When we are young and don’t know any better, we make a lot of the typical mistakes that young lovers make. When teenage boys and girls and adult men and women don’t understand each other or where they are coming from, they often do things that inadvertently lead to the end of their relationship. These mistakes are completely unnecessary when you know what to do. When you understand what a woman wants and emotionally responds to, it’s fairly easy to do the right thing. So in this article, I am going to share how to go about avoiding the mistakes young lovers make.
When I was in high school, I seemed to only have crushes on girls who had boyfriends. It was probably because I liked beautiful girls with confidence. Teenage girls and adult women who are in committed relationships have more confidence and a more content presence than single girls and women do. I was always the guy who had a lot of pretty girl “friends”, but no girlfriend. I was such a nice guy and pleaser, that the girls I went to school with only perceived me as a friend. I was a matchmaker for my friends and girl “friends”.
I’ve always been very picky when it came to women. I always wanted the best, or nothing at all. If the woman I wanted was unavailable, I would wait and take myself off the market until she was single, or I met someone else who I really liked. After high school I was able to start getting some dates. Mostly just women I had very little interest in. The ones I really wanted never really seemed to want me. I had no idea at the time that I was the one who was actually sabotaging my own success, simply because I was never taught how to understand women. My parents and my entire family in general had absolutely no idea how to lovingly interact with each other, or their children.
I grew up in a family completely devoid of hugs, kisses, I love you’s, affection, healthy communication, etc. and was totally inept and unprepared for adulthood. I was totally unsure of myself. Once my little brother and I were no longer children in elementary school and were becoming young adults, our parents had no clue what to do with us or how to have a friendship with us. My parents were unsociable. They had no friends they hung out with on a regular basis. That is why my life has always been full of friends and great friendships. Growing up with my parents was like growing up with unloving and unaffectionate roommates. My mother mostly raised us. My dad was either too busy working, or too busy getting drunk and watching TV to be bothered with the rest of us. While my dad watched TV, my mother was usually busy bitching at him or complaining about something. Every once in a while my dad would glance over in her direction and nod his head like he was actually listening to her, when in reality he was totally ignoring her too.
It wasn’t until I was almost 30 that I was finally able to learn enough and apply enough of what I learned to start meeting and dating the type of women I had always wanted to. I wish I had a book like mine back when I was in high school! I would have cleaned up! The following is an e-mail I got from a 16-year-old high school student who is succeeding with women better in high school, then I was when I was in my 20s! He obviously knows enough to get a girlfriend, but it’s obvious he does not understand women or how to communicate with them. My comments are (in bold brackets like this) in the body of his e-mail:
Hi, my name is Alex and I am 16 years old, and yes I know I’m young. But I need help, I’ve been searching the internet for hours now for advice. (Download the Amazon Kindle version of my book to your Smartphone, PC, Mac or iPad for only $9.99 in under 60 seconds by clicking here. Then read it 10 to 15 times until you get to know the information so well you could give a seminar on it. You need to learn how to understand women so you stop making unnecessary mistakes.) So here is my problem, my High school is having a dance, and basically my girlfriend wants me to go, but I don’t. (Dude, you only go to high school once. These events are important to high school girls. They want to dress up and look beautiful and have their boyfriends escort them to the dance. She wants to be seen with you. She is proud of you as her boyfriend and wants to show you off and be seen with you. Women want to be in a love story with a man. This was supposed to be part of your love story, but you messed it up for her because you were being selfish.) She called me after school asking me. After awhile she got mad at me and said ” fine I’ll just find me another date!” (You made her feel rejected and like she was not important to you. That is why she is mad. You hurt her emotionally. This causes her to question if you really care for her. This causes her pain when she doubts you love her. You should be her knight in shining armor and take her to the dance. Take her girlfriend too. Why? It would not be cool for your girlfriend to ditch her girlfriend now that they have made plans together. Apologize for being so selfish and inconsiderate about something that was really important to her and a big deal.)
She ends up calling up one of her girlfriends and arranges a date. I have no problem with that because one its a girl, then she made a comment ” That’s she’s going to twirk with her”. Twirking is basically sexually dancing. (Reminds me of all the silly acronyms and sayings we came up with when I was in high school.) And I replied, “well as long as you don’t go twirking with somebody else I’m fine with it.” Then she asked why?, and I said because I would break up with you. That’s when she really got mad and started asking me questions like why would you even say something like that, talking about the twirking. Then she hung up on me and texted me saying “Do you really fucking think I’m that dumb what the fuck”. (You basically told her that you do not trust that she would be faithful to you. She got upset because you communicated that you do not trust her to do the right thing when you are not around. Her reaction also communicates to me that she considers the thought of cheating on you absurd. She considers herself a loyal girlfriend and is offended that you think she might be disloyal to you. Hanging up on you was immature on her part. But you hurt her because you were being a selfish jerk.)
After that we haven’t spoke. On facebook she posted statuses saying ” I can’t believe you can make me cry omg” (Do you feel good that you made your girlfriend cry over something that was totally unnecessary?), and “Too sad Too sad, well I couldn’t wait till sat. Now I can’t wait for next month. Fuck this weekend, my birthday needs to hurry up so I can do whatever I want omg”. (All she wanted was to have her boyfriend escort her to the dance because he understands how important these things are to a girl. The countless hours she will spend picking out a dress, doing her makeup, talking to her girlfriends about the dance and how fabulous they will all look, etc. She was looking forward to your anniversary, but all she feels is hurt now and that you don’t really love or care about her. You need to be a man, admit you fucked up, apologize and take your girlfriend and her friend to the dance. Maybe you can even fix up one of your buddies with her girlfriend.) When she said that she couldn’t wait for sat, she was referring to our anniversary, which would be 8 months.
And now I don’t know what to do like, what do I say to her? Should we just draw the line here? (No line to draw. Be patient with her as she tells you how hurt she was and how upset you made her feel. Say things like, “What else? Tell me more. Don’t leave anything out. Etc.” You will know that she is finished expressing herself and has resolved the pain you have caused her when she says, “I feel so much better. I’m so glad we talked. Thank you for listening to me, etc.” Also, every few minutes, repeat some of what she said to you back to her and in kind of a sentence or two summary of what she has been telling you. Why? Because this will communicate to her that you’re actually listening to her. Don’t try to solve her problem! Only get her to talk and listen to her without judgment. If you try to argue and use logic and reason with her to convince her that she was wrong and you are right, all you would do is upset her, make her mad and cause a breakup that is totally unnecessary.) I don’t know what to do. If you can understand my situation then could you please help me! It would be highly appreciated! Because I’m very new to this she is my fourth girl that I ever gone out with.
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Author, Speaker, Peak Performance Coach, Entrepreneur
“Parents wonder why the streams are bitter, when they themselves have poisoned the fountain.”~John Locke