Why bad girls being bad are simply their nature and it’s not your job to fix them.
In this video coaching newsletter, I discuss an email from a guy who has been a United States Marine for about nine months. His on again off again girlfriend of five years gets mad, blocks him, then unblocks him and they start hooking up until she gets mad again. She has cheated on every guy she has ever been with, including her ex-husband who she cheated on with him.
He seems to think he can fix things between them and her, but I give him a harsh dose of reality. My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.
You could tell from the email he’s got the mindset like, “I’m going to fix her. I can fix this.” And so, obviously, I’m going to have to give him a harsh dose of reality. I have a soft spot for Marines, because I have plenty of Marines in my family and my friends and they’re usually pretty good people. And I hate to see devil dogs getting dicked around by bad girls.
I’ve done so many phone sessions over the years with guys in the military, and a lot of them get involved, like they go to a strip joint, start dating a stripper and they think they’re going to make her into a respectable woman. And the reality is the majority of them come from broken homes, and these are not the kind of girls that he wants relations with. There are some that are decent human beings, but it’s a rarity.
Every time I talk about it, I always get some stripper that’s watching me, or a couple of them, get really pissed off. So, like I said, there are exceptions to the rule, but if you’re in Vegas and you want to put money on things, it’s not good to bet that a stripper is going to turn out to be a good chick.
So, I’ve been a United States Marine now for about 9 months.
When I left home to go to boot camp, my girlfriend and I at the time had broken up. As hard as it was to leave that situation unfixed, I knew it was what I had to do to chase my dreams of being a Marine.
Well, that’s what a man does. You have to follow your purpose, your dreams, your goals, the things that are important to you. That’s masculine energy. And if a girl is unwilling or unable to fix things, it’s like, hey, a man does what he must, despite the consequences. When something is calling him that’s over the horizon, he must go.
After I made it through boot camp, combat training, and then the school house, she finally contacted me again after much restraint on my end.
Well, good job. I know it wasn’t easy. Especially when you care and your emotions are involved. Because when emotions are involved with us human beings, that overrides everything, and especially when you really like somebody. It’s like, we look past all kinds of disrespect and bad behavior because our emotions are involved, and then we talk ourselves into it and we use logic and reason. “Well, I think I can work with this. I know she’s cheated on me all the time, but I think I can fix her.”
I played everything perfectly, and when I got home, she showed up at my welcome home party and I had my way with her in the bathroom after being there about 20 minutes.
We spent several days and passionate nights together during my 14 days of leave at home. However, I knew it would come to an end, because I had to report to my new duty station when the 14 days were up 11 and 1/2 hours away. We talked the first couple days, about her moving up here, marrying each other…
Come on, man.
…and starting a life together, in which she was the one that always brought it up.
So, I’m sure she dreams of the white picket fence. She got the Disney memo like we all did when we were little boys and girls, but most people just are not capable. They don’t have the background, they don’t have the goals, they don’t have the value system. It’s just not going to happen.
However, the first weekend I was there, the boys in the barracks had an initiation type evening I which I had to drink alcohol with a purpose.
Well, duty calls, obviously.
I fell asleep without calling her, and just like that, I was blocked the next day.
So, statistically, just from that, they’ve done a lot of studies on this over the years on long term relationships that stand the test of time versus ones that don’t, and one of the big things that jumps out at you is people that behave this way, people that threaten to end the relationship or do things like just block you, you can’t fix anything when you’re blocked. You can’t talk. if you can’t talk, if you can’t communicate, you can’t fix anything.
And when one or both people threaten to end the relationship as a way to try to manipulate the other person into behaving the way they want, eventually you’re going to get sick of it and it’s just never going to work. Statistically, I think it’s like 97-98% chance it will end in divorce or a breakup. That’s just the numbers. The numbers are the numbers.
We have been on and off for about 5 years now. As crazy about her as I am and how much I’m in love with her…
Slow your roll, buddy.
…she is so quick to give up on us over absolutely nothing.
Gee, I wonder why that could be. The next sentence will probably explain why.
Her dad is not a good person, and every male figure in her life has consistently let her down, even me on occasion.
So, the reality is that the men that raised her taught her that men are unreliable, and so she’s naturally going to develop a belief that all men are the same.
They’re all like this. Eventually, they’re going to screw you over and not be there. So, she doesn’t know who to trust, doesn’t trust men in general. She learned to survive on her own, and therefore, she learned the opposite of operating from a place of integrity. It’s just not part of her value system.
She’s an adult now. There’s nothing you can do about that. She obviously is emotionally anchored to that as well. So, that’s just the way she is. It’s not your fault. It sucks, it’s sad. She came from a broken home and all the men let her down, but that’s what she believes. And so, when she feels that somebody’s letting her down, you know, she just goes and totally carpet bombs everything. She nukes the entire site from orbit.
Ninety percent of our relationship through the years, though I have moved mountains to make her happy and to give her a life I thought she deserved.
It doesn’t matter. You can be the best guy in the world, the best boyfriend, but she belongs to the streets! You can’t turn a hoe into a housewife, bro. It’s just the way it is. I wish it was different, but it is what it is. Now, maybe one out of a million will turn her life around and get help and therapy, but the numbers are so low and it’s not going to happen with her. It’s not worth your time.
You need to be focusing on yourself. You need a woman back at home that is supportive, and loving, and waiting on you, and pining after you, and can’t wait to see you, and is sweet and kind and loyal. This chick, she’ll be fucking your next door neighbor, or your best friend, or one of the guys in the neighborhood, or one of the dudes she works with. That’s the way she is. And if you’re out in combat, you can’t have that kind of shit. It’s just not going to help you.
Is the daddy issues and constant male failure the reason for this?
Yeah, but she was like this before you met her. It’s not your fault. It sucks, it’s sad, it’s a tragedy, but there are millions and millions of men and women in the world that are fucked up like this. It is what it is.
Your job, your assignment, if you choose to accept it, is to resolve to find a woman who has integrity, who shares the same value system as you, so you can raise good humans. You won’t raise good humans with a chick like this. And you can’t reach your full potential with a chick like this. You’ll have constant insurrections in your inner circle.
So, she actually unblocked me again after initiation and I explained the situation and we were fine. However, since then she has been slowly backing away from me, no longer bringing up plans of our future and being very flakey.
She blocked me for not calling her back one night, but she went an entire weekend without saying one word to me, which I did not blow her up, I just simply asked her what would happen if I did that to her. I would be blocked of course.
Yeah. You guys, your values are totally not compatible. That’s the way it is. Why? Because she belongs to the streets!
She told me she wanted to call me and get exactly what we were doing figured out, which I told her would be fine. She never called.
I’m shocked. Shocked, I tell you.
And last night she said she was going to for sure call me so we could talk. At 10 pm after not saying a word from when she said she’d call, I called her.
Yeah, dude, you’ve got to exercise some emotional self-control. Come on, dude. I can tell you’re probably pursuing this girl and over pursuing her, and so you’re rewarding bad behavior with your presence. If a woman treats you good, she gets the gift of your time, which is the greatest gift you can give anybody. When she acts all ratchet like this chick is, when she acts like a chick that belongs to the streets, she gets the gift of missing you.
It rang, went to voicemail, and then she turned her phone off.
So, that tells me you kept calling her. Come on, man. Have some fucking self-respect. You’re a Marine now. Seriously, dude.
I know there is probably another guy involved.
She does not have much integrity.
It’s like, that’s it, dude. She’s a fuck buddy, occasional friends with benefits. When you’re in town, if you want to give her the meat missile, fucking go for it. But I would never call or text this woman for any reason. When you’re in town, hook up, if you’re crazy.
You know, I’m sure you like that crazy sex, because a lot of guys that I know in the military like that. They like those chicks that are a little crazy. Kind of reminds them of combat a little bit, I guess, I don’t know. I’ve got some friends that are like that. Their girls are kind of lunatics, and they’re fucking calm and masculine. They’re fucking men. But they like that. They’re kind of masochists that way.
I just wish she would tell me, “Hey, I’m seeing someone else,” so I could know for sure it was time to let her go.
Bro, it’s time to let her go. You never call or text a woman like this for any reason. If you noticed, when you just happened to show back up at home after all the months of training, what happened? She was there. and you got a little in the bathroom of your party. She was like, “Hey!” You’re like, “Hey, girl.”
She’s cheated on every man she’s ever been with, including her last husband…
I’m shocked that she cheated on her husband. It’s just so unbelievable. I can’t believe it.
…with me, which I did not know she was married until I was already falling for her.
You can’t turn a hoe into a housewife.
The sex is amazing.
Well, it usually is with crazy girls, but that’s the way it goes.
And I love being with her in general, but is there any way to have a life with a girl like this?
No. No, Padawan, there is not. She shows no signs of doing anything to get her shit together, and it’s not your job to fix her or save her. Your job is just to beat up her pelvis when you’re in town and move on, as you search for a good woman.
I know something is going on, but for some reason I refuse to accept it’s probably another guy without her telling me it is.
Dude, she cheated on her husband with you. It’s like, if she’s going to cheat on her husband, it’s like, come on. Seriously, don’t be delusional. You’re better than that. Come on, dude. Come on, man.
I’m trying to use everything you’ve taught me over the years perfectly.
It doesn’t matter. As the book says, this is for normal, happy, healthy women that have their shit together. When you apply what’s in here, it brings out the best in the best really fast. And when you’re dealing with a train wreck, it brings out the worst in the worst right away.
Your problem is you didn’t eject. Your plane was heading for the ground and the alarms were going off. It’s going, “Eject. Eject,” and you’re like, “No, I can fix this,” and you crash and burn.
But it’s hard for me to fix…
It’s not your job to fix or save her, bro.
…when I can’t see her being so far away.
It’s not your job. You want an equal, somebody who shares the same values and the same goals, and she doesn’t. She doesn’t have the background for it. And her behavior is as predictable as the sun coming up in the east and setting in the west.
You’re trying to turn a fuck buddy, occasional friends with benefits — as a friend of mine would call her, a Ranger rat — you can’t turn a Ranger rat into a housewife. It’s just the way it is. They’re there to teach you how to be a man, to have a good time with, but when your leave is over, it’s like, “See you, babe. I’ll call you next time I’m in town.”
Any advice would be greatly appreciated.
She belongs to the streets, bro. Get yourself a mug. That’s my advice for you. Teespring.com at the Coach Corey Wayne store, and have this on your desk to remind yourself that she belongs in the streets.
I feel like the Marine Corps has taken her from me.
Bro, seriously. Just for that comment, you need to do like a thousand push-ups, that’s just ridiculous. The Marine Corps just simply revealed what she was. Semper Fidelis, always faithful. Your woman is never going to be faithful. She doesn’t qualify.
But this was my dream and I am a part of the World’s finest fighting force which gives me great pride.
Thanks, coach. If you take the time to read this, know you’ve changed my life for the better, no matter what happens.
I wouldn’t call or text her again for any reason. She has to do 100% of it. And if she reaches out, take your time to get back to her. “Hey Babe. Sorry, I’ve been busy. I’m deployed. I can’t tell you where I’m at, I’m on a special mission.” Hang out, have fun and hook up when you’re around. Other than that, you can’t fix this.
There’s nothing you can do with it other than just knock the bottom of it out when you’re in town. Give her a few orgasms. Make sure you wear a raincoat, definitely, if you’re crazy and you like the crazy sex, because I totally understand. A man’s got needs, after all. But don’t stick around too long. When your leave’s up, just say, “Thanks for the pussy,” and take off.
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Author, Speaker, Peak Performance Coach, Entrepreneur
“Honor, integrity, keeping your word, doing the right thing and just being a good human being are rare qualities in most people. That’s why it’s so hard to find good friends that you can depend on and even harder to find good women who make good romantic teammates. You can’t fix or save anyone who is unwilling to help themselves. All you can do is gently lead, encourage and give them the opportunity to reach their full potential or crash and burn. We all must participate in our own rescue, but the sad reality is that most people are simply not up to the task.” ~ Coach Corey Wayne
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