Why it’s essential to love yourself and your life first, in order to attract and influence others to see you as lovable, so you can create the life and lifestyle you want.
In this video coaching newsletter, I discuss an email success story from a twenty-two year old United States Marine who shares how my work has helped him communicate well with his girlfriend he met last year. He shares how loving himself first enabled him to attract others who view him as lovable. He’s going away for four months of training and will be long distance from his girlfriend. He shares how he plans to maintain her attraction to him, focus on his mission and keep the relationship going well while they are apart. He brings up some great self-perception truths that are helpful to prevent attachments, so you can create a space for others to love you, or not, so you can attract and keep the right people in your life. My comments are in (bold parenthesis like this below) in the body of his email:
I hope life is treating you well. I wanted to email you on my successes with your book. I’m 22, I’m on your book for the fifth time, and man is it eye opening. There are no problems in my current relationship as we communicate well, and I apply your principles correctly. We met in college last year in September, I took her to the Marine Corps ball, and we also went on an 8 day cruise together in January. She paid her own half for the cruise and excursions. In short, the trip went flawlessly, and we’ve done a lot more together.
Now I’m going away for 4 months for some more training in California. I think a set Skype or phone date once a week is good. (When you’re in a serious relationship, once a week is fine. It’s better to let things go on and build up in life, that way when you have your date online, you actually have something to catch up about and there’s something to look forward to, instead of just texting and talking to each other virtually all day long. The whole idea is to show you care, that she’s important to you. Women know, when you care and you love them, you’ll make time for them. If she’s reaching out to you, it’s still your duty as the man, the leader in the relationship, to make a date. Figure out some fun things you can do together. You could play a game virtually. Come up with creative things to do. Don’t do the same thing all the time. Keep it fun. Keep it interesting. If you really care, you’ll spend the time. But if your relationship becomes the same dull routine, over and over, then it gets boring. And we all know what happens when the cat gets bored. It tends to wander off. If you give the cat things to play with, it will stick around and be excited.)
I’m not going to be one of those guys in the military constantly calling their girlfriend every day telling them how much they love her. Besides, this training is no joke and is one of the hardest in the service. (That’s why you have to focus on your mission and your purpose in life. In your line of work, not being 100% focused and keeping your head on a swivel will literally get in the way of you keeping it.)
Because of you, I’m getting into real estate and starting up another business as well this year when I get back home. I know real estate will be hard and people will give me shit for it, just like when I joined the Marines, but fuck ’em.
(You are going to know better than anyone else why you’re doing what you’re doing. Everybody’s got an opinion. That’s why it’s important for you to have an emotionally compelling reason. If you’re going to get into real estate investing, the only reason you should get into it is because you love it, you’re excited about it. It’s something compelling to you. If you don’t have a passion for it, you won’t take the time to really develop your skills and develop your knowledge of how to succeed in it. I’ve seen plenty of investors that lose their ass, because they don’t know what they’re doing.)
Maybe you can relate. I’ve looked at the lives of all people who have ever given me advice on the ‘rules’ to live by, and then look to see if they’re happy or not, successful, etc. Finally, I can’t take credit for these thoughts, but I’ve learned when you’re out in the world doing wonderful things, love yourself, and once you’re successful as a human being, you won’t care whether or not people will love or call you anymore. And then it’s at this point when other people will come to you, because you’re lovable.
(That’s the whole point of the video, getting to a place where you see yourself as lovable. If you don’t see yourself as lovable and worthy, that’s going to affect how you talk to other people. That’s going to affect the tone of your voice. That’s going to affect your physiology. What’s interesting is, over 70% of what we communicate is non-verbal, our body language, the tone of our voice, our physiology, the look on our face. People can tell when you’re happy, you’re loving life, you’re excited and you have a vision for where you’re going, and people can tell when you’re not.
We all love to be around happy people, and if you don’t view yourself as being lovable, like when I was younger, I spent a lot of time hanging out with people who were dicks to me. The reason I allowed that to happen was because of the way I viewed myself. I was willing to put up with that kind of bullshit. The same thing goes dating wise. When you’re dating someone, and they don’t show up when they say they’re going to show up, or they’re late, or they jerk you around, if you don’t see yourself as valuable and lovable, you’ll make excuses for that other person. But if you value and love yourself, and see yourself as lovable, you’ll recognize that’s just not the right way for people to be treating you. You’ll tell them how you want to be treated, and you’ll let it go. It’s up to them to either treat you how you want to be treated, or they can go find somebody else to abuse. But it takes a lot of inner strength to do that, especially when it involves somebody that you’re dating.
It’s all how we view ourselves. How we view ourselves is going to determine what kind of people we attract into our life, the kind of people we allow to stay in our life, because at the end of the day, what you observe, you participate in. If you’ve got people in your life that are taking advantage of you and not treating you the way you want, explain to them what you want from them, and give them the space and the time to say, “You’re right. You really are a great person, and you do deserve to be treated the way you want to be treated.” When you love yourself and respect yourself, if somebody continues to violate you and violate your dignity, you’ve got to cut them loose.
When you love and value yourself, you won’t tolerate bullshit. You won’t tolerate people who are inconsistent. You won’t tolerate people who cancel plans on you at the last minute, or people who are always asking to borrow money, and then you never hear from them again until the next time they need something from you. It’s really important to love yourself, to love your life, to create a life and lifestyle that’s exciting and compelling, and to make sure that the people who are showing up in your life continue to treat you the way you want to be treated. And if they don’t, no harm, no foul. It doesn’t mean you have to hate them. Maybe it’s just time for them to move along. People come and go in your life, but the right people will stay.)
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From my heart to yours,
Author, Speaker, Peak Performance Coach, Entrepreneur
“You attract how you act. If you view yourself as lovable and deserving of what you want, you will attract people who will resonate with that self-perception. If you view yourself as lacking, unworthy or undeserving of what you want, you will attract people who will match that self-perception. Not everyone is going to like you, want you or see your value, but the right people will. By not being attached to any person or circumstance, you allow others the freedom to come and go as they please. When you are attached, you tend to try and force things. Attachment causes you to chase and act unworthy, which will repel what and whom you want. Non-attachment creates attraction and mutual respect.” ~ Coach Corey Wayne
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