Being Inquisitive & A Good Listener Makes Seduction Easy

Why being inquisitive & a good listener makes seduction easy and effortless.

In this video coaching newsletter I discuss an email success story from a viewer who shares how a woman he dated briefly before she moved away recently got back in touch when she was in his city visiting. They rekindled their romance and she stayed an extra day just to spend time with him.

He describes how being inquisitive and a good listener made seduction easy and effortless. My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.

Well, you may have heard me say before, when a woman feels heard and understood, the legs open, and when she doesn’t, the legs close. One of the quickest ways to unlock the Promised Land is to be a good listener, to ask good questions. Most importantly, to take a sincere, authentic interest in who she is as a human being, getting to know her, asking her to about things that she enjoys talking about, because whatever you talk about when you’re on a date or with a woman, what happens is whatever you make her feel based upon, in other words, the emotions that she feel is based on your discussion is what she’s going to associate with being with you.

So if things are fun, they’re positive, they’re light, you’re talking about subjects that she’s really passionate about, really into the things she loves doing for fun, that kind of stuff, it’s going to elicit good feelings and she’s going to feel good being with you. Plus, you being a good listener, she’s going to like you because all of us, all human beings, we love talking about ourselves and we love having an audience. If you’re on a date, instead of like with guys that don’t know any better do, which is trying to prove themselves, talk about their accomplishments, their resume, how much they make, their car, their clothes, their watches, whatever it happens to be, he’s trying to prove himself. Then the woman just feels like you’re just being selfish and talking about yourself, and makes her feel like you’re not even interested in who who she is, and you’ll turn her off. Whereas just asking a few questions here and there, especially if you’re with a very outgoing woman, she’s going to talk your ear off. That’s going to create rapport. Anybody that’s in sales knows that the biggest thing in sales is you got to create a friendship first. In other words, you got to be inquisitive, you got to take a sincere, authentic interest in the person that you’re trying to sell something to and getting to know them on a human level, not going straight into your sales pitch, so to speak.

This particular email is a success story. So he met a woman a few years back and they dated for a few months. Then she moved away and he got into a relationship with somebody else. Then recently she reached out and says, “Hey, I’m going to be in your city. I’d love to get together.” So they did. They hung out, they had fun, they hooked up. One of the things that he noticed when he was on his date with her is she just kept saying how she has so much fun with him and he’s like, “I didn’t really do much. I just asked some questions. She did most of the talking.” This just goes to show the beauty of understanding that attraction is not a choice. Mother nature has already handled that. If she likes you, the most important thing you got to do is not talk her out of liking you, which unfortunately, is what most guys that don’t know any better end up doing.

There’s a quote in 3% Man in the beginning by Adam Carolla, and he says, “When a woman likes you, the doors start opening and all you really have to do is just kind of walk through, but if the doors start shutting in your face, you turn around and you walk away.” So this just shows you how good, how easy and effortless it can be. Especially when you leave a woman with a a good memory and a good experience with you, it’s always positive, it’s always uplifting, ends in plenty of happy finishes. If she happens to be passing through your city, she’ll reach back out. That’s why you never really want to burn a bridge, especially with somebody that’s pretty cool to hang out with.

Viewer Email:

Hey Coach!

Bob here and have been following you since 2016. I listen to the audio version of 3% Man at least three times a year (Often more) and I’d like to share a success story about a drop dead gorgeous girl that I had the pleasure of dating that began back in the summer of 2022.

This was about three years ago now, a little over three years, I guess. Three and a half. So we’re almost at the end of 2025. God…

I met her out at a meet up (Public social gatherings for happy hour) and at the time she was in a relationship, so I was only friendly with a little bit of bad boy James Bond energy.

So as I discussed in the book, 90% of the time you’re the charming James Bond. 10% of the time, you’re the naughty bad boy. Remember, attraction is not a choice.

Nevertheless she wanted to get my number as she was new to my city and was looking for contacts (Uh huh).

Sounds like she was looking for a backup. She liked you, knew things weren’t looking good with her then boyfriend, so she took your number. That’s a good sign.

She used to be a model out in LA in her 20s and was briefly featured and credited in a movie from 2007 and even has a IMDb page for it, but I can’t say which as I don’t want to out her, but I will say there is a very good chance you have at least heard of it.

Fast forward two months later she reaches out and mentions she’s single. 

Oh, what a coinky-dink! See how that works? She knows things are probably not going to work out with the boyfriend she’s with, so she gets his number. He doesn’t do anything because he’s not trying to encourage cheating or anything like that, but if she gets freed up in the future, she’ll probably reach out. Then obviously in this case, she did.

I waste no time asking her out for a drink and she agrees. 

A simple response, she would be, “Hey, this is Jessica. How you been?” I would be like, “Oh, how are you?” “Hey, I’m gonna be in town.” “Oh, that’s great! We should get together for a drink,” is how you should phrase it. That’s what he did. So she agrees to drink.

We hit it off, and four dates later are doing the indoor Olympics. She takes very good care of herself working out every day and eating very healthy. 

Well, that’s a plus.

We dated for a few months until she decided to move to Nevada. I moved on and got a girlfriend later that year, but that relationship ended up not working out.

Fast forward again to this week where my model girl reached out again mentioning she is in town for the day. 

Oh, she’s in town for a nooner and she wants a proper seeing to see what happens. You sent her on her way with a smiling face. She always had a good time, hanged out, had fun, and hooked up, lots of happy finishes and happy endings together. Who does she think of when she comes your way again? Well, you.

Again, I wasted no time asking her to come hang out and have a drink with me to which again she agreed. I was very brief and straightforward as before in text. 

Well, the phone is for setting dates. It helps you remain mysterious. All the, “Hey, how you been? What have you been up to? What’s new?” You save that for being together face-to-face, because if you end up doing that over the phone and talking and texting constantly, when it actually gets time to get together, there’s a good chance she’ll cancel on you. The fact that he was direct, he was decisive, he got right to the point, no BS, women like that. She had good experiences in the past, and of course she’s showing up for some more good experiences years later.

We met up, caught up, remembering the old times and how life has changed for both of us, etc. I kept it light and playful as I knew this girl inside and out (literally)…

Yeah, she’s not a stranger. You’ve been all up in there. You know her intimately.

…And she kept saying things like, “I always have so much fun with you” and “We have fun together.” She was only in town for the day, but because we met up again she extended it by one night so we could spend time together.

See, that’s what high interest does. Women make it easy for you. This girl already liked him. All he had to do was not talk her out of it.

Again as before, we hung out, had fun, and hooked up.

Well, as I say in 3% Man, your job as a man is to create the opportunity for sex to happen. Hang out, have fun, and hook up. That’s it. Very simple.

She left my place the next morning making it clear she wants to keep in touch.

“Yeah, let me know when you’re back in town. I’d love to see you again.”

I wanted to write this to thank you for all that you do and to remind guys that if the signs are there and the body language is right, you really don’t have to do pretty much anything, just be present.

Interestingly enough, one of the things that Giselle said after she had divorced Tom Brady was that he wasn’t present. He might have physically been there, but mentally and emotionally he was checked out somewhere else. If you don’t date and court your girl, eventually somebody else will. So this guy was present and attentive. He was happy to listen to her. In other words, just listening and asking questions, and what happens?

Think about it from this perspective: Say you’re in the grocery store and you bump into somebody you haven’t seen in a few years, maybe you went to high school with or whatever you grew up with them. What do you usually say? “Hey, how you been? What are you up to? Where are the kids? How’s the wife? How’s the girlfriend? Are you still with that girl? You still work in that place?” Those are the kinds of things you’re going to ask because you know the person, you care about them, you’re curious about what they’ve been up to.

So that’s why it’s so disarming when you meet a woman, even though you might not know her very well, if you’re just asking her about things she really loves talking about and really has a passion for, it elicits good positive feelings and emotions in her, and then she associates good emotions with being with you. That’s why you keep it funny and you keep it light, you don’t talk about her exes or the ex-boyfriends that broke her heart, or the bad breakup that she just had. You’re there to hang out, have fun while you’re hanging out, and when the signs are there that she’s ready to be touched, kissed and seduced, to seduce her. Again, that’s why you keep things positive.

She did most of the talking and even alluded that the most fun she’s had in a long time is with me and misses when she was living in my city and that I was her favorite thing about living here.

Thanks Again,

Bob

Well, how awesome is that? He hadn’t seen the girl in years, shows back up has a great thing. What does he do? He elicits those good feelings all over again because he’s keeping it fun, he’s keeping it light, he’s asking her questions, he’s obviously getting her to talk about things that she loves and enjoys. He’s not talking about, “Oh, tell me about your grandfather that just passed away. Tell me about your so-and-so person that has all those health problems. Let’s talk about that.” No, he talks about things that are fun, that are uplifting because clearly she got back in town. She was thinking the same thing he was that she had the urge to merge, and he didn’t talk her out of it. Like I said, all he really did was ask questions and was a good listener, he was present, and of course, he got to the Promised land.

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