Be Her Lover, Not Her Butler

Why men should not make the mistake of becoming a woman’s butler, handyman, car repairman, sugar daddy, personal assistant or therapist, and how doing this leads to a loss of respect, attraction and their eventual rejection.

In this video coaching newsletter, I discuss an email from a viewer who made the mistake of trying to cherry pick information from my videos, instead of learning the fundamentals in my book when he started having problems with a hot younger woman he was dating for four months. By the time he actually starting reading the book and learning the right way to do things, the damage had been done. He says that he basically started wearing a dress and became her personal assistant, handyman, gift giver, therapist and butler. He noticed that she started backing away. Since they were not exclusive, she started going out with another guy. He became focused on constantly trying to figure out where he stood with her. Now she spends more time with the other guy, and things have totally cooled off with her. He asks my opinion if it is salvageable at this point.

Hey Corey,

I’ve been watching your videos for about a month and a half, and I bought your book that I’ve only read once. I know what you’re going to say, 10-15 times. Anyway, I’ve been dating a really hot 25-year old girl for about four months now. She is absolutely beautiful and works out every day. I’m 46, and I consider myself pretty decent looking and alpha. I’ve been a Police Officer for twenty years, and was Army Artillery before that. Well, it started out great. We spent lots of time together, sex was fucking unbelievable and she was very loving. At first she was always doing the calling and texting, and we would talk for hours on the phone every day. (Right there, you’re becoming her therapist. Instead of making dates, you’re chit chatting on the phone.) At the time, I thought that was healthy before I found out I was fucking up by talking too long. (The phone is for setting dates only, not becoming her emotional tampon.) Well, before I knew it, I was buying her shit left and right…tires for her car, clothes, and even a naughty school girl outfit. Words can’t describe how hot she looked in it. I was pleasing her and tending to her every need like a lame ass bitch. I started to ask how she felt about us and always worried where I stood. (That is something you see on t.v.) I was falling hard for her.

Before I knew it, this hot little 25-year old basically had me wearing a damn dress. She slowly started backing away. I could feel she was losing interest. I started chasing of course, and finally found your videos. My mistake was watching a few videos, thinking that was the fix, and applying them, but I kept fucking up. She was slowly drifting away. Then, I read your book and started watching the absolute hell out of your videos. We both were seeing other people, but I stopped once I was wearing the dress. She continued seeing other people because of my fuck-ups, and found someone she likes because I saw her post on Facebook. (That stings.) I, of course, texted her and demanded to know what was up and for her to call. (That’s not very manly.) She called and acted weird saying she was just going out with a guy. I knew it was over by the way she talked. I even asked her what I should do, walk away or stick around. (Now you’re saying, “tell me how to be a man,” which is not masculine behavior.) I was trying to display strength during the conversation, but it was nothing but pure weakness trying to deceive her. After we got off the phone I was devastated because she was all but gone. (I’ve been there. It sucks. However, meeting a new woman is the best medicine.) I thought about it for a couple of very painful days, and decided to do the walk away. I texted her, “I want you to explore your options, because I truly want you to be happy, but I will never play second fiddle to any man or be a back up plan. If you change your mind and if I’m available, call me, but I don’t think we should have any further contact.” I never expected to hear from her, but I had this overwhelming feeling of strength and started to not give a fuck if she called or not. (That’s good. You’re starting to take your power back and get back into your masculine center.) Well, two days later she texted me and was mad because I canceled some health and fitness crap she is selling that I ordered while I was wearing the dress. (She didn’t miss you. She missed the income stream.) I told her she should be thanking me for all the shit I bought her. She said she wasn’t complaining and just wanted to be mature about it. I have no idea what she meant by that, other than an excuse to contact me. (She probably just wanted the money.) I told her she should get over here and fix me some chicken and dumplings and we will call it even. After that, I told her I wasn’t going to continue to text and argue with her, and to call if she wanted. She said she was at the gym, and I told her I was going to bed and to call me when she wanted to see me. She responded, “Yup.”

This is where I’m at now. I’m not going to call her, and I’m picking up the book again tonight. (Yes, don’t call her.) Any advice? (Keep reading the book. If she does reach out, she needs to come to you. You should make dinner at your place.) Also, thank you for your work. It has possibly saved my relationship. (I wouldn’t count on that dude.) I just need to get all of the fundamentals down, instead of cherry picking them when situations arise. (Case in point, read the book! For at least the first three dates, she needs to come to you.)

Bob

“A lot of good men make the mistake of trying to do too much for a woman they just met and started dating. They often will become her handyman, car repairman, sugar daddy, personal assistant, therapist and butler instead of becoming her playful lover. They mistakenly think that by doing things for a woman, buying her things, paying her bills and solving her problems, like men do in movies and on TV, it will somehow translate into them becoming her boyfriend. What actually ends up happening is, they get taken advantage of and friend zoned, while she ends up sleeping with and dating another guy.” ~ Coach Corey Wayne