Most women will say that they want a man “who will wine me, dine me and buy me flowers.” However, what usually happens when they meet guys like this? They usually reject these guys after only a few dates because they were too nice.
Being a gentleman with a woman does not mean being a doormat or her butler. I did not realize it at the time, but when I was younger and having almost no success with women, I treated the ones I liked differently than the ones I did not. I used to spend hours and hours in my apartment contemplating why the women I wanted never seemed to want me, but the women I didn’t want wouldn’t leave me alone. I thought I must be cursed somehow. I couldn’t figure it out. The few friends I had who were successful with women always told me to be a jerk. What they should’ve said was that I should stand up for myself and if I had an opinion on something to stick to it. Not change it to match hers because I wanted her to like me.
I did all kinds of silly things when I was unsuccessful with women. I had no idea at the time what I was doing wrong that was causing women to lose interest and attraction for me. Because I grew up in a family where none of the adults showed affection to their children or each other, and never said I love you, but only yelled at us when we were doing something wrong, by the time I was an adult I felt so insecure and unsure of myself. I did not know how to be myself or act around women. Why? My mother always felt awkward around us and was either mean or cold towards us. My brother and I never learned how to be comfortable in our own skin. I had a lot of negative emotional anchors around women. I felt very insecure and needy. Since my mother always made us feel uncomfortable, we had no idea what healthy and loving relationships felt like.
It took a long time and a lot of years for me to overcome my insecurities, fears and doubts, as well as undoing the negative programming and limiting beliefs I got from my parents. People do not change their belief system until it no longer works for them. I learned a lot of techniques and strategies of how to act around women to cause them to feel attraction for me. I had to fake it until I made it. Once I made it, I realized that all of my irrational fears were imaginary. I teach guys to use the things I used to overcome my fears and slowly become more successful with women. The good news, is that most men are not going to be as fucked up as I was. The more comfortable a guy feels with himself, the more his level of confidence will allow him to either use low risk of rejection questions to tell if a woman is interested in him… or if he has some really big balls… he can simply walk up to a woman, look her in the eyes and say, “I want to you!”, and he knows everything he needs to do from there so it ends up in the bedroom a few hours later after they meet for the first time.
When I was unsure of myself, I would change my opinions to match the opinions of the women I wanted because that’s what I saw people doing in the movies and TV shows I was watching. However, I found out that acting like a butler or a pleaser does not work in real life to attract women. It actually turns them off. Women want an authentic and daring man who is willing to risk rejection to get what he wants. If he gets shot down, he simply moves on and tries again with the next girl who catches his eye. When I was changing my opinion to match a woman’s, I had no idea how one simple statement would totally ruin my chances with a girl I liked. Beautiful women have to size a man up in seconds, and be ready to reject him if he is unworthy so they do not get stuck in a conversation with a guy who has no idea he’s already lost and has no chance. Here’s how fast it happens: she looks into his eyes as she first notices him and thinks to herself, “he’s cute!” and in the middle of her thought, his face and body language instantly goes from looking confident to looking weak, feminine and submissive. Before he even opens his mouth he has lost. She was instantly attracted and then turned off, all in a fraction of a second. That is why my book goes into such incredible detail about all of the little things guys should and should not do. If guys do not feel confident, they can simply follow the techniques which will make them appear confident. That way they can fake it long enough so that they can see that it really works. When they see that it works, this builds their confidence. Men who already have enough self-confidence will simply have the light bulbs go off in their heads when they read my book or articles. It allows them to instantly understand where they have been going wrong and fix it so they get the desired results.
You must be who you are, and say what you feel around women and people in general if you want to be loved and accepted for who you are. But you must understand that not all people and not all women are going to like you. Some may even hate you and curse you. Look at the NFL quarterback Tim Tebow. He’s probably the only NFL player who is a virgin. He is a hard-core Christian who stays true to his beliefs. All of the experts, former players and pundits have been saying for two years how he is not an NFL quarterback. He continues to win and stun teams with come from behind victories. How does he do it? He leads from the front, not the rear. When no receiver is open to catch his passes, he runs for it himself. He doesn’t step out of bounds to avoid a hit. As a matter-of-fact, he lowers his head and will smash his 240 pound body into yours if you get in his way. That is why he inspires his teammates to be great. He is the most verbally attacked professional athlete in the NFL. And yet, he succeeds anyways. You must be who you are, what you should be is not important. Here is a great quote from Mother Teresa:
People are often unreasonable, illogical and self centered;
Forgive them anyway.
If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives;
Be kind anyway.
If you are successful, you will win some false friends and some true enemies;
If you are honest and frank, people may cheat you;
Be honest and frank anyway.
What you spend years building, someone could destroy overnight;
If you find serenity and happiness, they may be jealous;
Be happy anyway.
The good you do today, people will often forget tomorrow;
Do good anyway.
Give the world the best you have, and it may never be enough;
Give the world the best you’ve got anyway.
You see, in the final analysis, it is between you and God;
It was never between you and them anyway.
We can do no great things.
Only small things with great love.
If you feel I have added value to your life, you can show your appreciation by doing one of the following three things:
From my heart to yours,
Author, Speaker, Peak Performance Coach, Entrepreneur
“If your success is not on your own terms, if it looks good to the world but does not feel good in your heart, it is not success at all.”-Anna Quindlen