Being Too Serious Too Soon Causes Her To Feel Like You’re Moving Too Fast

Why you shouldn’t be too serious too soon in the beginning or she will back away.

In this video coaching newsletter I discuss an email from a viewer who is new to my work. He started dating a girl he really liked for a few weeks and made all kinds of rookie mistakes. He talked about his feelings too much, was constantly texting with her and kept asking her to be his girlfriend. She started backing away after saying they were moving too fast. He wonders if he’s now lost her for good. My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.

Hi, I’m Coach Corey Wayne and this is my Video Coaching Newsletter. And the topic of today’s Video Newsletter is, “Being Too Serious Too Soon Causes Her To Feel Like You’re Moving Too Fast.”

Well this particular email is from a viewer who’s new to my work. He made a lot of rookie mistakes, but he makes a bunch of mistakes that I point out in The Book what not to do. And so he predictably is getting to experience like what I used to experience when I was younger and didn’t know any better. The girls really into him.

They’re texting all the time, sending emojis. Now there’s less emojis. She says they’re moving too fast. And now he hasn’t heard from her in several days, whereas they had been talking and texting constantly. So this is just a good email. I know this guy is young, but I mean, dudes in their 60s and 70s don’t know any better when they meet a girl they really like. We all kind of behave the same way if you don’t know any better, because that’s what you see on TV all the time.

And when you see that archetype thousands and thousands of times over the course of your life, and you get emotionally anchored to it because of the mood and the music and the sound effects that they use. Whether you realize it or not, you get brainwashed to think in ways that are the opposite of what comes natural and is innate to all of us.

So let’s go through his email.

Hello, Rocky.

Viewer Email:

Hey Coach,

I just started reading your book and watching your videos after I felt her pulling away. I was dating this girl for a few weeks and we texted everyday, she would text me every morning saying “good morning handsome” and I would text back, “good morning beautiful”.

That’s so boring. Good morning and good night texts are just boring. They’re anti-challenge. They’re anti-mystery. And it’s cute at first, but after a while it just it doesn’t, you don’t really appreciate it. Scarcity creates value. And so it would mean something a lot more if it’s just out of the blue. And you texted her, “Good morning Beautiful. Good morning gorgeous. Good morning sexy.” Whatever it is that you love about her or your nicknames that you call each other. And it shouldn’t be something that’s done every day.

It should be something that’s done sparingly because it’ll mean a lot more. And plus, it helps you remain mysterious. And it’s a scientific fact that women are more attracted to men whose feelings are unclear. And this guy was way too clear too soon. In essence, what happened was he started acting too effeminate and girly, and so therefore she started losing interest. I think some of the puppies are kind of trying to make their way in here. See if they can find their way over here. They’ll start huffing and growling at me. They sound like little Ewoks when they bark. It’s kind of funny.

Everything clicked, I was doing a lot of the stuff in your book without knowing the material. On our third date we went to a hockey game, then back to my place and played some darts, and she met my roommate and best friend.

Well ideally as I discussed in The Book, you don’t want to be doing group dates or introducing her to your friends and your family. The idea is you’re trying to control the controllables, which is her perception of you. And a lot of guys have friends that don’t know any better, that don’t have any game. And then as soon as you step away, they go up to the girl you’re dating, trying, and thinking that they’re being helpful, and then they start telling the girl about all the chicks that broke your heart or that jerked you around, or that friend zoned you.

And they go out of their way to tell the girl what a great guy you are, and how bad things always seem to happen to you. And so it’s just better. Especially if you got men in your inner circle that just don’t have any game, and they’ll end up saying things that make you look less attractive. So that’s something that I would recommend not doing, especially in the beginning. And that also goes for hanging out with her and her groups of friends. Especially if there’s guys in that group, because there might be a couple of beta male orbiters that are in the group that have always wanted to date her.

And then you’re coming into the group, and then you’ve got these guys without realizing it, that are trying to cock block you because they don’t want to see her date you. It’s fine when she’s head over heels in love and you’re in a relationship and she’s asked you to be exclusive, but when you just first start dating, you’re just putting things in there. It’s like, why create an opportunity where somebody can throw a monkey wrench into your budding relationship? So it’s better to not do those things, especially if you got friends that just don’t know what the hell they’re doing.

Then back to my place and played some darts, and she met my roommate/best friend, and then we went back out to couple other bars. We took it back to my place and I thought I was going to get lucky, we kissed but she told me I wasn’t going to get it that easy, which I liked.

When a woman says, “hey, I’m not having sex with you before coming up to your apartment.” What that really means is, “I’m going to have sex with you, as long as you don’t talk me out of it.” And so I assume he didn’t understand the seduction process of “two steps forward, one step back.” He heard that, and he just went, “oh, I gotta stop. I shouldn’t even try.” And became Mr. Nice and Mr. Respectful, Mr. White Knight. Women don’t want to be labeled with the slut label. You’ve got to remember that.

And so sex has got to be the guy’s fault. And she said, oh, I’m not going to be that easy. It’s like, “Well, what made you think that I was going to sleep with you tonight just because we’re doing a little kissing?” Because you can flip it around and say the same thing back to her, which is kind of a challenge. And girls like that. But it sounds like he thought, “Oh, better put the brakes, and not try anything.” So he gave up. He took the delay as an outright denial, which again, if you don’t know any better, that’s fine.

I mean, it’s all in The Book. If you if you’re new to my Channel or my Website, you can read 3% Man for free. All you got to do is subscribe to the email newsletter and it’ll open up right in your web browser. So and he kind of stepped in it here next. So he says he hadn’t had sex or nothing. She’s pumped the brakes. And he basically gave up trying to seduce her. And so look what he does next.

While laying in my bed I asked her to be my girlfriend.

It’s got to be the woman’s idea. Your job is to create the opportunity for sex to happen. Hang out, have fun, hook up. When she falls in love, when she’s into you enough, she’ll bring it up. She’ll hint at it. It’s because 99% of the time when guys like you do this, it’s out of sequence. It’s too much, too soon, and it destroys all the mystery. You basically said, “Hey, congratulations, you won the Super Bowl. I’m ready to make you my wife. I’m ready to make you my girlfriend.”

You’ve got to understand, women fall in love very slowly over time, and so she probably likes you. But it’s usually surprising to most women when you’re ready to get them to be your girlfriend so early, so soon, when you barely know each other. You’re always going to get a pullback when you try to do that.

But she said to ask me when I’m sober (we had been drinking all day). Next morning I took her home, we texted later and then got mad I didn’t text her back when she could see I was online on Facebook, I apologized and told her it wasn’t intentional. I still had her ID from the night we went out and I dropped it off at her work the following day.

Why not just make the next date and get together and deliver it then?

Then the next couple days the texts were not the same, I could tell she was pulling back. We made plans to go out on that Thursday which we did, and so I thought I would ask her to be my girlfriend.

So she’s backing away. And what does he do like most guys? “I’ve gotta lock her down. I’ve gotta convince her to be mine.” It’s a bad way to go, my man. It’s way too much, too soon. There’s no mystery. Another thing you’ve got to remember is that you must love in such a way that the person you love feels free. So you go out on a couple of dates, you ask her to be your girlfriend. She says, “Ask me when you’re sober.” So a couple of days later, he asks her again. That’s just the hallmark of a guy who’s young and inexperienced and doesn’t have any game. It’s just too much too soon. You basically told her that you’re ready to be serious with her, and she’s like, “I don’t even know this guy yet.”

You haven’t even slept together yet. But again, you see that in TV and movies all the time. And it just they live happily ever after in the real world. The girl’s like, what? This is like our third date. He barely even kissed her. And you’re ready to be all serious? It’s a bad way to go, my man. Well, we got one of the gremlins in here. Hope he doesn’t piss or shit in here. Hello, Lyla. What are you doing? Come over here and say hi. Come here, come here. So he asked her again to be his girlfriend, and.

She told me that we were moving too fast but she likes me and has nothing to do with me.

Well, this is little Lyla. She found a way in here, cutie. Let’s see if, uh, little Elon can make his way in here, too. So she says, “Oh, it has nothing to do with you.” It’s not you, it’s me. I’m saying that all the time. But it has everything to do with him. It’s too much too soon. She’s just not feeling it. The most important thing with women is how they feel about you. It doesn’t matter what a great guy you are or how much they like you.

The most important thing is how they feel about you. And this is just it’s too soon for her feelings to be at that point. And when you keep bringing it up, that kind of starts to come off as needy, neurotic, maybe a little desperate. Again, men who have choices with women are not going to be trying to lock a girl down on the second or third date. Rocky’s getting a little grouchy.

I now know I messed up by reading your book and not letting her bring it up.

Yeah, because you’re way more into her than she’s into you. And women like it way better, they like you more if they think that they’re more into you than you are into them. And so when you do something like this, you should expect to see a pullback and to see her back away. Because it’s too much too soon. Because she starts to feel overwhelmed. She’s like, “how can this guy like me so much? We barely kissed.”

This girl is one of those you only find 1-3 every ten years and think I’ve messed it up for good.

Well, you don’t really know if she’s that great. You had a handful of dates with her. You haven’t even slept with her yet, so you just don’t know what she’s like. So it’s way too much. What’s happening here is you’re projecting your fantasy of what you want her to be onto her. And when you do that, you’re unable to remain objective and vet her properly because you’ve already decided that she’s the one for you.

And your whole mindset is, “how can you get her to like you more?” Instead of having the same attitude that women have, which is, “do I like this guy? Is he good for me? Should we date? What should we do?” But instead, you’re ready to give her the Stanley Cup before you’ve even gotten home to the Promised Land and plowed her strawberry fields.

She texted me good morning but no “handsome” or kissy face emoji like every other day.

So that’s what you notice. Less emojis. She’s less into you. Less serious in texts. So that just shows her interest is dropping now. She’s starting to back away and she doesn’t feel the same way that she did. Because again, you’re just too much too soon. You’re in like a rush. Like she’s gonna turn into a pumpkin or something if you don’t ask her to be your girlfriend right away and lock her down. Again this is what you see in movies and TV shows all the time. Better hurry up and do it, or else you’re going to lose her to somebody else. But when you behave the way that they do on TV, you chase the girl away.

I text back, “good morning beautiful”.

Like a robot. Same thing he always texts. Again, you know, by 100 times of doing that, it doesn’t mean anything.

With a kissy face emoji.

You’ve got to kind of match and mirror that.

But haven’t heard anything back, but I have not reached out. Did I lose her for good or is there hope?

Thanks for everything you do for men.

I wish I could have seen this before I met her.

Well, if this hadn’t happened, you probably wouldn’t have read The Book even if a good friend gave it to you. Because it’s only when you’re experiencing pain and you’re afraid of losing a girl like this, that you’ll actually open The Book because people do more to avoid pain than they do to gain pleasure. But if things seem to be going well and somebody hands you this Book, you’ll be like, “oh yeah, I’ll get around to that. I’m kind of busy right now. I’ve got to get my tennis elbow fixed. I’ve got to get my knee checked, I stubbed my toe. I’ve got to get that fixed. I’ve got to clean out my garage.”

But as soon as something like this happens. “Hey, what was that dude’s book? What’s that shaved head guys on YouTube. Where’s he at?” So what I would do if I were you. As The Book says, I wouldn’t do anything. I wouldn’t reach out. Because what happened is you hit the ball over the net and she just didn’t even reply. You’re being overly emotional. You’re basically acting like the chick. You’re saying the same, “good morning beautiful.” And ignoring the fact that she’s less engaged, she didn’t use any emojis like she did in the past, but you sent emojis.

So what you should do is match and mirror that. And so what I would do is I would just wait a full week. If you don’t hear from her, if she doesn’t reach back out, then I would reach back out in a week and then just text her saying, “hey you, I want to see you. What’s your schedule like?” And then try to make the next date and see what happens if you wait a week. I mean, maybe after 3 or 4 days, she reaches back out to you and then you just set the next date. So knock it off with all the asking her to be your girlfriend and being so serious, and stop being all up in your feelings and acting dopey because women don’t give a shit about how much you like them, or love them or into them.

They only care about how they feel about you. And the bottom line is she’s not in the same place you are. So you need to back off. Because if you don’t, you’re going to chase her out of your life. And the other thing he was doing was talking and texting constantly on the phone. That should be reserved for in person. So I you know, you’ll know if you text her in a week or call her in a week and she ghosts you or doesn’t reply back or tells you she’s “Not sure” or, “Ah. Work’s been crazy. School’s been crazy.” And just say, “Hey, no problem. We’ll figure out your schedule and get back to me. And I’d love to see you.” And then you don’t reach out for any reason.

You have to wait to hear from her. And you may never hear from her again after that. But this, you know, you notice how into she was. She’s texting, talking all the time, wanting to see you. And then when you kept getting serious, kept trying to lock her down to a commitment every couple of days. Now, you haven’t heard from her when you were talking multiple times a day. So that’s typically what happens. And so when this happens you can’t freak out about it. You’ve just got to be indifferent to it. You’ve got to let it be. And then the fallback position. Because you just started seeing this girl is if you don’t hear from her for a whole week, then reach out and try to set the next date, hang out, have fun. Hook up. Pretty simple.

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