Being Masculine Attracts Women. Being Too Nice Makes Them Run Away

Why being masculine attracts women but being too nice makes them run away.

In this video coaching newsletter I discuss an email from a 47 year old widower who says he’s been following my work for 10 years. He was dating a woman for about 2 months who also is a single parent. Although he knew better, he decided because of her past bad relationship to be too nice, a white knight and talk on the phone all the time. She quickly got turned off, overwhelmed, offered friendship and dipped. He wonders if she will come back. My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.

Hi, I’m Coach Corey Wayne and this is my Video Coaching Newsletter. And the topic of today’s video Newsletter is, “Being Masculine Attracts Women. Being Too Nice Makes Them Run Away”.

Well, this particular email, this guy’s 47. He’s a widower. He’s been following my work for about ten years. And he was dating a woman for about two months. And she’s also a single parent like he is. And he says although he knew better. Although he knew better, he decided because of her past bad breakup that he’d be extra nice to her. Mr. White Knight talking the phone all the time and violate principles in the book.

And what happened? Predictably, she quickly got turned off. She got overwhelmed and offered friendship, which she declined. And now she’s dipped and he wonders if she will come back. So you can tell because his emotions got involved and he started to stray from the book and he started to chase her away. He went into panic mode and just started.

He put his foot in his mouth several times, so he basically started telling her things that are my instructions to a guy from the book or in my videos, and he starts using these things like teaching her techniques, and it went over like a lead balloon. So it just shows you how quickly a guy can just absolutely come apart and completely fuck something up. That was going along great because their emotions are all involved.

Viewer Email:

Dear Coach,

I’m a 45 year-old widower. I’ve been a follower for 10 years. I have the paperback and the audio book and I review it once or twice a year. I’ve also listened to most of your content on YouTube and Spotify and it has helped me immensely over the years. I consider myself an alpha, I was the captain of the football team and I’ve always been a good leader at work, sports, musical activities, etc.

However, this woman is my Kryptonite. He didn’t say that, but he might as well have. He’s clearly way too focused on how much he likes her and is not really paying attention to her interest in him.

However, I met this 47 year old woman online who lives an hour away from me and ticks all my boxes. We had an amazing connection. We met after a couple of weeks and we made out the second we met. Both of us were amazed at how magical everything was. Yes, she expressed it too, it wasn’t only in my mind. 

Well, the key is that when you notice, she starts to pull back. You got to do the same, because that’s going to be natural here, especially when things move along really quickly, really fast, and you over communicate your interests and you start to get a little dopey. And unfortunately, when that happened, he did not exercise self control. He put the hammer down and did more of what was already turning her off. Until she became overwhelmed, offered friendship on multiple occasions. And now they’re in no contact, as you’ll see.

We dated for about two months. We are both busy single parents, so the logistics were difficult. We only had the weekends available, and we had to meet with our daughters, due to our situation.

I mean, you guys could get a babysitter. That’s something you’ve got to figure out. You’re 47 years old. You’re not a child. An adult should be able to have family members, friends, grandmas, aunts, babysitters they trust.

The dates, however, were great.

“The dates, however, were great” because, I mean, how are you going to go out on a romantic date with your kids there when you’re trying to get to know each other? And quite frankly, dude, you shouldn’t be involving your children when you just start dating somebody. That’s too much too soon. That’s irresponsible.

Because then now, especially if your kids are little, it’s like, “Dad, what happened to Jessica? I really liked her. I liked her daughter. What happened?” You don’t want to be explaining that shit. It’s like you only introduce your kids when you’re in love with each other and when you’re in a relationship. I wouldn’t be doing it as soon as you start meeting somebody and dating them. That’s crazy.

The dates, however, were great, we had fun, the kids had fun and we sneaked out every now and then to make out without the girls seeing us.

Again, it’s like, why would you want to do that? Just get a fucking babysitter.

This situation, the distance and little time available, made me violate a couple of principles.

Well, and that’s why we’re reading his email. All I can do is gently lead and suggest. I mean, the book is meant to be a guideline, but if you violate major principles that are in detail explained why you don’t do them and why it has a negative effect on our interest, and then you do them anyways. And it has the exact negative effect on her interest. It warns you about, what can I do?

We spent too much time on the phone, which is for setting dates, and, since she had gotten out of a five year toxic relationship with a narcissistic guy, I was too nice because I thought that would make her feel safe after what she’d been gone through Mr. White Knight.

Again this is why nice guys finish last. So you think turning yourself into a nice guy beta male doormat is going to make her like you more. And the reason why she stayed with the narcissist is because at least he acted like a man consistently. Unlike you, who became Mr. White Knight, And now you got blue balls. So another thing to consider, because we know she’s backed away at this point, is she might be hooking up with a narcissist because, again, he acted like a man consistently. Logically, that would make sense. But emotionally he stirs her emotions. And she had five years in with this guy.

As you probably already know, after some weeks she said she felt a little overwhelmed and wanted to take things slower.

So that tells me he was over pursuing. He was calling too much, texting too much on the phone, cooing like a dove. It’s not attractive, dude.

She even mentioned being friends and maybe in the future grow into a relationship.

So you dried her up so bad she tried to friend zone you.

I told her that wouldn’t work for me and I suggested friends with benefits. We met on her birthday and had an amazing day and made out. 

So that’s it. You just kissed. You made out. Another thing you got to consider is women will often do this. They’ll bring their kids to prevent any hanky panky or sex from happening. And they’ll go, “I just can’t find a babysitter. I just can’t find anybody I trust. So I’m going to bring my daughter. I’m going to bring my sons” or whatever. When they do that, they’re trying to cock block you to prevent anything from happening.

So I don’t know if he actually hooked up or had sex with her. Again, this stuff is laid out in the book. It explains why you don’t do this stuff, but you’re doing it anyways. I mean, any woman that wants to take her daughter, her little kids on a first date with her is a little bit cuckoo, is a little screwy. That’s not normal. A woman should not be introducing her kids to every guy she goes out on first dates with. Sounds like she was looking for initially for a free meal and using the kids as a cock blocker.

The following week we couldn’t meet up because her daughter was sick. I suggested getting together one morning while the kids were at school and she said she was too busy and couldn’t.

So he’s reaching out trying to set dates and she’s going, oh, I’m too busy. So when a woman offers you friendship and you say friends with benefits, and then you get together and all you do is kiss. I wouldn’t call, I wouldn’t text at all. I would have stopped moving forward at that moment. Because you’re not getting reciprocation.

The next week I invited her over but she had already made plans to celebrate her birthday with her best friend.

Yeah, she’s checked out already.

She then told me she felt a little overwhelmed and that’s why she was pulling away a little.

Again, you should have recognized the behavior. And if you knew the book. You’ve been following me for ten years, you should have recognized as soon as you try to set a date with a woman and she won’t set a date, then you just don’t call, you don’t text anymore, and you wait for her to reach out. And if two full weeks go by and she still doesn’t reach out, then I would reach out to her and try to set one more date. If you still get the same wishy washy answer, then just say, “Hey, hit me up on your schedule frees up.”

And then you never call. You never text for any reason after that. But he didn’t do it. He didn’t follow instructions because he was only focused on how much he liked her and completely ignored the fact she was trying to friend zone him and would always have the daughter there, and all he would get was a little kissy poo. It’s like why deal with this when somebody’s an hour away? And quite frankly, dude, you’re 47 years old. You should be dating women or at least 10 to 15 years younger than you.

Not somebody your same age where you’re jumping through your butt just to get a little kissy poo from somebody that’s an hour away. It’s like, why would you want to do that? And quite frankly, like I said, it’s irresponsible to be taking your children on first. You know, your when you start dating somebody, you don’t know them. You shouldn’t be taking your kids with you. That’s totally irresponsible. No sane parent in their right mind would do something like that.

She said she didn’t rule out being together someday but that she didn’t want to push it and she was afraid of not meeting my expectations.

So what that tells you is that he was so smothering, so overwhelming and so overbearing that he was pushing for a relationship and pushing for time to spend together. And she wasn’t in the same place. She could tell that he liked her way more than she liked him. That’s why she says, “Oh, I’m afraid I’m not going to meet your expectations”, because every woman has been out with enough guys where the guys are really into them and they’re not feeling it, and when they pull away, the guys don’t react too well to it. So that’s why she’s saying these things, because she’s expecting you to not react too well to it like all the other dudes did.

Keep in mind I never said I love you, never brought up relationship talk and she initiated 80 to 90% of the contact.

Well, I hear what you’re saying, but I look at her words, and so you’re a little delusional because she didn’t just say those things to say them. She said them because of how you made her feel. Because, again, you’re violating principles in the book. And also, when you reach out and you try to set a date and she just tells you she’s too busy and doesn’t offer another date, doesn’t offer to get back to you with her schedule. Then you hit the brakes and you don’t call, you don’t text for any reason until she reaches back out. It’s matching and mirroring, which again is laid out in the book. You’ve been following me for ten years, you should have done much better than this.

I told her I got it and that I didn’t want her to feel pressured or anything, that I was going to take a step back and wait for her to reach out when she wanted to see me in person, which is the only expectation I had, to see her and let things flow and develop.

Again. This is not something you need to tell her. It’s like you’re telling her stuff, literally. It’s like out of the book and what I say in my videos, you don’t need to tell her what. I’m going to take a step back. You just say, “Hey, no problem. Well, when things free up for you, you’ve got my number. Hit me up. I’d love to see you.” And then you leave it at that. You’re not going to manipulate a woman by going, “I’m taking a step back. I’m going into No Contact. I am a robot. I read this in a book. I can only do and say what I read in a book I can’t think.”

And that until then, I asked her to limit phone communication as I didn’t want our relationship to be all phone and no meeting up.

Again. That’s not something you say to a woman. That’s something that you just do. If she calls and reaches out and doesn’t bring up getting together like, “Hey, did you figure out your schedule?” “Oh, no. I just want to see how you were doing?” It was like, “Hey, no problem. I’m kind of jammed up right now, but check your schedule and get back to me, I gotta run.” You don’t agree to keep giving her your time and attention when she can’t make time for you.

Because what happens is, the more you chit chat on the phone. Again, you don’t need to tell her that you’re doing these things. You just do them. And case in point. He like, starts regurgitating stuff he learned from the book. And again, these are instructions for the man’s behavior. And yet he starts telling her this stuff, which goes over like a lead balloon.

She said she was shocked and confused by that and that she didn’t think it was fair and that my all or nothing approach made her feel bad, that it was too radical but that she would respect it if that’s what I wanted. I told her what I wanted was seeing her face and share what we share in person, not over the phone and told her again to contact me when she wanted to see me in person.

Again what should have happened was your behavior should have changed. You should have stopped reaching out, stopped investing, stopped being willing to spend all the time talking and texting on the phone. Again, you’ve completely gotten away from the book. Seems like she started out with high interest and then you just drove her interest into the ground.

It’s been a month and she hasn’t reached out, neither have I. She has, however, posted 3 to 4 things on social media clearly directed at me like a picture of my favorite part of her body, wearing my favorite dress and the words, “I never dreamed that I’d love somebody like you. I never dreamed that I’d lose somebody like you” from the song, “Wicked Game”.

Actually, I think that’s right out of an Adele song. Isn’t it?

A song I sang to her one day. We both sing and play guitar and share a deep passion for music. I feel like she is trying to make me contact her first but I haven’t.

It’s like, who cares? This is what they do. She’s got to break “No Contact”. Because remember, you tried setting dates and were willing to jump through your butt and accommodate her. And she’s like, “Oh yeah, I’m busy. Yeah, sorry. It’s my birthday got other plans. I don’t want to see you, but be my emotional tampon on the phone. That’d be great.”

Some moments I think, “No, I told her to contact me when she wanted to see me in person.” She hasn’t reached out therefore she hasn’t wanted to see me; rational. Some other moments, I think I might have been too harsh and overreacted and that I should reach out before the distance grows too long and we fade away, emotional.

Well, she was already fading away, dude. Again, this is what happens when you only focus on your interests, and you completely toss the book out the window because of a woman’s situation, you bent the rules and you gave yourself blue balls and got friend zoned.

I have been taking care of my body, focusing on my purpose, dating and sleeping with other girls but I can’t stop thinking about her. I miss her and I don’t want to lose her.

Well, um. She’s not yours. She was never yours.

She is a unicorn.

You don’t know that. You barely know this woman. So you’re projecting your high interest and your fantasy of what you want her to be. And you’re completely ignoring the reality, which is you haven’t heard from this chick in a month.

The ones we only find once a decade, as you say.

Again, you didn’t date her long enough to determine that.

What do you think? Was I right to walk away after being taken for granted or was I an asshole and I’m losing her?

Well, she was never yours to lose. And I wouldn’t have done what you did. And I wouldn’t have said all those things. I would have just changed my behavior to match and mirror her lack of interest. If her interest is low and she’s not making any time to accommodate you or make room for you in her life. Well, stop trying to make room for her in yours. That’s right out of the book. But you didn’t do that. Because, again, you were only focused on your interest in her, and you ignored the fact that her interest was low.

Should I contact her, and if so how?

Nope. Be congruent with your words. That was part of the problem. You over communicated your interest to the point where you dried her up, and all she wanted was something platonic with you. That’s what happens. The book says the more you spend talking on the phone, the less you’ll spend in person. And so what happened? You talked her right out of liking you. You dried her up, and she just wanted to keep you around as an emotional tampon while she went and hung out and probably slept with guys that acted like men consistently. I know it’s harsh, but somebody needs to wake you the fuck up. Because you’re living in the land of delusion.

We were making a song together and I have finished it. Shall I send it to her? Text her? Call her?

No. What you have is “The Illusion of Action.” You’re thinking more chasing, which is what got you dumped and blown off is going to fix it.

Or should I stay strong in no contact, which is killing me, and wait until she reaches out?

Yes.

Whenever that might be, accepting the possibility of her never reaching out.

Well, if she never reaches out. You got burned and you have a lot of pain associated with getting burned because you strayed way too far from the book. I mean, these are, like obvious mistakes that you made. Again, you’ve been following me for a decade. I mean, how many emails and Video Newsletters have you listened to me talk about guys doing exactly what you did? I warned them not to. They did it anyway, and they experienced the same thing. And what happened? You did the same thing they did anyways and now you’re in pain.

I’m in pain. Help me coach. Thanks for everything.

Well, I chalk it up to experience. But the other thing you’ve got to look at dude, is that she’s an hour away and she won’t get a babysitter. So you should not be introducing your children to women that you’re trying to date just because they couldn’t get a babysitter. If they couldn’t get a babysitter, go see somebody else. See somebody that’s ten, 15 minutes away. That’s just irresponsible parenting to involve your kids with somebody you just met. I mean, that’s just that’s surprising to me.

Most parents aren’t that reckless with their kids. I know it’s harsh, but, you know, you need to pull your head out of your butt because you are living in a La La Land.  So before I end the video, it’s like you should be dating other women and date somebody that’s closer and quite frankly, somebody ten, 15 years younger than you. If she won’t get a babysitter, she’s not going to be easy to date. And if she insists on bringing her kid along, she’s using the kid as a cock blocker because she wants a free meal. Again, I wouldn’t be wasting my time or my money with women like that.

You want easygoing, easy to get along with, flexible, listens, trust your judgment. Loves her dad. Has a good relationship with her dad. Admires her father. Respects her father. Nice to you. And this woman was not flexible. She was difficult. She wanted everything her way. And you were all too willing to jump through your butt and you got blue balls for it. This will happen with every woman that you do that with, so you’ve got to knock it off. It’s not going to work.

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