Bad Pickup Artist Tries To Mix Business With Pleasure

How to properly mix business with pleasure without fear of rejection or loss of clients.

In this video coaching newsletter I discuss an email from a viewer who says he’s read 3% Man around 20 times. However, based upon his email and bad pickup artist attempt to mix business with pleasure, he’s completely turned off the woman to the point that she’s no longer interested in business or any potential pleasure with him. He thinks he did great, but it was a train wreck performance.

I discuss what he should have done differently to avoid rejection and to preserve the business relationship so he doesn’t make the same mistake in the future. My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.

Obviously fails miserably. So this particular gem of an email is from a viewer who says he’s read 3% Man around 20 times. I guess he is in some kind of a sales business consulting business. So he met this woman who was a potential client, and he judged that there was some kind of romantic attraction between the two of them. So he just basically mixes the whole transaction up, along with flirting and dating innuendo and things of that nature.

Anybody that’s in sales knows that you have to create rapport with your prospect. If your prospect doesn’t like you, they’re not going to do business with you. Even if you’ve got the best product in the world or if you’re trying to sell, say, you got an inside secret and you know what the lottery numbers are going to be, it doesn’t matter if you come across as untrustworthy and unlikable, you ain’t going to be able to sell jack shit. In this case, it’s pretty clear this guy doesn’t really have any self-awareness of what’s going on. He even, at one point in their exchanges, the woman is like, “Is this a joke, or?” And she just basically cuts it off and he’s like, “Oh man, no contact now.”

This is just a great email to teach guys how not to blow it, how not to blow your business prospect and also how not to blow a dating prospect. You have to do things tactfully. In this particular case, imagine if you had plenty of women in your life, your number one priority is your business obviously, your mission, your purpose as a man. The first objective should be to get the sale with this particular woman that’s running, I guess, a company that her father started. Then if there’s chemistry there and the sale has been consummated and contracts and everything are signed and you’re moving forward, then you can continue to interact in a playful way.

If a woman really, truly is interested in you and you’re not really doing anything about it because you’re a business first, but you can still be fun and flirtatious because as I teach in 3% Man, you should treat all women the same. However, this guy, instead of coming across as being kind of cocky, funny and playful, he comes across as being arrogant and kind of a dickhead, and he just ends up blowing the whole thing up. So there’s a lot of text exchanges, or I should say, email exchanges here that he includes, and this guy really thinks he’s doing well with this particular girl, but he just has no concept that he’s completely turning her off.

So the best way to be, especially in these kind of situations, is that if there’s interest there, if there is romantic interest, but you got a sale that you have to make, it’s focused on making the sale. The reality is, if this woman is interested in you and you kind of keep things business, but you’re also playful and sometimes flirtatious with her but you don’t mix the two up, she’ll try harder to get your attention. She’ll even go out of her way to make sure you actually get the sale. Instead, this guy just does the complete opposite and completely turns her off. So not only does he not get the sale, he doesn’t get a date and the woman’s like, “Have a nice life,” basically. He thinks, “Oh well, I’m in no contact now.” It’s like, no, you’re not.

Viewer’s Email:

Corey,

I’ve read your book a minimum of 20 times since December. It’s more than likely around 35 times but I haven’t counted. This all started from a heartbreak and I decided there and then, “This isn’t happening again,” and found your material.

The second I saw your videos I knew this would work as I’m a professional sales trainer and being one of the best furniture salespeople in my profession, I know how psychology and people work.

“You must love in such a way, the other person feels free.”

No, it’s, “You must love in such a way that the other person feels free,” and that was by the late, great Thich Nhat Hanh.

This was the exact way I used to sell. No pressure, no hassle. Just pure giving. 

Yeah, but you don’t insert yourself into the sale and come across like an arrogant dick, which you did on several occasions, which I’ll point out.

Cut a long story short, I’ve been implementing your strategies with many types of women and the results are astounding. I’ve finally been able to piece together the missing links that are helping me become the man I was born to be. I’ve started my own business and am now looking for an alpha/sigma female to compliment my life.

So it’s no longer just Alpha and Beta. Now, these guys in the internet, usually the red pill dunces, “I’m a sigma male. I’m not Alpha or Sigma. I’m not Alpha or Beta. I’m Sigma.” So they got this other nomenclatures.

Everybody knows what an Alpha is. Alpha is being courageous and going for the things you want. Being a beta is being sheepish, cowardly, soft and weak. That’s what it boils down to. All this other nomenclatures really is irrelevant, so I don’t know what he really means by an Alpha/ Sigma female to complement his life. Sounds like he’s looking for a hot chick that acts like a dude, and it sounds like that’s kind of what he came across.

Here’s where it gets interesting…

I met a woman who owns her own company I tried to sell my sales training and marketing services to. She comes from a successful family (her dad started the business and now she runs it as Managing Director) and is extremely driven. So you’re aware, this company is huge so the amount of attention she must get is ridiculous. 

Well, that’s kind of irrelevant because at the end of the day, if she doesn’t like you, she’s not going to do business with you nor is she going to date and sleep with you.

She put herself in my orbit by complimenting me on how I “turned up” and after a few days of making her wait, I made the call. I explained how hard it must have been for her as it’s not very often she meets a guy who got his shit together, as good looking and as handsome as I am…

You really told her that? That just comes off as being like an arrogant dick. If you’re handsome and you got your shit together, you don’t have to brag about it. In a way, you’re kind of belittling her. You’re not using a neg from the pickup community. You’re actually saying something that, in essence, is a put down in order to build yourself up. So the idea is cocky, playful and charming, not cocky and arrogant. That’s kind of what you’re coming across. That’s what happens. He’s confusing his romantic interest with his business interests, and that’s overriding what he should know as a salesperson.

…And that I can only imagine the thoughts, feelings and emotions she’s been experiencing since I came into her life.

She couldn’t help but giggle. 

I bet. It’s not necessarily what you say, it’s how you say it. So I don’t know if this was over phone, over text or over person you’re saying this, or maybe over email, because if you’re trying to crack jokes and be funny through email and text or a messaging app and the girl doesn’t know you, nine times out of 10 you’re going to say things and it’s not going to land well.

I said how we should get the Strategy Session (Sales call) over and done with first and then we should go out for a drink and see what “pops up,” to which she agreed.

Again, I wouldn’t have done any of this. I would have focused on the sale, focused on making sure she likes you and she trusts you, because if you have plenty of women in your life, you’re not going to be in a rush. If you’re a smart guy, you’re not going to fuck up a sale because you’re trying to get into somebody’s pants. Your attitude should be, “Oh, I’m definitely going to get the sale, and eventually when it’s convenient for myself and she’s ready, willing, able and open and the moment is right, then I’ll seduce her then.” You got to get the sale first, because if you turn her off and you don’t get the sale, you’re not getting in her pants. It’s just not going to happen.

You almost have to be in the mindset of being indifferent to her beauty or her romantic interest. It should be something that you’re flattered about and you’re honored that she’s interested, but priorities are priorities. As a man, you got to focus on your mission and purpose, and that should be making the sale first and foremost. You should know better.

Just so you’re aware, she’s been testing the shit out of me with jabs at me about my accent and with my follow up with the conversation we had. She has also spoken to me extremely abruptly, shortly and rudely via email and in front of a member of her staff via a Zoom meeting we were on.

If she really liked you and respected you, she wouldn’t be talking to you that way. The problem is, your ego is getting in the way and you’re, in essence, showing up as a salesperson who quite frankly doesn’t seem to know what the hell he’s doing. You claim to be a guy that trains people in sales. I used to train people in sales and they were very effective. That’s why people were always trying to recruit my sales people from other companies and weren’t successful at it.

I could be making excuses for her, but I looked at this in two ways:

1- She is in a masculine environment and she is putting on a front.
2- She is testing me.

Well, I would say if she’s being rude and abrupt with you, it’s because she doesn’t respect you and doesn’t like you. Again, if you were saying the things you were saying, that just comes off as, from what I’ve read, being kind of arrogant, even though you claim she giggled at it. The fact she’s being nasty to you on a Zoom call? That’s not a good sign.

Or, she could be a complete cunt and waste of my time, but I’m giving her the time to validate herself. 

As Jocko Willink says, “Be humble or you will be humbled.” Doesn’t mean be soft, but don’t come off as an arrogant jackass or an arrogant, condescending jackass.

Here is the last conversation we had before she cut it short:

“Hi Jessica,

You were in a meeting when I rang. Call me when you have five minutes, I want to hear that sweet voice.”

This is not how you talk to a business prospect. Even if she is interested in you, you shouldn’t be talking to her in that way. Especially when she’s being rude and arrogant to you, that tells me you are missing subtle social cues that communicate that you’ve kind of rubbed her the wrong way.

“Hi Bob,

Sorry won’t be able to call today, I’ve been off most of this week so miles behind. Bob and I haven’t made a firm decision yet but will come back ASAP, apologies for the delay.”

So he’s so important and she’s so interested, she can’t even take five minutes to talk to him. He’s not that important to her.

(Side note: She’s definitely testing here as I left it six days to email her back so she’s making out that she was busier than she is)

So he’s confused in the dating stuff with sales. What’s interesting is sales is a different set of skill set. In sales, you have to be a little bit more aggressive to make the sale. Whereas pick up and seduction, you have to be more indifferent and mysterious, so he’s mixing the two up and he’s shooting himself in the foot.

Just a side note, I don’t want this to come across rude as certainly not meant that way, but I’m not a big fan of the over-familiarity. Not sure you’d have put it that way if I was a man? 

In other words, she’s basically trying to communicate, “Hey, you’re kind of crossing the line and you’re acting like we have some kind of relationship or we’re dating or something’s going on between us.” She’s basically saying, “Hey, I’m not a fan of that.” In other words, she’s like, “Oh, you think we have something going on here? I just want you to know, we don’t have anything going on here. I’m not a fan of your approach,” is what she’s communicating. So it sails right over his head.

“Hi Jessica,

No worries. No, I wouldn’t have put it that way if you were a man! Or a woman who I don’t want to see romantically! But in all honesty, the attitude and testing is wearing a bit thin.

Let me know if you’d like to go out for a drink some time.

Talk to you later,

Bob”

But wait, there’s more! It gets better. Again, he doesn’t pick up on what she’s communicating, and so she responds back.

“Hi Bob,

I’m not sure if this was a joke or not, but whatever it was I think we should end our discussion here, business or otherwise.

MRS. Jessica Bob”

I mean, that’s not her real name, but you know, in big, bold letters, MRS.

Look how she empathizes with the MRS., and I know for a fact she isn’t married! This stems from the fact I said I’m sick of her testing, which has made her test even more, LOL. 

Then his response back to her basically saying, “Have a nice life, not interested in business or anything personal. See you later!”

“Great. Let me know if things don’t work out with him and when you’ve had an attitude change. If I’m available, I’ll consider taking you out.  

Talk to you later,

Bob”

Classic.

This was 17 days ago and I still haven’t heard anything. I’m nearly 100% certain this is a test…

No dude, you turned her off and she’s like, “Fuck off. Have a nice life. You’re a douche.” That’s what happened.

…But I thought she would have messaged me back within a week.

Yeah dude, this is horrible.

These emails, by the way, were within an hour time frame so she was on it replying to me and not leaving me as a second choice.

She told you to get lost, dude.

I’m talking to other women, but want your advice. I’m going to give her until the three week mark and then I’ll forget about her. What are your thoughts?

Well, I’d be forgetting about her now.

This shit is fucking awesome, by the way. I’m even telling my barber about you and he promises how he’s going to read your book.

Well, I appreciate that, but make sure you tell your barber not to act like you.

He won’t, but I can’t do any more than refer you. 😉

Well, it’s true. Most people are not open to it.

Keep up the great work and fuck the haters.

Talk soon,

Bob

Well, I appreciate that, but Bob, this was an absolute train wreck!

If you just kept it on a professional and a playful manner instead of that arrogant, “I’m better than you. You know you want me,” kind of attitude, which just totally blew up in your face, that’s just not going to work. The book is not to turn you into an arrogant dickhead and you come across and communicate to all women that you’re better than them. The idea is to help you create rapport and attraction in a case like this where you’re trying to sell somebody. Like I said in the beginning, you should have focused on the sale. Then after you’re doing business and you can be talking one time and laughing and joking about whatever, you just say, “Hey, we should get together for a drink sometime. What’s your schedule like?” And she’s like, “Oh yeah, sure,” then you go and you hang out, you have fun and when the signs are there, she’s ready to be touched and kissed, then you can seduce her.

Trying to do this in the middle of a sales transaction when you’re trying to create rapport so she does business with you? I mean, she was shocked. The over-familiarity comment that she made? Right there she was telling you it was inappropriate, your attitude, the over-familiarity. In other words, acting like you already had some kind of a personal relationship with her and you guys were dating and were a thing. If I was dating her and sleeping with her, I would have never talked to her like this at all.

So dude, you need to kind of take a step back and reevaluate the way you’re implementing this stuff. It’s cocky, playful and fun, or as old David D’Angelo or Eben Pagan would have said, “Cocky and funny.” It’s not about being arrogant. You came across as an arrogant dickhead, you blew the sale and you’re definitely not going to get blown by Jessica. It’s pretty clear she’s like, “Let’s just send it here, business or otherwise.” So there might have been some romantic interest in there, but you talked her out of liking you and you talked her out of doing business with you. So congratulations!

You need more practice. It’s great that you read the book so many times, but you need practice implementing it and seducing enough women successfully. Like I said, in the future, if you come across a girl that’s interested in you, you should put your romantic interest in the back. The idea is you go slightly slower than she does, and that winds her up and frustrates her, and it makes her go out of her way to get your attention and communicate that she’s interested in you romantically. You should only move things to romance once you’ve got the sale and you’re doing business, contracts have been signed, money has exchanged hands, maybe you’re a few months into the relationship and things can slowly evolve where you hang out in a more social setting, but this was just an awful train wreck. Thank you for sharing it with the class because this will help a lot of guys not make the same mistakes you did and talk women out of doing business with you and sleeping with you.

So if you guys haven’t already joined the Members Only content, if you’re watching this video on YouTube, underneath in the video description, there are links where you can go to my website, UnderstandingRelationships.com and join there. What you get is you get six additional video coaching newsletters per week for paid members only, in addition to the five free ones that I normally do. Plus you get the 3% Man Study Group and the Mastering Yourself Study Group with myself and the girls, and we literally go page-by-page in the books and discuss questions, feedback, comments that the girls and the rest of my team have on the book. So it’s like a class, like a study guide. Plus, anytime we do viewer questions, you get all of our viewer questions, the film day when we answer 12 to 15 of them and each film session because you guys been asking for several years, “Hey, where can we watch the whole podcast with all the questions together?” So those are also part of the Members Area.

So again, in the description, there’s a link to go to my website and join. You can join on YouTube if you just want to watch videos only, you can also just watch the videos only on Spotify. If you sign up for my website and you pay for the whole year up front, you get a 25% discount. Plus, you get all the email analysis that goes along with the video coaching newsletters on my website.

So, if you’ve got a question or a challenge and you’d like to get my help, go to UnderstandingRelationships.com, click the Products tab at the top of your screen and book a coaching session with yours truly. Until next time, I will talk to you soon.