Being More Into Her Without Noticing Leads To Low Interest, Effort & Breakups

Why being more into her than she’s into you leads to low interest, effort & breakups.

In this video coaching newsletter I discuss an email from a viewer who lives in Russia and just broke up with his girlfriend of one month. He got too serious too soon and only paid attention to his high romantic interest in her and ignored her low interest and effort in him. She admitted she wasn’t feeling it and they broke up. She didn’t really seem to care or miss him.

He’s shocked and asks my opinion. My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.

In this particular email, this guy is in Russia and he just broke up with his girlfriend of one month, who she happens to be Russian. I think he’s Latin, if I’m not mistaken. He’s probably got a visa or something like that. He was dating a Russian woman for about a month. He got too serious too soon, and he was really only paying attention to his high romantic interest in her. Then he was ignoring her low interest and low effort towards him. She admitted she wasn’t really feeling it and they broke up. What was shocking to him was how little she seemed to care.

This is why it’s super important to read the book 10 to 15 times and learn this stuff backwards and forwards, because it’s a scientific fact that women are more attracted to men whose feelings are unclear. Women will like you way more if they think that they’re more into you than you are into them. It’s clear this guy communicated that he was way more into her than she was into him, so when you behave that way and you only pay attention to your interest, what happens is you circumvent or you inhibit the process of her falling in love and emotional bonding to you because women like a guy that is a challenge. They like a guy that’s mysterious. They like a guy that they have to work to get to know. This guy just made things really super easy really quickly, and just because she committed to the relationship, he just assumed, “Hey well, game’s over. I got this down,” and he ignored the fact that her actions were not really lining up with her words or where he thought she was, because he committed way too much, too soon. He was super into her, and he just he just didn’t pay attention. So you cannot project your high interest onto somebody else and then just ignore the fact that they’re not feeling it.

It takes time for a woman to fall in love. Just like I talk about in the book, if you’re following the book to a T, it’s typically and you’re dealing with a normal, healthy woman and not some mentally ill lunatic, you’re dealing with a good, family-oriented, healthy woman, then by week six, week seven, typically she’s going to be in love with you and want to know where it’s going and want to lock you down to a commitment and she’s going to be stuck to you like a suckerfish. She’s going to always want your time and attention, and that clearly didn’t happen here.

You’ve got to behave properly. The book is designed so you’ll go slightly slower than the woman does because that’s a sweet spot. If she thinks she likes you more than you like her, she’ll work harder for your attention and validation. Women naturally and innately do this. They’re designed to get our attention. When you interrupt that process by over-pursuing or getting too serious too soon, she’s not going to admire you, respect you and feel like she really got a catch. If it’s too easy, she’s not going to appreciate it, and unfortunately, this guy made things way too easy.

By the way, this is a Members Only email. I forgot to mention that in the beginning. It makes it easier for the girls when they’re editing this to when I mentioned that in the beginning.

Viewer Email:

Hi Corey,

I had a break up with my girlfriend. We dated for a month. After the month, I asked what she was looking for, and since she said a relationship. I agreed as well.

So what does that tell me? That a month in, he was focused on his high interest in her and locking her down to a commitment. This is the opposite of what the book teaches. He’s trying to lock her down to a commitment, and she just kind of goes along with it. It wasn’t her idea, because if it was her idea, we wouldn’t be reading this dude’s email. So he definitely did not follow what’s in the book. I don’t know that he actually has read the book yet, he may be somebody new.

I just mentioned that I had two conditions: Respect and exclusiveness (No third persons involved). She agreed. 

Again, just from the fact that it’s only a month in and you’re bringing this up, if you’re a month in, typically maybe you’ve only gone out four or five times, it’s too much too soon. There’s no way she’s going to be emotionally bonded to you at that point. It’s just way too early in the process. Again, it typically takes six to seven weeks, almost two full months, for that to happen.

She was very romantic and attentive towards me, she even invited me to eat and paid the bill, everything was good until this past Sunday. 

I went to her city (1.5 hours by bus), took my guitar and played some songs, we had a picnic, we lay down in the grass and then had a meal. However, after the picnic we went to the bus stop and I asked her to come with me to the metro (Around 40 minutes by bus). She told me, “I can’t, I got to work tomorrow.” The time was 17:30 (5:30 p.m.)…

So what are we talking here? 4:30, 5:00 in the afternoon, basically? It’s 5:00 somewhere!

…So I got surprised, but I didn’t insist, just asked her if she had something to do. She said no, but I noticed she started to act tense and a bit nervous, and I mentioned that, that she was getting nervous. She told me she was OK, and she didn’t have anything to hide.

So her behavior gets a little squirrely, but it’s clear she’s not really that excited about hanging out with you. Your job is to create an opportunity for sex to happen, to hang out, to have fun while you’re hanging out and to hook up when the signs are there that she’s ready to be touched and ready to be kissed, and I don’t see any of that happening here. Like I said, it just looks like he hasn’t read the book and doesn’t really know what he’s doing. He’s focused on his interest and her, he’s going to see her, I don’t know if that means they had a date set up or whatever, but she clearly was not into hanging out with him. So that’s not a good sign.

At the end I left. In that time, she was texting me a lot, asking if I already arrived, that she enjoyed meeting me, that stuff. 

I arrived home, I cooked so I didn’t answer late, we had some small talk. However, she just disappeared at the same moment we were texting (By 21:00/9:00 p.m.).

So like what, about 9:00 at night, she just disappears. I guess, she stopped responding to him, but then she’s on social media. So that tells me she was bored with the texting exchange. At the end of the day, the phone was for setting dates, not getting to know somebody. I understand she’s an hour, hour and a half away by bus, but the idea is you’re going to be selling her in person. So again, it just looks like this guy has never read my book. Doesn’t know the first thing about it.

Your game is really sloppy and you have no idea. You think just because the woman is with you that she is super into you, but the fact that you take an hour and a half bus to her city, you got your guitar and everything, and you’re all ready to spend some time with her and she’s like, “Whoa, look at the time,” and she’s trying to get away from you, that’s definitely indicative of low interest. That’s when you start to realize, “I’m more into her than she’s into me.” Not where you want to be, because women aren’t going to fall in love with a guy that that is happening with.

For me it was weird, it was not the first time this happened. In previous weeks, I didn’t care since I was meeting another women, but since we started the relationship, I got surprised.

Well, you started the relationship. You asked her to be your girlfriend when she really wasn’t ready, and what you should have done was just kept hanging out, having fun and hooking up and you shouldn’t have brought up, “What are you looking for?” Because that’s typically what a woman brings up. So a lot of instances, your interactions, you’re acting like a girl and assuming the woman’s role instead of acting like a man. Again, these things are all detailed in my book, which again, it doesn’t sound like he’s actually read, but what I do like about this email is it shows the consequences of what happens when a guy is way more into the girl than she’s into him, and his game is sloppy and he really has no idea what he’s doing.

Then it turned out, she was active but in another social medias. I noticed that, because I connected my midnight to check some group work. This was weird.

So she just stops responding at about 9:00 at night, but then she’s all over having conversations and social media and she’s ignoring him on purpose. That’s what that means. Why is she ignoring him on purpose? Because she’s bored with the conversation, she’s bored with him and she has low to no interest in him. She’s just kind of going along with it.

Next day, she texted good morning and that was all. For me it was weird, she disappeared as faking she fell asleep. So I said, “I didn’t like that yesterday you just disappeared and appeared until today this morning as if nothing. I know the impression is you went to bed, but just disappearing and trying to make me believe that, while being active in other social medias is weird for me.”

Again, if you knew and you understood the book, I would have never had these conversations with her. It’s the kind of thing that makes you go, “Wow, I’m way more into this girl than she’s into me, and I’m really not even that much of a priority.” The quickest way to get somebody else’s attention is to remove yours. The fact that you drove for an hour and a half to her city, it almost seemed like she was excited for you to leave. I wouldn’t be going to see her today. She should be coming to see you in your city. So when you see that, you stop moving forward. You don’t call, you don’t text for any reason. When she does reach out, then invite her to come to your side of the city for a date or the day, or whatever happens to be. If she’s unwilling to do that, then just say, “Alright, well check your schedule. I came to see you last. Next time, you should be willing to come see me.” Then don’t call or text her for any reason. Then when she reaches out next, say, “Well, what did you figure out? When are you going to be able to come see me, cutie?” I would only ask on two separate consecutive occasions when she reaches out first to make plans with you. If she won’t make plans either time, then I would just stop asking altogether.

One of two things will happen: She’ll either bring up getting together when she reaches out first, or she’ll stop contacting you. If she stops contacting you altogether, then hey, you’re a free agent and you might as well start dating other women and moving on. You got to read the book, dude. You’re making a lot of rookie mistakes here, and you have no idea what’s going on or where you stand. That’s not a good place for a guy to be because it makes you unsure. It makes you feel icky on the inside, if you will. As a man, you got to be focused on your mission and your purpose. If you’re worried about whether your girlfriend likes you or not, it’s going to be pretty hard to focus on your meetings and the things that you have to do in business and the things that you got to get done. So it’s just a bad way to go, my man.

She told me she didn’t lie and that she wanted to have a call. We had a call, where she said that she didn’t mean to ignore me on purpose, but she simply didn’t like me that much so that is why she didn’t answer.

Yeah, exactly. She’s just not that into you.

I was shocked, because all the previous weeks she was attentive, caring and showed high interest.

Well, another thing that is detailed in the book is that you looked at what she was doing a few weeks ago and assumed it still applied to what was going on today, instead of recognizing that when a woman says things to you like that, it has a 24 hour expiration, it only applies in the moment. Just like the weather report yesterday really was only valid yesterday. Doesn’t matter what’s going on today. When a woman says things like that to you, it basically is like Snapchat, it expires in a certain number of hours and no longer becomes relevant. When a woman says, “I love you,” it only applies in a day that she tells you that. It doesn’t apply tomorrow, next week or six months from now.

You have to look at what is she doing today in the present moment. If she’s not doing all those sweet things, it’s because she’s not feeling it today. When you notice that a woman is not as caring, as not attentive and not showing high interest, then as the book says, you’re going to remove your attention. You’re not going to call, you’re not going to text, you’re just going to let her wonder until she reaches out to you. So that tells me he’s probably over-pursuing and doing too much as well. Again, he thinks he’s in a relationship with her, and she really is just kind of going along with it. That’s what happened here, but he didn’t know any better.

So I just answered that there is no point in continuing together. She said yes. I answered, “After all this and just to break up like this?” She answered yes, that she didn’t know how she felt about me, that she didn’t have those feelings and I didn’t deserve something bad. So I just hung up the call, I didn’t beg, didn’t ask her to stay.

Later she texted me saying she was sorry for offending me, and at least she wanted me to say something. I didn’t reply. 

I would have just said, “Well, I enjoyed our time together. If your feelings change, get in touch. Wish you all the best. Take care.” Which basically is like, “Have a nice life.” If she ever reaches out to you in the future for any reason, assume she wants to see you, make a date in the evening at your place to make dinner together. She has to come to you for at least the next three dates. If she does that and you hang out, you have fun, you hook up all three dates, then you can meet her out and pick her up, but you got to let her do 100% of the calling, texting and pursuing from here on out, my man.

I feel confused, I don’t know what that hell just happened. All her actions and words showed she was into me.

Well, a few weeks ago that applied, but this most recent time, when you went to see her, she didn’t give a shit. One way or another, she didn’t. It seemed like she was glad that you left. Then when you confront her on it, she’s like, “I’m really not feeling it.” Then you broke up with her expecting her to be upset, but she didn’t really care because her feelings and her interest was low.

This is why you need to read the book 10 to 15 times, so you can spot this behavior. This is typically the experience of most guys. They have no idea what they’re doing, they have no game, they cannot read a woman’s level of interest and effort, they just don’t know. They don’t know what they don’t know.

Just the day before she broke up, she was saying how incredible I am and how much she liked me.

Hope you can read my letter. Send you good vibes!

Sincerely,

Bob

P.S., I live in Russia by the way, and just in case my girlfriend was Russian. 

Again, maybe she was feeling in that moment. Maybe she was just trying to make you feel good, but the fact that the next day she was like, “Eh,” again, your whole approach has been inappropriate and wrong. It’s been the opposite of what the book teaches. So what you need to do is get familiar with the book, because more than likely, probably in a few days or a few weeks, she’ll probably reach back out and I would just have a playful attitude like, “Hey, you! You miss me? You’ve been thinking about me?” If she says yes, then say, “Well, I think you need to get your cute little ass over to my place so we can make dinner together and catch up. What’s your schedule like?” Then invite her to come see you, and she has to come see you. If she tries to get you to go to see her, just say, “No. I made all the effort, and after our last conversation and the things that you said, I’m open to giving you another chance, but I want to see that you’re going to actually make an effort. Because if you’re not willing to take an hour and a half bus ride to see me, then we really don’t need to talk anymore after that.” That’s what you need to say.

So again, she’ll either come to your house and you’ll hang out, you’ll have fun, you’ll hook up, and if the next time she reaches out, she comes over and the same thing happens, as long as she does it three dates in a row, on the fourth date you can go to her city, but you got to let her do 100% of the contacting initiation. The calling, the texting and pursuing. She’s got to initiate it first, because you got way over your skis on this one, my man.

So, if you’ve got a question or a challenge and you’d like to get my help, go to UnderstandingRelationships.com, click the Products tab at the top of your screen on any page, and book a coaching session with yours truly. Until next time, I will talk to you soon.