What it means if your lover is backing away, being cold and distant, reconsidering moving in with you and things feel awkward, but they still initiate and have great sex with you. How you can turn things around so they make you feel wanted and desired, instead of pulling away.
In this video coaching newsletter, I discuss an email from a viewer who has been seeing a woman for the past year from Spain. He is from the United Kingdom. He says he has been following my work for the past two years, but in that time, he’s only now just started reading my book for the second time. He failed to properly prepare, and therefore, he prepared to fail.
It’s obvious that his lack of knowing the book is hindering his ability to be successful with her and causing unnecessary problems and suffering. He says he has been too busy to read the book, so now he has an unnecessary and preventable relationship problem that is consuming his time, as well as his mental, physical and emotional energy. This is holding him back and interfering with his life goals and progress. It’s hard to be efficient and balanced when you’re emotionally suffering. My comments are in (bold parenthesis like this below) in the body of his email.
I have been following your work for a couple of years now, I have read your book once, and I am part of the way through a second read, as I have a lot of other reading to do for my profession. (I can already tell, you’re having problems because you don’t know the material. Human beings only retain 8-10% of what they read each time they go through it. You’ve got to read the book 10-15 times, so it becomes instinctual.) I am a 26-year old male from the UK, studying to be an architect. I currently work in the industry, and have another qualification to take. I participate in athletics track sprints as a hobby. Lots of my motivation for my hobbies and profession has been encouraged by your great videos, so I must take the time to sincerely thank you.
My problem is this. In late 2014, I met a girl from Spain online after she Facebook-friended me. (Female energy is all about relationships, commitments, bonding and connecting. That’s why women will do almost all of the chasing.) She is 27. After several Skype dates, she visited me in the UK, where we completely hit it off and ended up pretty much together after the first few days of the visit. (That’s how it’s supposed to be. It’s like a love story.) After a couple of visits, she found work here, although in a city quite far from me, but we visited each other regularly. A couple of months ago, she moved back home to Spain and continued to visit for periods of about 10 days. We planned to move in together at the back end of this summer. However, since her visit this time, she is currently still here and leaves on Tuesday, she has acted distant and a little cold, although she is on her period. (Don’t put any pressure on her. You must love in such a way that the person you love feels free. You started out with her chasing you. You should just wait to hear from her. If you start pursuing her, she will back off and reject you.) After asking what’s concerning her and playfully teasing out the answer, she told me she couldn’t move in, because she has to help with her brother, as he is unemployed. (Just say, whenever you’re ready, let me know. Don’t call, text or reach out to her. Her attraction level dropped because you’re pursuing.) If she doesn’t help set up a business with him, he may lose his wife, i.e. women are not attracted to men who have no ambition. (She’s more interested in helping her brother than moving in with you.) I think this is an excuse, and the real reason is that I have done something to turn her off, which I cannot pinpoint. (If you knew the book, you wouldn’t be having these problems.) My dilemma is, she is still sleeping here and initiating sex, which is totally mind blowing every time. (Perfect. Hang out, have fun and hook up.) Her pupils dilate so widely, that I can barely see the iris. I have taken the attitude that, if she wants to leave, then I cannot try and talk her out of it, as this will only push her away, and if she changes her mind, then she knows where I am. (You’re receiving her attention. Since feminine energy is all about bonding, connecting and opening up to receive love, a woman is physically designed to receive you, her man, in every way.)
I would just like some specific advice, as I love this girl very deeply, and as recently as last month, she told me she wanted see the world with me, have children, marriage etc. I know this only applies in the moment, but since I have no idea what I did to turn her off, I would like to know what your thoughts/approach would be. It has knocked me off center a little, although I am trying my best to hold it together. It’s just basically very awkward, and then we have sex. What to do? Please help. (Hang out, have fun and hook up. Don’t worry about the future. Let her come and go. Stop pursuing her, and let her do 100% of the calling, texting and pursuing. When she reaches out, make at least one Skype video date per week. You must let her come to you and not rush things. Watch my article and video, “Why Women Prefer To Chase Men.”)
If you have a question you would like me to consider answering in a future Video Coaching Newsletter, you can send it (3-4 paragraphs/500 words max) to this email address: Questions@UnderstandingRelationships.com
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From my heart to yours,
Author, Speaker, Peak Performance Coach, Entrepreneur
“Love is about giving. It’s not about taking. Receiving is about gratitude, being grateful for all of your blessings and those who love you unconditionally. Don’t chase people. Focus on being awesome and successful at a purpose and mission you love and crave, and on creating the life and lifestyle of your dreams. Try to get a little better each day. Extend an invitation to and acknowledge all of the beauty and beautiful people in your world. Those who feel the same way will reciprocate and accept your invitation enthusiastically. People who genuinely like you will be sincerely interested in you, inquisitive about who you are and want to be around you.” ~ Coach Corey Wayne
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