come out and tell you specifically, “Hey you’re fucking this up. If you keep acting this way, I’m going to completely lose all attraction for you and not want to go out with you again.” They’re not going to do that. They’re going to say, “I’m not ready for anything serious.” The average guy doesn’t really know what this means. What this really means is “I’m feeling pressured to move along further in this courtship than I’m ready to go, so slow your roll.)
I ignored this and kept pushing on.
(Because what do they show on TV and movies? You’ve got to pursue, pursue, pursue because somebody else might come along and get her.)
The following day, I initiated plans to go visit her that night. Another bad move, but I’m glad I did it, because it put me in a position that would eventually lead me to your work. We cuddled on her couch for a few hours, and it was a pleasant evening, except for the fact that she told me, “You can have sex with other people.”
(She liked you enough to where you were able to get away with mistakes in the beginning, because her attraction level was so high. But then she got triggered with how her old boyfriend used to be and probably fifty other guys who acted this way, and so she knows how that movie is going to end, because all of them, they don’t listen. They don’t know any better.)
My response to this was, “You’re full of shit” in a teasing way. She laughed and said, “Well, don’t tell me about the other women,” to which I replied, “That’s fine. I won’t.”
(So what she’s really saying is, “I don’t have any attachment to you emotionally. I like you, but if you went out and met somebody else, it probably wouldn’t bother me that much.” That’s what she’s saying in that moment. She’s encouraging you to go out and date other people. She’s trying to communicate that you’re pressuring her. Women don’t communicate the way men do. They’re hoping men will interpret the meaning.)
After that night, I began doing my research where I stumbled upon your videos. After watching about 10 of them, I took your advice and bought your book on Audible. I’ve since then halted all unnecessary texting and focused on my work, while setting boundaries that exhibit integrity. In addition to this, I started exercising every single day, so that I could improve my body and be more than I once was.
(So you’re making yourself, literally, physically, more attractive. Make it easy for yourself. Stack the deck in your favor. Give women an overwhelming list of reasons why you’re the most awesome catch they’ve ever come across, and it will be a hell of a lot easier.)
I’ve applied many of the basic principles of creating attraction by simply being less available. I’ve worked hard on creating a true confidence that suggests without words that my time is valuable.
(If you’re busy, you’re building your empire and you’ve got lots of friends, lots of family and lots of things going on in your life, you’re not going to be sitting around waiting for a text to come in or the phone to ring, because you’ve got shit to do. Women like a guy more if they have to work for him.)
While these changes didn’t happen overnight, my diligence in studying your work has paid off. We’re now on week five of dating, and the sex is incredible. We’re seeing each other about 4 days out of the week now, and she’s consistently telling me that she wants nothing less than to be exclusive with me.
She’s opened up to receive me and continues to tell me things such as, “You have redefined what I look for in a man,” “I see a future with you,” and “I feel so free and comfortable with you.”
(Remember, “you must love in such a way that the person you love feels free.” Women want to feel safe and comfortable with you. That’s why it’s so important to be in your masculine energy and know what you’re doing.)
I wish I had learned these lessons sooner, but I am eternally grateful for finding your book.
Thank you for everything Corey. I sincerely appreciate your life’s work, and I have already purchased “Mastering Yourself,” because my journey of self-improvement has only just begun.
(Well, if you apply the things that I teach, you will get results.)
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Author, Speaker, Peak Performance Coach, Entrepreneur
“Reaching your full potential requires the freedom, time and space to be who you really are and people who nurture, encourage and celebrate you being you. Fear, worry and doubt causes most people to play it safe, hold back and be too risk adverse to step beyond their current comfort zone, and take the actions that are necessary to make their dreams a reality. Success is the result of sustained discipline, focus, perseverance and a relentless pursuit of emotionally compelling outcomes. You’re either willing to pay the price to achieve what you want, or you’re okay with making excuses and settling for a life that is less than what you are capable of living.” ~ Coach Corey Wayne
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